The Haha Tree - Short Story Submission

Somewhere east of Easter Island, and west of the West Indies lies a small island, across which is a bountiful forest of the most peculiar trees.

The trees were unimaginably tall, were maybe three hundred feet, the trunks of which were as wide as houses and they chuckled, or so it seemed whenever the wind blew through them.

The trees varied in colour from the palest of whites like freshly polished ivory, to the darkest blacks where they caused a hole in the darkness of night.

The tribe that lived within the bases of the trees stared as the strange creature pulled up toward the island and stopped a few hundred feet away.

The island itself had a wide inlet where the creature seemed to come to rest, regarding the island and its inhabitants. The beaches leading into the deep blue ocean were a perfect white and those aboard that had just moored regarded it as a paradise.

Aboard the vessel was one Tom Smith, an adventurer and salesman, always looking for the next big thing to make his fortune, his mind already a whirr of the possibilities of the island, logging, holiday excursions, exotic spices.

The tribe regarded the newcomers climbing down from the great leviathan with simple curiosity, the chief of the tribe walking onto the beach to meet the crew with open arms and a warm smile.

Once they had landed the crew were taken to the largest tree and offered food and water, it was during this meal Tom first experienced the HaHa fruit and set on a journey that would change his life forever.

The fruit in question was quite spectacular in many curious ways, firstly its colouration was breathtaking, bright golds and silvers with vivid red and blue banding, the fruit was perhaps ten to twelve inches long, and the crew soon learnt the second surprising curiosity of the fruit, and that was the way in which the tribe opened the fruit.

At first Tom simply went to cut the fruit open with his pocket knife but the chief laid a hand over the blade and offered him one end of the fruit, confused but intrigued Tom clutched the fruit and as the Chief pulled it away there was a loud audible CRACK sound, with this and he assumed his own shocked reaction the tribe fell about laughing, seemingly echoed by the trees themselves as a wind blew in off the coast rattling the upper branches.

The final surprise was the contents of the fruit itself for it appeared that what Tom had assumed was a the skin of the fruit was actually a husk for a smaller much sweeter fruit inside. This though paled in comparison to the shock Tom experienced when having into the fruit there was a strand of what looked like pressed bark or vine, on which in perfect English was written

'Why Did The Chicken Cross the Carriageway' and on the reverse 'To get to the other side!'

Tom rubbed his eyes assuming perhaps the long voyage had affected his vision making him hallucinate, but no it was agreed amongst the crew the fruit did indeed contain written English.

Tom passed the shell of the fruit to the Chief and watched as the Chief looked into the fruit and the letters seemed to shift and change into shapes he didn't understand, upon looking at the shapes the Chief burst out laughing, Tom and the crew laughing alongside with them heartily for the rest of the night.

The crew and Tom spent the next few months exploring the island gathering surplus fruits and after painstaking attempting to build a dialect with the chief it was agreed that the crew could take barrels of fruit in return for salted meats and tobacco which the Chief and tribesmen of the village seemed to enjoy very much!

Several months after their arrival the crew set sail for England with dreams of riches in their heads.

On returning to London the first thing Tom did was to accompany his men to the University of London where the greatest minds England had to offer could examine both the crew and the fruit itself to confirm it was safe for sale to the general public. After that it was a matter of weeks before every home in the city had Smith's Crackers in their home, each fruit came with a small note about it and the traditional way to open and share it, although no information was given about the other surprises it had in store. Being December by the time the fruits were available for sale Smith used his ingenuity to market the fruits as Christmas decorations encouraging home owners to hang them from their Christmas trees as a the bright colours would surely brighten any home.

The fruits sold like hot cakes and within a month he had already had to arrange a second voyage to the island. It was during this process Tom was approached by several wealthy enterprising individuals, who were all too happy to 'help' Tom with his supply issue, I mean why should Tom have to travel all the way to the other side of God knows where when he could simply sit back and enjoy his new found wealth, and that is exactly what he did.

Within not even two months of making the greatest discover of his life Tom had sold the map and moved onto the important task of enjoying his fortune. It was not long before Tom was attending the most lavish of parties and only slightly longer before he had met and wed one of the most beautiful daughters of one of the most affluent men in London.

Within two years Tom was wed and had his first born son sat upon his knee before the fire place of their grand country manor himself and his wife called home.

That December, the first year in their new home with their newborn son Tom sent one of the kitchen staff out to buy some HaHa fruits to hand on the grand fir tree they had erected in the entrance hall way and adorned with candles. However when they maid returned Tom was instead presented with paper fruit, yes similar in shape and colouration, still with the pop and humour message inside, but a counterfeit none the less.

It took ten minutes for Tom to grab his coat and boots and jump in a carriage for the city. At first his mind was only clouded with rage, he had been taken for a fool, he had sold the golden egg and been left feeling a right turkey! But then another thought crossed his mind, surely someone must be selling authentic Haha fruit in the city? With that thought in his mind he told the driver to take him to each and every purveyor of fruits, vegetables. Oddities and rarities in the city, but to no avail. Next he set off for the financial district and strode into the office of the now much wealthier business owners who owned the rights to the HaHa empire.

Striding into the board room he demanded to know the truth,

'It's more economical' they all exclaimed in unison,

but they had lied to him before and Tom now saw it in their eyes, beyond the greed there was something else, guilt. Within the day Tom had chartered a vessel and crew and set sail for East of Easter and West of the Indies.

Not a single tree stood tall, each had been cut to just above the door way to the excavated bases the tribe had once called home.

The chief of the island met Tom on the beach and embraced him like an old friend, Tom overcome with emotion wept, wept with guilt at the wrath he had inadvertently brought on these people.

The Chief smiled, which surprised Tom, how could he smile?

The tribe had lost everything, their beautiful paradise stripped bare by the greedy travellers he had introduced to them.

The Chief began to walk ahead of Tom along the beach, beckoning him to follow.

Wiping tears from his eyes tom followed the Chief to a cave just at the far end of the beach, inside which stood a stunted Haha tree, its branches meeting the ceiling.

The Chief reached up and knocked one of the few fruit from the tree, and offered it, as he had when they first met to Tom, he took it and CRACK, a single sheet of the paper he had seen years ago fell to the ground.

'Why did the white man come to HaHa'

Turning over the sheet Tom began laughing and passed it to the Chief who in turn read the leaf and began to laugh

with him. The pair walked back to the village tears of laughter in their eyes.