29 Was there nothing?
Staying on the set for an extended period was tedious, and the waiting time seemed to stretch endlessly. They lacked other forms of entertainment, so the guitar James had brought along became their sole option. However, over the past few months, nearly everyone had showcased their musical skills at some point. Renly, on the other hand, had always just observed from the sidelines, never personally taking part. Rami had thought Renly didn't know how to play the guitar at all.
Renly casually shrugged. "Just passing the time occasionally."
Cradling the guitar in his arms, Renly adjusted his seating position slightly, seeking a more comfortable posture. Then, his right hand lightly brushed over the strings, one string after another, without any specific melody. He simply enjoyed the sounds produced by the different notes.
During his childhood piano lessons, recognizing different scales and pitches by ear had been the fundamental lesson. Those lessons were not only dull but also required talent. For children, they were a form of restraint and, one could even say, torture. The glamorous façade of aristocratic life or prodigious children hid the tremendous effort and labor that went into it, something beyond ordinary imagination. Fortunately, for Renly who had lived two lives, he was enthusiastic about learning new things and transformed the inflexible and somber aspects of his childhood into enjoyment.
Music was indeed a wondrous thing. Unlike acting, it relied solely on limited notes, combining and arranging them in various ways to convey different emotions, meanings, and stories. Moreover, the same melody could take on different meanings depending on the occasion and the ears of the listeners.
The rough guitar strings beneath his fingertips stimulated a layer of calluses on his fingertips. The clear and melodious notes danced under the moonlight, exploring the various facets of the world within the darkness of the night. Renly attempted to find a connection between himself and Eugene, trying to recollect the afternoon's introspection and impact from their scene, attempting to discover answers about war, faith, and life.
At first, the notes were fragmented, without structure. But gradually, they came together to form a sequence—melodic, serene, gentle, and harmonious. Yet within the melody, there was a faint undertone of loneliness and solitude, as if he could see boundless ice fields—vast and colorless. Not a trace of other colors could be discerned, even black and green were engulfed by the endless white. Ground and sky seemed indistinguishable, with no direction pointing to the horizon. The entire world merged into one, leaving only boundless white.
In the midst of this expanse, he felt so insignificant, like a speck of dust in the grand world. Standing alone, he was swallowed by the surging loneliness, the coldness seeping into his bones, calming all the clamor. Even breathing seemed to lose its meaning. Unable to resist, he closed his eyes, embracing that profound tranquility, as though sinking into the ocean, surrendering to the depths after giving up the struggle. In that moment of ultimate tranquility and darkness, he found himself inebriated by the beauty.
Rami parted his lips, wanting to say something, yet fearing to disrupt this idyllic serenity. His gaze fell upon Renly's long, slender fingers, with distinct knuckles. It was difficult to imagine that just a minute ago, he had held that guitar in his hands, playing disjointed fragments of pop music. Now, it radiated vitality, and a mere collision of fingertips against strings had outlined such an exquisite melody.
"What song is this?" A voice broke the silence. Everyone sitting around turned their heads toward the source of the voice, casting disapproving glances, as if condemning their lack of taste. Carl found himself besieged by so many eyes, holding a beer bottle in confusion, he could only shrug. "I haven't heard this song before. I was just curious, if there were lyrics, what they would be like."
Despite being the director, Carl had made guest appearances in several TV dramas, so his relationship with the actors was rather intimate. Upon hearing Carl's question, everyone's gaze once again shifted towards Renly. This was the question that piqued everyone's curiosity—the melody they had never heard before effortlessly captured everyone's attention.
Renly's lips curled into a gentle arc, his faint smile radiating a trace of warmth amidst the haze and weight of the night. A soft halo of cream-colored light adorned his brow, outlining his clear-eyed and serene features with tranquility and beauty.
Dipping his head slightly, Renly gazed at the quivering guitar strings beneath his fingertips, letting the melody flow through his thoughts. He seemed to hear the howling winds over the quiet ice fields. Then, he softly began to sing, "Was there nothing but the hush of night?"
As soon as he began, Rami's arm was covered in goosebumps. The tender and ethereal voice plucked at his heartstrings, causing a shiver to run down his spine.
[
Had a boat, don't remember where
Did you flee from what was said and seen?
