1 Careful what you wish for

Let me paint you a picture. 

You live a normal life. Nothing special. Normal childhood, two parents, two siblings, and a dog. You go to school, finish school, go to high school, then University. After University, you try out different jobs, but nothing seems to fit you. It doesn't matter, you do it anyway, because you have to earn money. No wife, no children and very few friends if you can even call them that. 

And then one day, you simply die. It is nothing special. No one really knew you that well, no one really cared. You didn't leave a lasting impact and in a few weeks, no one will remember you at all. That was my life. Thankfully, that was not the end for me, but a chance. A chance to try again. And I took that chance. I didn't know where I would go, but I was allowed to make a suggestion. 

I suggested the Galaxy far far away ... Star Wars. And it was accepted actually. Sadly, I was told that there was no guarantee that I would be Force-sensitive and also not whether I would be strong in the Force. I was allowed to make one wish though. I was about to wish for powerful Force sensitivity but then stopped. No matter how much I wanted that, there was no guarantee I had that I would even make it long in life and use that talent to become powerful. 

So I was essentially scared. Scared that the same style of my past life could repeat itself. That's why I did what I assumed to be the only solution to this problem. I wished for immortality. Specifically the Essence of the Immortal from Meta Essence CYOA. I thought I was smart back then. I thought I had tricked the system but I was only half-correct. The other half was my naivety. 

Why?

I never said anything about 'when' I wanted to be reborn. I was never asked that question but it wasn't anyone's fault, but mine. I was stupid enough to believe that this was all I needed. To be immortal. It was that mistake that brought me thousands upon thousands of years before the battle of Yavin. 

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My first life was nothing to be proud of. And thinking back now, I still shudder. The Essence of the Immortal granted me some 'boons' that sound good in theory, but also have downsides.

'Perfect memory with infinite storage and data recovery. Even if your memories are somehow erased, they will eventually return. Death of identity is just another form of death, and you can never truly die.'

The perfect memory is what bothers me nowadays. In my first life, I was born into a very primitive family. We were basically a recently evolved species. I don't know the name of the species we evolved from, but they weren't apes. I was, however, a humanoid. That is something that never changed and will never change. I will always be a humanoid. I grew up hunting for my food. It was a rather harsh start in my new life in this dangerous galaxy. But after years of getting used to it, I managed to adjust my thinking and thought process to it. 

I learned from my father and mother and did as they did. We didn't even have detailed speech but that didn't hinder our communication for some reason. I got used to the different-sounding grunts and growls. That is what it must have felt like to be Robin and talk to Batman. A look can mean different things and feelings are important. I believe that this worked due to the Force. Feelings were always something that the Force was about. 

When I got older, I underwent the same rite of passage as all males did in our 'tribe'. We had to hunt a Bazorpazorg. A carnivorous animal that was native to the planet and which was very aggressive and deadly. I found out that I did in fact NOT possess the capability to use the Force. That was a hard thing for me. I felt sad for a long time but after thinking about it, put it aside and simply lived my life as it was. I passed the rite of passage and using my rather brilliant mind, managed to create a trap for the Bazorpazorg and then kill it. 

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After that, my life was more or less what you would call normal but exciting in the tribe. When I was 16 I was married to the daughter of the chief, since I was the most outstanding warrior and hunter of the tribe. My strength and healing factor as well as my intelligence, were what differentiated me from my peers. I was just better than the others ... in everything. 

At first, I didn't want to marry anyone and thought that I was better suited as a lone wolf. But that changed when I met my wife. Names aren't something we had or used but there were some sounds that we used instead. Each member had a specific sound that was their name if you will. When I saw her, I thought that I had never seen anyone as pretty in my two lives. I can still remember it as if it happened today. I loved everything about her. I loved her smell, her gait, how she held herself, how she looked and especially her smile. When she smiled, the sun shone more brightly. 

I agreed to the marriage, but I found out that I didn't have any say in it anyway. My parents would say whom I would marry and that was that.

So we married and since she was the daughter of the chief, it was a grand occasion for the whole tribe. I say marriage but it was not what I knew about marriage from my first life. It was more or less a coming together and exchanging gifts and then going hunting and offering the hunted game to the bride. It didn't matter to me because when we were finally alone in our own house that night, I experienced the pleasures of love-making for the first time and I must say ... I missed something in my first life. That doesn't mean that I was a virgin but it means that I just never fell in love and married. 

The chief didn't have a son, so it was decided that I would become the next chief. I knew that that would probably result in some problems when they found out that I just don't age or die for that matter. But again, I didn't get a say in the matter. I accepted the responsibility and began to take it seriously. I was now a married man and soon-to-be father, so I decided to start mapping out the forest and maybe even the planet we lived on in more detail. 

