A puntastic absurd chapter

In the godly realm

The Gods Memes, Dong, and Stonks were once again in the godly bar, drinking godly booze in a godly manner (A/N Notes: With these godly puns)

"So? What're we goin' to do now?"

"Hmmm... How 'bout we give the boy another woman?"

"... That's very stonks of you, Stonks" (A/N Notes: Stocks)

"But we already pulled a few strings to have him meet the dere maid, that reincarnated princess and the dragon, and we're pretty much out of pulls for this week"

"That's true, Memes. We should've saved some pull crystals for this situation"

" "Aye..." "

" " "..." " "

The three gods brainstormed their drunk brains, as they drank more booze, and without any idea of what to do they turned to their only sober comrade (A/N Notes: *Soviet Union's anthem blasting off*)

"So what should we do, Laz-san?"

"Zzzzzzzzz..."

The three sought the wisdom of Laz-san, the god of laziness, sleep, procrastination, and useless wisdom (A/N notes: Wait... Why do I feel like I know this guy from somewhere?)

"Yeah, we need to do something about him, that wakes him up that is"

"Actually before that, which woman are we going to send to the boy?"

"didn't we agree on giving him one of the goddesses?"

"Did we? When did we agree to that?"

"If my drunk memory doesn't fail me, I think we agreed during last Friday night"

"Oh yeah... We did say that"

Last Friday night (aka literally the previous chapter)

"And that we to give him one of our goddesses just for the giggles and shit"

" "AYE!!!" "

And the three drunk gods toasted their glasses full of godly booze

"... By the way, what day is today?"

"Hmm... I think it's Friday..."

"And it's night right now"

" " "..." " "

"It's finally a Friday..."

"Yes... Finally here..."

"Friday night..."

" " "..." " "

...

(Youtube: Yakuza 0: Last Friday night)

Back to the present time

"Yeah, we definitely agreed on that"

"... By the way, what day is today?"

"I think it's Friday"

" " "..." " "

They all looked at each other, and then looked at the window, it was nighttime already

" " "..." " "

...

(Youtube: Yakuza 0: Last Friday night)

The four gods were still posing even after the music ended

"*Yawn* So what did you guys need"

"Hey, you. You're finally awake"

"We have things to do"

"Can you pull some strings for us?"

"Hm? Sure... What do you need me to pull for you?"

"We need you to make the kiddo meet one of our goddesses"

"Which one?"

" " "..." " "

Dong turned to the other two

"So which goddess do we send?"

"How 'bout the magic one?"

"Nah, she'll probably get back on us"

"The law one?"

"She'll probably trial us and send us to the pit"

"... The time and space one?"

"Aren't they always brawling each other"

"Actually... Let's set some filters, first, she needs to be a virgin, so that she can be weak to the kiddo's advances. Second, she needs to be hot... Or cute, it also works. third, she needs to look young enough. And last but not least, she needs to be either very gullible or straightforward so we can convince her while we don't get caught right at the get-go"

"Yeah, that helps, but who fits those requirements?"

The three once again brainstormed their drunk brains, when someone entered the bar

"Hey, bar god! See me a cold one!"

A blonde girl who looked to be around her 16 to 18, as she wore a military-style dress, she was Amaouka, the goddess of war and battle

"Bingo!"

They found the right person to send to Douglas, so they all turned back to Laz-san

"We want you to send Amaouka to a boy named Douglas Maxwell"

"Huh? Wha... Oh... Send Amaouka to *yawn* boy named Douglas, is it?... Okay... ... ... Wait... I think I saw that name somewhere before"

Some time in the past

"Alright, I need you to do the following, pick one of those orbs throw in the cauldron, put a moderate amount of stats powder, put the gender leaf, mix it well, let it cook for five minutes, and then say float. Then you repeat everything again got it, Laz-san?"

"*Yawn* I guess so... Isecai"

"Good, now I need to see what the Prez need me for... Oh! And by the way, DO NOT GIVE ANY OF THE SOULS A BLESSING TO THE SOULS!"

"K..."

"AND BY ANY CHANCE DON'T EVER PUT THE CONTENT OF THOSE BOTTLES WITH BLACK STUFF IN ANY OF THE SOULS WHILE I'M OUT!"

