38. Chapter 38

“I don’t like this,” Tikki murmured, still half-asleep from where Marinette’s alarm had roused her before sun-up. She watched, disapproval evident on her face, as her chosen carefully staged the loft, moving some items around while throwing others down to the room below. “Are you sure you can’t just tell Adrien you’re Ladybug? Maybe over coffee?”

Marinette scoffed, fluffing her pillow for optimal poof. “And risk him having a heart attack?” she asked incredulously. “Tikki he almost ceased to function the first time I stuck my tongue in his mouth, I’m not just going to crawl in his lap and transform into Ladybug.”

“That’s not…” Tikki sighed, massaging her temples. “I just don't support this idea is all.”

“Plagg said it was a good idea...”

“Then I doubly don’t support it!”

Marinette rolled her eyes at the mother-hen treatment, tucking her blankets neatly under her pillow before changing her mind and messing them up again.

In some ways she could understand Tikki’s reservations- hell, she even shared some of them!- but that still didn't stop her from seeing this as her best option. After last night, she no longer feared what Adrien’s reaction to her being Ladybug would be. Judging by the way he’d gushed about Marinette it was safe to assume he’d be fine- if not pleased with the fact she was also his partner-in-crime-fighting.

Problem was, crime fighting wasn't the only thing they were partners in nowadays, and Marinette had no idea how Adrien would react to the knowledge he’d been… canoodling … with one of his classmates for the past couple months. Would he be uncomfortable? Elated? Would he want to go back to just being friends?

She wouldn’t hate him if he did, he had every right to change his mind, but it didn’t hurt to feel him out first, right? Maybe flirt a bit as Marinette and see how he reacts? Drop a few hints here and there so she could gauge his reaction to her being his girlfriend? At least that way she’d have time to prepare herself should it turn out he wasn’t interested in her like that.

Besides, what other option did she have? Tell Adrien to his face she was Ladybug and pray he didn’t gently shatter her heart on the spot?

That would never work!

“This is a good idea,” Marinette reasoned aloud, more for the sake of convincing herself of this plan’s merit than convincing her kwami. “This is smart and it will work.”

“Well I still think you should be direct with him.”

“Oh sure, I’ll just walk up to him in the middle of class and say ‘Hey Adrien! I’m Ladybug! Do you still love me or should I go curl up in the corner and die ?’ Perfect plan, thanks.”

Tikki clucked her tongue. “Well, you’re in a mood and a half this morning!”

“PMS,” Marinette threw over her shoulder, sitting back on her haunches and surveying her backdrop.

Strategically placed French textbook? Check.

Fashion illustrations pinned oh-so-casually to the wall? Check.

Her favorite tube of strawberry tinted lip balm balanced on the headboard?

Marinette frowned. That wasn’t part of the original plan, but maybe she could work it in. It was a bit early for makeup, and she was definitely going for a “fresh outta bed” vibe for this morning’s photoshoot, but the shade was subtle and she was feeling chapped.

Besides, since when had lipstick ever hurt anyone?

“I’m an adult now Tikki,” Marinette said, leaning over her pink kitty body pillow to flick off her monster-prevention nightlights. She paused, considering, then flicked them back on, using her other hand to swipe a thin coat of color across her lips. “I think I can handle this in a mature fashion.”

Adrien would like to say he woke up peacefully.

He’d like to tell you he awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside his window- to the taste of sweet syrupy memories, flavored like eclairs and kisses and her . Or he’d like to tell you he woke up feeling hot- scorched by the echoed sensation of feminine hands in places they’d never been before and set alight by the words she’d uttered right before she’d sent him careening off the edge.

But alas, Adrien awoke neither tranquil nor horny. Because the  text tone currently shattering the morning silence of his bedroom wasn’t just a text tone, it was Ladybug’s text tone, and if he knew one thing about his oh-so-mysterious girlfriend, it was that she didn’t get up before 7:30 unless Armageddon was upon them.

Adrien’s eyelids snapped open, the last lingering whisper of whatever pleasant dream he’d been having slipping from his subconscious as he hastily groped for his phone.

Was she hurt? In trouble? Oh God he wouldn’t be able to handle it if she-

[ Good morning! I love you <3 <3 <3 ]

As pleased as he was by the message, Adrien couldn’t help but feel like he’d slipped into Underland by way of looking glass.