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A year after my marriage, my wife bore our first child. It was a daughter and I instantly fell in love again when I saw her. I decided to name her Prima, the first. The first child in our tribe to have a name and my first daughter and child ... ever. The fact that I used 'sounds' to give my daughter a 'name' was unusual and there was heavy debate. But since I was considered the future chief of the tribe, they accepted it rather well and from then on, every child would get a name to honour me as the future chief. 

I watched my daughter grow up into a fierce woman. She had so much energy that I used many days to run after her or look for her in the woods and among the tribe. She was a bundle of joy though and got her smile from her mother. Life was great and shortly before Prima's first birthday, my wife was pregnant again, with our second child. I was overjoyed again. Another year later, my second child, my first son was born. I named him Ruben, because of his fiery red hair. 

As the years passed, I was named chief of the tribe. I was 21 years old then. It was a big occasion for the tribe and I decided to slowly implement some changes over the years to come. I knew that doing it quickly would only scare the members and I would be seen as a monster. I didn't want that for my children. I slowly introduced stone as a weapon instead of the sticks we had.

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Throughout my life and time as chief, I hunted many dangerous creatures and gave them to the tribe to eat. Life was harsh on that planet and we had to make sure not to die out and lose the battle against nature. Everything was dangerous in the jungle and the wild in general. The animals were much larger and more powerful, with sometimes supernatural abilities. I believe one of the most dangerous species was the deadly bees. They were very aggressive and it was obvious that only a madman would ever approach them for whatever reason ... Well if you're immortal your perspective changes. The bees were more like wasps as they didn't die after stinging once. And their poison was one of the deadliest in the known forest. 

But their honey ... was very tasty and also very useful in both medicine and as food supply. Using it on wounds, promoted healing quite a bit. I associated this fact to the Force. The bees were obviously connected to the Force on a deeper level and the honey they collect is probably enriched with the energy of the bees. 

I never experienced such pain as that one time, I 'borrowed' some honey from the bees. I really tried to be civil about it, but they refused. What was I supposed to do? Leave? No, that was impossible. I came to get some honey and that's what I did. The chase through the jungle is something I will never forget. I had to watch out for other predators while also running away from these killer bees. They didn't stop no matter what. And they were large things too. They were close to 30 cm in length ... yeah it didn't end well for me. I was stung ALL over my body and the pain was some of the worst thing I ever experienced. Thankfully I could ignore it thanks to my Essence. 

I brought back honey that day, but I looked like a blob. All red and swollen. Thankfully my healing took care of it very quickly. 

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The love I shared with my wife is something I will forever cherish and when the years ticked by and she grew older, the love we shared never changed or diminished. On the contrary, it only increased. I was seen as strange already but when I didn't age, I got more and more strange gazes from the tribe. The hardest thing I had to do was to watch as my love slowly grew weaker and died. I stayed at her side all the time. Both of our children were already grown up, so it was time for me to step down. I wasn't able to nominate my daughter as the next chief, even though she was probably the strongest one in the tribe. Equality will take a few more generations until it happens. So I abdicated and named my son as new chief. 

This allowed me to spend my time with my wife. I took her with me to a small tree house I had created for my children. We talked and watched the sunset and then one day ... she never woke up anymore. I experienced my very first loss ... the first of many. When I cried the un-manliest tears you can imagine that day, I realized the very big and crushing downside to immortality. Every bond you form ... will all be destroyed and broken at some point. 

I grieved for weeks. 

When I was finally able to let her go, I took up different hobbies to keep busy, since my son was now chief and there wasn't really anything for me to do anymore. I tried meditation for the first time during that period. It was rather calming. I used this as a way to get over my sadness and accept it as a part of life. 

I observed my children grow up, marry and have children for themselves. I took care of their children when they had things to do or when harsh times were approaching. I helped wherever my son, the new chief asked me to. I was happy with their progress and the progress of the tribe. But all good things must come to an end. Just like my wife, my children also grew older and eventually ... died. 

Overcome with sadness, I distanced myself from the tribe then. I moved into the jungle and lived among the wildlife. I explored and began to gather data and do some minor research. But most of my time was spent meditating. Had I enough Midi-chlorians to use the Force, I would have probably made great progress. 

I died for the first time about 30 years later, at the age of 102. I was captured by a carnivorous plant that was probably connected to the dark side of the Force as it literally sucked me dry of all fluids and consumed me whole, leaving nothing behind. I may have been able to do something about that, but I didn't really care at that point.