And I Paddle Away

/Frank POV/

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Ah, what a fine day today. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, there's a demoness outside of my shed slamming a damned fuckboy into my door calling me to come out of the place as I'm still cooking myself an egg. Yeah, it's been a couple days again since I went through that. (WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT KID, I'M MAKING SOME FRIED EGGS!) I shouted at the Gremory heiress as she then put Kiba down as he had the swirly shape on his eyes. She cleared her throat as she then said (Alright then Slayer. You're in my territory, and it is courteous for somebody to help the person that owns the land that they're sleeping on, don't you think?) she then bent over a little to try and show cleavage as I just gave her the plate of three sunny side eggs as I then slammed the door in her face.

(CONSIDER THAT ACTION AS HOW MANY FUCKS I WILL GIVE.) I shouted outside as I then realized that I woke Asia up as she was groaning a little as her hair was all kinds of fuckywuckyed from her sleeping position. Yeah, she still hasn't really gotten a good place to hole up. And I apologized to her for waking her up and the for the fact that the fucking bimbo outside had the our breakfast. I then opened the door and stole the plate back as she then yawned and took an egg for her meal. (Alright Gremory, you have ten minutes. What's your sales pitch here, you want me to beat up somebody that you hate? Some strays getting too close for comfort? Because I already have a huge shit list and you are currently the closest target on it. And you know what happens to demons when they're within my grabbing distance.) I said as I then took the fried egg and quite literally slurped it up and ate as I looked at her face of disgust of how I ate that produce.

(Slayer, I need a favor.) she said as I tilted my head, swallowed the egg, and started to laugh. (OMFG, that's priceless, the devil asking the godslayer a favor. That's real good comedy there kid, but I would suggest run if you don't want me to brutally maim your fucking servants.) I said to her as she flinched as she got extra protective over them. (You don't get to call my servants that way! You can insult me all you want but leave them out of this!) she said as the Peerage then got ready for me to get angry as I snickered and went inside to give the plate back to Asia.

(Oh spare me the sympathy you double-faced bitch. You and I both fucking know that despite your rave becoming heteromorphically and aesthetically close to the human design, you can't give more than two fucks about your nature. You're still the same bastards that I hunted on bloodied brimstone. Still the same imps and demons that I tore apart with my bare fucking appendages.) I said as I did a bit of a face off as her Queen then came close as I then clicked my tongue.

(And now you send your friend who has family issues. How fucking classical of you.) I said to her as she then took a deep breath, made her gaze cold, and said (I will owe you a favor, if you fight my fiance.) which was then reacted by Asia coming out when she was finished with eating two fried eggs and some bread as she noticed that everyone here was currently in a standoff. Me vs a bunch of fucking teenagers who don really even have that much in the ways of training.

(F-Franku, can't you just not have a fight everytime? We can all work this out!) she said as her innocence fucking confounds me. (Asia, they want me to kill somebody for them, and as much as I'd like to get another demon dead for the rest of time and beyond that, it means that they're indebted to me once that occurs. I don't like the thought of demons of all things being indebted to the guy that would normally hunt them down.) I said to her as I really hit it home as I spat near Gremory's shoes as I shook my head.

(Angry man, very scary.) a rather shook yet seemingly emotionless voice spoke out as the little catgirl that was there was standing as still as she could. (Hey kid.) I called her out as I was then ignoring Gremory for the time being. (Your sister didn't go crazy for a stupid reason. Hell, the reason that she did is the very same one that kept you alive for all this time. And trust me, Naberius, they're fucking done.) I said as she then went deer in headlights mode as Gremory then looked at me all confused and shit, I call bullshit on that.

(Let me say this first and foremost Gremory, tell your little fiance that they can bring as many of their friends to the fucking battlefield as they want. And tell your brother, that the Naberius clan's death warrant is fucking signed by yours truly. I think I'll be sleeping good when they're good and gone.) I ended that little thing as the redhead then gulped as she knew that the underworld was most likely going to lose an entire family bloodline when the Slayer himself said that they're going to kill them.

(I-Is there any chance that you could-) she tried to speak to me as I then stared her down as my eyes great slightly more red by the second as she eeped and took some steps back. (Great job kid, you didn't piss and shit yourself when I looked you down. Still you're a bitch, but your little fiance seems like a pretty good fucking target. Consider me intrigued enough to break your boyfriend's bones like they were crackers.) I grinned at that as Asia then pulled out a newspaper from who knows where and smacked my head with it as she started to reprimand me for making the devils terrified.

And then she started to tell me shit about how they could be redeemed and be brought into the Lord's light or some shit until I reminded her (Asia, I think you're forgetting the fact that you are currently talking about God, to the man who killed God. God is dead Asia, remember that?) I asked her as she then went sad mode again as I groaned and remembered that she tries to keep herself in denial since that meant that she wouldn't lose her faith.

She's not gonna be dying anytime soon, I will make sure of that. And I will, not tolerate dumbassery from these fucking demons any goddamn longer, you better fucking believe that bitch. Well, I guess that the only real thing to do right now is just wait and see the idiot come in and talk his shit and then watch him piss himself silly when I come into the room with a dead stray devil. That's honestly the funnier thing to do if that was the case.

