Focus on me

~Nolan~

I pushed open the bathroom door and my thoughts were flooded with relief, immediately followed by concern.

I found Reid. However, he wasn't okay.

He was practically curled into a ball as his knees hugged his chest, with his hands clasped over his ears; blocking out as much sound as possible. His eyes were squeezed shut, probably as tightly as they could. Yet due to the wet spots on his cheeks, it was obvious that tears had still managed to find an escape.

I closed the bathroom door behind me, giving us privacy, and slowly crouched down until I was at eye level with Reid.

I gently laid a hand on Reid's knee, he responded instantly with a jump and a startled gasp.

"Hey, it's me, it's me..." I reassured him.

I placed my hands over Reid's, which were covering his ears, and slowly pulled them away; my eyes never leaving his.

I held his hands in my own, and gave them a small squeeze.

He was trembling.

A sudden burst of obnoxious laughter could be heard from the other side of the door and Reid reacted to the sound as if it were a warning siren. His eyes darted around the small bathroom we were sitting in, unable to focus on one thing for more than a half of a second. Meanwhile his breathing grew more and more erratic as he continued to hyperventilate.

So this was a panic attack.

"Hey, hey, hey. Reid, you're okay, alright? Look at me..." I let go of his hands to place my palms on both sides of his face, aligning his gaze with my own.

His bright green eyes met mine, and they stopped their frantic movements, finally focusing.

"There we go," I managed a lighthearted smile.

"Wanna do me a favor? Can you copy me?"

Reid nodded.

I took in a slow deep breath, held it, and let it out at the same pace.

"Alright, now it's your turn."

With some struggle, Reid copied my slow breaths as his hands came up to the sides of his face and slipped his fingers between mine; lightly gripping my hands somewhat desperately.

"That's perfect. You're doing great..."

I have to get him out of here.

Reid's hands which held onto mine had yet to quit their trembling, but they were getting better.

I worried that staying here, even in the bathroom, being in a suite so packed full of people would only send him back into the state he was in before. At least now he almost had his breathing under control.

I don't want him to have to go through that again.

I got an idea. It wasn't much, but it was something.

I withdrew my hands from Reid's face and moved them so that mine were holding his.

"I'm gonna go-"

I could see a small flash of fear in Reid's eyes. His lips parted to speak, most likely to tell me not to leave, but I reassured him before he could say anything.

"-I'll be right back, I promise. I'm just gonna grab something. I'll be gone 20 seconds, tops. Will you be okay?"

Reid hesitantly nodded his head.

I dropped one hand to brush the hair away from Reid's hair before giving him a small kiss on his forehead.

I brought my gaze to his eyes, which were now looking up at me.

I wish I could just kiss him and take all of his worries away.

"...Keep practicing your breathing, alright?" I smiled, wiping his tear covered cheek with my thumb.

"Okay." Reid was able to choke out.

I gave his hand a light squeeze before getting up and shutting the door behind me.

Without a second to spare, I moved as quickly as my feet would take me through the crowded area.

"Excuse me! Sorry! Comin' through, guys!" I called out as I pushed my way past mobs of people.

"Hey!"

"Dude, watch it!"

Some people shouted at me in annoyance.

"Sorry! I'm sorry!"

I needed to hurry.

I finally made it to my room which remained empty, still untouched by the partiers.

Thank God my door was locked, though I quickly realized that I don't ever remember locking it.

I dug around in my suitcase quickly until I found what I was looking for - my earbuds.

"Yes!" I cheered under my breath.

I ran out of my room, too focused on getting back to Reid to even bother locking the door behind me.

I shimmied my way through the crowd one last time until I reached the bathroom. I let myself in.

Reid was sitting on the floor as I left him. His quivering hand was clenching the fabric of his shirt over his chest as he focused on his breathing.

I crouched down to Reid's level once again.

"See? I'm back, just like I promised."

I began to untangle the wires of my earbuds.

"What are those for?" His voice quavered.

I plugged the headphone jack into my phone.

