Early Morning Ruckus

You know, if you told me I were going to die this way I would never have believed you. In the last 24 years of my existence, I've never once fallen back in my chair. Honestly, I'm not even sure how I managed to do it, but whatever.

"Ah, you're awake." The man sitting next to me said, closing his abnormally thick book.

"Wait, wait, wait. Let me guess… You're God?" I asked sarcastically.

"If that's what you wish to call me, then yes. I'm God." He responded, setting the book down on the table next to him.

"Well, this is… wow. You know, I'm a huge fan of your work. Though I do have one complaint I'd like to raise, if you don't mind." I said, shaking his hand.

"What is it, Jake?" God replies, clearly uncomfortable with the handshake.

"Why… Why in the FUCK did you kill me that way? Really? A fucking chair? Of all the ways I was gonna get taken out, I at least expected to get hit by a bus or get a disease. But an accident like THAT? Come on man, you're better than this." I exclaimed, stomping my feet.

"Ah, yes… Well, I uh… Th- That wasn't part of the plan." He stutters, avoiding eye contact.

"NOT PART OF THE-" I yelled, stopping after realizing he was sweating. "Hey… You're not God are you."

"Wh- why would you say that?" He sputters, shrinking in his seat.

"Well, for starters, this doesn't look like heaven. This is a dirty hotel room. Secondly, you're far too unprofessional to be the big man upstairs." I remarked, glaring at him.

"Ah, yes… Okay, you caught me, I'm not God. However, I am someone of equal footing with God, so I implore you to rethink your att-" The man stopped, realizing I wasn't listening. This room is definitely not from my time period.

"Where are we? This isn't 2017." I asked, fiddling with a knob on an old dresser.

"We're well… This is Earth. Obviously. However, it's in what I find to be a rather confusing jumble. As you know, the Earth you come from is entirely modernized. However, here, it seems as though that the level of modern technology is next to zero, restricted to only government usage. It would seem as though everyone else lives in varying degrees of squaller." The man replies, adjusting his classes. "On top of all this, it would seem as though the very geographical makeup of the planet is completely different from the Earth you come from."

"How so?" I asked, taking a seat next to him.

"The continents seemed to have hardly split at all. We're effectively in Pangaea." He answers, with a sigh. "This is actually why we're here."

"Wait… we? Who's we?" I questioned further.

"My organization, The Saints. We work closely with the supernatural being you know as God to investigate variations in the different Earths. We simply report back to him regarding these matters." The man replied pridefully.

"I see… But wouldn't God be able to watch them all? I thought he was all-knowing." I asked, puzzled as to how something so powerful could not know such things.

"Well, to put it bluntly, he simply doesn't have time for it. He's moved on to his next Earth, yours. Once he creates a planet, he watches over it until he gets bored and simply hops to the next planet." The man answers, standing up and patting the dust off him. "Well, I must be going, I have to meet up with my colleagues and discuss your arrival."

Wait, what am I supposed to do then? I'm just an ordinary guy!" I exclaimed, standing up so quickly the chair falls over. "You can't just leave me here!"

The man chuckles, turning to face the window. "Believe me, Jake, you are far from ordinary. You may not know it, but there is evil in your world far beyond what any human could conjure. The reason we brought you here is that you yourself are a source of that evil. However, you show absolutely no signs of having a single evil bone in your body. So, after some heated arguments, we decided to bring you here and observe you on our own turf. This also allows us to hopefully keep you in line and perhaps even use you for some good."

"Wait, what the fuck are you talking about?" I asked, but before I could finish my sentence the man had vanished. What the hell is this guy?

He said he was on equal footing with God, so what could he be? The Devil? No, no… The Devil would never try to do good or whatever that man said. But regardless, there's no way he'd lie about something like that, assuming he works directly with god, either way-

Before I could finish my thought, there was a knock at the door.

"Hello? Are you awake? Jake? Jake, please come out someone's here and they won't leave." A woman asked through the door, continuing to knock. After hesitating for a moment, I opened the door.

"Uh yes… hello?" I asked through the crack. Standing before me was a child, maybe 15 or 16 years old. She was dressed in a dirty white dress, worn slippers, and a blue ribbon. Despite this, she still had this warm aura to her, as though I had known her for a long time.

"Uh, hi… What is it you need?" I asked awkwardly, trying not to seem nervous. Social interaction was never my thing.

"There's a man downstairs causing a ruckus and he won't leave. It's one of the guys from the local gang, and he's demanding to see you specifically. Whatever you did, he's not too happy about it." She responded, giving me grumpy eyes.

"I see… I'll be down there in a second," I said, having absolutely zero intention of going down there. Fighting was never my thing either.

Thank God, she left. I've been in this world for 20 minutes and everyone's already pissed with me.

"Actually sir, you've been in this world for 24 years." The man from before responds from behind me, causing me to jump and slam against the door.

"Wha- I- how are you back already?!" I sputtered, trying to slow my heart rate back down.

"Well, you see, the Jake in this world died too. He may have gone to heaven, but you on the other hand were not so lucky. That being said, you took his place. Nobody here is actually aware that he ever died, we swapped you on the day of the incident." The man said with a matter-of-fact tone.

"That's… You know what, fuck it, I'll believe it. That being said, you said the DAY of the incident. This doesn't happen to be the incident, does it?" I exclaimed. Just as I got my heart rate down, he just had to open his mouth.

"Well, yes, this would be that incident. However, fortunately for you, we've taken the liberty of unlocking the first level of your innate power. Think of it as payment for the inconvenience." He said, smiling.

