Trigger

"Hi..."

Angela greeted her husband, the latter came towards her and gave her a long kiss on the forehead.

"Welcome back,"

"What did you do today?" Alaric casually ask as he lifted Angela to sit on his lap.

Angela let out a shriek, giggling at the sudden action. "I went to my late grandmother's Manor..."

Suddenly, she's contemplating wether to tell her husband about the lawyer or to skip that part. Honestly, Alaric only knows that her mother is a military nurse but the rest...she didn't say it to him. That's why she feels so uncomfortable about topic like this.

"And?"

"...that's all."

She felt him sigh and she couldn't help to shed tears again, that alarmed the man as he gently coaxed her down. This is an often episode, when she cries in her husband chest for a long moment time.

"Do you trust me?" suddenly, she felt the whole world stopped. Does she trust him? because in the depths of her heart, there's always uncertainties.

But she knew...she knew, this man is the only person she trusts.

"I do...I-I do trust you. But, I'm scared...I'm scared you see..."

"Shh...I'm sorry,"

"Why are you saying sorry?! you have nothing to apologize!" she hysterically exclaimed.

Tears came out the corners of her eyes again, as if it won't stop. She began to sob harder, she felt so immature.

Ahh! why won't this top?!

"You are so good to me Li, you treated me as your other half and yet...all I did is to keep secrets from you...to...keep you out from my past e-even though...y-you deserved to know!"

"You think I deserved to know?"

"I do!"

"Then why won't you say it then?"

"It's b-because...It's because I'm scared"

"From what? tell me my love, from what are you afraid of?"

Really, what is she afraid of? I'm afraid of everything. She's afraid of the ghosts of her past. She's afraid of it haunting her again, that once she let out those words hidden in her hearts, it would permanently scar her. That the triggers wouldn't stop until the day she die.

She's not dumb. She went to therapy for five years. Yet she spent there locked. She locked her own self. And that made her very good at pretending...even manipulating. She hid herself so well that she forgot she was still a human.

When someone asks her the reason behind her long therapy, she would say. I have a childhood trauma. The people, being insensitive would always inquire. Why? she would just brush them off. She can't...she barely can tell those words.

Yet, now...she felt strong. She felt so tempted to throw those words out. She's angry, angry with herself for being so so weak. For not conquering it.

Looking at her husband's always mesmerizing yet...oddly empty eyes, she cannot help herself but to caress his face.

Ah. I really got myself a handsome husband.

Angela took a deep breath. Held it long before releasing it. Alaric hand's followed. Caressing her chest, to her shoulders and her hair.

She began to relax. She thought she would not shutter, but she's wrong. Yet she managed to say it.

"...I-I...I was s-sexually harassed...sexually h-harrased Li.."

The moment she let those words out, all hell break loose. She felt the sudden intense and rough breathing of her husband, the small trembling of his fingers followed by the pause of his hand from caressing her.

"No, no...calm down." she whispered against his chest. She felt like it would happen again, the same event from the other year.

Angela gripped Alaric's shirt.

"Continue," terror laced on his voice, but his tone is terrifyingly gentle.

She glance up only to see his husband diverted his eyes. He couldn't even meet her gaze. She sigh again as she continue her story.

"When I was sixteen..."

Suddenly, memories came flooding her mind.

"What a lovely child, turn around for me darling!" an old woman with a beret hat exclaimed, clapping her hands in delight.

The girl silently nodded as she beam in joy in her pink satin dress. The girl is barely at legal age yet she suppresses a youthful and elegant look.

She was tall, almost the height of a standard runway model. With wavy thick black hair and ivory skin. She could be mistaken as a model!

"Why don't you show your teeth and say cheese to the camera, Angela?"

Angela did at what the old woman said.

"There, there. Now, say cheese!"

"Cheese!"

They both chuckled as they did some more poses. Angela couldn't be more happier. The look on her face shows that she's in bliss.

"Now let's go fetch your Uncle at the airport!"

Suddenly, all went to stop. Angela's lovely smile dropped as her fingers began to involuntarily tremble.

No...I'm okay. Relax, Angela.

Angela swallowed her thoughts. It's been a long time, he's changed.

He's changed...He's changed, alright? he wouldn't do it again. He's changed.

He's not. And it became worse.

Tears came running from the corners of her eyes once again. Her vision blurred out and her eyes began to hurt from intense crying. She wants to stop but she couldn't, her mind couldn't stop her from saying it.

"I've always felt uncomfortable around him. A-Always felt him w-watching behind my back...h-he's always touchy...so clingy."

Angela calm herself down as she allows herself to be drowned in her husband's embrace.

I cannot go back. I need to let it out.

Reminiscing the past. She came face to face with her aunt...and uncle. The gentle look of her aunt's face and the terrifying look of her uncle's.

"I don't even know if they're truly my relatives. They look nothing like my mom. They look too...american. As if they don't have an asian blood with them. They are both my mom's siblings yet—nothing! n-not even with my grandma."

She continued, "My suspicions grew even stronger when w-we celebrated my 15th b-birthday. My mother is not with us this time. It's only m-me, my aunt...and my u-uncle."

"What's his name?"

"...I...I-I can't, I can't utter his name, Li...I can't..it triggers more.. I-Im sorry—"

"Shh...I'm sorry. Hmm. Relax in my arms. Your safe. No one could ever touch you again. No one. Do you hear me?"

"Yes...I hear you."

She felt him scoot her closer to his chest. He started putting small kisses on her hair. Down to her face. Angela lay there, eyes close as she desperately feel her husband's touch on her.

"He came home drunk. They both got in argument. Apparently, h-his ex-wife filed a case against him...it's not clear to me what but it's about money, and...physical a-abuse."

Like what he did to me.

"I was just listening at the kitchen's door...too afraid to make a single sound. I was stuck, Li...my heart was beating so fast. Very unsure on what to do. And then, silence came followed by a loud thud of the door. I inhale in relief, thinking his gone and was about to ask for my aunt when suddenly he's infront of m-me... there was blood on his hands...m-many...so much..

I couldn't think straight. I screamed...and screamed, only to feel h-his disgusting hand on my mouth. H-He began undressing me...it's so v-vivid Li! I can see it at the back of my mind!"

"That's enough, it's enough. Breathe, my love. Breathe for me. Relax your body, close your eyes."

Angela did at what he says. She hear his whispers, the sound of the rain outside, the coldness of the wind—she feels it.

In there is hot. Here, it's cold yet warm. I'm not there. I'm here.