"I don't know much about panic attacks, but..." I brought the buds up in to Reid's ears. He adjusted them so they were comfortable.

"...Whenever I'm skating, or stressed out, there are a couple songs I like to listen to that always seem to make everything around me slow down."

I stood up and extended a hand to Reid. His eyes flashed between the door and my hand warily.

"Let's get out of here. We'll take a straight shot to the front door, I'll be with you."

Reid's face slowly began to fill with worry and doubt.

I heard my voice soften as I spoke.

"...You just have to promise me that you won't let go of my hand."

After a couple of seconds, thinking it over, Reid slipped his hand into mine and I helped pull him up with a small smile showing on my face.

Reid stood a few inches taller than me, he was most likely around 6'4". His above average height paired with his piercing and striking features gave Reid a rugged and hard-bitten impression. I was once again reminded how truly misleading looks can be.

"Ready?" I asked him.

The fear that had shown itself in Reid's eyes grew stronger with each second.

"But what if-"

Cutting Reid off, I clicked 'play' on my phone.

"Don't think about it. Just listen."

I reached around Reid and picked up his hoodie from the counter, doing my best to ignore how close we were, and placed it in Reid's free hand.

Reid's eyes seemed as though they were glued to the jacket balled up in his hand, but I knew his mind was focusing on the music playing in his ears; getting lost in its sound.

I dipped down so that I was in his line of sight and cocked my head with question. His eyes met mine, and he nodded of his head. I smiled softly.

I turned the handle to the bathroom door and felt Reid's hand grip mine. I squeezed it back.

I made sure to keep him close to me as we made it into the hall, just before the living room, where the majority of people were pooled.

The vibrations and boom of the base could be felt throughout the body. I just hoped the music plugged into Reid's ears was enough to drown out a least most of the sounds around us.

I walked ahead of Reid, creating a path through the people, hoping to make it easier for him to maneuver through the crowd. I mentally checked every half a second to make sure my hand was still holding his.

We were half way through when I felt something tug at my phone, I looked behind me to see that someone's arm had caught the wire of the earbuds, ripping them from Reid's ears.

As if on queue, a group of guys standing on the couch began to yell to the top of their lungs; cheering on their friend who was chugging a bottle of vodka.

Reid froze. It was as if he was reminded where he was.

Shit.

Reid's eyes had widened with fear as his breath quickened.

Any second he'll be in a full-fledged panic.

Thoughts of urgency rushed through my mind.

What can I do?

How do I stop it?

How do I draw him away from all of that fear?

I did the only thing I could think of.

I placed a hand on his cheek, pulling him towards me as I got up on my toes, and I kissed him.

At first the kiss was soft, but I knew that wasn't enough to completely divert his thoughts.

My hand moved from his cheek to behind his neck, bringing him closer, deepening our kiss with my tongue.

I felt a sensation like fire spread throughout my body and my head spin as Reid soon leaned in, kissing me back.

It was deep, and slow. Intense, but passionate. The unhurried pace steady as we savored the feeling of the other's kiss.

I moved my fingers, intertwining mine with Reid's.

Music boomed through speakers not 15 feet from our heads, colored lights flashed throughout the room, and the people around us were having too much fun to pay attention to two boys kissing.

In that moment, even while we were surrounded by so many others, I felt like we were the only two people in the room.

Though only for a second, I had completely forgotten the reason I kissed him in the first place. I had grown drunk off of the feeling of Reid's tongue moving with mine. I felt my heart throb in my chest as my knees grew weak.

Slowly, I pulled away, setting back down on my heels. Our eyes each looking into the other's, captivated.

My hand slid down until it laid over his chest. His heart was thumping. Hard.

Right, we need to go.

With my face burning hot, I leaned forward to speak into his ear so he could hear me.

"...Focus on me. Only me."

I brought my eyes back to Reid's, and he nodded slowly as if he were in a trance.

We made our way to the door without issue. Though he was trailing right behind, I'm sure Reid never took his eyes off of me.