Heart still hammering in the aftermath of his panic, he typed with jittering fingers:

[ 1. good morning and I love you too <3 ]

[ 2…. are you okay? ]

[ of course! why do you ask? ]

[ it’s barely 7. why are you even conscious right now? ]

[ I thought it’d be nice to text you awake for once ]

‘Curiouser and curiouser…’

[ let me get this straight…. you got up early just to tell me good morning? ]

[ uh-huh! ]

[ voluntarily? ]

[ yepper pepper! ]

“Wow,” Adrien breathed as his fingers typed the same, his sleep-deadened cheeks stinging a bit from all this early-morning smiling. “How the heck are you so cute?”

“I’ve had years of practice,” came a drowsy feline voice from the trash can by the bed. “Keep at it, and you too will be this adorable one day.”

Never looking away from the three little dots dancing on her side of the screen, Adrien silently reached over to put the lid on the garbage, his grin growing impossibly dopier as Ladybug sent him a veritable masterpiece of assorted heart emojis.

[ aw, you really think I’m cute? ]

[ the cutest <3 ]

[ oh yeah? ]

[ even with my hair like thiiiiis? ]

[ IMG ]

The attached picture showed a body Adrien recognized as Ladybug’s, sprawled out in a bed Adrien also recognized as Ladybug’s. The bedraggled hair, parted pink lips, and hint of a stuck-out tongue as Ladybug’s as well…

Unlike the black garment currently slipping off one pale shoulder.

Adrien sat up a bit straighter in bed, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact he was bare-chested. Alerted by the text, his typical morning wood twitched to life inside the confines of his boxers, poking it’s head up like a guard dog. It bobbed, curious, but for the most part behaved. Probably still too sated from last night’s tryst to make the usual fuss over Ladybug flirtation.

Which was good considering Adrien’s new goal for today was to make it to school without experiencing a full-on sexual meltdown.

[ quick question: is that my shirt? ]

He knew it was. Despite the fact most of last night’s memories past a certain (orgasmic) point were a bit fuzzy, he distinctly recalled his girlfriend had been wearing his favorite sleep shirt when she’d joined him in bed. Apparently she’d kept it on even after she’d left, which meant three things.

[ whoopsies ^.^ ]

[ guess i forgot to take it off when i left last night ]

[ i promise i'll return it next time im over! ]

[ awesome cool ]

[ hey quick follow up question: why are you actively trying to murder me? ]

There was a pause in which he could practically sense her smirk through the phone.

[ I have no idea what you mean… ;) ]

[ssssuuurrreee you dont… ]

[ was it comfortable at least? ]

[ very comfortable ]

[ and it still smells like you <3 ]

Bang.

Adrien clutched his chest, groaning like he’d been shot. Did Ladybug really think he could handle this much intimacy so early in the morning?? Especially after last night’s level of dream-come-trueness?

[ mercy ]

[ please ]

[ oh im sorry ]

[ does the thought of me wearing ur clothes to bed, burying my nose in the neckhole so I can imagine youre here with me, bother you in some way~? ]

Adrien breathed deeply through his nose.

If she didn’t-

[ yes, it does and I think you KNOW THAT ]

[ oh, well in that case ]

[ i probably shouldn’t tell you how awfully cold here it is here without you huh~? ]

[ IMG ]

Four seconds of looking at her newest picture was all Adrien could handle before he was forced to put the phone down and breathe.

If nothing else, he had to give mad credit to his girlfriend’s selfie skills. Somehow she’d managed to capture from collarbone to knees, showing off not only the proof of how “cold” she was, but also the reason for her being so chilled in the first place:

It seemed as though (funny story really!) his Lady had forgotten both a bra and panties this particular morning, as evidenced by her hardened nipples straining against his shirt and the small hand she had clasped over her unclothed mound.

Somehow, despite the fact he’d just felt the entirety of his body’s blood rush from his brain to his dick, Adrien still found the mental fortitude to be proud of Ladybug for setting up that clever shot.

Because he was a supportive boyfriend.

And also wanted to raw her.

“Holy shit,” he whispered, cursing again as he picked his phone back up. Yup, there she was. Still mind-meltingly sexy. Still lying there with her back arched and her fingers cupped over the patch of dark curls just barely peeking out from behind them.

