Chapter Four

Hawk took a large gulp. Coughing loudly when he swallowed a mouthful. He capped the flask.

"Hawk—"

"I'm coming down, Ma." He croaked out. His throat was hurting. He took another swig from the flask.

"Don't be long," she replied cheerfully.

He walked towards the bathroom to take a last look at himself.

He had changed. A lot. His once blue-black hair had turned to greyish at the temples. Not so black anymore. Yet he was only twenty-seven years old. The long hair, the strands reaching his collar, only added to his age.

His eyes seemed sharper and deeper. Maybe, due to the loss of weight and the darkened skin. The sun in the Middle East was relentlessly hot.

His mouth seemed thinner. Never smiling. His nose more prominent because it looked pinched. His jaws were all sharp angles. Having had a beard ever since he started working at Middle East, he didn't notice his depreciating looks.

He had not considered himself handsome before. Now, he was more like an ageing uncle to Jade.

He had shaved when he left his hotel in Dubai, before the flight. But there was already a shadow. For want of a little more time, he shaved again.

He was wearing a new black tuxedo suit. His mother requested the correct costume through text.

'Jade was wearing a long dress instead of a gown her father had chosen. Wear a black suit, in memory of her father.'

He had chosen a longer coat. He wanted to be prepared when Jade launched on him. Although he didn't know what kind of reception he would receive. Maybe, she had changed. Maybe, she was not a touchy child anymore.

During the last month at home, two years ago, Hawk had always a painful hard-on whenever she was around. He couldn't control his body. He had to go up to his room to take a long, cold shower many times.

He had dreamt of wilder scenes. His lust for Jade had been growing uncontrollably scarier. Until he should cut it short. Until he could not take it any longer. He went away.

He had seen and spoke to Jade once to offer condolences. Her chocolate eyes sparkled with unshed tears but her lips were still luscious. They gave a tiny smile for him. Her eyebrows were expressive of her grief. They formed into upward curve, shaped like a small mountain.

He was alone in his quarters so no one could see him kissing the monitor. Of course, the image was frozen. The call had ended a moment ago.

He kissed her on the mouth gently. Wanting to comfort her. Wanting to be there for her and his mother.

Hawk had wanted to go home then but his work demanded his full concentration. Everybody was in danger. The rebels' ire had just abated momentarily because they saw that the bridge was more important for the people.

And now that he was at home, and he was about to see Jade, he was here dawdling in front of the mirror.

Hawk took a deep breath. He was tempted to take another gulp from the small flask. But he needed full control of his mind and body before meeting Jade…

He was afraid he might lose control. His arm might go around her and never let her go. He might kiss her dewy lips until she protested.

'God, help me!' He said silently.

He first saw his mother, who stood by the front door. Standing beside her was a tall young woman, with a similarly neat chignon and a long white dress. The woman was talking to a taller man.

And from Hawk's point of view, they seemed intimate to each other. They had their hands to each other. She was holding his arm while he was touching her waist. Their heads leaning to listen to what they were whispering about.

He sized up the woman. She was slender as a willow. The sweet shape of her hips was just right. Her legs under the long skirt were long and shapely. He was intrigued and, at the same time, exhilarated. He could feel his desire kicking in. Was he cured of Jade, at last?

Jade was nowhere to be seen. Maybe, she was late coming down. She was the celebrant, after all.

'Who—?' His question to himself wasn't finished when the woman turned her head around suddenly. Maybe, his hot gaze was blazing the delicate skin of her nape.

When he saw her face, the air was sucked from his lungs. It was several seconds before he inhaled, then exhaled immediately. His heart was beating too fast while his eyes feasted on her perfect features.

'His Jade' was more beautiful now.

When she saw him, she moved with unconscious gracefulness while she turned to him. There was nervousness in her eyes as she met his. Her lips were trembling slightly as she tried to smile.

Hawk was nervous, too. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. Jade was unpredictable. He gritted his teeth when she started walking towards him.

No, she didn't walk. She glided smoothly. Her eyes never leaving his face.

"Hawk." Even her voice had changed. It was smoky and a bit husky.

"Happy birthday, Jade." Was this girl only eighteen? She looked like a lady.

"Thank you." Jade looked down. Her cheeks reddening a bit. "You're… looking great."

Hawk recalled the reflection of himself on the mirror. "I'm not," he said shortly. "Don't lie."

"Oh, but—"

"Shall we dance?"

"Of course," she said nervously. "You really looked great, you know." Her eyes had been looking him up and down. Unconsciously assessing him.

He was instantly aroused. If he didn't know better, he would accuse her of removing his clothes…

"Sure," he replied huskily, offering his arm.

Jade went nearer slowly. Still staring at him. Her expression had turned serious.

God help him!

A desperate idea crossed his mind. Why not flirt with her? Give her a dose of her own medicine.

But no. Maybe, Jade was not even flirting. Her guilelessness was clear in her eyes as she looked at him.

Hawk stared back. Trying to read her mind. Why was she fascinated with him? It was hard to resist her when she kept on looking at him.

His eyes undressed her. Unconsciously, he was getting rid of her dress with his eyes. Her breasts seemed bigger but still firm and perfectly shaped. He admired her shadowy cleavage. It invited a man's hand. His hand.

