Afraid of telling her that I love her while being just friends

While grewing up together we both were living quite happily. She was my cousin and a friend too.

I spent my summer holidays in their house and his little brother who was my best childhood buddy and still is, was 3 years younger than me while I was 2 years younger than her. It was all going well. I don't know how but I started catching feelings for her. Even after knowing that she's already committed to someone who was also one of my great friend and he's still my friend but now he's married with a kid while living abroad. Moving on, I was so into her that I forgot that she's my best friend's sister too. I kept it a secret until I revealed my unconditional love and loyalty towards her. We both were living in different cities (Probably 2000 Kilometres) away from each other. But every summer in June and July were my school holidays, so those two months were like heavenly amazing for me because I will be seeing them and spending my time with my most favourite people. So it was back in 2007 I was only 15 when my family and I went to my village to spend summer holidays in there. We had a wonderful time, specially me. I was so happy person on this planet when I met her again.

Those two months of every year brings happiness into my life and for me that was literally everything I wished for. She was so beautiful, her lips, her smile, her cheeks and everything which connects me with her was truly unpredictable and astonished me every time. I was not on my feets, I was literally flying when I was with her. His dad was the angriest man in my entire relatives, everyone was so afraid of him, but the vibe was kind of different for me with his dad. It's not like I wasn't afraid but it was like I didn't came so much in front of him whereas I was living with them, but we just come face to face while doing breakfast, lunch or dinner or when we wanted to watch TV. Otherwise I wasn't that brave enough. So, when I was 15 and came to spend holidays that time I somehow tried to express my love but couldn't and we went back. Our journey was via some other city where we go to our dad's relatives too, (oh by the way she was from my mom's side).

Moreover, communicating with her was a big thing back in days, as his dad was so strict and wouldn't allow their kids to have a cell phone back in the time. So, she had a phone which was a secret in between her sisters only, the phone actually was not for me but for the one guy she was committed with. Her brother also didn't knew that she was having a phone just for texts. Only I and the other guy knew this secret as well. As, I mentioned above that I was just a cousin and a friend for her. So, before leaving their house I asked her that are you committed with that guy or not and she said no while the truth was something I already mentioned which I discovered later.

Moving along with this, somewhere in between my heart I was happy that she is not committed. So, the journey was about to end in few days and I wanted to express my love and my feelings for her.

I then got some motivation through one of closest friend. He motivated me to say it all. What will be going to happen if she'll say no? You'll feel bad for few months and everything will be normal again. I was motivated that much enough that I texted her and said;

Hey, Listen. I need to talk to you for a while do you have spare time for it?

Yes, I'm free. What's the matter? Are you alright?

No, I'm not alright. I'm not brave enough to tell you something I would have wanted to say for so long.

What is it? Speak up fast or I'll come out of your phone and I'm going to slap you so hard that you gonna remember it for your whole life.

I'm nervous, whereas her msg was quite funny. I was smiling but I texted back again 'wait, I'm going to type it all and I will send you, but promise me first something'

What do you want me to promise??? She was so impatient to know that what on earth actually happened with me that I'm saying things like that.

Just promise me that you will never stop talking with me even if you get angry from what I'm going to tell you. And it's just me and my thing, promise me that we'll be the same.

Okay, I promise but if you did something wrong with yourself, I'm not going to talk to you ever again. Did you just failed your exams? Or what else is it? Now don't create more suspense and tell me what the he** is happening with you??

While being in different cities I got some enough bal** to say it now.

I then started typing the whole thing about her beauty, her charms, her smileand everything I loved about her and her lips and all in one msg an in the end I don't know why but I typed 'Just as a friend' and clicked on the send button. Dammmmmnnn I realized later that I made a big mistake when she read my msg

Her respond was not bad at all as I was expecting it to be. But she was kind of disappointed with the last words in the msg(maybe). Because she was being sarcastic since then until I said that I wrote it just because I didn't wanted to lose you anyhow. And it took so many days to let her know that I just wrote that unintentionally.

Finally!!!!!!! The thing of expressing my love towards her came to an end with some beautiful memories but she didn't expressed her feelings because she thought I'm just loving her as a friend.

My Gosssshhh, if you aren't brave enough express your feelings to someone you love then my friend your story will be same like mine's.