The Dark Side of Akatsuki. Chapter 19

At least, he tried to. Naruto's eyes went wide when he looked at the guy. The diner was young, not much older than himself, if that, with black hair and wearing a tattered straw hat. That was hardly all that unusual.

What was unusual was that Straw-Hat's cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk's, each one stretched out to at least the size of his own head, so large that Naruto couldn't make out the guy's eyes.

Naruto cursed, mentally. This was what he got for letting his guard down. He'd been in a fight since the moment he stepped into this shop, and he hadn't even known it until just a second ago.

This dork wanted to take his dinner and just keep on eating like nothing had happened? Well, screw that.

Let's get dangerous.

Naruto sat in an almost meditative silence as the next bowl arrived, his cold, hard gaze tracking it as it came. Hot, salty noodles heaped with fish would be his battleground today. Eyes still locked on the bowl he gave a slow, small nod to the cook, releasing the man back towards safety.

It was just him and the slurping diner now.

"Aaahhh, I dunno what happened to those other bowls," Naruto said in a carefully measured voice, his salty menace matched only by the soup that he had been denied, "but I can't wait to dig into this one." He paused for a beat, waiting. "Whoops! Almost forgot. Gotta say my thanks."

Naruto clapped his hands in a solemn prayer, the ominous noise ringing out inside the cramped confines of the stall. This time, he kept his eyes open. "Itadakima-"

There! An arm shot past like a speeding arrow, and Naruto's hand darted down with reflexes honed from a year of catching flies for training, snatching the arm mid-flight by the wrist just inches from his bowl.

"AH-HAH! Caught you, you son of a bitch! Thought you could get away with- Holy Shit!"

Straw-hat's arm was stretched out like some sort of tentacle, bridging the six or so feet between them as if it were nothing. The guy turned to face Naruto, his cheeks still stuffed to bursting.

"Ah, showwy, mah han' shliffed." He apologized.

"You- what? Your hand slipped?" Naruto asked in disbelief. Straw-Hat's fingers were still wriggling desperately towards his bowl of ramen. "Bullshit! You're still going after my food, man!"

"It'sh shtill shliffing."

"STILL SLIPPING?! Oh that is it! You asked for this, asshole."

Naruto stood, still holding the arm, and advanced on Straw-hat, who also stood in a hurry while desperately finishing his remaining noodles.

Naruto stepped forward, leg shooting out in a roundhouse kick, causing Straw-hat to duck awkwardly, stumbling underneath the attack. As Straw-hat staggered backward, Naruto was tugged off-balance by his grip on the surprisingly strong mystery diner, causing him to lurch forward.

No matter. He'd pulled his punch, so to speak, so he wouldn't accidentally kill the man. Straightening up, he attacked again, letting himself get a bit faster. It was only after another couple of more enthusiastic jabs at close range failed to land that Naruto revised his opinion and began to get serious.

At that moment, Straw-hat twisted in a way that looked accidental, and his overstuffed cheek knocked into Naruto's face, sending him reeling. The two combatants stepped back for a moment, hampered by the close quarters.

Naruto was pissed.

"You son of a bitch. We're taking this outside! You're not getting away from me!"

Straw-Hat somehow took a deep lungful of breath, and that was when it all went wrong for the poor ninja.

"NOODLE BEAM!"

Without further ado, Straw-Hat sprayed an intense stream of pressurized soup from his impressive cheek-reserves. The attack was an absurd parody of other water-element jutsu Naruto had been forced to deal with on a couple of occasions. Luckily, his practice allowed him to dodge the worst of the attack.

Well, at least he managed to avoid swallowing any.

Well, mostly.

"Hrghptthhbth-GAH-glck-aaghpthbbt!" Naruto spluttered, helpless in the face of the full-force ramen bombardment. There just wasn't enough space to dodge! Eventually, though, the spray relented.

"Aw man!" said Straw-Hat, "What a waste. Sorry about that!" Then, he dashed from the stall, bursting through the curtains into the night.

Naruto immediately scrambled back to his feet and set off after the man, noodles in his hair and murder on his mind.

"HEY! GET BACK HERE, YOU ASSHOLE!" he shouted, bursting out of the shop.

"Hey, I said sorry! I'm not actually supposed to fight while I'm here," Straw-Hat called back. "Thanks for the meal, by the way! I don't really have any cash that they'll accept here."

"Any cash that they- wait, no!"

A quick glance behind him showed the cook dashing off into the back-alleyways, and he sure as hell had Naruto's money, too. Cursing his luck, Naruto hesitated, then turned to dash after Straw-Hat.

"Damnit! That was my dinner!"

"Yeah, it was pretty good, huh?" Straw-Hat called back without a hint of irony.

"Screw you, jackass!" Naruto responded.

"I'm Luffy, by the way. Hey, it was nice meeting you, and all, but I really hafta go. See you some other time!"

"No, I already told you you're not getting away from me, you- AH!"

Luffy's arm shot out, stretching to absurd lengths into the distance. With a strange snapping sort of noise he grabbed onto a far-off building in the direction of the harbor.

"Bye!"

Then he was gone, rocketing off towards the horizon. Naruto slowed to a stop, jaw hanging open in astonishment.

What the hell?

He had to tell Sasuke about this.

Maybe he'd leave that one part out.

Well, first he needed to wipe the soup out of his eyes.

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