He shouldn't have gulped so much of that whisky, he scolded himself. He was feeling lightheaded. He was drunk. Mentally, he shook his head.

Jade stopped and gasped aloud. "W-why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Hawk yanked her gently and pulled her towards the center of the living area, which served as dance floor when cleared most of the furniture. He was feeling reckless.

"Like you're… Like I'm naked…" This time, Jade refused to look at him anymore.

"You… must be imagining things," he rasped. He was slowly getting uncontrolled. "Let's just dance!"

She bit her under lip but didn't say a word.

When he held her right hand and his other arm went around her, his recklessness doubled. While dancing slowly, his fingers caressed the center of her soft palm. His hand on her waist roamed up and down her back gently. She squirmed imperceptibly.

Hawk could feel his body waging a war against his mind…

'Man, pull yourself together! Your mother is watching!'

He looked at his mother. She was busy entertaining a group of women. He maneuvered Jade away.

"Hawk, you're drunk!" Jade detected the smell of whisky under his breath. She tried to pull her hand.

"You've changed," he whispered while tightening his hold. He was busy noticing the changes to his Jade. When did she become 'his Jade'? he wondered.

"Yes. Y-you like it?"

"I like it." He pulled her back closer to him. All his muscles tightened when he felt her softness.

She put her other free hand to his chest. She tried to push but he was immovable. She should be thankful because he still allowed air to circulate between their bodies.

"You're beautiful, Jade." Hawk praised huskily.

"T-thank you." She gave slight push. "Hawk, I can't breathe properly."

Hawk loosened his hold a bit. This might be his only chance to be near her.

He didn't know how to express his feelings with words. Those were inappropriate. His heavy-lidded eyes spoke volumes to her wide molten eyes. Hers were confused and dilated with unknowing arousal.

'I want you, Jade…'

His eyes spoke of all the things he wanted to do with her. He wanted to bury his face on that cleavage. He knew her fragrance.

'Oh God, he's so obsessed!'

He should never leave for Middle East. All he had accomplished was miss her. He was more crazed with her now. He would go insane if he didn't have a taste of her.

They danced around the large room. Unknown to the guests, unknown to Jade, Hawk was making love with her. His fingers strumming her palm gently. Fanning the embers into a blaze. Creating a storm of desire.

It was crazy but he couldn't stop himself. He was playing with fire. Their faces were near to each other. The air they breathe were the same. They created a space that was their own.

Jade's eyes closed as though she couldn't fight the heaviness of her eyelids. Her nostrils flared. Her lips half-opened when her breathing became heavier than before. He could smell her sweet breath.

"Stop it…" she moaned softly. She was stopping him and yet her body had become pliant. Her hips were embedded against him.

Hawk snapped out of the craziness. Almost. He could feel his desire swirling hot within his body. Setting him on fire. Burning him up…

He knew he was hurting himself more than Jade because he was the only one who lusted after her. She felt nothing for him except an interest for a creature like him.

Then the music stopped. For several seconds, they remained unmoving.

With a sob, Jade pulled at her hand he was holding. She was holding her fingers like they were pulsing. Her eyes reproached him before she turned away.

Hawk felt a mixture of relief and regret. He lost her fascination for him. He was labeled as the public enemy number one. He should be hanged like they did to criminals in the Middle Ages! Oh, it would be for the better…

Hawk watched Jade walk away from him. Her two-inch heels clicking crisply. Her carriage was rigid. Her movements were stilted. She was smiling but her eyes were not.

Jade was churningly confused.

And he was the reason of her confusion. And anger.

Good! A tiny seed of cruelty reared its roots. He immediately killed it. Jade was innocent. She didn't know all his carnal thoughts about her.

Hawk felt a momentary pang of loss. But it was for the better. He needed help to forget her. He wanted to stop lusting after her.

The tall and slim man was her next dance. He watched her until she reached the man of her own age. They whispered to each other. And when the next song started, they went to each other's arms and swayed to the music. This was a signal to other pairs to dance.

That was the way to dance. Tender and gentle. Not the dance Jade had suffered from Hawk. It was erotic and sensual. No wonder, she looked pale and shaken. Poor girl!

Hawk felt a moment of repentance. 'Jonathan, I'm sorry. But I was obsessed with your daughter…' He closed his tormented eyes.

He turned away to the tender scene. He thumped down the jealousy deep inside him and headed towards the group where his mother was part of. His role was done. He had acted as her father, performing the first dance with her.

When Jade was sixteen, his desire for her was inappropriate, to say the least. She was still a child.

And incestuous? She was his stepsister.

What about lecherous? She had done nothing to catch his amorous attention. She was just an affectionate child.

Now that she was eighteen, was it okay to lust after her? She just refused his advances. And why not? She already had a boyfriend--and Hawk was just a big brother.

Mentally, he shook his head. He should act as the son of his mother. After a few hours, he should go away again. He turned away with a heavy heart. His straight shoulder almost crumbled with the weight of his disappointment and hurt. Rejection felt very painful.

"Oh, Hawk, come and meet my amigas." Alicia was smiling as she introduced her group of friends. Some had their daughters with them. "You knew some of them, I'm sure."

He tried to be graceful. He stretched his mouth to resemble a smile.