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The Meme Train

Little thing I decide to write for the fun memes, don't take this way too seriously, if you wanna vote, vote then. Just don't act like an ass. Also the book isn't for anyone of a prudish nature, so yeah, if you are then this ain't your cup of tea, hell it's not even tea, it's a full cup of espresso. Oh yeah, the R-18 tag is there for gore, I don't know know how to write good smut, and I don't plan to write smut in this book any given time. ____________________________________________ Take a look at me for example: I died, that was painful. I got chosen to be entertainment for some dude that I never got to even meet. I cheesed the "golden finger" I got and made an entire world go straight to fuck all. Now I'm just casually being the madman that everyone says I am. Oh, and fuck cultivators. I don't like their kind around here. What do you get? Some random kid being a fucking lunatic that's what! Take a read if you want! You'll definitely regret it! (Disclaimer, I own nothing aside from my MC and any OCs I may cook up, the cover was from google, I just searched Thomas the Thermonuclear Bomb and I found Thomas the Thermonuclear Apocalypse, I came looking for copper and I found gold. Also this is a work of fiction, any names that are placed in here are yadda yadda yadda you know the drill, anything in here is coincidental.)

AntiLoliLewding · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
325 Chs

HEY, YOUNG BOY HAD TO PENETRATE

/Frank POV/

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As of this moment, things are going fucking maddening, and most likely brining straight to the ground. The arena that I was currently within was already crumbled to shit and I was standing right in the middle of it with a netherite axe and a shield in hand, looking at this kid who's currently trying his bed to kill me. Well, more along the lines of beat me, but I already lopped off his left arm while he was still looking at me with a lot of hatred.

(Come on sonny, you can't just keep going like this! You've lost an arm! You don't have any pills, and you're bleeding out already! And you haven't even scratched me! Hell, not even gotten dust on my suit! Just face it lad, you need to step down, there's no shame having to lose against me.) I said as the boy was still looking at me with anger. (I'll kill you, AGGGGHHHH *insert random fire-based technique*!) he said as I sighed and blocked it with my shield again.

(Why is your treasure not breaking yet?!) he said as I replied (Wouldn't you like to know laddie!) I said as I ran up to him as close as possible and stuck the shield in front of him. I then readied my axe and guess what, I gave myself a couple hundred levels of haste and a lot of time for me to make use of it. Now let me explain to you how good haste is in combat. The haste effects quickens and lessens the interval between hoe many times you could use a tool. Normally it's used for insta-mining in the earlier versions, but there's something else that you can use it for. You see, the action bar that you get whenever you need to swing a weapon is always going to be there, but it is affected by one thing, haste. That's right lads, it's 1.9+ damage, with the speed of 1.8, terrifying.

So I think that you can all get a grasp of what I was able to do to that child. He didn't even see me slice his hand off. And then, I swung down, left, right, as fast as I could go. Every single side that I could go at, I swung. There's not enough PE in the damned world to handle the damage that I could do if I buffed myself with this and the other thing, otherwise known as strength. So yeah, the kid was getting more and more lethal cuts on his body as I continued to make it worse for him. And when he fell out of the arena, he was already knocked out from the blood loss. I stopped my attack and returned my weapons back into my inventory.

(Get this lad a healing pill, and some food, he doubt decently, despite his words at the beginning.) I said as I sat back down on the broken arena floor, looking at the spectator. {Are you satisfied, madam?} I thought as I looked at one specific person who was watching me with fear evident in her eyes. Yes, I was in another reality, and I made a contract with someone. Someone specific, Lan bloody Xueruo, or as anyone with a connection to Wikipedia would know, Cang Yue. Let's rewind what exactly is it that I did a few hours ago.

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/A Few Hours Ago/

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I am so fucking bored, I'm just here, waiting for the guys to come back from their mission, and sure I enjoy my time by playing with the girls, dating Eresh, and even going out of my way and talking with the Hephaestus Familia because I wanted to just have something to do. So far, I even resorted to doing training. Yes, that's right, I was training. Because I knew that there would be a baseline for me to have to deal with and let's all be honest here folks, the shit that's otherwise known as this reality is by far the biggest pain in my ass. Sure my soldiers are just fine as they are, constantly trying their best to find a job that's both useful to me, and extremely life-threatening to them. I know that I shouldn't probably be talking about my Kriegers like that, but come on, you guys know how they are.

Well, I was already getting chronically bored, and I wanted to do something else, so you know what? I'm about to do something that may seem stupid, but it's because my situation was a lot less splendid that I expected. That's right, I went and brought myself into a different reality entirely for the sake of having a plot to crush apart myself. Man I really should specify to the system that I want to be right when plot begins, because that's honestly the best time to actually do shit. There's nothing all that special that I did honestly, there's just me, my weapons, a couple stuffs in my inventory, both the Minecraft one, and the system one, and my clothes on my person.

I'm honestly expecting for it to be lost, but let's be fair, it's not gonna be all that bad though. And so, I told the system to shove me into a new world, into a hobo's body, that's preferably in a city, and waited for shit to occur.

