Chapter 41

"I assumed as much." I breathed, walking forward to the chair in front of the old man's desk and taking a seat. His stare continued to dominate mine for several moments before he closed his eyes.

"Are you well?" He asked.

"I am."

"I am not referring to your physical well-being." He clarified.

I paused at that. I had repressed so much shit ever since the start of the mission, and I didn't have an actual answer to his question.

"I don't know," I admitted.

We sat in silence as I clenched my fists. I killed hundreds of people, one moment I was clean, innocent the next I was a monster.

It was necessary. It was justified, but no matter how many times I told myself that, no matter how true I knew it was, the fact still stands that those horrible people were gone forever. Perhaps their families weren't so horrible? Perhaps they would mourn them? Perhaps they would scorn me for being their killer?

None of it mattered, yet my mind wouldn't let those thoughts go.

"You'll get used to it," Hiruzen said suddenly, his eyes still sharp. "You don't have to like it, but you definitely can't hate it. To be a shinobi, you must kill."

My mouth opened and closed. I had not expected him to say something like that. Hiruzen was typically a jovial old man to people he held dear to his heart. For him to say such a thing, to be so hard on me…

It was exactly what I needed.

"Has your experience changed your views on peace? Has it altered your plans?" He asked, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hands.

My plan for peace. The destruction of the villages, whether it be by a peaceful merge or an outright attack for the sake of Konoha's eternal prosperity.

Such a thing was bigger than me.

"No. My resolve remains the same…in fact, I dare say it's stronger now than ever."

I didn't want the next generation to feel the way I did right now. To be expected to kill people for the sake of your mission or the sake of your life. No other villages means no other enemies. If others arise, crush them.

"Good." Hiruzen nodded. "Now then, your feathered creation was quite enlightening."

My wooden bird. I had it explain almost everything that happened during the mission to both Hinata and Hiruzen, leaving out things I deemed irrelevant.

"The mission was more complicated than anticipated." I frowned.

"You mean it was a death trap?" Hiruzen raised an eyebrow. "That was no C-Rank, the moment the Kiri Rebels were confirmed to be involved it was a diplomatic incident. An S-Rank. Add in Orochimaru…I'm glad you're all alive."

My lips twitched upwards at the sincerity in the old man's tone. "Glad to be alive."

"Good." He returned my smile before it vanished as quickly as it came. "Speaking of Orochimaru…"

My eyes narrowed. Danzo was responsible, I could almost claim to know it for a fact, but I had no real evidence to back it up. He was my prime suspect because I had canon knowledge of his involvement with Orochimaru.

I clenched my fists once more as he waited for me to speak.

"Orochimaru knew exactly where we were, and completely got the jump on us…Someone had to have told him." I breathed out, meeting Hiruzen's gaze.

The old man remained quiet. Then he reached into his desk and pulled out his pipe, instantly handing it to me. I raised an eyebrow at this. Usually, he takes the first hit, since the Land of Grass Kush always hits better on the first hit.

Or at least that's what he tells me.

I lit the pipe, taking a long drag. Hiruzen nodded in approval.

"I know exactly who it was." He admitted.

I coughed on the smoke filling my lungs. It wasn't a normal cough, it turned into a full hack as I held my chest.

How the fuck did he know!?

I stood up and slammed my hands on his desk.

"T-Then you know it's-"

"Do not say his name," Hiruzen warned quietly. His eyes regained the fire of a War Chief and I didn't dare go against his word. Sitting back down in the chair and taking another drag from the pipe. When I was done I handed the pipe back to the old man and he took a long drag that I thought would never end.

As he exhaled the smoke, he looked down at his desk where a file was.

"We were friends, you know?" He started. "Since childhood. We played together, learned together, fought together, and on more than one occasion, bled together."

I remained quiet, soaking up every word he had to say.

"Had I not become Hokage, it would have been him. Which is why when I became the leader of Konoha, he grew colder towards me. Before it was just a passionate rivalry we had, but the moment I set this hat upon my head, it became so much more."

"I wished to save any bit of our friendship that remained, so I offered to let him lead his own organization, a sign of peace and the love I held in my heart for my dear friend."

"Throughout the years, he has returned that peace I have given him with strife and conflict. On more than one occasion he has used questionable methods to get what he wants. All this time, I believed what he wanted more than anything was the safety of Konoha, the prosperity of our home…"

He took a moment to take another drag before handing it back to me.

"I was such a fool to not realize that what he truly wanted was this." Hiruzen gestured around the room. "What he wanted more than anything in his life, was to win. To beat me in everything we had done, and time after time I beat him. His heart has grown cold, and now what he yearns for is to correct his previous attitude. No longer does he wish to compete, now, he wishes to disqualify the opposition."