Adrien soaked in every minute detail of the scene, practically salivating at the thought of what he could do if only he were there with his Lady. Probably replace her hand with his, for starters. Then replace his shirt with his tongue. Maybe smear her pretty pink lipstick across both their mouths as he teased her...

...her…

Wait... was that …?

Easing his hand out from where it had slipped beneath his waistband, Adrien squinted down at his phone, dragging two finger along the screen to zoom in on the background of the photo. There, curled along the head of her bed, was a stripped mass- long in body, familiar in face, and almost damning enough to make his last shred of coherent thought escape his ears via steam.

Ladybug slept.

With a fucking.

Cat. Body. Pillow.

Correction: Ladybug slept nearly-naked with a cat body pillow she probably cuddled in her sleep and oh god okay he really needed to calm down before he had a laundry situation on his hands.

Adrien bit the corner of his sheet to keep from growling aloud, unsure whether to be flattered, aroused, or jealous that his Lady slept with a stuffed version of his fursona namesake. He closed the picture quick, lest he begin frothing at the mouth, and tapped back to their conversation window.

[ no wonder you’re cold, it looks like you’ve lost some clothes my Lady! ]

[ its a real shame such a beautiful girl doesnt own a single pair of panties ;3c ]

[  ...is that all you have to say? ]

[ to think I wasted a perfectly good slutty pic >:( ]

Adrien could argue that the image had been anything but a waste. If Ladybug’s goal was to get him so helplessly… well… helpless , then she had surely succeeded. His pitched tent now looked more like a full-fledged RV- one of the ones with the pop-out panels on the side -and his goal of making it to school without experiencing a sexual meltdown was seeming more impossible by the minute.

He sighed, reaching for the water bottle beside his bed. He really needed to cool it.

[ would you rather me tell you how badly I wish I could slip into bed with you? ]

[ yes!  ]

[ well then I ~really wish~ I could slip in bed with you... ]

Adrien took a deep, much needed sip of water, hoping beyond hope the simple hydration would quench all his many thirsts.

[ that way I could steal my shirt back you fiend ]

He wasn't trying to be frigid, really he wasn't. In fact, if Adrien had it his way he would bid his Lady-love over right this minute and spend the next two to say... eight - ish hours making up for last night’s lack of orgasm-giving as many times over as she'd allow.

But today was a school day. A day for school. A 24 hour period of time in which about eight would be spent expanding his young mind. In addition to his regular classes, he had midterm tutoring, fencing practice, and piano lessons today- all of which he wasn’t exactly looking forward to but needed to do well in nonetheless.

All of which he simply could not do well in if he were sexually frustrated all day.

So Ladybug could tease all she wanted, she’d earned it after the spectacular night she’d treated him to, but there was no rule saying Adrien had to be affected by it. She was probably miles away, he reasoned, not within touching distance in any case, so there was absolutely no point in letting her rile him up with-

[ and what if im not wearing anything underneath it…<3? ]

-a topless picture, for example.

That would definitely be grounds for riling.

Adrien stared at the image for a good two minutes, his body outright aching at the desire to reach through the phone and touch. The fact Ladybug had one slender arm draped teasingly across her bare chest did nothing to dull his reaction- he could still see the soft swells of her breasts spilling out from behind their cover, leading down to her slim waist and cutting off right as her bare hips began to flare. Add on to that the fact she was pink from cheeks to collarbone, biting down on her even pinker lips in a way that was endlessly arousing to him for no discernible reason, and Adrien was gone.

His finger was tapping the “call” button before he’d even made the conscious decision to do so.

Ladybug answered on the second ring.

“Good morning sunshine~” she purred, and if Adrien wasn’t already rock hard before he certainly was now. “Are you here to warm me up?”

“Whatever my Lady wants...” Adrien vowed, pointedly ignoring the time as he stuck one hand down the front of his boxers

Something told him today was going to be a long day.

“Long day?” Alya asked, spooning soup with one hand while the other stroked the blonde head plopped upon her chest. She shifted in her seat until the newly-arrived Adrien could slide into the corner booth beside her, which he did so with a murmured “thanks” and a nod that rubbed his nose against the neckhole of her shirt.

