Japanese John brown and slaver-killer Mc.sexypants make their appearance!

We stood our ground as the knights approached, our expressions a mixture of amusement and exasperation. I met the gaze of their stern-faced leader, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You know," I began, "if you actually thought these 'Waves of Calamity' were going to be smashing your world into further portions of idiot-batter, maybe trying – and obviously failing – to arrest your self-proclaimed only hopes isn't the best idea. Like, are you guys even trying to rub brain cells together, or did the electricity that makes up the communication of the neurons of your excuses for brains just… stop somewhere? Are we talking to zombies right now?"

Yui, ever the helpful AI-Daughter, chimed in, "You know, Father, this actually seems like the best explanation for this level of nonsense."

Asuna nodded in agreement, her hand tightening on the hilt of her rapier. "Yeah, I'll remember to go for the head," she added, her voice laced with mock seriousness and menacing irritation.

The knights, their faces contorted in a mixture of confusion and rage, finally snapped. They charged forward, swords and spears raised, ready to strike us down.

But as they moved, something strange happened. Their movements seemed to slow, stretching out like taffy in the midday sun. It was as if time itself had decided to take a break, allowing us to witness the impending attack in excruciating slow motion.

I took a step forward, intending to meet the charge head-on. But as my foot landed, the ground beneath me shattered, the cobblestones exploding outwards in a shower of dust and debris. I stumbled back, surprised by the unexpected display of strength.

Asuna, attempting a similar maneuver, fared even worse. She launched herself forward with her full strength, intending to take down several knights in one swift attack. However, her enhanced speed and power proved too much for the surrounding structures. She slammed into a nearby building with a sickening crunch, sending bricks and mortar flying. One unfortunate knight, caught in the path of her trajectory, was splattered against the wall like a bug on a windshield.

The remaining knights, caught off guard by the sudden chaos, were buried beneath a cascade of debris. The few remaining onlookers scattered, screaming in terror.

The dust settled, leaving behind a scene of utter devastation. I stood amidst the wreckage, my mind reeling from the sheer absurdity of it all.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I roared, my voice echoing through the ruined marketplace.

Yui, ever calm and collected, spoke up, her voice filled with a cheerful innocence that starkly contrasted with the carnage around us. "I took the liberty of maximizing all your levels, unlocking all possible weapon forms and bonuses, and setting all your stats to the maximum allowed."

"You can DO THAT?!" I exclaimed, my voice laced with a mixture of disbelief and awe.

Yui nodded, her expression bright. "I was an administrative unit responsible for the mental health of the players, remember? It was pretty easy to break into the code of those shoddy weapons and boost you two to the maximum."

Asuna, with a grunt of effort, pried herself from the scattered debris, a few stray bricks tumbling from her hair. She surveyed the scene, her eyes widening at the sight of the crushed and mangled bodies of the knights. "Okay," she said, dusting herself off with a nonchalant air, "so first things first, we need to get used to our stre-"

"OH!" Yui interrupted, her voice filled with a bubbly excitement that seemed utterly out of place in the midst of the carnage. "I found the hidden power-control stat! Sorry! That's at maximum now, too!"

A heavy silence descended upon the ruined marketplace. The only sound was the faint groaning of the still-living, but thoroughly incapacitated, stall owner.

I stared at Yui, then at Asuna, then back at the devastation around us. My mind struggled to process the implications of Yui's cheerful announcement. "I'm just going to ignore the carnage and go find the blacksmith," I said finally, my voice flat. "Do we even need a blacksmith anymore?"

Another pause. We stood there, amidst the wreckage, contemplating the absurdity of our situation. Our levels were maxed out, our stats were through the roof.

"How about the Adventurer's Guild?" Asuna suggested, her voice thoughtful. "We might be able to find some information there, maybe even a quest or two that doesn't involve accidentally leveling a city."

I nodded. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Let's go."

With that, we turned and walked away from the scene of our unintentional massacre, leaving behind a trail of destruction and bewildered silence. The Adventurer's Guild awaited, and hopefully, it would provide some answers, or at the very least, a less destructive way to spend our afternoon.

We walked down the streets, following the vague directions we'd gleaned from the now-traumatized stall owner. The buildings around us were a strange mix of medieval architecture and haphazard repairs, as if the city had been cobbled together from whatever materials were available.

"Are we sure this is the right way?" Asuna asked, her voice tinged with uncertainty.

"No idea," I replied with a shrug. "But the last time we asked someone for directions, it went well for getting said directions, but I ended up breaking someone's arm and you ended up turning eight knights into pulp."

"HEY!" Asuna exclaimed, her cheeks flushing with indignation. "That was self-defense!"

"Ha, no it wa-" I began, but quickly cut myself off when I noticed the dangerous glint in Asuna's eyes and the low growl emanating from her throat. "Yes, absolutely self-defense," I amended hastily. "We're here!"