And I woke up, in rags and in an alleyway once again, I could feel that I was damaged a little bit beforehand due to the bruise on my head. Well, sorry about you getting killed matey, but thanks for your body anyways. So I got out of my little alleyway and I walked around to try and see where exactly was I at. There were a lot of women roaming the streets, and I could almost smell something terrible, so I cut my sense of smell off and continued to try and search, and that's when I saw it. There was a fucking sign that said New Moon City. Do I know why they hung up a sign that says the city's name when they're smack dab in the middle of it, but that's their thing, I'm not going to judge them for that. And that's when I realized, if plot was beginning, then this is most likely the point in time when there was a specific girl that was looking around for "talent" to go and fight for the Empire.

Oy vey, now that's a pain in the ass alright. {Ugggh, great, now how in the nine fucking circles am I supposed to look for a princess in "disguise"? Wait a minute, I guess all I really need to do is just look around for any women that are really pretty U guess?} I was thinking as I walked along, looking at the environment around me. Truth be told, I expected this place, to look a little more, well, dreary, but it's actually pretty green. Not much issues that I can throw out considering the sort of things that I do for the sake of all those who don't cultivate. {Now then, I guess I'll just take this pa-} I was thinking as I looked at a certain path when I accidentally bumped into a very specific person. {Son of a bitch Anti! What the hell are you trying to do here?} I thought as I got up and asked (Hey are you okay kid?) I said as I got the girl that I bumped into. (Forgive me sir, I wasn't looking where I was going.) she said as I was cursing that Loli protecting cunt for making this happen. (Hey, aren't you that famous girl from that one sect? Lan, something right?) I said as she was shocked that I didn't really know her full name. (Y-yes sir, I'm Lan Xueruo.) she said as I nodded.

(I really doubt that you should be wandering around here lass, there are strange and dangerous people that walk these roads. And I severely doubt that cultivation strength is going to stop them from trying to figure out who you are and why you're going around here.) I said as I looked around and noticed that there was someone peeking behind the corner. It's probably that old man that follows her around. (Your bodyguard, I presume?) I said out loud as she looked around and sighed when she saw him. (Little Lan! What did I say about going around and looking for people? We have to get back, the sect battles are about to begin!) he said as she nodded.

(Well then your highness, I believe that's my time to leave now.) I said as she and her bodyguard stopped altogether when I said that little bit. (W-what are you talking about si-) she tried to say when the old man pulled a sword out of a ring and said (Get behind me!). (Well that's because you're the princess right? It's sort of a given considering how there's been reports of you just "staying" in your room most of the time cultivating. But the way that you handle yourself is with way too much grace, your posture is more of the dignified than a woman who's really gotten serious in a battle, and the way that you apologized despite the fact that I'm mortal in your eyes shows that you have some compassion for your citizens. So yeah, it's a lot of cards that you're showing your highness, plus, I never said anything about knowing that you had a bodyguard.) I explained how I knew and she and her bodyguard were shocked.

(Who are you, and what exactly is it that you want from us?) the old man said as I shrugged (Honestly speaking, a job, either that or some food that can warm my belly. I am a bit of a jack of trades, so there's that.) I said as she walked out of the back of the old man as he tried to tell her to come back. (But who are you specifically?) she asked confidently as I was impressed that she was this good at hiding her emotions. (A bored man your highness, a bored man who wants to do something stupid for once.) I said to her as she clenched her fist and asked me again (Can you fight for your emp-) she tried to ask until I interrupted her (Your highness, what makes you think that I'm born from your lands? But if you want to make an accord with me, we can make an accord.) I said to her as I immediately went creative mode and slowed the tick speed to about 1.

Things got a lot slower as she noticed that she wasn't getting affected. (I may not be a cultivator your majesty, but I do have myself some methods to ensure my survival and strength, and if you really want me to trust you and make a contract, there is one thing that I want from it.) I said as seriously as I could possibly say it as she nodded and gulped in fear. (I want to be able to leave the contract at any point that I so wish, because I have my own set of priorities and I can assure you that I need, and I really mean, need to take care of them.) I said to her as she nodded.

(Very well, sign this.) I said as I pulled out a book and quill that I wrote on beforehand. (If the contents are not to your liking, we can change them, we have the time.) I said as I slowly but surely started to burn the rags. She was still looking at the contract when she saw a certain part of it and blushed. (S-sir, what exactly is this part?) she said as she gave me the book and noticed that my clothes were burning. (Hmm, ah this, the "tying our lives together", forgive for not specifying, I tried to make it seem a bit more mystical, but it's simple. If you die, I get very harmed and weakened, but you don't know how much is my weakening. As for that bit about being jargon for marriage, forgive me your majesty, but I am spoken for, I already met the love of my life.) I said as I changed it and gave it to her. (So will you make a deal with the devil hunter?) I said to her as she was shocked to see that I would follow her orders, so long they're not very bad.

She then took the quill and noticed that there wasn't any ink for her to use, until she noticed that the ink on the paper wasn't ink. She then looked at me as I replied (It will bind the contract better than whatever Profound Energy could ever do, your majesty.) I said as she pricked her finger and then signed. And thus, at this point, marks the beginning of hell on earth.

2180 words. So I think most of you guys saw my little issue last chapter, well, that's because this was supposed to be the next chapter, except WN decided to fuck my shit up and delete 1300+ words of progress. Well, anyways next chapter is going to focus on the gang and their adventure to find the Seeds. Anyways, and as always, I'll see you guys, on the dark side of the moon! Peace out everybody! Goodbye~

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