(Of all the many people who sought out the sanctuary of her bosom in times of distress, Adrien always had been one of her more polite patons, sticking mostly to collarbone and upper-boob for his therapeutic motorboating purposes.)

“There there,” she soothed, careful not to dribble broth on either of them as she brought her full spoon up to her lips. “You are safe now my sweet summer child.”

If Adrien’s reply was actual human words, Alya couldn’t decipher them over the noise of the sandwich shop, but she figured he’d repeat himself if it was important.

“Shit,” Nino said in greeting, frowning as he set his food tray down at their usual table. “I really needed to use the Alya titties today.”

“It’s cram before midterms week, everyone needs to use the my titties.” Alya nabbed a potato chip off her totally-not-a-boyfriend’s platter, blindly bumping it against Adrien lips until he bit down. “Luckily, evolution has given me this rare and wonderful thing called a second boob, which you are more than welcome to use.”

Nino lit up, sliding into the spot to her right. “Oh man, I forgot they came in pairs!”

“Hey bro,” Adrien mumbled through his mouthful, reaching for another chip and adjusting his head so Nino could lay his down next to it.

“Sup dude,” Nino replied, slipping his hat off when the brim proved to be a nuisance. “Whatcha up to?”

“Oh, you know… eating… contemplating life…”

“Using a boob pillow?”

“Boob pillow,” Adrien agreed, perking up a bit when he really began to smell whatever it was Alya was eating. “What is that? Vegetable soup?”

Humming, Alya nudged the thermos towards him.“It’s minestrone, but you can just call it the rest of your lunch.”

“I couldn’t-”

“Eat,” Alya and Nino intoned in unison, followed by another, belated “eat” as Marinette finally made an appearance.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said, fluttering around their table a moment before biting her lip and taking a seat across from Adrien. She eyed him, a complicated little grin resting on the edge of her lips, but the boy was too busy grabbing for a spoon to notice. “What are we talking about?”

“Nothing right now. Any suggestion on topics?”

“Gosh, I don't know,” Marinette said, stomach growling when she caught sight of the lo mein her mother had packed for her. “What do millennials even talk about nowadays?”

“Apps?” suggested Alya, taking the extra pair of chopsticks Marinette offered and immediately diving into noodle paradise.

“Dank memes?” murmured Adrien, already half-finished with the rest of Alya’s soup.

“Ways to cope with the debilitating anxiety brought on by the broken world we are set to inherit?”

Three pairs of eyes found Nino, to which he responded with double finger guns.

“Also sex and stuff.”

“Well I wouldn’t know anything about that,” Alya declared, ignoring the way Nino snorted into his lunch. “I’ve only ever held a hand.”

“Is that what they’re calling it nowaday?” Marinette teased, tossing Adrien a double-edged wink.

He laughed that unbridled laugh of his, and her urge to just lean over and kiss his face silly soared through the roof. This morning’s wakeup had ended up a bit more heated than originally planned, but then again she should’ve learned long ago Adrien had his own special knack for winding her up. How she’d ever believed they could get through a round of innocuous texting without it devolving into them panting their fantasies over the phone was a mystery, but it’s not like she could fault him for making her late to school when she’d left the house on shaking legs.

Since then, she’d been busy all morning with classes and clubs, meaning she hadn’t had time to flirt with Adrien for four whole hours. She had been able to slip Plagg her love note, and he’d presumably planted it in Adrien’s locker as planned, but there’d been no texts from Ladybug and (even worse) no face-to-face interaction with Marinette.

Which was pitiful really, once you considered the fact she was actively trying to seduce him.

Speaking of...

Marinette cleared her throat, dabbing her lips before replacing her napkin atop her lap. “So…” she began, casual as could be, “Ladybug or Chat Noir?”

...

The table grew quiet, all heads turning to Marinette. Adrien halted his spoon halfway to his mouth, eyebrow tweaking in interest.

“What are we choosing between here?” he questioned, always ready for a good old-fashioned round of gushing about his incredible partner in crime-fighting. This morning’s little phone conversation, combined with the wonderful note (“Rose are red, Violets are blue, You’re one silly kitten but I sure do love you!”) he'd found bafflingly taped to the inside of his locker meant Adrien had a lot of Ladylove in his heart right now. All of it just waiting to be spilled.