"Innate power? I thought you said I was a source of evil in my old world. Wouldn't you want to suppress the power?" I asked, finally regaining my composure.

"Well yes, we would, but it's easier for everybody if we let you use it sparingly. Keeping tabs on your daily activities would be a bother, so we've opted to just give you the power you need to defend yourself and eliminate you if it becomes a problem. Which as I previously stated is highly unlikely, given your lack of malicious intent."

"I'm sorry, eliminate?? How serious could it possibly be? Are you going to kill me again???" I exclaimed once again, as my heart rate skyrocketed. This dude's really good at raising my blood pressure.

"Yes, we are. Now go on, the other you seemed to have done something to attract the attention of a very disgruntled man. Rest assured, no matter what you do, it won't be reflected on your track record for when you go into Heaven. It's one of the many perks of being an agent of God, after all. If you need anything from us, just say my name, Gabriel, three times." Gabriel says, patting me on the shoulder. In the blink of an eye, he had disappeared.

After a few minutes, I finally psyched myself up to go down there. Honestly, you'd think that after dumping me into another world they'd have the courtesy to make my first 24 hours relatively stress-free.

As I left the room and descended down the stairs, it occurred to me that the area I was in was obviously the squaller Gabriel was referring to. Old dusty portraits hung on the wall, with an oil lamp evenly spaced between each of them. The walls themselves were rough-cut wood with patches of dirt and grime. Scrubbing those out must be difficult. The further I went down the stairs, the louder the commotion got. It was clear that someone was shouting angrily while others clamored about, either egging him on or trying to calm him down.

As I reached the landing of the stairs, the room fell silent. Everyone stopped suddenly to look at me, and the angry man placed the chair he was waving down and said something to one of his friends. Everyone parted, giving the man a clear path to me. Honestly, how annoying can you be?

"I was told you wanted to speak with me?" I asked, scratching my head.

"Yeah, I wanted to speak with you alright. I heard you were with my daughter last night, is that true?" He yelled, sending spit flying into my face.

"Was that your daughter? I'm sorry, my memory is a little fuzzy. Let me see… Big, white with black spots all over, hairy, with a tag on the ear? Is that her?" I replied sarcastically, moving closer to him. See one issue I have is pissing people off. After 24 years I can confidently say it's one of my more detrimental habits, and it got the shit kicked out of me at least a dozen times.

"Why you-" He yelled, taking a swing at me. Fair enough. Before I even realized what was happening, I had already dodged the swing.

"What the…?" I muttered, l jumping past him off the landing. "That sir was not very polite."

"I'll show you politeness you piece of shit!" He screamed, barreling towards me. Almost as if instinctively, I jumped on his back and found myself sitting on his shoulders. This must be that power or whatever Gabriel referred to. Not gonna lie? Kinda cool. Fair play Gabe.

"You know, sir, it's very rude to barge into someone's bar and cause such a big uproar. Did nobody ever teach you any manners?" I asked, feeling an unsettling urge bubble up from the back of my mind.

"Jab his eyes, choke him." Voices whispered in my head.

Before I realized it, the man was practically foaming out the mouth with rage. He reached above his head and grabbed my arms, throwing me off of him and through the table. When I say it hurt like a mother, I mean it. That did not feel pleasant.

"Oh geez, my hip, my hi-" I sputtered, getting up like an old man. My attitude never ceases to amaze me.

With a quick flash, the man swung his arm at me and swiped me across the face with what seemed to be a blade. Unfortunately, I didn't get a good look at it, but the blood running down my face leads me to believe that was a correct assumption.

"Mother FUCKER!" I yelled, pressing my hand against my face as the blood came flowing out of the wound. "Fine, you want to fight dirty? Let's fight dirty." Before I knew it, my vision turned red. All I could think of were those urges.

"Break his arm, take his fingers." They repeated, over and over.

The man swung his knife at me again, but this time I ducked below the swing and moved behind him. Grabbing his left leg with both arms, I pulled his feet out from under him, slamming him into the ground. Before realizing it, I was on top of him with his arm under my knee.

"You know what I hate, more than anything?" I asked coldly, pulling his arm against my knee. "I hate when people cause inconveniences to those around them." With one quick pull, his elbow was dislocated. "For the record, I don't have any recollection of who you or your daughter are. However, that doesn't excuse anything I've done, and I apologize for that." With that, his other elbow was dislocated. "Now maybe you should leave before I change my mind. After all, it would be a shame if that daughter you mentioned had to suffer the same as her piss poor excuse of a father." I whispered into his ear, getting up and dragging him on his feet, ignoring his screams in pain. "Now go."

He gave me one angry look through the tears in his eyes and stormed out. As I looked around, everything began to get fuzzy. The red faded from my vision, and all I was left with was an overwhelming sense of guilt. What did I just do…?

I walked over to the bar to apologize for the commotion, but the woman behind it was clutching her daughter, the girl from before, clearly shaken up.

"A- a... a DEVIL! Get out of here you m- monster!" She screamed frantically, throwing bottles and glasses at me. In a panic, I ran back upstairs to return to the room I was in originally. Devil?? What did she mean Devil?? I'm just an… ordinary guy…

As I walked past the mirror, I caught a glimpse of myself and came to a halt. Slowly I turned to face myself, dumbfounded by what I was seeing. My hair was black, and hidden in my hair were two red horns, protruding from my forehead on either side. Before I could get a word out, I fainted.