I Like 'Em CHONKY

/Azathoth POV/

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My master was one of the very few beings to ever make me feel the way I feel. Granted I may be asleep, but he has complete control over when I wake up. And he won even be affected by the incoming dangers if I do.

And the fact that he's so cute whenever he's trying to protect his chastity makes him seem all the more tasty. Mmm~ I can't wait for him to make the choice of having me. I never had a real gender or whatever the word those humans make up for the sake of their fragile egos, I was only the Nuclear Chaos.

My fate was to kill off everyone by waking up, but now, I have more purpose by serving my master. I can become stronger and help him in whatever he wants me to do! And when he so chooses, he could push me down and [Redacted]. You accursed existence! Why must you censor my affections for my Master!

(A/N: Because I don't wanna write that shit. Also you're really weird.)

Pfft, childishness, as expected for a being of your age. I never found you humans enjoyable, except for Master.

(A/N: I want you to measure your words wisely, since my job is to make sure that Frank doesn't go straight down the fucking drain, and you are capable of doing that to him. So don't push my hand to wipe your existence off of his powers, I only wrote you in since you were powerful, and there's an OP MC tag on this fic.)

Hmmph! Fine, as long as it's for Master!

(A/N: As long as he's okay, I'm okay with you. Just don't go too far, or else.)

Alright then, you should get back to writing you know? You have your readers to satisfy remember?

(A/N: Yeah yeah I'm on it, no need to tell me you tentacly pervert.)

What did you call m-

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/Frank POV/

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PAIN PEKO IS A LIE! EVERYTHING IS JUST PAIN! PAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIN. PAAIIIN. PAIN. And now nothing hurts anymore. Oh my fucking god I thought I was losing my goddamned mind there. Oh wait, I WAS LOSING IT. Fucking shit, I really hate the no pain no gain ideology.

There are literal methods where you don't need to work harder, there's a fuckin saying called "Work Smart, not Hard"! Holy fuck I hate every moment that I went thr-

Why is she taking my pants off? (Hey umm, I just noticed that you were about to rape me, so I just wanna know something really quick.) I said to her as she stopped for a moment.

(Why are you doing this for me? I don't remember you but I can tell something's up with you in the first place.) after I spoke she laughed as she tucked my shirt back into my pants, thank God she stopped. (It's because Master is Master! Is there any more reason not to do this?) she said to me as she tilted her head.

She's not the smartest one eh? I mean one of her titles is the Blind Idiot God, except I guess it's Blind Idiot Goddess now. ( Well, I guess that you could serve me-) I said as she quickly ripped my pants off, so I did the only natural thing to do, I pushed her away by the shoulders and for some Anti-damned reason, she grabbed onto my arms and brought me down with her.

(A/N: Ha! Gottem!)

Screw you and I'll see you soon Anti! She then sees the precarious position that we've gotten ourselves in and smirks at me. (To think that you were quite the beast Mas-) right before she finished that I jumped off of her and did the no no square dance.

(No no, don't touch me there, this is my no no square!) x20. She was looking s the with a deadpanned face as I continued singing the song that's supposed to protect one from the harms of predators, and this was one of the biggest predators in existence.

I mean, she's fucking eldritch. Eldritch brings are usually fucking terrifying, and now this very specific one wants to bang me. Not to mention she's the technical leader of their "pantheon", like shit fam, your fucking kids are keeping you stupid with all that music.

She then looks at me when pouting yet again, I'm not falling for that! You can't and will never take my booty virginity you damned being! (Master is so angry at me! What did I do wrong?) she said as she tilted her head.

(No, just no. Not even if I'm drunk. Because no. I do not want you to fuck me, nor do I want to fuck you. This is morally incorrect in many standards.) I said as my mind thought {But then again, when was I ever completely following my morals?}

She then sighed as she then nodded. She then told me that I was given a new ability that would make me more powerful. Honestly speaking, power that doesn't corrupt or entice you is power that I can get by. And boy oh boy, I don't understand a single thing about this. She calls it [Redacted] or in human terms, eldritch energy.

Okay, that's a majorly huge fucking flag that I don't ever want to try and raise. But from what she says, and I'm being as minimal as possible when it comes to it, it's capable of corrupting others to the point where they're incapable of thinking coherently.

Yeah, I guess that's gonna be good if I wanna punish someone, but aside from the torture methods, she also says that it's stronger than even Argent Energy, and we all know what the Slayer was capable of doing when he had Argent.

So now the question lies in how the fuck do I use it? And this I asked her (Umm, how the fuck do I use this stuff anyways?) the damned woman laughed at me and called me cute for not knowing.

I'm very confused. Why am I cute for not being able to comprehend what isn't supposed to be known by the human mind? I mean, it's energy used by beings "sort of" stronger than gods.