“Ladybug or Chat Noir,” Marinette repeated. “Which would you rather bang?”

Okay. Alright. Not the direction he expected his panda-chopstick-wielding friend to go in, but you learn something new about a person every day.

“That’s…” Adrien cleared his throat, not really sure how to play this. “That’s a toughie.”

“It really isn’t,” Nino said with a shrug. “There’s only one right answer.”

“Yeah,” Alya agreed, looking equally as decided. “It’s gotta be Ladybug.”

A snort. “Incorrect.”

“What are you- Correct!” she sputtered, glaring down at Nino with a look that was positively aghast. “She’s motherfucking Ladybug! There's no topping that!”

Alya paused, considering.

“I mean… unless she wanted to be topped. In which case I think I could make some arrangement.” Her lips pursed, eyes going starry, and it took Marinette snapping under her chin to pull her from whatever daydream she’d wandered into. “Right! Anyways! Ladybug is a better bang for your buck than Chat Noir and that’s just smarts.”

“And just what makes you qualified to say that?” Nino retorted, slipping his head off Alya’s chest to regard her quizzically.

“I run the Ladybug,” Alya deadpanned. Nino just waved her off.

“Why would you want to sleep with Ladybug?” he asked, as if schooling a child.

“Why wouldn’t you want to sleep with Ladybug?” Alya countered. “She’s a perfect ten, strong as fuck, and could probably destroy me with a single finger. What more could you want?”

‘Cheers to that,’ Adrien thought, hiding his grin behind the lip of his water bottle.

“Those are all good traits,” Nino began, steepling his finger. “I’m not going to fight you on that. No doubt Ladybug would be phenomenal in bed, but if we are choosing between her and Chat it’s still no contest.”

“Explain,” Alya demanded at the same time Adrien (who was very super casual and not at all blushing) asked “How so?”

Nino held up a finger. “One, the costume. Nobody wears a suit like that unless they know at least twenty seven different ways to bring someone to orgasm.”

‘Or unless their kwami gave them no choice…’

“Two, the staff. The dude’s got major hand strength, and knows how to grip a rod. Not so helpful in your case but works well with my downstairs bits.”

“Touche,” Alya conceded.

“Fair point,” Marinette remarked.

“Uh huh,” Adrien murmured, having never considered his own rod-gripping abilities as a selling point in the bedroom.

“Three…” Nino paused, taking a bite of his un-touched sandwich as he grasped for this words. “I don’t know man… I just have this feeling Chat would treat me right. Like he’d be gone in the morning but still drop by for coffee every few weeks to catch up. Ladybug seems more like the type to give you one amazing night, ruin you for other women, then never return for round two, and I’m not sure if I could take that.”

Adrien, now dangerously pink, could only nod in silent agreement.

(Listen, there was only so much talk of his best friend wanting to bang his superhero self he could handle before he started to get a heart boner.

And maybe, maybe just a bit of a dick boner too.

A bro-ner if you will)

“You make some fair points,” Alya conceded, “but my original answer still stands. I’d let Ladybug do whatever she wanted to my body, even if it meant she abandoned me forever afterwards.”

“She’d never do that,” Marinette protested, her hand seeking Alya’s atop the table. “Ladybug loves your blog, and I’m sure if you two did happen to share a night of passion she would still keep in touch with you.”

“Oh Marinette,” Alya sighed, wiping away a fake tear. “That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Marinette smiled brilliantly, bringing her best friend’s hand up to press lips against knuckles, and Alya gasped with a falsely scandalized “Not in front of the kids!”

Ignoring Nino’s cough of “get a room!” the girls continued snickered amongst themselves, until eventually Marinette turned back to Adrien “So,” she said, eyes dancing with humor. “What about you Hot Stuff? Ladybug or Chat Noir?”

Adrien weighed his options. Chat Noir would be the safe answer but Ladybug would-

Wait.

... Hot Stuff???

Adrien reasoned he must have just heard Marinette wrong, but Alya and Nino’s equally stunned expressions suggested he wasn’t going as crazy as originally thought. Two brows arched behind two pairs of glasses, asking a silent question he could only answer with a shrug.

Seemingly oblivious to her friends’ mutual confusion, Marinette took an innocuous sip of her lemonade.

