34. Big Gay Dinner - AU Version

It was a few weeks later, and it was almost Waverly’s 22nd birthday, which luckily landed on a Saturday...which meant that Nicole would be able to surprise Waverly with a surprise birthday party with all of her friends and family. …or at least she would have, if Waverly hadn’t guessed it…

Two weeks earlier

“Why are you texting Wynonna?” Waverly asked as she laid in bed next to Nicole after a long day of work.

“I just wanted to talk to her.” Nicole replied without looking up from her phone as she continued typing.

“Since when?” Waverly snorted. Then, her eyes went wide and she quickly sat up.

“Oh my god! You’re planning a surprise birthday party for me, aren’t you?!”

“…no.” Nicole said hesitantly. It really was difficult for her to lie to Waverly.

“I knew it!”

Nicole cursed herself for being so weak.

Now it was just two days before the big bash, and all of Nicole’s planning was coming together without a hitch. Everyone she had invited has RSVP’d with a ‘yes’, Nicole had managed to buy all of the decorations on sale – without Waverly seeing them, thankfully – and the cake was designed and ready to take into the bakery. Now all she had to do was actually put everything together on the day of the party, which meant that now, she could relax. …or at least relax as much as she could at work.

“Hey Haught, do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?” Lonnie asked as he held his watch in his hands, broken into two separate pieces.

Nicole sighed before putting on the best fake smile she could manage. “Did you check the communal toolbox Lonnie?”

“Oh…no, I hadn’t thought of that.” He chuckled before turning on his heels and strolling off.

“Lonnie is really one of a kind, isn’t he?” Dolls said as he rolled over from his desk to Nicole’s in his desk chair.

“I seriously don’t know how he gets dressed in the morning.”

Dolls laughed as he shook his head. “Beats me. Hey, so what should I bring for this birthday party?”

“Just your appetite!”

“Will Wynonna be there?” Dolls asked hopefully.

Nicole glared at him. “She’s Waverly’s sister…of course she’s going to be there. But no funny business!” She pointed a firm finger at him. “This party is a fun gathering of friends and family for Waverly’s birthday filled with cake, annoying pop music, and maybe some ping pong if I can fix my old table in time. And I will not let you ruin it with the awkward sounds of you and Wynonna getting it on just because you can’t keep it in your pants, got it?”

Dolls kicked his chair back about a foot as he held his hands up in defense. “Okay, okay. Understood.”

“Good.” Nicole put her finger down.

“So, who all is coming to this party anyway?”

“Wynonna and Gus, obviously…you, Jeremy and Robin, Darren, Chrissy, and her friend Rosita.”

“Rosita’s the one who works at the sex store, right?” Dolls asked as he wiggled his eyebrows.

Nicole elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to grunt. “Yes, and don’t say it like that. It’s annoying.”

“Well it’s not my fault that the whole town found out that you and Waverly shop there!”

“It was one time! And it’s not even that big of a deal!” Nicole stated, obviously frustrated.

Dolls snorted. “This is Purgatory. Everything sex related is a big deal.” He rolled back over to his desk.

Nicole knew he was right. If it wasn’t a big deal, the whole thing wouldn’t have been such hot gossip for the past three weeks. She blamed Chrissy and Darren for talking about it in public on one of their coffee dates, but she knew that ultimately it wasn’t their fault. The truth was that she shouldn’t be too bothered by it. It’s not like anybody knew exactly what they bought, just that they were in there. For all they knew, she and Nicole could’ve walked in and walked right back out without even buying anything, but she knew that whatever their imaginations were conjuring up was way worse than what actually happened. And even though she wanted to correct them so many times that they in fact did not purchase a sex swing nor did they buy a beginner’s bondage kit, she knew that it was best not to say anything. She really didn’t want to share her and Waverly’s private business. Instead, she would have to ignore it and wait for the whole thing to blow over.