Yeah I don't see any problems with this. I guess I'll be taking this one as a win. (Well, I guess that I'll take it for now. But know that I really have absolutely no idea as to what you really want from me, but if you dare, and I mean really dare-) I said as I grabbed her by the neck.

She wasn't affected by me in any way shape or form, in fact she was even smiling at me sweetly as I tried to tighten my grip. Goddammit I really just dislike it when the eldritch maid that seemingly love story is impervious to damage when you try to harm her. . . . . wait that sounded bad.

(That's because Master likes to dominate people like poor old me in be-) she said as I just let go and walked away from her (I am going to get a restraining order on you one day or another, although you're my skill, this is just plain fucking weird whenever you talk to me like that.)

She then looks at me and laughs lightly. Yeah, this is one of the worst fever dreams that I've seen. (How do I get out of here? And when I do, can I have your undivided promise that you won't try and contact me ever again?) I asked her as she looked sad.

Why would an eldritch entity ever be sad to see someone leave? Wait scratch that, there's probably one reality where that's a thing. Why would SHE in particular ever be sad to see ME, of all beings, leave? I'm the one guy nobody is suppose to be sad seeing dead.

(You know what, fuck it, send me out. At least I don't need to talk to you all the damned time.) I said as she nodded at me and waves her hand. Suddenly things became darker an right before I was gone, she blew me a flying kiss for some reason.

Great, an eldritch entity wants to fuck me, that's just what I needed! As if my life can't get anymore shittier!

[Host, there was an unrecorded meeting between you and your [The Blind Idiot] card, what occurred during this meeting?]

Well, I guess that there's something that sort of cares for me right now. (She gave me a new kind of [Energy Manipulation] called [Eldritch Energy] albeit I don't actually have the manipulation and only really have the energy itself. Bah I'll just learn it along the way. How difficult could it possibly be?)

The system then thanked me and catalogued my new power. This is how my stats are looking right now:

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Titles: Transmigrator, Straightforward Loser, Lucky Guy, The Stupid Genius, Domain Master, He Who Controls The Beasts, The Master of the Blind Idiot, The Necessary Evil, The One at Peace, The Radio Demon

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[Health]: ∞/∞ (Will Of the HellWalker: Passive [Immortality])

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[Luck]: Positive

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[Stands]: [Silver Chariot: Act II], [King Crimson] *new*, [The Meme Train] *new*

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[Energy]: [Chakra Manipulation], [Eldritch Manipulation]

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[Cards]: [Will Of the HellWalker], [Power of the Pink Omega] , [The Joestar Family Secret Technique: Running the Fuck Away], [Full Control], [Full Transformation], [Master of the Blind Idiot], [Will of the Radio Demon], [He Who Made the Blind See]

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[Miscellaneous]: [Phone] [9,990 Rounds (9 mm FMJ)] [Stand Arrow] [ Rounds (Bolter Ammo)]

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Well, I guess that's a bit of an upside considering that I never really knew many things. Also yes I have my new Stand but seeing the name was weird. Usually the names are about bands or music but this, this Stand was just different.

{Oh well, what could possibly go wrong with me summoning it?} I thought until I then decided to hold it off for now. I had technically four Stands since there's the sub-Stand of King Crimson called [Epitaph] or otherwise known as [Forecast].

As you all know, [Forecast] shows the future that is absolute. An absolute future is something that Tits-Snitch really hates with a passion. And I can most definitely bet that Papa Nurgle is loving this form of fate.

You see the concept of fate in JoJo is that it's absolute, unless you have a Stand that transcends fate, such as GER's ability: Return to Zero.

If you don't have that, then I'm sorry but if a rock is gonna fly at your forehead at Mach speeds because somebody kicked it at you, even if you kill the guy before she kicks it, fate will do the action itself instead.

Yeah, this is basically saying: You are fucked either way, so find a way to make use of the fate. That's why Doppio lived for so long against Metallica, he wasn't that scared of the pain, and he made sure to understand the Stand via sacrificing his own body's iron to learn how Metallica worked. That's smart, real smart.

Unfortunately, Diavolo didn't make it since Giorno fucked him up with GER. Big oof for the poor lad. Oh well, back to the story we go! (Wait, system, am I in the dungeon?) I asked as I looked around. This didn't really looked like a dungeon anymore, instead it looked like a place where a main character would go to train for the fighting of a demon lord or some shit like that.

[To answer the Host's query, the Domain will be summoned right in front of you.] Oh no. Oh no no. Oh no N O. \Master you idiot!\ she said as she was in prime face kicking position. And that was for my face, not her's.

{Well ladies and gentlemen, I'll have to stay this-} I thought as she planted her foot smack dab right in the kisser {-I really hope this won't hurt that bad.} I continued the thought as I was getting my ass handed to me by the physical manifestation of an area that became sentient.