“Well,” Adrien began, not really sure what to make of his new nickname (or the way it made his insides flutter) “I’m gonna go with Alya on this one. Ladybug is... something.”

“Really?” Marinette asked, looking politely surprised. “You’re not tempted by Chat’s... staff expertise?”

Never breaking eye contact, her lips wrapped around the straw of her drink once more, and Adrien decided to wonder why someone would pack a straw in their lunch to begin with, rather than fixate on the way Marinette’s rounded cheeks turned concave with every pull.

(Because that was literally what happened when people used a straw, so there was really no reason for it to draw his attention like it did.)

Marinette continued on breezily, “I've seen enough of your swimsuit ads to know Chat’s staff expertise would come in handy.”

Alya’s choked gasp mixed with the sound of Nino’s surprised bark, whereas Adrien’s jaw was silent as it flopped open. Marinette continued to sip her lemonade.

“I… w-well...I mean... that would…”

Adrien trailed off when it became apparent words were not happening today.

“Plus there's what Nino pointed out about Chat’s costume,” Marinette added, because there was no God and Adrien was put on this earth to suffer. “Judging by the belted tail and studded cuffs, I’ll bet that boy knows all kinds of fun things to do in the bedroom.”

“Um,” replied Adrien, sounding super intelligent and not at all distracted.

Most likely noticing the way his traitorous eyes had latched back onto her lips, Marinette popped the straw from her mouth, shifting it to the other side before sliding the glass in his direction. She inclined her head, smiling, and Adrien realized with unimaginable relief that she’d taken his staring to mean he wanted a sip. He nodded his thanks, accepting the glass on pure instinct... but every ounce of his short-lived relief evaporated at the sight of a perfect rosy ring stamped at the tip of the straw.

Of course Marinette, the person who just so happened to remind him most of his girlfriend, was wearing pink lipstick today. Of. Fucking. Course.

Cheeks burning, Adrien silently accepted his life for the hell it was and took a well-needed drink.

“So…” Nino began, offering Marinette a tentative fistbump. “Does this mean you choose Chat? Team Furry for the tie?”

“Oh no,” she laughed, waving him off. “I choose both.”

Lemonade, as Adrien was quick to learn, stung as it shot through one’s nostrils.

“Dude...” Alya said incredulously, thumping his back as Nino and Marinette gathered as many napkins as they could find.

“S-sorry!” Adrien choked, his strangled coughing drawing the attention of half the other people in the cafe.“Did... d-did you just say both ?”

Marinette nodded, dabbing at the table with the most downright casual expression.

“As in… at the same time?”

“Yep.”

A pause, and then-

“You never said threesomes were an option!” Alya nearly yelled, drawing the attention of anyone who wasn’t already staring at their table.

“I never said they weren’t,” Marinette said, shrugging.

“I’m changing my answer,” Nino declared.

“Me too,” Alya agreed. “Who wouldn’t want to be the cream filling in that miraculous sandwich? Ladybug coming at you from the front, Chat Noir swooping in from behind…”

“One for each side,” Nino mused. “Chat doing the pole work while Ladybug tackles the upstairs…”

Adrien was a cool, fine, and normal boy who was not getting hot and bothered by the idea of his best friends banging him and his girlfriend.

Also, he was not hiding an erection beneath the table.

Marinette eyes found his as her lips found that fucking goddamned straw he was going to tear to shreds the moment she-  

“Chat on his back while Ladybug and I make an absolute mess out of him~”

…

Adrien neither a cool, fine, nor normal boy and was definitely getting hot and bothered by the idea of his best friends banging him and his girlfriend.

Also, he was hiding an erection beneath the table.

“Ooooo la la,” Alya purred, elbow nudging Marinette as she fanned her face. “Interesting approach Mari! Very spicy. You think Chat would be into that?”

“Something tells me Chat Noir isn’t opposed to being the center of attention,” Marinette giggled, and Adrien must have been imagining the way her eyes kept finding his. “I mean obviously I’m nowhere near as experienced as Ladybug, but I think with her help I could really ring that kitten’s bell.”

Adrien gulped.

It was at that moment the universe must have decided he’d had enough for one day, as Alya’s alarm chimed it’s fifteen minute warning. His friends continued to chatter amongst themselves as they cleaned up their lunch, but Adrien didn’t contribute much to the conversation, too wrapped up in his own mind.