Nicole sighed as she adverted her attention back to her work and continued filling out the case report she had started on earlier. After writing only a couple of sentences, her phone lit up revealing a new text from Waverly. She smiled as she set her pen down and picked up the phone.

Waverly: Hey babe, hope you’re having a good day! Jeremy stopped by. Apparently he wants us to have a double date with him and Robin tonight at his apartment. He’s a little nervous about Robin meeting us at the party so he wants to do it beforehand without other people getting in the way. You in?

Nicole smiled. She had never actually been on a double date before, and it actually sounded really fun. Plus, with both of their jobs getting crazy lately with the new school year starting back up – college students were buying more coffee and more cars and busses on the road meant more traffic accidents – she and Waverly hadn’t been on a true date in forever.

Nicole: I would love that!

She immediately typed out a new text.

Nicole: But wait, I thought you already knew Robin?

Waverly: Well yeah, he was Chrissy’s boyfriend in high school and I kind of talked to him a little then, but that was several years ago. He could be a different person now.

Nicole: Ah, gotcha. Well, I can’t wait to meet him!

Waverly: I can’t wait to have a Big Gay Dinner!

---

Later that night

“Hey guys! Glad you could make it!” Jeremy said to Nicole and Waverly as they entered his small apartment.

“Wow, Jeremy, the place looks…uh, nice.” Waverly said cautiously as she eyed the numerous amounts of odd science experiments that laid throughout random areas of the place.

“Yeah, I hear glass beakers are all the rage in fashionable home décor these days.” Nicole laughed at her own joke, but immediately stopped when Waverly slapped her in the stomach and glared at her.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Jeremy replied sarcastically.” These are just some of the experiments I’ve started in my spare time. They’ll all be finished…eventually.”

“Better late than never, honey.” Robin said as he rubbed Jeremy’s back.

“Yeah, but better sooner than later,” Nicole whispered to Waverly, receiving another glare.

“Nicole,” Waverly warned in a high-pitched whisper.

Nicole threw her hands up in defense. “Okay, okay. Sorry.”

“Here, uh, let me take your coats.” Jeremy took Nicole and Waverly’s jackets from them and set them on the wall hooks by the door.

“You guys got here just in time. Dinner is just about ready!” Robin said with a hearty smile.

“It smells amazing!” Waverly said excitedly.

Jeremy wrapped an arm around Robin’s shoulders. “Yep, my man is the best chef in town.”

“Well, compared to Jeremy, everyone is a good chef,” Robin said with his hand covering his mouth, as if it were a secret.

Everyone laughed, including Jeremy.

“It’s true, I’m terrible at cooking.” Jeremy admitted with a chuckle.

“So, what did you make for dinner Robin?” Nicole asked, smiling at the man she had heard so much about. His hair really was perfect.

“Well, on the menu for tonight is some smoked tofu with grilled veggie kebabs and roasted potatoes. Hope you guys don’t mind a vegan meal.”

“You’re vegan?!” Waverly asked incredulously.

“Yep! Have been for about two years now.” Robin stated proudly.

“Oh my god, me too!” Waverly squealed.

“No way! Do you want to help me with the meal presentation for our fellow meat-eaters?” Robin asked smoothly as he held out an elbow for Waverly to take.

“Duh!” Waverly wrapped her arm around Robin’s as they walked into the kitchen.

“I can’t tell if that was really cute or really annoying.” Nicole chuckled as she watched her girlfriend disappear around the corner. When Jeremy didn’t respond, she looked over at him and noticed him staring blankly down the hallway that led to the kitchen.

“Jeremy,” Nicole said firmly as she snapped her fingers in front of his face, causing him to jump.

“Huh? Oh, sorry. I kind of spaced out there.”

Nicole looked down and noticed him fidgeting with the drawstring of his khaki joggers. “Are you okay? You seem kind of nervous.”

