Broken bones

( Warning; self harm and suicidal thoughts )

Mel pulled the mirror back into the apartment slowly. He had left it at in the alley between the two buildings when he brought the human to his room. Something felt wrong , showing the human the mirror with his name . So he'd left it under a pile of garbage and was only taking it back now because the human was gone .

When he reached his room , he paused and looked at the way the human had ran . He'd ran away from Mel ... because he was a monster . He had known, though , humans always run away from him . Why would this be different ?

Maybe because for a little while it had been.

Mel grunted and snarled his teeth , bad thoughts and useless thoughts . He was dead , he was not supposed to think . Unfortunately, ever since Death came and touched him with her green fire , he was ... different .

He'd been less hungry and only ate intestines but no brains or hearts . It made him feel emotional too and he usually felt confused , pleased or aggrieved . Was he still a zombie ? Since he could feel and think did that mean he was a stronger one or was he ... human ?

" Nnmm ! " He grunted as he lifted the mirror and put it back on the bedroom wall .

He took a step back and looked at himself for the first time . He had not watched his reflection, even when he was hunting and was only now seeing the ' new ' him . Slowly his eyes travelled from head to toe .

Mel frowned , it was not right . His ' self ' looked wrong . The skin was too alive, he was too alive . His mouth opened up and he bit his wrist to see if he tasted good . Teeth tore through flesh and muscle and he ripped off a small chunk off his arm.

It was actually not that rare for zombies to eat a piece of themselves. Anything they saw as too alive on their body would look delicious and immediately be chopped off. The only reason Mel hadn't eaten himself was because the human had been there .

Why did he care though ? Why so much change for a human ?

Now Mel chewed his own flesh , tearing it apart with his canines and molars . A small trickle of blood flowed from his wrist and wetted the floor but Mel didn't notice . After a few moments he swallowed and then fell to his knees .

" Aghhh ! " He groaned as he covered his face and gritted his teeth . If he had been human someone would have thought he was in pain . But instead it was just his mind thinking , and for Mel it was starting to hurt . All those thoughts and feelings.

Slowly his nails dug into his face and he started frantically clawing at it , making cuts and letting blood flow . His attempt at disfigurement was wild and ferocious as if he was punishing himself.

It was wrong , he thought , he was wrong . Always so wrong . Always wrong . So wrong.

After a few more moments of clawing and scratching ,his face looked like it had been clawed by a dog sized cat . He crawled over to the mirror and looked at his reflection again , turning his head left to right and back again .

Finally he placed a finger , a bloddy finger ,on the glass and drew a happy smile . His own face tried to imitate the expression but it came out wrong . It was always wrong .

He got back up to his feet and walked to the bed , looking down at where the human had slept for so many days . He could still smell his sent , like a plant but he didn't what kind of plant . The human could smile, he could, he'd seen him smile after eating the food he had brought for him from Death.

But it was only that one time. The human never smiled again and Mel wished he could have known how to make that face smile. That's why he tried not to make the human uncomfortable. He ate away from the human because the human hated seeing him eat . But , the human still did not smile again. His face was ... afraid and angry. All of the faces were angry or ... sad .

Slowly his hand reached out and grabbed the sheets and he took them to his face and sniffed them. The humans scent filled his nostrils and it was as if he had not left .

But he had left , he thought . Mel let the sheets go and turned back to the mirror . This time he looked at his name , the one he'd written a long time ago with his own blood .

" M...el...me...wro...ng" he said and a strange sound came from his throat, it was like a dry cough and a chuckle. It was so harsh and painful like the kiss of a saw on the ears .

Mel looked at his bloody hands again with the strange expression of a smile that he had . Slowly sounds started to filter through his mind , incoherent and without reason , they sounded around him .

" You...go..."

"Sorry...by...the...bye."

"You'll...big...love ...no!"

"So...die...go...home."

"Wrong... always... he'll...kill... trust...help ! "

The voices carried on talking and echoing in his skull until Mel was shaking his head as if trying to shake off flees . It was nonsense, making no sense at all but it felt important. It was important but it was driving him insane .

He couldn't take it anymore !

He ran head first into the mirror , shattering the glass as his neck broke with a loud snap ! His body fell down and he lay motionless like a dead body . That is the exact same way he was when Death came to his room.

...

There's a feeling of inertia that comes when one is thrown something that they can't believe .

Although it's termed as denial , it is in fact far from it . It is a shift , a mental relocation of a person in their minds to cope with a fact or message that they can not hear again lest they break themselves.

Lesley felt that way . That as soon as he heard the words of his demise that he just moved away . He was no longer on that street but far away from it , from the citadel and zombies, all of it .

This was his mind helping him cope with something he didn't want to hear or believe . Unfortunately inertia does not leave one free from the obligation of living . It is a small respite from reality but not a relocation of the soul , which still stays in place and calls the person back to action .

" You're joking right ? " Lesley said as his shock slowly wore off , " Tell me that Liam is there and that this is all a hilarious prank . "

" Ummm , I'm sorry but Lesley Woodsman is de- "

" How am I f*cking dead if I'm right here ! " Lesley shouted into the cone and the girl , far away , winced at his loud voice .

" Lesley Woodsman was reported dead after failing to return from his excursion with his squad team . The sentence of deceased was proclaimed by his captain two days afterwards. It is only protocol to allow a 48 hour waiting period for a lost squad fighter to return but after that the citadel legislation says that - "

" Get me captain Ricky ." Lesley said cutting her off .

" I am sorry but I can - "

" Get me f*cking captain Ricky, now . " Lesley said softly and the girl could feel the warning in his voice.

Fine , she thought with a frown as she typed on get computer, maybe that captain could get this person off the line . She contacted his mobile communicater and syncced it with the communication hub where the so called Lesley Woodsman was .

" Hello captain Ricky here . " Rick said softly and Lesley almost shouted for joy . Finally someone who knew him .

" Ricky , it's me . Lesley. I'm alive and outside the wall . I think in the South area . Please come and - "

" Lesley?! " Rick shouted after a moment and Lesley felt a chuckle escape his mouth .

" Thought I was gone huh ? " He chided him , " Well sorry to burst your bubble but I'm still here . "

" It's really you . " Rick's voice was laced with shock so palpable you could taste it .

" Yeah , yeah , it's me . Could you come and get me ? The crazy girl I was talking to said I was dead . Can you believe it ? " He asked him jokingly.

The line was quiet for a few moments and Lesley thought , for one scary moment, that the call had been cut , but then Ricky spoke up .

" I'll be right there . " Rick said, " Don't go anywhere unless you have to hide from a zombie. "

"It's okay . I'll be right here waiting... for... you." Lesley looked at the cone with a frown .

Rick had hung up on him .