Trying to be as usual

As I reached my home it was already night, I must have passed out for hours didn't I. I walked to the second floor as usual except it is later than usual.

As I expected my grandma scolded me about being out for too long and my sick father worried about me, and as expected only my brother acted as usual reading novel on his mobile phone.

I acted as nothing is wrong but after I placed my bag, I head to the third floor to exercise but weirdly no matter how much I exercise I didn't fell tired and I didn't sweat as much as I expected from that much training.

After that I have a late dinner at 8 pm, of course my grandma nag at me to eat earlier but as usual too I ignored her. While in the bath I wondered what could be the trigger for my superpower awakening? Is it the 'confession incident' as I labeled it with such a name.

Then I lay on the bed preparing to sleep, as I closed my eyes I still thought about this new super power, one of these though is weird and I didn't even know where it came from, why do I need to sleep? I ask this question to myself and I don't know why this question even surfaced.

Still I fell asleep with unexpected easiness a few minutes after I closed my eyes, perhaps it is the sadness or confusion or perhaps both of it but I fell asleep that fast even though I already fallen 'asleep' on the certain building for at least an hour.

.....................

I woke up and the thing I though was a dream actually happen since the flow of the hourglass is reversed and the number is decreased.

I as usual prepared myself for the school and go to it early, then I waited at the gate of my school for Jessica to come but it gor me thinking 'why do you still wait for her?' and as soon as these thought show up I know the answer right away, it is because you still like Justin Jessica, Michael.

I know I have to let go but I want to do it gradually not suddenly unlike yesterday because I fell in love with her gradually.

I was awaken from my thought by a tap on my hand and a greeting that I have heard thousands of time.

"good morning Michael, as usual thank you for waiting for me"

And as usual I should say 'good morning Jessica' but today I just smiled at her and grabbed her hand while dragging her to class.

Along the way I though, ahh… I have failed in acting as usual at one point. When we reached the classroom I looked back to her seeing only confusion on her face not anger, shyness or anything that should have been there if a boy grabbed a girl's hand so suddenly.

At that time I reaffirmed that she see me only as a best friend and I have been friend zoned.

The school progressed as usual and unlike yesterday I eat my lunch together with Jessica and our group.

At the end of school Jessica asked me to stay back again so I have to call my driver to tell him that I will go home by myself.

Inside the classroom she sat in front of me and asked "what do you think I should do MF?"

I know what exactly she is asking about "I think you should invite him like you invite me yesterday confess to him while giving him a letter full of your felling for him." I answered with a mysterious smile on my face because it is exactly the same as my plan.

"do you think it will work?." she asked in doubt

.

"it will as long as you do it with sincerely." I stared at her eyes as I say these words and I continued "but you have to be at least familiar with him and he is familiar with you."

She have a face that say 'you make sense'.

"as expected I have to ask a boy how to confess to a boy huh…" she said that with a laugh on her voice.

After that I talked more with her about what she should find out at least about him; his favorite food, birthday, phone number, email address, and some more because that is what I searched and find out about you, Jessica.

At the end of discussion I watched her walked trough that door and I thought to myself, perhaps… I can let her go bit by bit like this.

And perhaps if I confessed and pursued her whole heartedly, she will accept me but it may be as obligation as my best friend or it will be forced or maybe there will be some love that bloomed from our time together.

I am a coward so if I knew there is a very big chance it will go wrong and it will change our relationship, I will get scared and I will pull back.

So I will try to change so next time something similar happened I will at least have a courage to do something instead holding back.

Well I think it will be hard to pretend everything as usual and there will surely a change just like this morning.

These change maybe small and insignificant to her but to me it is big one because it is for letting me to experience something that I dreamed doing with her even though I can't do it all at least it will make letting her go easier for me.

Even though I don't actually 'own' her but still even if it is just for my selfish reason I will help her.

I know it sound stupid because I am the one hurting yet I think I am selfish, and yes I am stupid if I am not I probably won't agree to her request.

I probably will change drastically after I let her go after all I have been trying so hard to keep the positive part that she saw in me from changing but it seem I won't need it anymore.