I understood what Hiruzen was trying to say, and had already come to that conclusion the moment I figured out Orochimaru was behind the attack.

He knew I was the best pick to be Hokage, and he didn't like that.

That wasn't the only reason why he gave Orochimaru the green light, but it certainly had a part to play in it. My death would also empower him, my cells aren't quite as powerful as Hashirama's. Not yet, but to have me as a living farm for cells that would grow stronger and stronger over time…

It would be too good to pass up, an incredible boon for him, the future Hokage.

Never in both of my lives have I hated someone so much.

I made a silent vow, a simple one.

Danzo Shimura, his head will be mine.

"I have plans to arrest him."

My eyes shot open, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Did Hiruzen, the stubborn old man who turned a blind eye to every atrocity his old friend committed just say he was going to arrest his aforementioned friend?

"Don't give me that look." Gramps frowned. "I have turned a blind eye more than once and it has led to many disasters. This, however…this is unforgivable. To go out of his way to enlist my former student to capture you, my successor. Such a thing…"

Hiruzen paused, closing his eyes and I could tell he was hurting from this decision. I still wondered how he was able to figure out that it was Danzo who sent Orochimaru after us. I grit my teeth, mentally preparing for the answer I suspected.

"Gramps…How did you know he sent Orochimaru after us?"

The long silence that permeated through the air didn't make me feel any better, his eyes closed once more as if he couldn't bear to look at me or anyone else.

"Lei, how secure do you believe my anbu to be?" Hiruzen asked suddenly, it wasn't an answer to my question, but I assumed he was getting there. I hummed in thought. The anbu was the hidden ops of the village that dealt with the most important missions. To have an anbu that is anything but secure would erase the whole purpose of one.

Then again, Danzo exists.

"I would assume it is very secure with the exceptions of a few minor holes."

Hiruzen nodded. "My ANBU bear the duty of protecting the village in the more difficult and bloody tasks. Though there are holes. For years, Danzo has slowly added some of his ROOT agents to my forces, initially, it was unnoticeable, but when Danzo made an attempt on my life-"

"He what!?" I shot out of my seat in surprise. I remembered such a thing happening in canon, but the surprise that Hiruzen knew who it was and did nothing blows my fucking mind! "Why the hell haven't you punished him yet!?"

"Sit down, Lei." The old man frowned deeper, there was a warning in his voice that I chose to ignore.

"How can I?! Had it been anyone else, you would have put them down! So why the blatant favoritism!?"

"Sit down, Lei." His voice was deep, and this time enforced with a flex of his chakra. I clenched my fists. I wasn't strong enough to take him, nor would I want to. So I surrendered the point to him.

He maintained that look of anger and something more that I couldn't place for several minutes before he let out a breathy sigh and leaned back into his chair.

"Lei." He started, my head snapped up to look at him, my glare telling him just how angered I was by his inaction. "Tell me, who is your best friend in the world?"

I was taken off guard by the sudden shift, but I had a feeling I knew where he was going with this train of thought.

"Kuzan," I answered. I didn't need to think about it. Since we were little boys in the orphanage, he was always there for me. "Since the beginning, he has been there for me."

Hiruzen nodded once, likely already knowing the answer. "Now tell me." He reached into his desk and pulled out a tanto. "If I ordered you to kill him, could you do it?"

I knew he would pull this fucking move. "It's not the same, Kuzan isn't Danzo!"

"He reminds me a lot of Danzo when we were children, perhaps a bit friendlier with his rivalry towards you, but the base personality is there. When you become Hokage, should Kuzan attempt to kill you and take the hat for yourself, could you do it?"

I closed my eyes in thought. Kuzan was my friend, and though my brain immediately screamed that I would, he deserved a deep dive into my mind, at the very least. Kuzan had been one of the nicest people to me and was one of the only reasons my time in the orphanage was bearable. We may not talk much ever since we became genin, but we would spend everyday together when we were in the academy, at least for a little bit of time.

"I could, even if I would hesitate. I'm certain I could do it, for the sake of Konoha's future."

Hiruzen stared into my eyes, trying to find a lie in them, no, trying to wasn't the right word.

He was hoping to find a lie in my eyes.

When he saw the sheer determination in them, he closed his eyes and put on a sad smile.

"You're a better man than I." He admitted. "Though I claim to view everyone in the village as family, that is true to an extent. I have favorites as you know, Danzo is one, and so is Orochimaru."

I stilled at the implications of his words.

"When Orochimaru left the village…it was one of the worst days of my life. Only behind the deaths of my wife along with most of the village and my son. So when Danzo came to me with a proposition…"

…No he fucking didn't! There's no fucking way!

"When Danzo offered to keep ties with Orochimaru by enlisting his expertise in different studies, I wouldn't…couldn't turn him down."