What happened to you? What happened to us?
Katherine Samson
“F*cked?” she croaked, her breath got caught on her throat. Her lungs are contracting air. Suffocating her chest. The more she gazes at his unsympathetic eyes, the more she felt her consciousness drowning in the swirls of memories.
The time they spent together, the moments they spent laughing together. The way things have changed between them, the way the atmosphere took a hundred degrees turn, is a big slap of reality to her face. He took no hesitation in conveying it to her.
“Those are nothing but you’re delusional pathetic illusions. You actually believed we have something between us when in fact there’s nothing? Stop putting meaning to every little thing I did for you. It’s sickening.”
Michael’s lips twisted in a fiendish smile.
“Oh, you’re not? No point talking to you then.” shoving his left hand in his pockets, he pulled the girl along and sauntered towards her.
Katherine stood completely frozen. Watching the boy she loves bypass her like she was nothing. Like the moments they spend together never happened.
“Before I forgot, here.” he pressed a piece of paper on her chest and whispered close to her ear.
“Contact me if you wanna have a go. I’m available from eight afterwards. Right after the live concert tonight. See ya.” the smirk is still plastered on his lips, the same smile she usually on his face. But it’s unfamiliar and… stiff.
She took hold of the paper and read its contents.
“Don’t come here to follow me anymore. I have no intention of going back to your house. I finally found a place to crash into so stop wasting your time and go home.”
Her hand trembled, inaudible whimper managed to escape from her lips. He was standing so close to her and yet, he feels like he’s miles away from her.
As he left, his breath still lingers on her ears. His words are crawling on her skin. It left her shivering, forming a sour taste in her mouth. She doesn’t plan to stay long. She’s stuck between going after him or just learn to set him free.
He’s no longer the Michael she knew. What’s the point of chasing? When in his eyes, he doesn’t recognize her anymore.
Everything...everything she dreamt of in their life meant to be spent together, is now gone… It left her the moment he walked out of the door with another girl.
With her knees wobbling, she walked out of the store and leans on the porch of the clubhouse next door. Feeling the cold air biting on her skin, she crossed her arms together. Pulling them closer to her chest. The road is full of cars honking, pedestrian crossing, ladies chattering, kids playing, and men pacing on their feet. Katherine hovers her eyes on the horizon beyond. Trying to take away her conscious mind from the world around her. Shutting her ears from the noise they make, the laugh they give, and the footsteps they echoed.
They all remind her that this world will move on to its daily routine even if she decides to stop. Everything.. Is really unfair. She watches the sky bathed in its brush of colors at sunset. Admired how the streak of blue, pink, and orange blend so well, it’s glorious to gaze at them.
The air grew colder, the sky gets darker, the streets become brighter with neon lights, people got busier, roads hectic with cars. The clubhouse door entrance opened, admitting girls in skimpy dress and men with brazen attires inside. She doesn’t know how many hours she’s been standing here at the porch.
Her feet feel like they were chilled inside her boots. The winter season is coming. Inevitably, snow will come falling and dance with the crispy air. Raining down to roads and pavements, it will sit atop every structure and tree on this ground. Bathing them within the cold white mist.
Wonder if the chilly season will freeze her heart? Maybe it can stop the aching if it will. She sighed and kicked pebbles on the ground. She won’t go inside. She refused to. More like, she can’t do it.
She doesn’t have the courage to watch Michael kiss another girl again. When in fact, she fantasized it was her every night. Just the thought of them having sex, tear her apart.
It should be me. Feeling his warm touch. It should be me. Receiving his sweet kisses. It should be me. Embracing his hard body against mine. It should be me. Burying my face on his strong shoulders.
The more the thought formulate a picture on her head, the more she was torn apart inside. It was too much. For her heart to handle. It was too much. For her mind to manage.
Picturing him with another girl drives her heart to crush itself and squeezed the life faintly blinking inside her. Forcing all her senses to stop functioning and sends unbearable pain across her body.
“What are you still doing here?” a soft tone with cold essence. A hissing voice mouthed in a whisper. That’s all it took to take her out of her reverie. To take her out of the destructive world she put up, from her own miserable thoughts.
She rests her eyes on the ground. Refusing to look up. Tilting her head to glance at the shoes, she thought that’s enough to cover up the stabbing pain inside her chest. He must not know. He must not be aware. She must not reveal anything.
“Waiting,” she whispered.
“For what?” he growled.
“I’m waiting for you to come back,” she trailed off. She caught the sound of him inhaling his breath sharply.
“Are you dumb f*cking nuts? I thought I made it clear I won’t be coming back?!” he said, his voice rising.
“You did.” she affirmed.
“So what are you still doing here?!”
“Hoping...Waiting...for you to change your mind and come back to me again.” she heard him scoff. He placed both his hands on his hip and yapped.
“What the f*ck?! You acting like a girlfriend I recently broke up with is creeping me. Seriously, stop it. Go home.”
“I want to...But I still can’t. I want nothing except for you to come back and live with me again.” she saw the hesitation in his hands. Like he didn’t expect what she said. Faltered on his words, wavered on his resolve.
Maybe she still has a chance if that were true.