14. Sacrifice And Let Down

"A mistress never is nor can be a friend. While you agree, you are lovers; and when it is over, anything but friends."

-Lord Byron

If you asked Lord Hastings what his ideal woman was, he would have said opinionated, stubborn, defiant, and experienced. That's because he liked power, or rather to dominate in his relationships. He enjoyed lording over women and taming them- it was the pursuit he relished in. The duke lorded over his mistresses and was used to getting what he wanted….

But he forgot that I am not his mistress.

"You're not drinking alcohol." "I would never! Not with my condition, sir," I gasped scandalized. Lord Hastings rolled his eyes as we approached the refreshments table at the back of the ballroom. "What I meant was don't do anything that could make you look like a fool, or worse. My fiancée is going to act like a proper lady while out," he said with a hint of warning in his tone. But I wasn't threatened or put off; I also huffed in return with an eyeroll. "Have I ever failed to do so before?"

The duke shot me a side-glare. "Don't you dare embarrass me. If I have to pretend to like you in public, at least make it easy, Miss Bridgerton." "You should talk! I'm not the one who slighted you at the Engagement Ball." "You're going to be hanging that over my head until our wedding day, aren't you?" "As is my prerogative," I flashed him a cheeky smirk which he rebuffed. But I did notice his very, very small grin returning to the corners of his mouth. He poured me a cup of water and stood beside me with his hands clasped behind his back as I drank it. Afterwards I scanned over the crowd, only for a familiar angry face to approach me.

I gazed over at Anthony, who put his hands squarely on his hips and glowered at me intently. "What do you think you're doing?" He demanded in a hushed voice. "Dancing with my fiancé? We have to, Anthony," I explained with a sigh; he looked like his head was about to explode. "Don't be ridiculous! Of course you don't." "Yes, I do. We need to put on a front for her majesty for our plan to work." "Maybe you should tell him what that plan is, Miss Bridgerton," Lord Hastings leaned in closer to me.

Anthony shot him a deadly glare. "Don't talk to her!" He commanded of the duke before turning back to me. "Enough of this, sister. Remember OUR plan? You're to spend as little time together as possible." "We can't do anything to offend the queen, brother." "I take offence that you would ever dance with this… this man!" He toned down his language on his own accord, making me suppress a smile and the duke roll his eyes. Anthony was losing his patience, suddenly grabbing hold of my forearm and pulling me nearer to him. "Come. You'll spend the rest of the night dancing with me and Benedict."

Lord Hastings stepped forward, though I'm not sure why. "What if I want to dance with her again?" He inquired to my eldest brother, who scowled bitterly in response. "You obviously don't. Everyone here knows how much you two despise each other." "We dance for appearance's sake, Bridgerton," the duke pushed. "I don't care. You don't have my permission," Anthony hastily retorted. His lordship smirked, almost triumphantly so. "It is my permission you need now," he said, and Anthony looked like he was ready to punch him in between the eyes. Their bodies twisted in such a way so they were directly facing one another, with Anthony tightly gripping my arm still. "Listen here, you black-hearted little…"

"Anthony!" Father's yell made the three of us jump. We peered over to see our father beckoning Anthony to him. "I'm not finished with you," my brother told us before shooting Lord Hastings another monstrous glare and taking off. My skin was throbbing from where he was holding it. At least the duke had the good sense to wait until Anthony was out of earshot before breathing an exhaustive sigh. "I don't know how you put up with him all these years." "He was YOUR friend at Oxford, don't forget." "Yes, but I didn't have to deal with his controlling brotherish antics." "He's not so bad. I'd take a controlling brother over a controlling fiancé any day," I smirked teasing back at him, which his lordship did not appreciate. "That just proves your naivety, my lady. What you call "controlling", I call "protective"." "Hmmmmmm, protective or possessive? Do you treat all your mistresses that way too?" I asked, earning another sharp glare from him. Heh, I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a little fun.

I enjoyed teasing the duke.

"You think you're clever, Miss Bridgerton, but allow me to assure you that you're not," he said with a tone; I could tell he was doing his best to suppress a smirk of his own. "So that's a "yes", then? Heh, poor ladies." "Believe me, I've never left a lady unsatisfied," Lord Hastings was finally smirking when he proclaimed this. Well, half-smirking, half-grinning, which in turn made me grin. I wasn't even aware that I was smiling….. "All that is, except your future wife. That'll be a funny story to your mates at parties," I think that's the cheekiest thing I've ever said. The duke gave my elbow a bump with his to punish me. "Like I said, you're not clever," he hissed. "Looks like neither of us are perfect, then," my grin widened unconsciously.

