Chapter • 52

♱ •⋅ 1750 B.C. ⋅• ♱ •⋅ Elaine ⋅• ♱

"Hello... sweetie" she said and even if my body did not react, even if I was just a spectator trapped in a piece of meat with arms and legs that did not respond to me, I shuddered.

Had her voice always been like that? She had always had that intonation full of... what was that? Malice? No... it was different, it was different from how much Asmodeus mumbled that nickname; it was not disgusting or scary, it was almost... tempting.

I thanked for a moment - I thanked that my body did not respond to me, that my senses were different from what it really looked like - otherwise -, I was sure that my cheeks would be red as if they would bleed at any time.

But... she was there, her eyes were staring at me, her feet were in front of me and all I wanted was to say her name. I felt it in my tongue, I felt each one of those letters, I felt as if I was able to do it and then free myself, free myself from those bonds, from that place, from that eternal prison.

"As... ra..." I heard myself saying and that was not the tedious voice that my body commonly used, it was mine, my voice - not that of the saint in me-, there is no God "whom I serve unconditionally," it was mine, the voice that wanted to call her, who wanted to ask: What's different about it?

What I wanted to ask...

Please... save me, please...

But the eyes that resembled grenades stared at me, looked at me as if I was able to see my soul, to see everything in me and by all the existing Gods, I practically begged for it to be true - so I could really, to get me out of there, but she just smiled, a smile so...

Tempting.

The icy tip of her heel touched my chin and without much delicacy, she made me lift my face.

"Look into my eyes" Asra said "look into my eyes and tell me, oh holy that serves God, oh voice of all humans... how can you not know the location of the pope?" there was disdain in his voice, there was irony and I remembered well that look, the look full of mistrust and bitterness.

It was Asra...

Gelei.

It was really Asra and then it wasn't anymore, so I could see a different glow.

My whole body screamed with pain, the pain that made me fall to the ground - without strength, without voice -, it was the fault of those handcuffs. Yes. The handcuffs, the handcuffs capable of preventing the divine power from flowing through my body.

Callisto had put them on Michael when he will try to take me from the castle by force and now... now I was experiencing that same pain.

What was that? A revenge?

Did God finally get tired of my existence?

I dared to be happy with this idea, but I knew - well, deep down, I always knew -, that that selfish bastard would never let me go.

I heard Asra snitch.

"You want to kill me so bad, "saint"? It's a pity... it will only cause pain to itself... or is that another way your "God" shows how much he cares about you?"

How could she know?

"Maybe..." my lips murmured and widened my eyes.

I had spoken out.

No God.

Not the saint, but me.

My face rose briefly and I could see Asra's face becoming slightly gloomy, it was almost as if she had understood.

"Asra" the voice of Callisto seemed worried and I heard his footsteps approach, soon his hand rested on her shoulder. Disgust.

Why was I disgusted? What was wrong? She was your concubine and this had never been a problem before... so why?

"Better send her back" he said "she won't be useful."

Another and another one.

Another wave of divine power and I screamed, screamed as I writhed on the floor.

"You are my daughter" the voice now did not seem happy and much less friendly, it was as if I was remembering, as if angry. Mad that I was there, mad that I wasn't like I always was.

"You are the saint of the lord, my voice among men... do not dare to forget, mortal" he practically growled and my whole body froze.

He could kill me, so why didn't he? My eyes were full of tears and I could feel the saliva flowing from the corner of my mouth.

I was suffocating, out of breath, without a single moment of peace between all the agony that struck me and another wave of divine power arose.

Only the voice of Callisto and Asra came to mind, but they were far, far away...

"No" I heard Asra murmur and felt a warm hand on my arm "lift up" she practically ordered.

Was she?

I wanted to see her, I wanted to see the expression on her face, I wanted to see if Calisto was still there...

Grunhi, it was so hard.

Why was I still hoping? I was just a spectator, just a puppet of the lord.

The saint of God.

The holy one...

Just the saint.

"Shut up" I trembled with that voice, it was fluid and delicate, it was sound and, at the same time, melodious, it was not the voice of God and nor of his angels, it was not... my voice.

Was it... was it Asra?

I grunted again feeling my head spinning, feeling everything hurt.

It couldn't have been.

"Shut up and listen to me carefully," she said and almost as if used to hearing her, I did.

"Take a slow breath"

"Slowly, inhale and then exhale, come on, it's not that hard"

His voice continued and for the first time - for the first time in thousands of lives, so many that I got lost, I did.

I breathed, my body seemed to respond little by little and my lungs simply inflated with the air I forced them to pull and then let go.

Again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

I was just breathing.

I felt the tears burn in my eyes.

I was just breathing...

It was my body, my senses, my air.

I was there, I was breathing.

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