Take my hands

I hesitated in shaking him just like I have hesitated in making so many other good decisions in times past. I was so afraid. So so afraid of Pain.

Amaya seeing that I wasn't going to shake him now or at anytime soon, took his outstretched hands and shook him instead. She was all smiles, "Your hands are so soft, " she complemented.

"Thank you Amaya, and I am so sorry for butting into your conversation. I know my opinion was quite unsolicited but your argument was one that tickled my fancy. I could not help but listen to it. Usually when I listen to arguments I fancy I tend to want to air my own opinion. I am Sincerely sorry ladies. For all intents and purposes it should be noted that I am usually not like this, I do mind my business as you well know."

"There is no problem. You did make salient points so I am not offended. It's rare to see a man err his views on feminism without being degrading or insulting. So although I do not wholeheartedly agree with your views I do respect them."

She was speaking to him but he was looking at me.

"I do appreciate your honestly. Maybe we will get to talk more on this some other time."

Now he looked at her. "I believe your friend speaks doesn't she."

Amanda chuckled. "Most likely she does."

He turned again to me. "So pretty lady am I forgiven?" He asked with a huge smile. I didn't know what happened but my stomach practically flew to my brain.

There were butterflies in my tommy now, a lot of butterflies.

"I am not one to hold on to a grudge." I choked out. My voice sounded so hoarse I almost face palmed at the first hand embarrassment I was causing myself.

"Thank you. So might I know your name then? I did share mine."

I didn't have time to think if I wanted to tell him my name or not. Amaya nudged me, "Lora." I blurted out.

"Mhm. Lora." He repeated after me all smiles. His smile was so broad and so beautiful I almost smiled too. He was beautiful.

"So now that we are all good how about that handshake Lora?"

He stretched forth his hands but I retracted mine. I put my hands behind my back and stared at the distance.

I didn't shake him because I knew that he would be taken away from me just like everything else I got to care about was taken away from me.

I didn't mind for all others that were taken away because they weren't mine but his was different. I didn't ever want to have to accept that he wasn't mine.

I was used to pain, I only wanted to feel pain. My desire was to feel so much pain that I would finally become numb to it.

If pain should witness me shaking Adam he might become very angry and jealous. He would definitely take him away from me. Pain didn't like me meeting people that could make me happy. I was so surprised that he hasn't started screaming his disapproval yet.

"Well Lora and Amaya, I beg to take my leave now. It was nice meeting you both."

He was looking at Amaya now, he smiled at her and Walked away without sparing me another glance.

I wanted to shout, to call him, to scream his name, I simply wanted to say "save me", " save me Adam because I can't take it anymore. I can't take the pain anymore.

But no matter how much I yearned to shout, my lips pressed together and my tongue got caught up in my jaw in a kiss.

With all the pain in my heart I did not cry, I smiled. Another fake smile that stretched up to my lips and made me look like a monster. I was a beast but the beast who only hurt herself.

Now his gone. Didn't I tell you? Why don't you listen? They never stay Lora. They will never stay. I am the only one who stays, me Lora. Just me. Pain whispers.

Freya returned from talking to one of Olivers friends Abuchi. When he was done talking with her he waved at us before walking away. I didn't wave back.

Oliver was the boyfriend who constantly cheats on Freya then sends his friends to beg her to take him back that's anytime he gets caught. Freya always goes back to him even though I find that their relationship was very toxic.

"Freya!, Oliver has been asking of you, how's Freya he keeps asking." Amaya informed freya in her usual Happy self. "I completely forgot to tell you earlier, Abuchi just made me remember."

Can't you see Lora, again they would forget you exist. Amaya has it all and you have nothing not even your pride. Likes attract dear.

You are nothing but a figment of your own imagination. You do not exist. You are not useful and there is no need living, no one can care for you, no one cares for you, no one can love you, no one can save you, because you are already dead.

I do not think it is possible to save the dead, how do you save someone who is already dead, someone who has been crushed to the very ground she steps on. You do not save such a person. Accept it already Lora.

Give in. Pain growled.

I shivered. Goosebumps decorated my skin.

Pain had become more aggressive.