We were looking at each other when something in the distance caught my eye. To my surprise- and horror- I saw Cressida rush around a corner into a back hall, immediately tailed by Lord Berbrooke. The former looked a little too frightened and the latter looked a little too eager. Lord Hastings blinked startled when I began to quickly make my way over to the hall, muttering to myself. "Cressida!" A nervous shiver ran down the back of my spine. "Miss Bridgerton?" My fiancé watched me confused, following along behind me. Unconcerned with that, I turned the corner and ran down the hallway a way until I reached them. It was a horrific sight, to be sure.

Cressida's face was flushed with terror and disgust while Lord Berbrooke had her right dress strap clenched in his hand. It was evident that he was trying to assault her, sending both me and the duke into a rage. While I raced over to Cressida, Lord Hastings grabbed Lord Berbrooke the collar of his shirt, practically lifting him up off his feet. Man, I knew his lordship was strong, but I didn't know he was THAT strong. There was no time to think about that now; I had to comfort the trembling Cressida. It never occurred to me once that she may not deserve my kindness- I took one look at her and I had to help.

The duke gave Lord Berbrooke a vicious shake. "How dare you lay a hand on her? At her majesty's ball too!" My fiancé growled between his clenched jaw. "I-I can explain!" Lord Berbrooke's hands flew up in front of him defensively. "Are you alright?" I asked Cressida, scanning her once over for injury. It looked like her dress was the only thing physically wounded at the moment. Cressida's bottom lip quivered as she gazed up at me warily and afraid. I was about to comfort her and remove my shawl to drape over her shoulders when a series of other voices suddenly echoed from around the same corner.

A wave of terror washed over all of our faces. Cressida looked to me in desperation. My protective and caring instincts went into overdrive. "Quick! Over there!" I told Lord Hastings. Instantly understanding what I meant, he dragged Lord Berbrooke into a nearby room which had its door open. After shoving him in, the duke shut the door behind them, leaving it open just a crack so they could watch. Meanwhile I had just helped Cressida stand back on her feet when her mother, Lady Featherington, her daughters, and a few other notable ladies rounded the bend. They froze as soon as they spotted us, not realizing the circumstances yet.

Lady Cowper immediately descended onto her daughter, ignoring my presence for the time being. "Where have you been, Cressida?! I've been looking everywhere for you! Lord Wellington has been waiting this past half hour to….." Her voice trailed off once she saw Cressida's torn shoulder strap. Her mother gasped, as did all the other ladies. "What happened to your dress?" Indeed, her dress was torn, and it definitely wasn't her fiancé who did that. Not that it was Cressida's fault; of course it wasn't. But that didn't matter in Regent society. Her strap was ripped off, and everyone presumed it was the work of a man who was not her intended….

Seeing the flash of pure fear shine in Cressida's eyes, I did something I'd never thought I'd do. I was a lamb, sacrificing myself for another…. I took a step forward to get between Cressida and her scandalized and irate mother. Lady Cowper's eyes suddenly shone on me with the heat of a thousand suns. It was utterly painful but I did my best to maintain my composure.

"Uh, i-it's my fault, Lady Cowper!" "Your fault?" Cressida's mother asked in a way which led me to believe that she thought I was lying. She likely thought I was covering for her daughter, which I was. Thus I had to make my lie convincing. "Yes! I uh… I was walking with Cressida, you see. I met her at the refreshment table and wanted a more private place to talk. We were walking together and I…. I tripped! I fell and caught hold of Cressida's dress and I…. accidently tore her strap off," my cheeks blushed as I talked.

Now bear in mind that Lady Cowper had a motive to buy my lie, or at least pretend to in front of her friends. Lady Featherington and her daughters would let it spread like wildfire if there were rumours that Cressida wasn't being faithful to her fiancé. As such, I think that despite her doubts, her ladyship was willing to let herself be convinced by this explanation. She studied me for a long, very tense moment before darting her glare back onto Cressida. "Is that what happened?" She demanded of her daughter, who said nothing but let her mouth hang open. Her mother decided to take that as a confirmation, as did the other ladies present. Her fury was instantly turned fully back onto me. Lady Cowper's friendly façade slipped entirely for a single, solitary moment as she forgot herself- and that people were watching.