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/Eight Days Later/

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Welp, it's been more than a fucking week already and I've been keeping a close eye on Gremory to try and see whether or not the bird boy is even going to try and talk to her. I even stole her damned portal to hell and then looked around as a bunch of demons screamed in fear when I was in full armor with my shotgun out. Nope, still nothing. What kind of magical bullshit is capable of cooking itself up to make the birdbrain just appear out of nowhere I don't fucking know, but what I do know is that I've just killed the twentieth fucking stray in this city for the last fucking time. I piled up all of the bodies that I could drag and brought that shit straight to their fucking building, and lo and fucking behold, Riser fucking Phenex right there with his little harem as I threw the pile of corpses right on top of him.

(Gremory, you seriously need to up your fucking time. It's been eight fucking days and I have twenty godsdamned corpses! THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR FOR THESE FUCKHEADS. Somebody's playing dirty.) I said as I wiped the stray devil blood all over one of Riser's girls' head as the pile was then moving as the blonde birdbrain looked royally pissed off, until he saw my face, and the gun that I had in my hand. (Y-you! It's true! You're colluding with the monster! YOU'RE A BETRAYER TO OUR ENTIRE RA-) and right as he was about to try and attack Gremory, I then cleared my throat and cocked the shotgun as that got him quieting the hell up.

(Alrighty bird boy, here's how this will go. She made a deal with me,as insane as that may sound. She, is going to send a message to her brother about me being allowed to slaughter an entire family bloodline of demons, at the low low price of getting out of this fucking engagement. Now I'll play by your rules, except for a single one of them.) I said to him as I shot a round right next to every single one of his peerage members' heads as I said (To the death. That's my only terms. And I know that it will genuinely be difficult for you to be able to die, but trust me kid-) which I then pulled out the chainsaw and gave it a heavy whirr as I looked at him with fully angry eyes (-I'm banking on you being able to heal. Because I am rightfully fucking pissed big boy. Tell your daddy and mommy that you love them, because these girls?) I said as I then looked at every other member of his "harem" and then smiled. (They're dead fucking meat when I see them in the arena.) I said as I then put everything back to where they belonged, in which I threw him and his peerage into the corpses of dead bodies for the point to really be hammered in that they're going to die.

I want that blonde annoying fuck dead, mainly because he's not a likeable person, and I don't give two fucking shits about the busty redheaded bimbo that would come with that. She's a non-issue, always has been, and always will be. Well, until she calls up some secret cousin that's like stronger than God or something, I don't fucking know.

Alright, gave a death threat to a child, feeling good. And I my or may not have just told the entirety of the underworld that I'm back, not like they're gonna be able to do jack shit about it. Anyways then, I walked out of their little club room as I could hear Rias getting into another verbal squabble as I opened the door again and shot right at his leg. He fell to the ground and started to scream since it actually fucking hurt, and it healed slowly as hell.

(IF YOU IDIOTS KEEP MAKING ALL OF THIS FUCKING SOUND, I'LL TEAR ALL OF YOU APART LIMB FROM LIMB AND MAKE A CHIMERICAL AMALGAMATION THAT'S EVEN MORE TERRIFYING THAN THE SHIT THAT YOU FIND IN HUMAN CENTIPEDE.) I threatened them all as they were already on the edge since I was aiming the gun right at the room as I clicked my tongue and slammed their door shut again. (Little bastards not realizing that they're still in a fucking school. Goddamn, I need a root beer.) I said to myself as I was still hearing them argue, but this time it was only a little quieter than what was normal.

{Good, gotta keep this school in one damned piece after all.} I thought as I then realized that this is most likely what Sitri wanted. {On the subject, is it really true that Sona is like the smart one here? Honestly, Rias looks like she's an idiot, but there's always a plan in mind for these fucking demons when it comes down to it. I guess I'll step a little lighter around both of them. I guess I should clean Sitri's office, it is technically still within school grounds.} I thought as I then went back to the shed to see that Asia was still there cleaning up the other things. There was a Monopoly board nearby for the two of us to play in whenever we wanted to chill down, as sad as it was. I wanted to have the internet, but I knew for a damn fact that it was the same internet that I grew up with back in 2020. I know that much.

But then again, I could just let Pink Guy go buck wild. Yeah fuck it, it's the better option anyways. Old buddy's been with me since the start, and I respect him a lot. He can handle some of the bullshit that the internet has. And I personally, well, I'll be cleaning a demon's office on Earth as she gets extremely sceptical of what I truly want with her friend.

And so I walked my ass over to grab the bucket and the mop as I whistled and went to the school council's office as I then walked in on her having a meeting with her peerage. They were mostly women, which, I don't actually really have an idea as to what the percentage of success is there from men to women, but then again, this is an ecchi, nothing should really be thought of hardly.

(Umm, I'm here to do my job?) I asked them as I began to mop the floor. This, was a very difficult situation, and their gazes on me didn't make it any better.