Ladybug’s fault, that was it. It had to be Ladybug’s fault.  He was probably still wound up from their phone call this morning, and that’s why he suddenly couldn’t keep his cool around-

“What about you?” Marinette asked, and Adrien snapped from his musing only to realize they were the last two at the table. “Would you be down for a heroic threesome?”

‘Yes!’ Adrien’s libido screamed.

“I-I don’t know,” Adrien answered instead, clearing his throat when it cracked and ignoring Marinette’s giggle for his own personal sanity. “I mean... it’s not likely I’ll ever get the chance to anyways so…”

He trailed off, and Marinette hummed.

“That’s a shame,” she said, packing her lunch utensils neatly away in her bag. “I’m sure Ladybug would just love to have two handsome blondes in her bed.”

Marinette slid out of the booth, smoothing down her short (‘ bafflingly short’ he noted, considering the weather) skirt and locking eyes with him over her shoulder. Embarrassed to be caught staring, Adrien forced himself to meet her gaze.

“I know I sure would…” she murmured, giving his body an obvious once-over before heading towards the door.

“What is your opinion on threesomes?”

There probably existed a billion more tactful ways to open up this conversation, but Adrien had never really had been known for his social grace.

Ladybug paused on the edge of roof, abandoning her jump to glance back at him in amusement. “I give you one handjob and you’re already trying to rope me into an orgy?”

“I’m not asking because I want one,” he rushed to amend. “I’m just curious.” He donned his most Chat-worthy smirk, aiming for light-heartedness when he said: “That’s my gimmick, remember?”

“Threesomes huh…” Ladybug wrapped her yo-yo up around her waist, effectively signalling a break in their patrol. “Well, if I was going to have one I’d probably want you there.”

Chat rolled his eyes. “Gee thanks.”

“Or I could kick you out and find a different model,” Ladybug threatened. “That Adrien Agreste fellow is looking handsomer by the day.”

“I think could live with that,” he laughed.

There was a beat of silence.

“A girl,” Ladybug mused, drawing a raised eyebrow from her partner. “Our hypothetical threesome? I’d want it to include another girl, I think. Just to add a little variety.”

Oh.

Oh she was actually taking this seriously.

“Sure, sure,” Chat agreed, suddenly feeling as though maybe he wasn't entirely prepared for this conversation. Mentally, physically, or spiritually.

“It’d have to be someone good at keeping secrets,” Ladybug continued. “Someone who is sweet and loyal… but has a bit of a naughty side. Don’t you think?”

Did he think? No, not lately.

“I like dark-haired girls. And an athletic body doesn’t hurt.”

Chat nodded distractedly. He knew Ladybug was bi in the same way he knew she was allergic to papaya, but he’d never really stopped to consider that she might have a specific taste in girls.

A taste that was sounding remarkably aligned with his own…

“Dark hair is pretty,” he murmured in agreement, silently marking another of his best friends off the completely hypothetical list of potential threesome partners.

This, of course, left only one person.

“Well anyways,” Ladybug chirped, slipping his baton out from it’s holster and using it to tap at his bottom until he strode to the edge of the roof, “you let me know if you ever find anyone who is willing to put up with us, but until then I’m afraid you’re stuck with just plain old me.”

“You’re already more than I could ever want,” Chat vowed softly, as much a reminder to himself as it was to her.

The cool parisian air did little to clear his racing mind, and he continued to be distracted for the remainder of the night. There was something… something eating at him, that he couldn’t quite parse. Something he couldn’t even identify as either good or bad yet, just insistent.

That nagging in his head grew especially loud when they passed the Dupain-Cheng Bakery, Chat pulling up short on his vault as Ladybug unexpectedly dropped to the rooftop. She strode across the balcony with the utmost of ease, untangling the complicated wind chime that hung from the awning like she’d done it a million times before and straightening the blanket flung across the back of the lounge chair.

“That was nice of you my Lady,” Chat remarked, that little spark of… whatever it was burning even brighter than before.

Ladybug shrugged, giving him a quick peck on the cheek as she passed. “Someone’s gotta do it.”

Moments later, she was off, leaving Chat to stew in his own tumultuous thoughts.