V: Adjusting to Life Part 2

The words register in my head, but what to do does not.

My soul whimpers as I force myself to play a role I never thought I would need to. I stroke my stomach with tenderness, feeling light hitting upon pale fingers. A sweet smile caresses my lips. “There’s no need to worry for I am quite well,” I shift my eyes to the Medicine Immortal, “My dearest uncle, I am beyond thankful for help and guidance. Please come inside and join me.” I turn and glide further inside towards one of the gazebos that overlooks the river running through Fox Haven. I step up onto the platform and take the seat closest to the rushing water; the windchimes’ singing mingles in harmony with the trickling of the purest water to create a calming song. I wave over Jingyi to instruct him on his duties.

The loyal fox scurries back inside the palace after offering personal apologies.

“I’m sorry for not being prepared beforehand. I was not expecting your visits to be so soon,” I tell my companions with a smile, “Is there anything important you would like to discuss?” I pray inwardly that neither asks about my condition in further depth.

Uncle Huan assesses me with eyes that could cause any mortal to burst into flames. The Medicine Immortal’s sad smile is a tell that something is amiss. “While I am pleased that you are finally taking proper care of yourself just as I have asked you to, I still have my concerns. I never expected you to actually follow through with my advice, especially after Hao told me what you have been doing.”

My smile falters as a bad feeling sinks in. What has Hao told him? “Whatever do you mean?”

Huan meets my eyes with a tired sigh. “I’m aware that you get stressed before and after council meetings, but you must refrain from using your pipe. I understand how much of a comfort it is for you. I used to be just like that, until I took up the mantle of being the Medicine Immortal. I realized that it was my job to take care of myself so that I may tend to others. I know our situations are different, but you are in a similar position yourself,” his eyes focus lower towards my stomach, “In order to take proper care of your kits, you must be mindful of your own health.”

I reluctantly nod in agreement. “I promise that Jingyi locked it in its box and put it away,” I smile, “I assure you, I shall not have it out until my kits are born.”

“Good,” my uncle says with satisfaction, “and how have you been feeling?”

Gods, when will people stop asking this? “Dearest uncle, I am quite well. I feel much better than I did before your first visit,” I look to Qing Yuan, “and you must have questions. Please don’t hold back. We are far too close for that.”

“I appreciate your willingness to be honest with me, but there is no need. I believe I have learned all I wish to. I fully understand your situation and do not hold anything against you.”

The tension finally leaves my body once I see Jingyi bringing out pear blossom cakes. I find it rather improper to admit that I crave those cakes every waking moment.

Jingyi has forced a limit upon me that I don’t approve of because of it.

I hold myself back from taking the entire tray of pear blossom cakes as I enviously watch Jingyi set the two plates in front of Qing Yuan and Huan. I nearly gag when my servant sets fruit tarts in front of me. I raise a hand. “Jingyi, you have made a mistake. I asked for pear blossom cakes.”

Jingyi bows apologetically. “My Lord, I’m aware of your cravings. But I would much rather you have them this evening. You know I’ve placed a limit on sweets.”

I shake my head in a petty anger I’ve never known. “I never approved what you speak of,” my eyes turn amber, “and I will not have anything besides pear blossom cakes. I refuse to accept anything less.” The golden fire fades as I settle back in my chair with a smile.

“Worry not for trivial things,” Qing Yuan switches our desserts, “I would like to try the tarts.” He’s very aware of my behavior when my fox gets out.

My inner fox presents himself when he or I overly desire something and never fails at getting it. He always exhausts those around me.

The Water Immortal dismisses Jingyi with a simple wave of his hand. My friend offers me a sly smile as he says, “I don’t ever recall you having a fondness for pear blossom cakes. You always denied even trying them. What has led to your great want of them?”

I reach for a cake with flushed cheeks. “Is there a wrong in liking something you used to find distasteful? The tastes of mortals change, so why can’t those of a god?” I bring the delicate pale cake to my lips and take a bite, moaning in pleasure mixed with ecstasy.

Someone coughs which pulls me back to reality.

I hold back my emotions as I take another.

Qing Yuan raises a strong brow, making me pause. “My friend, I know you far too well, as you say. It’s not you who craves them, but your kits.”

He’s not wrong, but how dare he point out such a thing in the presence of my uncle?

“There’s no need to be embarrassed,” my friend chuckles.

We spend a while just getting caught up on everything going on in our lives. We enjoy what leisure time we have.

“My dear nephew, I’ve received word from the Flower Immortal and she requests for her daughter to discuss the wedding details with you. Ai shall arrive later this evening—”

“But I—”

Huan raises a hand. “She’ll spend a few days in Fox Haven. I made her promise not to let your condition influence her opinion of you. Please go through with this for now. I doubt your engagement will be canceled. Promise me that you won’t do anything reckless during this time.” His words all but freeze me.

Being beyond flustered leads me to showing more cakes in my mouth and eating them. I wash it down with the always provided tea. “How can this be acceptable if I haven’t given my own consent? Why was this choice made without my permission?” I’m getting defensive. Maybe I care a bit too much about my reputation to allow something like this to happen carelessly. I remind myself of the kits I carry and take deep breaths while holding a hand to my belly. I cannot handle all of this.

Qing Yuan nearly jumps up when he comes to kneel by my side. His eyes widen upon seeing my true form. “How long has this been going on? Why haven’t you told anyone?”

I force a smile. “Would I want to look weak after what happened with Lingruo? Would I want my reputation at stake? Tell me why I would want to do that.” Tears creep from the corners of my eyes before trickling down my cheeks like precious pearls. It’s just hormones, I tell myself.

Qing Yuan helps me stand as he picks up the plate with the cakes remaining. “ I think you ought to rest for a little bit. I’ll have Jingyi fix the incense burner and we may talk further.”

I stifle a sob which then comes out as a pathetic sniffle. I’d rather not be treated like some helpless woman, but I need help right now. I suppose everything is happening as it is meant to.

Fate is a tricky thing. It’s set to happen a certain way, but one miniscule change will alter every event after. Some destinies remain happy, some become pleasant, and others dark.

I allow the Water Immortal walk me back inside the palace and to my room. I sit on the bed with a groan. I’m beginning to wonder why I feel heavier than I did a few minutes ago. Is this supposed to happen?

Huan acts fast in checking my pulse and even presses a hand gently against my belly. He begins murmuring to himself.

My eyes turn fiery once my patience is worn thin. I shouldn’t get worked up, but how can I not with all that’s going on? “What is it now?” I grind out. An uncalled for growl leaves my throat.

Huan looks at me with soft eyes. “Calm yourself. There’s nothing wrong; it will just take you a while to get used to your condition now that it’s no longer suppressed,” he frowns, “I’ll have to report everything to your brother as I see fit.”

Fear sneaks into my suffering body. “I never asked for Hao to know anything. Tell him nothing regarding this. No one else is to know without my permission,” I order.

“Your brother already knows and your betrothed must know. It’s not my place to say it, but she deserves this small seed of trust.”

I say nothing for fear of going back on my word later. I don’t meet anyone’s eyes. “Very well. I shall tell her when she arrives.”