chapter 18: Nox

I am looking out the window silently, searching for my mate. I have spent every day since he'd left in this position, staring out at the village for hours in hopes of seeing him riding home. Kero had been here since week six, caring for me. I seem to have caught some kind of bug from our adventure to the palace. Kero says he simply couldn't bring himself to leave me when I was ill. He often brought me food from the market and made sure I was taking care of my basic needs while I waited. I think Kero is giving me bad food, I was gaining weight even though I wasn't eating any more than I normally did. Kero thinks it's because I spend my days doing virtually nothing. I sleep, eat, get sick, and wait at the window before repeating it all. Kero wants me to start venturing out into the village, meet people. I tell him I do not want to risk getting any of them sick. Kero fears I will not get better any longer and that he will need to stay until Ryan returns. He also fears being called into battle. Who will care for me if he's gone? We were going in circles. I didn't care. I just wanted my alpha home.

"Nox, come eat. I've made chicken noodle soup," I sigh softly and leave the window. A hand settles over my stomach as I make my way to the kitchen. Two bowls sit on the table. I sit down and watch as Kero sets waters on the table before taking a seat.

"What happened to your neck?" I ask suddenly. I could see the scar clearly today. Usually Kero wore a scarf or something, but not today. The gross, red scar was apparent. It vaguely reminded me of a mating mark, but beta's couldn't get those, only omegas. Kero gently touches the deformed flesh and sighs.

"Have I ever told you Ryan and my story?" I shake my head. "Do you want to hear it?"

"Yes please," I say softly. Kero takes a bite of his soup before leaning back in his chair.

"Ryan and I grew up in the same village. It was made up of only betas. Ryan was born to beta parents but presented as an alpha, this made him a freak in our village. Lucky for him, I decided to take him under my wing seeing as I was a few years older than him,"

"Were you two a thing? " I ask softly, staring at the bite mark again.

"For a little while, but Ryan wasn't happy with the idea of us being unable to conceive pups one day. Ryan was obsessed with the idea of finding the perfect mate and pupping them," I nod and take a few bites of my food, watching him skeptically. It didn't sound like Ryan, not in the slightest.

"In our early teens, a new family moved to the village, an alpha and omega couple with their omega daughter Ariana. Ryan fell in love with her almost instantly. They were inseparable and they believed when they came of age they would mate. Two years before they were set to mate, the village was burned down. Ryan and I had been away, he was helping me to seek out a mentor. When we returned, we found no one had made it out alive," I bite my lip and look at the food silently.

"Is that why Ryan doesn't want a family?" I ask softly.

"That's a part of it, yes," Kero lets out a soft breath and continues. "The king had offered us refuge in his palace for a short time. It was there that we learned an enemy of the court was responsible for the death of our village. Ryan swore to get revenge and began training under the king as a warrior. I went into the medical field,"

"Okay, but that doesn't explain how you got your scar. Is it from Ryan?" Kero smiles a bit and shakes his head.

"No no, Ryan and I never got that serious. Eat a bit more and I'll tell you more," I nod and shovel more food into my mouth and force myself to swallow. I knew a bit about Ryan from his time in the palace, I may have watched him train from afar. I blush at the memory and look back up at Kero for more of the story.

"So, after years of our collective studies, Ryan and I join the fighting. He was a savage on the battlefield, slaughtering anyone who dared stand against him. He was very similar to General Erika Margaux,"

"I know her! She trained Ryan at the palace! She even had a beta mate before she died!" I blurt out. Kero cocks his head and watches me silently, his eyes searching me.

"Wait… Kero, were you Erika's mate?" I sit up a bit straighter, awe sliding over me. An alpha taking a beta mate was so rare. Who would've thought I would know someone who was a part of that lifestyle.

"Nox, how did you know Erika trained Ryan?" I bite my lip and look away from Kero's sad eyes.

"I worked in the palace when Ryan was training. Ryan and I never met there, but I knew Erika. She was always so kind to the staff. She would go out of her way to talk to us and make us feel like we were human," I smile a bit as I remember the fiery haired woman. She had been huge, just like most Alpha's. Nearly six four and buff. She had long red hair that she had tied in intricate knots. Her skin was dark and her eyes were an emerald green. She truly was a sight to behold. Kero nods to me.

"Erika and I fell in love during Ryan's first battle. From then on, I followed them around like a puppy, treating our warriors and falling deeper in love with Erika. After three years, I asked her to mate me. That's when she gave me this," Kero's long fingers gently glide over the scar. It was a lot less ugly now than when I first saw it. It had a meaning now. How could something representing true love ever be considered ugly? I was a fool for ever thinking such negative thoughts about Kero's scar. "I continued to follow her into battle. I was there when she gave her life for Ryan's. I was there when Ryan realized love was cursed," Kero shakes his head sadly and looks down to his cold soup.

"She gave her life for Ryan? I never knew that. They said she died a hero, but I never imagined," I could feel tears pricking my eyes. It was so sad. "Do you believe love is cursed?"

"Absolutely not. I was lucky to have loved. I would not trade a moment of my time with Erika to change her fate. She died with honor and I know she cherished me." I nod.

"Do you still love her?" Kero laughs softly, his eyes crinkling with mirth.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I do," I nod and take another few spoonfuls of soup as I try to gather my thoughts.

"Do you think Ryan hates me?" I ask, my mind returning to what Kero had said about Ryan believing love to be cursed.

"If he hated you, he would've left you in the woods," I nod.

"Do you think he resents me? I'm sure I can never replace Ariana… and I failed to give him pups. Maybe he was right," Kero takes my bowl away, knowing I wouldn't be eating any more. When it's gone, he kneels before me and takes my hands.

"You're right, you will never be able to replace Ariana. But, Ariana is in his past and you are in his future. You take up a different part of that man's heart, I know it. As for the pups, I have my suspicions about failing,"

"You do? Do you think I'm pregnant? Oh gods, if I am, will Ryan be happy? Will he hate me? Will he hate them?" I could feel panic filling my body. Kero squeezes my hands tightly to gain my attention.

"I do think you're carrying. I think Ryan will have a lot of complicated emotions to sift through. But, I know he won't hate you nor will he hate your children. He isn't that kind of person," I nod and slip my hands from Kero's and move them to my stomach.

"Thank you, Kero. I," I pause and take a very slow breath. "I'm going back to the room. Good night," Kero lets out a sigh and stands.

"Of course. Good night, Nox,"