I feel like someone has gutted me. I love Luca.
The realization makes me want to throw up. It's one thing to be attracted to his perfect body, but it's another to actually fall for him. I don't even know him, not really. I can't be in love with him. I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
I can already see how this ends - with me getting my heart broken. But there's no rationalizing this away - I've already tried that and it didn't work. No, I'm just fucked. He's going to hurt me, and then I'll be alone and devastated and there will be no one to pick up the pieces.
I try to fight back the tears. By the time I get back to the house, my entire head throbs with the effort. Relief rushes through me when I see that Luca isn't home yet. I don't think I can face him right now. I throw his keys down on the kitchen counter and run upstairs, locking myself in my room.