And indeed, we were. Standing before us was a structure that looked less like an adventurer's guild and more like a gaudy carnival tent. It was adorned with brightly colored banners depicting heroic figures battling fantastical creatures, all rendered in a style that could only be described as "cheap and cheerful."

We entered the tent, and were immediately greeted by a short, rotund man in a top hat and an even more ridiculous suit. He beamed at us, his smile wide and unnervingly cheerful. "Welcome, welcome, adventurers! Might I interest you in-"

But before he could finish his sales pitch, our attention was drawn to a sight that made our blood run cold. In the back of the tent, behind a flimsy curtain, were cages. Cages filled with people. Men, women, and even children, all huddled together, their faces etched with fear and despair. They were slaves, being sold like livestock.

I felt a surge of rage, so intense it nearly choked me. My hands clenched into fists, my knuckles turning white. I took a deep breath, trying to control the fury that threatened to consume me.

"Ha," I said, my voice low and dangerous. "I'm going to burn this fucker to the ground."

I turned my gaze towards the oblivious salesman, who was still smiling vapidly. "Might I interest you in-" he began again, completely unaware of the impending doom that awaited him.

"Hello, Mr. Slaver," I interrupted, my voice dripping with icy venom. The salesman's smile faltered, his eyes widening in confusion.

"My name is, for now, Japanese John Brown," I continued, stepping closer, my shadow falling over him. "And this is my wife, Slaver-Killer Mc.Sexypants." I gestured towards Asuna, who was radiating an aura of barely contained rage, her hand twitching towards the hilt of her rapier.

"Wh-" the salesman stammered, his face paling as he finally registered the danger he was in. He took a step back, his eyes darting nervously towards the cages in the back of the tent.

"I believe you have something that belongs to us," I said, my voice dangerously low. "Something that we're going to take back, by force if necessary."

Asuna stepped forward, her eyes narrowed into slits. "You're going to regret ever laying a hand on those people," she hissed, her voice a venomous whisper. "We're going to make you wish you were never born."

The salesman's bravado crumbled completely. He trembled, his face a mask of terror. "Please," he whimpered, "I-I didn't know… I was just following orders…"

"Orders?" Asuna scoffed. "Orders from whom? The king? The same king who thinks a rapier is a spear and that summoning heroes from another world is a good idea? Don't insult our intelligence with your pathetic excuses."

I reached out and grabbed the salesman by the collar, lifting him effortlessly off the ground. "Where are the keys?" I demanded, my voice a low growl.

The salesman, choking and gasping for air, pointed a trembling finger towards a small, locked chest behind the counter. "I-in there…" he wheezed.

I tossed him aside like a discarded rag doll and strode towards the chest. Asuna followed close behind, her rapier drawn and ready. The cages in the back of the tent held our attention, the silent pleas of the imprisoned echoing in our ears. It was time to end this.

I quickly located the keys and unlocked the cages, flinging the doors open with a satisfying clang. The freed slaves, blinking in the sudden light and freedom, hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

"Get out of here!" I shouted, gesturing towards the tent entrance. "Run! And don't look back!"

The slaves, spurred into action by my words, scrambled out of the cages and fled into the streets, their faces a mixture of relief and disbelief.

As the last of the slaves disappeared from view, a strange buzzing sound filled the air. The remaining slave marks of the slaves too scared or broken to leave, began to spark and crackle, emitting small bursts of electricity. The slaver, who had managed to scramble to his feet, let out a triumphant cackle.

"Fools!" he sneered. "You may have freed them from their cages, but they'll never escape the control of their slave seals! They'll be back, begging to be returned to their rightful owners!"

But his laughter was cut short. The sparks and crackles abruptly ceased, the slave marks falling silent and inert.

"I have taken the liberty of globally restricting the ability to have, use, or create slave seals or have them work at all," Yui declared, her voice calm and matter-of-fact and full of cheerfulness.

"Best daughter indeed," I said, a genuine smile spreading across my face.

Asuna, who had been watching the scene with a mixture of satisfaction and simmering rage, stepped forward. "You're getting all the ice cream we can find, young lady, after we are done here," she declared, her voice laced with a chilling tenderness.

And then, without another word, she lunged towards the slaver, her rapier flashing in the dim light of the tent. She plunged the blade into his chest, again and again, a whirlwind of righteous fury. The slaver screamed, his cries echoing through the empty tent, until finally, his voice faded into a hoarse gurgle, and he collapsed into a lifeless heap.

Silence descended upon the tent, broken only by the soft sobs of the freed slaves echoing from the streets outside. We had dealt with the immediate threat, but the fight was far from over. This city, this entire kingdom, was built on a foundation of cruelty and injustice. And we, the self-proclaimed Japanese John Brown and Slaver-Killer Mc.Sexypants, were just getting started.

Then explosions started off in the distance.