“Me? Nervous? HA! Yeah right.” He took a step closer to Nicole. “Speaking of nerves, did you know that there are more nerve cells in the human brain than there are stars in the Milky Way Galaxy?” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Okay, you’re doing that nervous thing you do where you stand really close to me and spew out random facts, and it’s starting to freak me out.” Nicole gently pushed on his shoulder, effectively moving him out of her personal bubble.

“Oh. My bad.” He chuckled awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his hair. “I guess I am a little nervous.”

“Why? It’s just dinner.”

“I guess I’m just afraid that you and Waves won’t like him. I mean, you two are my best friends. I just really want us to all get along.”

Nicole’s face relaxed into a reassuring smile as she placed her hands on Jeremy’s shoulders in front of her, as if she were about to give him a pep talk. “Jeremy, we trust your judgement. If Robin makes you happy, then we’re happy. Besides, he’s vegan, so I think Waverly already likes him.” Nicole laughed as she placed a hand flatly on his chest before dropping her arms down by her sides.

“True. Okay, okay. I’m calming down.” Jeremy inhaled through his nose and exhaled out of his mouth.

“Besides, I think what you really need to worry about is these science experiments. Are these even safe to have in such a confined space?” Nicole asked with concern as she eyed a glass container that had some weird kind of fungus growing in it.

“They’re all safe! Trust me, I know what I’m doing. Nothing could go wrong.” Jeremy stated confidently with his hands on his hips, but Nicole was unconvinced.

“I think this one is moving...” Nicole pointed to a different jar with a worried expression.

Jeremy grabbed Nicole’s shoulders and led her towards the living room. “Okay, why don’t we go make ourselves comfortable on the couch while we wait for our baes to come get us.”

---

“I still can’t believe you dated Chrissy for two semesters.” Waverly stated as she stuck some vegetables onto a skewer.

“Hey, Chrissy is nice!” Robin defended.

“Of course she’s nice, she’s my best friend! I just mean, it was so obvious that you had a crush on Bobby Sullivan.” She chuckled.

“Yeah, well, Bobby Sullivan was a total catch.” Robin playfully stared dreamily off into space.

“Yeah, he was a catch alright, catching STDs! You know he’s the reason for that chlamydia outbreak back in grade 10?”

Robin’s jaw dropped. “That was Bobby?!”

“Yep! And then the school hired someone to come in during homeroom and give us that awkward sex talk.” Waverly shuddered at the memory.

“I remember that. Chrissy and I had the same homeroom and it was super awkward.”

“Well, I’m glad your taste in men has improved.” Waverly teased as she nudged his arm.

“Well I’m glad that your taste in women is better than your taste in men. I mean, Champ Hardy? Really?”

“Ugh, don’t even remind me.” Waverly rolled her eyes as she grabbed another skewer. “Trust me, nobody’s happier about that break up than me.”

“That guy was not a big fan of the gays from what I remember.”

“Still isn’t.” Waverly rolled her eyes. “He flipped out when he found out about me and Nicole.”

“Well that I understand. I’m sure you bruised his fragile ego pretty badly.” Both of them laughed. “He once walked in on me and Danny Wayne in the boys’ locker room after practice you know.” Robin smirked.

“You kissed Danny Wayne?!” Waverly asked incredulously.

“Who said anything about kissing?” He winked.

Waverly dropped her half-filled skewer onto the plate and lightly smacked his arm with the back of her hand. “Robin, you fox!”

Robin laughed and shrugged. “I think it traumatized ol’ Champ. I’ve never seen such a brawny guy run so fast.”

“Well he deserved it.” Waverly snorted as she finished filling the last skewer. “Alright, I think these veggie kebabs are done!”

“And so is the smoked tofu.” Robin smiled as he placed the tofu strips onto a long, oval, decorative plate.

“Then I guess we better get our meat-eaters in here and show them some amazing cuisine!”

---

“Okay, wait, no way that actually happened!” Jeremy exclaimed through the room full of laughter.

“I swear!” Nicole replied.