"You stupid girl! Do you know how expensive this gown was?! We had to have it tailor-made for Cressida to wear for the Season! If you're so clumsy, then maybe you shouldn't be attending any balls!" Her voice was much, much too loud. It frightened not only me but the other ladies as well. Even Cressida looked alarmed by her mother's outburst. My arm instinctively flew up in front of my chest. My lips sputtered, not so much out of embarrassment but fear. Mother never yelled at me like this…..

"I-I'm sorry! My father will pay to have it fixed!" I quickly added. "You're absolutely right your father will have this fixed. Ridiculous…. Do you know what would have happened if Cressida's fiancé found her like this? Do you have any regard for anyone besides yourself?!" "I-I really didn't mean to! It was an accident, I promise! I would never purposefully do anything like that." "So what if it was an accident? You should have known better. I'm disappointed, though I can't say I'm surprised at you, Miss Bridgerton. Leave it to you to trip so hard you tear someone's fabric….. It's disgusting!

No wonder your fiancé can't stand to be near you!"

This little gem elicited a collective and very audible gasp from all present. Cressida's eyes were wide with horror now as she approached Lady Cowper. "Mother!" She swiftly whispered. That's when reality hit her ladyship all of a sudden and she worriedly glanced to everyone behind her. All the ladies were staring at her with shocked expressions, including Lady Featherington. Saying something like this was fine in private, but we were in a public space. No one dared move for a minute until the now stunned and horrified Lady Cowper straightened her back and cleared her throat. "Yes, well, like you said, your father will pay for it. No harm done, I suppose," she said this all without looking me in the eye. "I wouldn't say that," one of Lady Featherington's daughters snickered under her breath to her sister, only to receive an elbow to the ribcage from her mother.

Sensing that the scenario was not turning in her favour, Lady Cowper was quick to put back on her cheery face and rush everyone back out into the ballroom. "Come along, dear. We'll find you a wrap or something you can wear. Lord Wellington is waiting," opening her fan to fan herself, her ladyship left the scene all without a second glance or word to me. Cressida and I waited until they were gone before speaking to each other. "Are you alright?" She quietly asked me. I nodded my head, still half holding my breath. We then glanced to see the door swing open and the men emerge from the room.

Lord Berbrooke straightened his waistcoat in a hasty manner and made a beeline out of the hall. The duke watched to make sure he was gone and looked to Cressida. "We should leave," he told us, and we nodded in agreement. Through moist eyes Cressida peered over to me but said nothing. I smiled warmly at her in return. "It'll be alright," I comforted her, patting her arm.

Lord Hastings removed his black jacket and processed to drape it over Cressida's shoulders. Her eyes immediately grew but she still remained quiet. My fiancé headed out to the end of the hall to check if the coast was clear. "Wait here until I say," he instructed as he left. I stood very near Cressida, ready to sooth her as needed. She surprised me though.

Her lips parted a sliver. "So the rumours about him are true…. He is a rake, but also a gentleman." "If you say so," I internally rolled my eyes. If she only knew…. But I unexpectedly felt her stare back onto me. "Why did you do that?" "What?" My head spun back to hers. Our eyes locked on each other's for a minute. "Lie for me. You didn't have to cover for me like that." "We both know I did. If I hadn't lied, then what would have happened to you? Your reputation? I'm not the only one engaged to a lord….."

Cressida's bit her bottom lip a little in contemplation. "So you did for me and not because your fiancé was listening?" "Why would that matter? Your reputation was on the line, regardless who was listening. I had to help you, Cressida….. It wasn't really an option for me," I uttered, my gaze drifting off slightly in a thoughtful manner. Huh, that's true, isn't it? I didn't really see as I had an option just then….. It just sorta happened.

I was too lost in thought to see the half-glare Cressida was now shooting me. Her smug expression returned in full force. "Don't call me that." "Huh?" I blinked back to her startled. But her glare was adamant. "My name. It's Miss Cowper to you, Miss Bridgerton." "Oh… Oh, right! Wait, you're upset about that?" "Yes. Don't act as if we're friends now. I didn't ask for your help, so don't expect me to thank you." "Huh…?" My jaw hung open speechless. That's when Lord Hastings's hand waved, giving us the "ok" to come out. My legs didn't move a muscle as Cressida stepped forward, clinging onto my fiancé's coat. She had the audacity the gave me a mocking grin over her shoulder. "You know, it suits me just fine… that you and the duke should despise one another. I think it's no secret that I have an affinity for him myself." "But you're engaged!" I gasped shocked. "So? Unlike your fiancé, mine's alright with a little outside flirting. Lord Hastings is so charming…

And I can still feel the warmth from his jacket on my skin."