31

Simultaneously being responsible for the well being of all my siblings, and not being allowed to do anything when they misbehaved because I was a bad person had slowly destroyed me mentally over the years. I'd only started to recover from it six months after moving out, and the main reason was simply because I had made no attempt to speak with my mother since I left. She'd always blamed me for mistakes she'd made over the years. Expecting me to parent her children, and getting angry with me when I fell short of what she demanded of me. Threatening to kick me out on a regular basis to the point I was in a panic ninety percent of the time because I was absolutely convinced I might come home to find I no longer had a home. 

I literally didn't know how to think in any way that resembled normal by the end of it, and was always in a panic. I spent six month just trying to get past that messed up mindset, and was in the middle of the faze where I kept on criticizing myself for wasting all that time letting her do that to me. Wasting literal years of my life in the process. I only considered going to college once in high school. Dropping the thought of going because my family needed me. 

Only for it to turn out that they never needed me, and blamed me for all their financial struggles. The kids are misbehaving, it's my fault because I wasn't watching them. The kids ate the snack food, my fault because I wasn't watching them. Now I need to pay my parents back because it's my fault, and that food cost money. I shook the thought off. 

Now was not the time to spiral into my darker thoughts. I gently rubbed Sam's back as he fussed in his sleep. Pulling his blanket back up before relaxing back onto my own cot. Johnny watched me warily. Not because he was afraid of me, but because he did not want to sleep. 

"I'll teach you both archery starting tomorrow," I let that statement hang in the air between us for a while. 

"Why?" Johnny asked, "You're not our mom."

"I saved you," I sighed heavily, "That makes you my responsibility until you're strong enough to save yourselves. Plus I've grown to kind of like having you around. It would suck if you died now."

It was a dark joke, but Johnny cracked a smile anyway. I smiled back, but unlike him I didn't fully mean that smile. I wasn't joking. He would realize that given enough time. I was determined to help these boys survive. 

I stared at the ceiling until I heard Johnny's breathing even out. Climbing out of the cot quietly. There was a good amount of noise in this warehouse, and starting tomorrow I'd have to deal with junior. I wouldn't have a lot of time to boost my stats, and my stamina had risen high enough that I could make sleep optional some nights. I could plow ahead at near full strength without the system so doing the same with the system would be easy as pie. 

I grabbed a rope, and stuffed it in one of my carapace bags. I would need it if I ever decided to sneak out. People were less likely to notice it missing now then they would later when supplies got sparse. One lot had been manually tilled, and was starting to show some sprouts already. I smirked slightly. 

I was glad that some of my advice had been taken. It was common sense really. Letting people go hungry would destroy the group, and people were hesitant to use monster meat, but now I was running into a new problem. The amount of rabbit feed I had would only go down as time went on so I needed to figure out a way to make more rabbit food. I didn't know the area well so I needed to ask around for the supplies I'd need to make my own feed. Add on the fact that I really didn't know what I was doing, and I was looking at a real problem. 

This wasn't the world from before. Researching that kind of stuff, and finding exactly what you needed according to what was online was a problem. I was sure that the monster meat would work to make up for any missing protein. All I'd need to do was dry it then grind it into a powder. Who the fuck was I kidding?

I'd have to improvise a lot, and gather plants that weren't poisonous for the most part to get by. I was beginning to think I might regret bringing the rabbits with me. I had too much to do, and more was getting added on each day. Speaking of problems I don't want to deal with. I looked up at the cocky face of the leader's son. 

I was sure he'd told me his name at least once but I didn't remember it. He'd found me while I was taking care of my rabbits after spending all night trying to increase my stats as much as possible. He had his own bow, and it was much higher quality then my quick made one. I felt a slight pang of jealousy at the sight of what was obviously a very high quality compound bow. His quiver full of shiny black arrows only soured my mood further. 

"Let's go," I waved for him to follow, and headed up the ladder that was leaned against the wall. 

I wasn't going to make this easy on him. He'd need to be able to hit a moving target in a pinch, and just launching a bunch of random arrows at your enemy wasn't an option. You'd run out of arrows in no time. I wanted him to really think about each shot. The best way to get him to do that was to make it dangerous for him to get his arrows back.