"Sure..."

Isecai was the god of life and death, and the one responsible for the creation, and sometimes reincarnation, of souls. And right now he had to leave the duty of making souls to Laz-san who happened to be passing by, and Laz-san did exactly as he was asked to... Well... Kinda

*Picks one orb and throws into the cauldron* *a second... Third... Fourth... Fifth one falls in the cauldron too* "Oops... ... ..." *Picks up the stats powder box and pour the powder in the cauldron* Accidently pours all the content of the box in the cauldron* "... *Blink blink* Meh" *Accidentally drops two more stats powder boxes in the cauldron* "Oh..." *puts a male gender leaf* *Mixing it not so well* *Dozing off* *Falls asleep*

"And so I buffed my guys, and they were doing like 70 of damage..."

"Oh really?"

"!... Hey, Guys! Isn't that Laz-san?"

"I think it is. Why is he here?"

"Maybe, Isecai got called by PRez and he happened to be passing by here"

"Yeah... That explains it... Wanna give the soul he's making some of our finishing touches?"

"Sure! Why not? It'll definitely be worth it and interesting"

And the trio of gods entered the room and looked at the contents of the cauldron

"Hmm... Three boxes of stats powder, Ultra magic capacity skill, Extra strength skill, Ultra high magic density, medium magic control, and Ultra pure magic affinity... Everything is looking good... Should we mix it a little more?"

"No, we might wake up Laz-san"

"Then what do we do then? He's already what we would make him like"

"... Let's give this soul our highest blessings"

" "Genius!" "

And the three gave the soul in the makin' their blessings

[Dong's great blessing: Increases this soul pp size and sex drive by a great amount]

[Stonk's great blessing: Increases this soul stonks luck and value by a great amount]

[Memes' great bressing: Increases this soul entertainment by a great amount]

And they also created a few blessing orbs and left them at a table

" " "It looks like our job here is done" " " *Jojo posing*

And the three left the soul cooking room

"Zzzzz... *Wakes up* Huh!?... Huh?... Oh yeah... I'm cooking souls... What am I supposed to do now?... Remember... Remember" <"Give... A soul... Your blessing"> "Give a soul a blessing, was it?... But what kind of blessing?... Let's give the highest one for safety"

[Laz-san apostate blessing: Gives this soul apostle levels of power of the God who blessed it] (aka Sleep bonuses)

"I think this is all..." *Notices the bottles with black content "..." <"Put the... Contents... of the bottles... in a few souls"> "Got it..." *Picks one of the bottles and pours all the content of it in the cauldron*

The bottle had paper stuck to it, with the words saying: Magic thickener

"And now... I think it's... Float?"

Then the contents in the cauldron started to shine, and a soul orb was formed

[Name: Douglas Maxwell/Race: Human (apostle of Laz-san)/Gender: Male]

"... I think I did a good job... He said for me to make souls while he was out wasn't it?"

And Laz-san kept cooking more souls, with various accidents happening with varying final results. And after some time Isecai came back

"Hey! I'm back sorry for the trouble. You can go now"

"Zzzzzzz... Huh? Ah! Okay..."

Laz-san got up from the chair he was sleeping on and made his way to the exit

"Now let's see his job"

Isecai picked a random soul orb and looked at its contents

"Hm? *Rubs eyes* Eh?" *Picks another soul orb* "No..." *Picks yet another soul orb* "No, no, no, no... NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

And he stepped backward, at the number of overpowered souls with familiar names that Laz-san ended up making, then he noticed that most of his soul ingredients were gone, including some blessing orbs and a few bottles of magic thickener

"This isn't good... I need to fix these- Wah! GUOH!"

And he ended up slipping in a box Laz-san dropped making him fall face flat on the floor

{Command "Go" was acknowledged, start the souls delivery}

"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! NOOOOOO!!!"

And all the souls that were made were sent to their respective days of birth, that were randomized by default. While Isecai could only look at the now-empty soul cooking room with empty eyes

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that"

He made a pledge that he would never say what happened that day to anyone, and went to grab a drink at the godly bar to forcefully forget what he just saw

(A/N Notes: Douglas and co soul cooking in a nutshell: Powerpuff girls creation

That definitely explains about... I don't know % of their strength)