The Love that hurts

in times when I realized loving for real relationship is the time I trusted the person and turned my life around, but he also the one who makes me cry. one thing I remember to that person is that "the way you love me" "is the way you hurting me".

time is passing still here we're still the same like we just meet. "oh, I miss when he's doing something and kept smiling then going to kiss me just to say sorry". it happened to us all the times. I am just to kind enough for him to be understandable being person. but most I love him very much...when he's not a shame seeing my body and having sex. I remember it's still evening. while I am in bed trying to be sleep. he enter our room and he said he is going to have a shower. the he go to the comfort room and have a shower. I am so tried so I can move in the bed. after he takes a bath dry his self quickly and go straight in our bed. he is trying to communicate by a sweet words longingly to convince me to have sex. I reply I love to but I am tried, I give you what you want but I can't promise I can compromise that I give your satisfaction. he strongly move me in to his chest gripping me to be closer. he started to kiss me and holding me so I can move backwards. while he kissing me I said okay I give up I have sex with you. so we sex and got finished of the sex matter. we are lying in bed while I look at him and ask him if he's not shame to have sex with me that seeing my body like his body. I was a man before I was felt in love to guy I am contentedly and loved. but I am confused of myself if I will continue my life as a gays straight or be a man like my father and family hoping for me to become. I have no more problem just this me who's pretending to be a woman but once a man. he answered my question if he's not shame of seeing my body and having relationship with sex like me. he smile while sayings this our moments when I fall in love you. your cute, loving, caring and such understanding person I meet beside to my mother and family. how can you say that I cannot love you and be a shame for us seeing you and me in one bed and with the same body. I am not ashamed of it. he reply (I said). my tears falling to down no where to of my tears falling and dropping down in our bed. I said thank you for understanding my situation. I promise to be a good lover and hoping you and me can be married and last our relationship. for you if your gone. I will never find someone like you even in my life you will be never be changed and to be with you forever more. as it going to be so late and dark in our bed room we still in bed and with our eyes is closed. when I felt to sleep I had a dream a dream that horrible. in my dream there was a huge fire. so many people running over. I was scared then I screaming calling the name of RON! RON! so many times I screaming calling the name of RON. when ANDO shake me into the bed. ANDO keeping me to wake up he even slap my face to wake up. at a moment I eyes are trying to see a light and in my vision I see ANDO crying saying pls. wake up don't leave me. I don't know what I will do if you leave me. I love you so much MEH. I woke up and heard the voice of ANDO, seeing him crying. my tears also falling down in our bed. I reply also, that I love him too. This is my first time having a bad dreams. what's the meaning of it... that day I was confident that will stop, my bad dreams. but yet it's a Just start. we are really not living here, we just moved in from San Pedro Laguna Philippines. we where are first staying in Manila, Taguig Philippines. I can't believe why ANDO buy a house so big for just two of us saying in this house. we don't have baby's. we try it before but nothing work out. waw, it's so impossible to have baby's because where both busy and we're matured in our age when we get married. I know he wants even just one baby. but we failed. instead we just focusing on our relationship. God is so good, helps us to move on our life. "I REMEMBER WHEN OUR FIRST SEX. ANDO IS SO DEMANDING. HE WANT ME FIRST TO HAVE A BATH WITH HIM. OF COURSE I AGREED. SO WE TAKE A BATH TOGETHER. HE IS A VERY VERY GOOD KISSER AND VERY SWEET. HE KEEP KISSING MY NECK AND BREAST. HE KEEPS LICKING MY NIPPLES. SUCKING MY BREASTS. OMG DON'T FORGET HIS FINGERS ALWAYS IN MY PUSSY. AND WHEN HE'S DONE OF IT HE SLOWLY GOING DOWN TO SUCK MY PUSSY. I KNOW BECAUSE I KEEP LOOKING ON HIM. I CLOSE MY EYES WHEN I CAN'T HELP IT ANYMORE". " OKAY NEXT PART IN BED. I NEVER KNOW HE CONTINUE IT THE WAY IT IS.... AND THEN HE GONNA LAY ME BACK AND KISS MY BUTT. AND START LICKING IT. WAW ITS LIKE DROPPING OFF MY PANTS. Wow a night to remember. My first day experience so much joy and loved.