Awaiting For the Right Time

In this room, our conversation didn't last long. Go Hyunjae put a food parcel and some fresh fruits on the table before she left because of busyness.

After charging my phone, I immediately turned it on and got lots of notifications.

There were over a thousand incoming messages including corporate groups and twenty missed calls. Six missed calls from the new numbers. Three missed calls from Mr. Hye. Five missed calls from Daehyun, and more were missed calls from … Donghwa?!

I didn't think about anything else and called Donghwa immediately.

However, on the initial call, he didn't answer. I looked at the clock on my cell phone, seeing the time of his incoming call earlier which did have a long time difference of about three hours.

Worried, I sighed softly and called him once again. It took a few seconds to connect before he answered in a furious tone.

"Why the fuck didn't you answer my call, huh?! Do You think that I have plenty of time to keep calling you?!"

He didn't even greet me or asked how I was doing but yelling at me heartlessly.

How sorrowful this relationship is!

I bit my lower lip, trying to keep from crying. Then, I tried to explain calmly, "Donghwa, I'm sorry. I—"

But, unfortunately, before I said what I wanted to explain, Donghwa cut my words off.

"Look! How many calls I have on your phone?! You know, how hard it is to find the right time to call you?! But you just ignored my calls. Are you fucking kidding me right now?!"

"Donghwa, look, I didn't mean to ignore them. I just ..."

I didn't give up and tried to explain it one more time by holding back the anger that had swelled up in my chest. But, it seemed that he didn't want to hear any explanation from me at all. He kept saying things where were contrary to the reality that had just happened.

His words sickened me off, then I shouted out of a sudden, "Donghwa, you're a piece of shit! You know, I'm sick now and I'm going to die! Can you stop scolding me?! Please!"

After finishing my sentence, I hang up the ongoing call quickly. Hearing every harsh word of him would only make me felt more painful than this.

He called me back several times, but I ignored them on purpose as I still could feel his harsh words on my chest as if they were tearing my feelings. It was painful.

But, apparently, he didn't give up and texted me.

"Pick up your phone, please."

I just open the message and read it, then laying back down to calm myself down. Without realizing it, I fell asleep and woke up at night.

A nurse came in with food and some medicines. She smiled kindly. Before she left, she said, "Sir, the doctor will come to check on your condition later. So, please eat first, then take your medicine."

Still in a laying position, I gazed at the ceiling of this room blankly. But, suddenly the sound of "ting" sounded several times in silence. I immediately grab my cell phone which was next to my head. Those were some messages from Donghwa.

"Chunghee, I'm sorry for being angry with you this afternoon. I didn't mean to scold you, but since I had a lot of hard stuff today, scolding you really wasn't my intention. I'm sorry, okay?"

"I was wrong and I know that you're mad because of me. But, please, I beg you not to say something like that anymore, okay?"

"I want to talk to you now. Pick up your phone, please."

After reading the messages, he called me, but I didn't want to answer the call until the end. Then, several messages from him came in.

"Are you still mad at me? I'm really sorry. I was annoyed with one of my staff, and evidently carried away when we talked earlier. I beg you, I'm sorry ..."

"Chunghee, why didn't you tell me that you're sick? Since when have you been sick? Have you taken your medicine? I'm really worried about you right now. Didn't I tell you that, don't make me worry as long as I'm not with you? Please, take care of yourself when I'm not there. Don't make me worry anymore ..."

"I'll be home soon. Now, take a rest. I love you. Good night."

I smiled bitterly. There was a feeling of joy, but the pain in my chest was piercing through the bones, so I didn't feel the pleasure any longer and cried silently.

However, amidst my sadness, the sound of knocking on the door startled me. I immediately wiped my tears and pulled the blanket to cover my whole body in it.

"Chunghee, are you okay?" Daehyun walked in with worry in his voice.

I smiled weakly, and asked, "Who told you that I was here?"

Standing next to me, he held my hand and answered with a low voice, "Go Hyunjae."

I slowly got up from my position, and Daehyun helped me by holding my back.

"Chunghee, you better have to do what the doctor suggests you. Don't you want to get well soon?"

I silently stared at him. Hearing that question made me want to laugh at his words but I couldn't.

No one in this world wanted to be constantly sick. I wanted to get well soon, but there was something inside of me that doubted this thing.

"You're so stubborn."

I smiled as I carefully removed his hand, and spoke weakly, "Daehyun, I'm scared. I'm not ready for that. I need more time to think about it again."

"Till when? Do you think all you have is just a common fever? Chunghee, don't wait till everything ... no ... I don't want that shit to happen to you."

I exactly didn't know what I was waiting for. A right time? I thought that being stubborn would just make it too late. Even though I knew it clearly, this pain made me want to punish myself by doing this. After all, I also doubted that the "right time" truly existed in this trashy relationship.

Stunned for a moment, I spoke, "Tomorrow ... the graph, I've already finished it. It's on my computer. You just need to check it again."

Daehyun chuckled, massaging the bridge of his nose, "With your current condition, and you're still thinking about your work?"

I forced a smile.

Daehyun sighed. He was heard muttering softly, "Nonsense."

A few moments later, he immediately left reluctantly. He had no good reason to remain here as an important work didn't know any situation of him, even if he wanted to stay for a long time.

After Daehyun left the ward, there was a silence that filled the void in this room. It felt like living alone in this wide world without anyone else and rotting alone in this bitterness.

Honestly, I wanted him to stay any longer, staying with me for a few moments more to make me smiled from these painful things. However, to say that directly sounded selfish. He had been too much trouble for someone like me. So, all I could do was mutter inwardly. 

Donghwa, come home now ...