Inner Demons

Silver marched out of the house, shaken by a burning passion. Conall was right. The Guardian wanted to kill those who hurt him, but killing was not the answer. 'Killing only leads to more suffering.'

His feet moved faster and faster. The pain inside him could only be let out with running. Running would not hurt anyone. Silver ran hard, pushing beyond the pain of exertion and racing at inhuman speed. Trees flew past faster than he could notice them, and the Guardian moved at a pace he had never seen before. He was running from a problem that he could not escape, but that did not matter to him. His mind was consumed with spending all the energy he had.

Moving deep into the forest, he continued until his legs threatened to give way underneath him. Coming upon a river, he dowsed his head in the biting cold water. The frigid droplets splashed in every direction as he dropped fully onto the soft, muddy bank.

"You have to relax," he told himself, "It was eight years ago."

Despite his effort, a second voice chimed in Silver's head like a menacing demon, 'You are upset because you killed them.' For a moment, Silver could still feel the flames against his skin. 'It is your fault they are dead. Alexis and Jareth would still be alive if they hadn't taken you in…'

"Don't you think I know that?" Silver said aloud. He pressed his fist to his forehead, trying to block out the thoughts.

'Haven deserved to have parents…and where is she now?' the voice's slippery whisper inquired.

"Be silent!" Silver told the voice. "I did the best I could."

The accusing voice continued, 'You took the coward's way out. For all you know, Haven is dead too.'

"Enough! I took care of her the only way I knew how. She is alive, and I know it. Someday I will find her. Now leave me alone."

The adversary left him as quickly as it had come. Silver breathed deeply.

"Why do I torture myself in this way?" he wondered.

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When Silver headed back to his home, he had been out for most of the day. He had been delayed even more as he carefully avoided both the inn and a certain beautiful brunette's home on his way back. 'No reason to deal with either Conall or Sage just now,' he reasoned. 'In fact, I would rather not deal with anyone the rest of the night.'

Finally closing the door to his house, Silver's hope was immediately shattered as he was met with a barrage of questions from his young roommate.

Ethyn stared wide-eyed at Silver's muddy cloak. He was even more amazed when the Guardian shook the black garment, and it was instantly clean. "Where have you been?"

"Out..."

"Did the town meeting go well?"

Silver shrugged. "I suppose so."

"Didn't you go?"

"Yes."

"Then how was the meeting?" Ethyn pressed.

"Fine."

The boy cocked his head to one side. "Did you sleep by the fire last night?"

Silver froze and looked at his little friend for the first time since entering. His eyes flashed under his hood. "Why do you ask?"

Happy to finally have the boy's attention, Ethyn pointed to the evidence. "Well, you left your pack and blanket by the fireplace. I remember you putting them away last night, so you brought them back out here…So, why did you sleep in here when there is another bedroom?" Ethyn raised his eyebrows.

Silver sighed. There was no use arguing. He turned the question on his young friend, "Why do you think?"

"I think you are scared." Ethyn stated without blinking.

"I am not scared of anything!" Silver said in a fit of anger. 'How dare you!'

Ethyn was not intimidated. He puffed up his chest and spoke firmly. "Oh yes you are! When you are afraid, you get angry to cover it up. You did it just now!"

Seeing the boy's determination, Silver's anger diffused. He nodded. "You are a perceptive young man. But, if you are so smart, what am I afraid of?"

The boy thought for a moment. His contemplation made Silver uncomfortable. Finally Ethyn spoke. "I think…I think you are afraid that if you go into that room, she is really gone."

Silver had no response. He sat down at the table, digesting the words.

"But,"Ethyn continued, "she is never really gone because you hold her in your memory… Just like my mother." Pointing to his head and then his heart, the red-headed boy gave a contended smile. "She will always be there and there." Ethyn reached out and put his hand on Silver's arm. "Who is 'she'?"

"Maybe you'll meet her someday…" Silver responded, evading the question. His voice softened. It was nice to have a young voice around. Especially one who could see through him so easily. "Thank you," he added absentmindedly.

Ethyn wondered at Silver's response, but he decided not to push the matter. The boy's face split with a wide grin. "I am glad I met you, Silver."

"I am glad I met you too, Buddy-boy…" Silver allowed a little sarcasm in his voice. He was not much for sentimentality.

However, Ethyn was unrelenting. He furrowed his brow and placed his hands on his hips. "No really, I mean it! Even if you kick me out tomorrow, this is the best time I have had in my life, and I will not forget it."

Before Silver could respond, Ethyn wrapped his arms around him and squeezed tight. This display of affection was foreign to Silver.

'Accosted by hugs twice in one day. I am getting soft,' he mused. He patted Ethyn on the back a few times in hopes it was enough. 'He's a sweet boy. A little too much on the touching though.'

After a moment, Silver wrenched himself from the boy's grip. "Yes, well. Ahem. Enough of that for now. Are you hungry?"

"I could eat a bear!" Ethyn licked his lips. He had a furious appetite for one so thin.

"I am sure you could. Unfortunately all we have is bread, vegetables and I can boil some hen meat. I will keep an eye out for bears next time." Silver chuckled. He took a bucket from the fireplace and chucked it at the boy. "Now it is time for your first chore so you can earn your keep. Fetch some water!"

Ethyn saluted. "Right away!"

Dinner was a joint effort between the two males, and though it was after dark when they finished, the result was very satisfying. Doing his best not to be a burden, Ethyn did the dishes while Silver chopped and stacked wood for the next few days outside. Then after a little chatting by the fire, Ethyn rose abruptly.

"Ok, I am tired. Goodnight!" With that Ethyn disappeared into his room.

'Well that was easy. He'll make a good trainee for a knight. He knows the importance of food and rest.' Silver smiled to himself. For a moment, Silver forgot his troubles, but the moment was all too short.

The cracked door beckoned him. This time was different though. Yes, his heart was burdened, but the excruciating pain that usually accompanied his thoughts was gone. Ethyn's words and company had been the salve to nurse his open wound. 'It is time.' With determination, Silver gathered his things and pushed the door open with no ceremony. The ghost that plagued him vanished.

Inside the room lay a bed and a chest. Silver blew the dust from the chest. The particles filled the air, reflecting the firelight from the other room like glints of stardust.

Opening the small chest at the edge of the bed, Silver held his breath. On top of the folded clothes was something he had nearly forgotten. He pulled out a lovely toy doll. It was small, but well kept, obviously a favorite. Silver smiled sadly and laid it back in the chest just as he had found it.

Instinctively the Guardian touched a silver object around his neck. Pulling it from beneath his tunic, Silver examined the necklace that held a fairy pendant. The delicate lines of the fairy's wings made the trinket seem to actually be flying. It was so lifelike that Silver almost swore that he had seen it move on occasion. It was a masterpiece.

'This necklace belongs with a lady, not some common thief.' Silver tucked the necklace back beneath his clothes. His thoughts once again drifted to Haven. She deserved to have her necklace back, and he would deliver it to her. "I will keep it safe," he said softly. "Someday, I will find you."