Truth's not true under the light of lies
Raise your sword and shield
]
These airy and graceful words collided between the notes, emitting a dazzling brilliance. They touched deep within Rami's heart with authenticity and warmth. Gradually, a cool air enveloped him, isolating him from everything else. It was as if others ceased to exist, as if there was no longer any meaning. The whole world condensed into him alone, with only the captivating melody humming in his ears.
[
Was there more than just the prose of night?
Had a grave, don't remember where
Beaten down, now I lift up my prayer
Broken promises have set the snare
Both sincere and not
]
Lies and truth, trust and betrayal, promises and farewells, birth and death... Sincerity had nothing to do with it; they were two sides of the same coin, perpetually intertwined. The boundary between illusion and reality was indistinguishable. It was like sailing on the vast sea at night, progressing quietly, searching for a lighthouse to guide the way, yet stumbling into icebergs. Covered in wounds, they lost their bearings, battered and bruised, eventually forgetting their own whereabouts.
[
Was there nothing but the blessed night?
Had some gold, don't remember where
When does faith lift up its head so high?
Oh my Lord, won't you please tell me why?
Faith bestows power
]
Closing his eyes, tears streamed down his icy cheeks. Tracing God's footsteps, adhering to the guidance of faith, moving forward resolutely despite the thorns. Yet, gazing upon a world marred by wounds, littered with corpses, frozen in the cold, he suddenly felt adrift. Memories of the past, former friends, past fervor, unwavering determination, and once... faith—all scattered to the ends of the earth.
Rami couldn't help but burst into tears. He finally understood the inner cry of Renly, the voiceless call coming not only from Eugene but also from the depths of his own soul. In this war devoid of victory or defeat, without direction or justice, everything they had unwaveringly believed in came crashing down. Gazing at his blood-stained hands, dragging his heavy and clumsy steps, he was lost. He didn't know where he should head, nor where he could find respite.
[Was there nothing but the hush of night?]
Listen, that's a murmur from the depths of the soul. Is the night a realm of nothingness except for silence? Is war a realm of nothingness except for death? Is faith a realm of nothingness except for self-deception? Is persistence a realm of nothingness except for solitary struggle? Is the world a realm of nothingness except for oneself?
The boundless, endless solitude seeped into every note, ensnaring Rami irreversibly. Opening his eyes, the stars filled the sky as if dancing gracefully. Accompanied by the cool, gentle melody, they cascaded like a waterfall, igniting the night's energy. Amidst the clamor, however, loneliness clung to his ankles, plummeting, plummeting endlessly, falling into an abyss without end.
[
Had a treasure, but I don't know where
Did you flee from what was said and seen?
Yes, the good was not without the bad
Raise your sword and shield
]
It seemed as though a part of his soul had been left behind—forever abandoned on the battlefield, forever left on the land stained by blood, forever stranded in a world infiltrated by death.
Turning his head, Rami finally grasped the significance of Renly's performance this afternoon. It was a farewell, a gentle farewell. Eugene had forever left a fragment of his soul here, accompanying the eternal slumber of that woman. He could never become whole again, even if he survived the battlefield, even if he escaped illness. Eugene would never be the same Eugene again.
[
Yes, the good was not without the bad
Raise up your sword and shield
]
"Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "The world is a fine place and worth fighting for." I agree with the second part." This line came from the classic movie "Seven", and it suddenly echoed in Renly's mind. Perhaps, this was Eugene's motivation to keep living, and at the same time, it was his motivation to break free from the nightmares.
Eugene might be like Tim, never fully understanding what war truly was, or even what faith truly meant. Yet, they continued to fight. Even when they couldn't see the finish line.
Renly's fingers came to a halt, letting the resonance gently vibrate in the air. He savored this moment of tranquility, as if he could clearly hear the whispers of the wind and the laughter of the stream. Even the playful nature of the stars was evident. Such moments were pure and beautiful.
Wiping away the disheveled tears on his cheeks, Rami didn't feel the least bit embarrassed. He wasn't alone. The faces around him were much more awkward, especially Carl, who turned away while standing nearby. This was the second time within a day.
"Renly, what's the name of the song you just played?" Rami unconsciously lowered his voice, as if a feather was falling.
"Was There Nothing?" Renly pondered for a moment, then stated the name.
However, due to the question mark at the end of the title, Rami couldn't help but pause, confirming once more, "Was There Nothing?"
Renly nodded, giving an affirmative response. "Was There Nothing?"
