An epiphany at the end of a life

Nikolai tried to recall his actions during the past few days. He had followed his routine of reading some newsletters, conducting his experiments, and commuting to the cathedral and library to feed the pigeons…

[Commuting to the cathedral and library?]

At this point, he recalled a previous incident in the fall of 1937 when he was unable to dodge a moving taxi cab. His back was severely sprained and three of his ribs were broken in the ensuing accident. He refused to consult a doctor following his lifelong custom, and never fully recovered.

[Could the assailants have started following me six years ago?]

Nikolai still couldn't understand how his assailants had gotten hold of the information about the death ray.

Captor two – who was the shortest among the three seemed to know what Nikolai was thinking about. With his arms folded across his chest, he coldly looked at Nikolai before voicing out his deductions.

"Nikolai! We know that you have been residing in this hotel for the past 10 years."

"We have kept track of the equipment that you have purchased over the years. We have also collected the crumpled paper with a number of your sketches from your rubbish on a daily routine." Captor three paused as if waiting for the information to sink into Nikolai's mind.

"From your discarded sketches, it is very easy to deduce that you have been working on some sort of portable beam weaponry." Captor three added while taking a few steps towards Nikolai.

"The only weaponry you have ever researched is the death ray. And voila! We know that you must have already finished its design."

Captor three bent down until his head was hovering just over Nikolai's. He then continued speaking in a flat monotone.

"So, Mr. Teslai, we are not here to establish whether you have been researching the death ray. We are just here to obtain it." He added while gently flicking Nikolai's forehead.

So that is how the death ray technology was leaked. Nikolai was stunned.

Completely ignoring his captor's proximity, he continued thinking about how careless he was.

In his opinion, the sketches that were dropped into the dustbins were utter rubbish. But he could now understand that they served as the best way to keep tabs on the progress of his research.

Nearly all his colleagues had abandoned him, and the pigeons he fed every evening acted as his only confidants.

His efforts during the past twenty-two years were regarded as speculative, philosophical, and somewhat of a promotional character.

His work had often been criticized as theoretical and mostly concerned with the impractical concept of wireless transmission of power; whilst not including any new, sound, workable principles or methods for realizing such results.

So, why were these German agents interested in his blueprints? Why were they sure that he had a blueprint for the death ray? These were the two questions that had always been on his mind for the previous two days.

Although Nikolai was plunged into despair over his impending demise, he was also inwardly happy. [At the very least, my work has been acknowledged.] He thought.

[Even an enemy's acknowledgment can lead to a feeling of accomplishment. I never realized that I am a vain man… No, a vain old man. But even if I were to live another 10 years, would I be able to acquire even an inkling of the knowledge that has eluded me since my birth?]

[Would I get closer to discovering the origin of life? Understand the process behind the formation of the stars? In this life, I no longer have enough time.] Nikolai pondered with a look of tiredness on his wrinkled face.

[I have nothing more to live for. Maybe it is a good time for me to go.]

For the past four years, Nikolai had known that he was going to die. He just didn't know when.

He could not pretend to be fearless in face of his assailants, but his predominant feeling was one of regret. He had not loved and been loved. He had given much by way of his inventions, but he was not appreciated. He had read, traveled, thought, and written, but did not get enough time to truly understand the world.

His tormentors could perceive that something had changed within him. They could no longer see the hope and spirit that had previously suffused the old man's expressions.

They had seen that look in a number of their previous captives. Only one condition could explain this change. The old man was broken. He had given up all hope to live. Thus, any kind of additional torture or coercion would be utterly useless. They had failed in their mission.

"Lukas! Take care of the old man. Make it quick and simple. We need to leave as soon as possible." He heard captor three speaking in a commanding and flat tone.

[So, it has come to this.] Nikolai thought.

However, he no longer cared. He could no longer feel pain. He could no longer feel anxiety, fear, or any other kind of emotion. He seemed to have attained a peaceful state where his mind was in peak condition.

Nikolai could not explain this state of mind.

His thoughts began to wander. He recalled his life; how he was born in the Austrian Empire, his early school life in the village of Smiljan, a career in Budapest - Hungary, his move to the United States, his successes, inventions, and hardships up to this date.

He had often heard from his religious father that there was a life-after-death, but as a scientist, he had maintained a healthy skepticism.

[It would be nice if there is another life after this. I would be the greatest inventor and a peerless engineer in the world] He thought.

[But I can now feel how insignificant a human being is. Even our whole race is just a small pebble in the river of time. We exist without causing any major ripple in the Universe.] He mused experiencing an epiphany.

[We are born with almost no purpose, except to live, eat, and breed.]

[If there is a higher being who created us, why did he give us a creative brain when he knew that our lifespan was too short to maximize its benefits?]

[Why! Why? Why!?]

Nikolai had suppressed his emotions and immersed himself in his experiments. The price he had paid was a life of loneliness.

Unfortunately, in the end, he still hadn't managed to make headway in even the most dominant questions of his field. Was the choice he made wrong? Or was his path a mistake?

Who am I? Where do I come from? Where am I going? ...Were the questions on his mind.

[I think my journey should end here. I have nothing left.]

Although Nikolai had some regrets, his emotions were in harmony with the world. A blue-gowned graceful figure of a person seemed to flash within his mind, and it became clearer and clearer as he felt himself begin to fade away.

It could have been his imagination, but slowly he felt a pair of warm arms hugging him tightly and heard a whisper "Son, if you ever feel hopeless and depressed, please remember to hold tightly onto the pyramid jewelry pendant. You will surely find a way forward… and that is if you wish for something".

"I have always been a superstitious person," Nikolai muttered to himself while holding on tightly to the only gift from his mother that he still possessed. In his mind, a hint of remorse soundlessly began to diffuse. Like smoke, it directly engulfed his entire soul.

At that very moment, he could no longer control his mind, nor did he want to control it.

Nikolai remained as in a trance, unmoving, the gaze of his eyes seemed to be looking at somewhere else beyond him.

["I only have a single wish..."], He thought to himself, ["...I wish to have another life where I can fulfill my dream. Become… a peerless engineer."]

And that was his last most concise thought before the rest of his soul started to scatter.

Contrary to his expectations, the last moments of his life were the most tranquil. As the light bled out of his eyes, the eye embedded like a jewel in the golden pyramid necklace around his neck seemed to be shimmering with a faint violet-bluish light.

Maybe it was the light being reflected off the glass windows, or maybe it was something else… but no one noticed since it was tightly clutched in Nikolai's hand.

And in Room 3327 of the New Yorker Hotel, a great inventor and engineer passed away, with only a few pennies to his name.

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