“That guy seriously asked you why you were in his kitchen? Are you sure he wasn’t just messing with you?” Robin chuckled.

“Well, he was drunk off his ass, so I’m sure he genuinely thought that he was in his house and not at the Purgatory police station.” Nicole replied, laughing at the memory.

“Lucky for you he walked right in there!” Waverly laughed.

“Yep! Did half my job for me. It was also super easy to handcuff him and put him in jail with the rest of the drunks for the night. Now that was not a fun graveyard shift.”

“Man, that beer festival must have been crazy.” Jeremy stated as he happily took a bite of his smoked tofu.

“I’m already planning for next year’s.” Nicole ate the last grilled pepper of her veggie kebab. “You know Robin, I have to admit, this meal was actually really amazing.” She grinned.

Robin held his arms out. “Ah, see? Being vegan isn’t so bad after all, right?”

“I’ve actually been thinking about becoming vegan for a while now.” Nicole admitted.

“You have?” Waverly asked, surprised.

“Well, you inspire me. I love how aware you are of your environmental impact. Besides, we eat dinner every night together so I pretty much eat mostly vegan now anyways.”

“Guess now that means Jeremy has to become vegan too!” Robin teased as he elbowed Jeremy in the side.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Jeremy chuckled as he shook his head.

“Do it! Do it! Do it!” They all chanted, pounding their fists on the table.

“Okay, okay! I’ll try it.”

“Yes!” Waverly cheered as the other two applauded.

Once the laughter died down, a comfortable silence filled the room as everyone happily enjoyed their meal.

“So, how did you two meet?” Robin finally asked.

Nicole and Waverly looked at each other, smiling at the memory.

“Well, I work at The Grind down on Main Street and Nicole would come in every morning for coffee…”

“Americano with a little bit of half and half steamed in, and a dash of cinnamon.” Waverly and Nicole said simultaneously before laughing.

“Wow. That’s a very specific order.” Robin chuckled.

“Well, you know how picky police officers are with their coffee,” Jeremy commented. “Hey, have you guys heard that joke about the cop and the doughnut?”

Nicole glared at him while Waverly shook her head, warning him ‘no’ and Robin just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Got it. Shut up Jeremy.” Jeremy said as he sunk down into his chair.

“Anyways, we started hanging out and one day Waves left her bag at the police station. I went over to her house to return it, we kissed, and the rest is history.” Nicole stated proudly.

“That all sounds very romantic.” Robin smiled at the two of them.

“The best part is that they had both been crushing hardcore on each other for three months before either of them said anything! Nicole went in every morning and ordered coffee from Waverly, and Waverly knew Nicole’s order by heart…and yet, both of them were oblivious to the signs!” Jeremy laughed and Robin chuckled.

“Three months? That’s a pretty long build up.” Robin stated, slightly surprised. “I thought women were supposed to be good at reading the signs.”

“In my defense, Waverly had a boyfriend.” Nicole said with a raised finger.

“And in my defense, I assumed Nicole was out of my league.” Waverly said in a similar tone. “I mean, just look at her! She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” Waverly gushed as she looked over at Nicole.

“Baby, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” Nicole replied before leaning in to kiss a blushing Waverly.

“Ahem.” Jeremy dramatically cleared his throat behind his fist and gave them a knowing look.

“Sorry.” Nicole and Waverly mumbled as they blushed.

“So, who’s ready for dessert?” Robin asked, looking around the table.

---

“Okay, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m stuffed.” Nicole said as she slumped down into her chair, taking her cloth napkin from her lap and setting it on the table.

“Me too. That vegan cheesecake was so rich.” Jeremy copied Nicole’s actions.

“Yeah, seriously Robin, this meal was fantastic.” Waverly complimented with a warm smile as she rubbed his arm.

“Aw, thanks you guys.” Robin blushed.

“And since you cooked, I’ll do the cleaning.” Jeremy stood up from his chair and grabbed a couple of plates. “Waverly, do you mind helping me?” He gave her a look that made it obvious that he wanted to talk to her about something.

