Alexandra

"MOM TAYLOR TOOK MY FOOD OUT OF THE MICROWAVE WHEN IT WAS STILL COOKING!!!"

"MOM EMBER IS BEING A PETTY BITCH!"

"TAYLOR SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"IT'S SALAD EMBER AND BESIDES ITS FOR SCHOOL LUNCH, YOU'LL HAVE TO HEAT IT UP AGAIN ANYWAY DUMB ASS. WHY ARE YOU EVEN HEATING UP A SALAD!?"

I know it doesn't seem like it but this morning so far has been one of our better mornings. It's fun coming out of the bookcase in the wall to help your sisters think of great smart ass comments to make about each other during school. I even tell Taylor to record my hard thought out work when it's being used.

I am Alexandra Clarke, but everyone calls me Alex. If you call me Alexandra or Alexandria I bet you 100 bucks you'll be on the floor before you even finish it.

A fun fact about me, well I mean everything about me is fun I'm amazing, but this one is really fucking crazy. I am a triplet, and I was the one chosen to be hidden. Doesn't surprise me, my gorgeous waves of blonde hair mixed with the perfect combination of clear blue eyes makes it hard not to pick me first for everything.

It does get pretty lonely though, and obnoxiously boring. Sometimes I'll be sitting in my bed and get to the point where I'm yelling at a stuffed animal for looking at me in a judgmental way.

At other times I give myself pep talks in the mirror, or legit have a conversation with myself but act like it's not my reflection staring back at me.

It comes down to these pathetic tasks of wasting time because my mom, Rhonda Clarke, is an extremely popular doctor. My sisters, Ember and Taylor, become the talk of the room within seconds. This includes kids telling their parents about us and as soon as they hear our last name we have meals like Lasagna being dropped off at our door.

It got so bad that I would have to remain hidden all day because of fans piling in and out of our house showering my sisters with hugs, kisses, food, and gifts.

She became a brilliant eloquent speaker to her clients and people just adore her. Guess I know where I get it from.

Her achievements did land her an available job position in the capital building located in D.C. We moved halfway across the country to completely avoid It though because of my existence. Yay me!

My mom does work part-time there though so she is rarely home. When she is here her regular office has extremely early hours and goes into late evening, leaving me home alone a lot, especially on the weekdays when my sisters get to go to school.

Another thing, we all are completely fraternal. None of our features are the same. Different eye color, different hair color, different fucking faces, Its crazy! So even If I wanted to try this so called school, which I don't it seems very cliche, I wouldn't be able to survive a minute.

My dad on the other hand would completely disagree. Christopher Clarke is a world class comedian, well more like family class comedian. To the world he is an influential asset to our ways of transportation and artistic virtues. Cars are his specialty, he uses his own personalized truck to drive everywhere and personalize other vehicles for pure enjoyment. He is also on board with a massive project, the next big way of transportation so he stayed in D.C. while we moved.

I have the greatest relationship with my father. He is my partner in crime, the sun to my rain, and the tissues to my tears. He always knew when I felt like a burden and he made sure to remind me how badass I could be when I needed to or wanted to. I could feel like the strongest motherfucker alive with him as my entourage.

So it definitely gets pretty lonely now with him in another state 24/7.

I don't know how my parents fraternize with the enemy. The evil people who made us be looked down upon. Who knew being the youngest could potentially kill you now.  

A girl can only try on so many outfits, listen to songs on repeat through old earphones, and read the same books over and over before completely losing her mind.

Trust me, for being a forbidden child my life is pretty great. We have a cozy, one story house with a clever floor plan. I literally pull out a "book" which is actually a switch that opens up a book case that reveals my extra cozy, very pretty bedroom.

We have great income which allows for tasty food, fun electronics, and a lot of games. Having two noisy sisters makes it even better because no one questions the loud TV playing our shows full of drama, or the fits of screaming and giggling that occurs now and then. They can also buy a lot without making it look suspicious. For instance, Taylor gets given her missions to buy me new leggings every month.

So yes, you could say I have it pretty well for a child that shouldn't even be alive. I can't believe I'm saying this but the phrase, "Money can't buy happiness" is not as stinky of a bullshit as some may think.

The overwhelming feelings of isolation and the ache of guilt I receive from holding back my family and not being able to experience the outside world with my two other halves is never ending and unsettling.

I am beyond frustrated all the time that my sister who is the exact same age as me is ten times smarter and is officially my tutor. I get upset eating all three meals by myself at home since sleepovers and playdates are still a thing. Only hearing about carnivals, parties, and school events where other kids laugh and hug while you stay home staring at a screen that no one will contact you through is mentally exhausting.

I am fatigued all the time when I'm physically not allowed to do anything productive or even fun.

I am Alexandra the great, my life should be more than this. I should be playing volleyball and hanging out with friends instead of taking ADHD meds. I should be able to breathe when a stranger walks by my door or a broadcast about more forbidden children being found and killed is being aired without having to down anxiety medication before passing out and really having a problem since I can't go to a hospital. This isn't how a 14 year old should live.

So when a bright green message popped up on my computer after my tenth time of zoning out I have never reacted so fast. No anxiety kicked in just ADHD. Someone messaged me. Someone wants to talk to me other than my sisters and parents.

That one message started everything, it created everything I began to love, It helped me find my best friends, it helped me see that the knives in my kitchen will remain being used just for the food.

It completely changed my outlook on life so much that when we all finally agreed to meet up, I only had four panic attacks before I finally decided to go too.

I live in Utah, where Ralph our leader lives and where the meet up spot is, so all I would have to do is walk, in the dark, extremely quietly, while also leaving my family for a few days.

Ah shit I'm going to be grounded so badly when I get back.