“Yeah, sure.” She grabbed the other two plates and followed Jeremy into the kitchen.

“Uh oh. The look.” Nicole said to Robin feigning concern once the other two had left the room.

“I’m sure it’s just Jeremy being Jeremy, freaking out over nothing.” Robin chuckled.

“Probably.” Nicole nodded. “So, spill it.” She said with a knowing look as she crossed her arms over her chest, still leaning back in her chair.

Robin furrowed his brow and cocked his head. “Um, spill what?”

“The recipe for that vegan cheesecake so that I can spoil Waverly.” She winked.

“Well, it’s all in the vegan cream cheese…”

---

As Jeremy and Waverly set the dishes in the sink, they each put on a pair of yellow rubber gloves and began rinsing the leftover food from the plates and putting them in the dishwasher.

“Okay, so what’s up?” Waverly asked after waiting a solid five seconds for Jeremy to say something. She was impatient when it came to her curiosities.

“I have no idea what to call Robin.” Jeremy sighed.

Waverly looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Oh, um, okay. Well, Nicole and I usually use ‘baby’ or ‘love’. Sometimes ‘honey’ makes its way in there, but that’s usually only when the other does something really cute–”

“No, I mean, I don’t know how to define our relationship.” Jeremy said, cutting her off. “I mean, we’ve been dating for six weeks, and he’s never once brought up the topic of being boyfriends.” Jeremy froze and his eyes widened as a thought crossed his mind. “Oh my gosh. What’s if this is just casual? What if he’s actually seeing other people and I’ve had no idea this whole time! Or what if he’s actually a Russian convict who escaped from prison and he’s here to kill me and take all of my stuff!”

Waverly threw off her wet gloves and grabbed his shoulders. “Okay, Jeremy, breathe. Robin’s not the type to multitask people, and…Russian convict? Really?” She glared at him.

He shrugged. “I saw it in a documentary I watched recently. This woman was married to a guy for five years and it turned out that it was all just an elaborate plan and he was actually a serial killer.”

“Okay, well Robin isn’t a serial killer…” Waverly drew out, still slightly surprised at how quickly Jeremy’s mind took such a drastic turn. “And I’m sure you don’t have to worry about anyone coming in here and stealing your jar of mold.” She rolled her eyes.

Jeremy pursed his lips and lowered his eyelids as he folded his arms across his chest. “It’s not mold, it’s a highly intelligent type of fungus…and you sound like Nicole.”

“The point is, he really likes you. So just talk to him about the label thing, and I’m sure he’ll feel the same way. I mean, like you said, it’s been six weeks.” She put her gloves back on and rinsed off the last dish before handing it to Jeremy to place in the dishwasher.

“How long did it take for you and Nicole to define your relationship?” Jeremy asked, putting in dishwasher detergent and starting the machine before leaning against the counter.

“We were girlfriends one week after our first date.” Waverly smiled as her mind flooded with the memories of that weekend of their first time together.

“Well, lesbians move fast. Guys are more scared of commitment.”

“Even gay guys?” Waverly asked curiously.

“I think all men have a similar way of thinking to some degree. I mean, biologically speaking, females are built to be the nesters and males are designed to…well, not be the nesters. Every guy I’ve ever been with hasn’t been into the whole monogamy thing.” Jeremy shrugged.

“Yeah but you can’t just assume that all guys are like that. Are you like that?”

“Well, no…”

“See. It all depends on the person. I’m sure Robin is just waiting for you to bring it up.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

---

After Jeremy and Waverly finished with the dishes, the four of them began a rousing game of Settlers of Catan – all playing individually instead of on teams, of course. They were about halfway into the game, and Jeremy had spent the whole time trying to subtly get some answers from Robin…

“Wow, you’re very committed to building that road. Would you say that level of commitment transpires throughout all aspects of your life?”

“Would you rather have three occasional settlements, or one long-term settlement? Pretend points aren’t involved…”

“How do you feel about two-for-one ports?”

All of these questions earned a confused look from Robin as Waverly and Nicole looked at each other knowingly, trying their best not to laugh. As soon as Jeremy started asking about Robin collecting multiple amounts of ‘wood’, Waverly desperately tried to stop him. She popped up from her chair and cut him off before he could even finish asking his question.

“Well, I think it’s time we have our mid-game Margaritas. Jeremy, mind helping me in the kitchen?” Her glare indicated that he had no choice but to say ‘yes’.

“Uh, yeah…yeah, sure.” He stood up from his chair and placed a hand on Robin’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back, so don’t go anywhere! Remember, roads are better when they don’t split off in different directions.” He stared a little too intensely into Robin’s eyes, trying to gage his reaction.

Robin chuckled awkwardly. “Uh, okay?”

Jeremy smiled at him and nodded before walking off, and Nicole sighed as she placed a hand over her forehead, sinking into her chair and wishing she didn’t have to witness the cringy train wreck that was happening right in front of her.

Robin leaned over the table towards Nicole with a furrowed brow and thumb pointed over his shoulder as he said in a quiet voice, “Does it seem like he’s acting weirder than usual to you?”

“It’s probably all these weird science experiments he’s been working on. Probably doesn’t open the windows.” Nicole stated with a forced laugh, and Robin nodded in response, still a little concerned.

As soon as Jeremy and Waverly reached the kitchen, Waverly spun around and smacked him on the arm.

“Ow!” He yelped, rubbing the spot Waverly had hit. “What was that for?!”

“What are you doing?” She nagged with folded arms. “You’re being super weird and awkward!”

“I’m just trying to see if Robin is the commitment type!”

“Okay, then ask him that, but not in a way that ruins Catan for me!”

“Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll stop with the relationship subtext.” He held up his hands in surrender

“Thank you. Now help me make these drinks.”

When they got back to the table, Nicole and Robin were sitting quietly, looking at their cards and each trying to come up with their own individual strategies.

Jeremy had put some extra tequila in his margarita to give himself some liquid courage to talk to Robin later about defining their relationship, but ended up giving himself a little too much liquid courage, because about fifteen minutes later he blurted out, “Will you be my boyfriend?!” Loudly to Robin.

Nicole and Waverly froze as Robin looked a bit startled. Waverly wanted Jeremy to talk to Robin about his feelings, but she wasn’t expecting him to abruptly yell out the question without any buildup, and she definitely wasn’t expecting it to be while she and Nicole were still there.

“W-what?” Robin asked, still a little shocked.

“I mean, we’ve been dating for six weeks, and according to my research that should be plenty of time to define a relationship.” Jeremy explained.

“You did research?” Robin let out a short laugh. “That’s so cute.”

“So...is that a yes?” Jeremy asked hopefully.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Robin grinned and pulled Jeremy into a kiss.

Waverly leaned into Nicole and Nicole wrapped her arm around Waverly as they smiled at the two, happy for their friend. But when the kiss became heated, they quickly began to feel awkward.

“Uh, should we leave?” Nicole whispered to Waverly.

“I think that would be best.” Waverly whispered back.

“Well, it’s getting late, so we’re going to head out. Thanks for dinner you guys.” Nicole said as she and Waverly stood up from their seats.

“Yeah, thanks for dinner, we really enjoyed it!” Waverly added.

Without breaking the kiss, Jeremy gave them a quick wave before putting his hands around the back of Robin’s head through his short hair.

Nicole and Waverly quickly made their way out of the apartment. The sounds of the door shutting broke Jeremy and Robin out of their trance and they pulled away, panting and smiling as they stared into each other’s eyes.

“Want to go to your bedroom?” Robin asked.

“Yes.” Jeremy replied without skipping a beat before grabbing Robin’s hand and pulling him hastily down the hallway.