Chapter One

Waking up in the morning has never been my forte. From the unforgiving rays of sun scorching my irises, to the blaring sound of my alarm clock attempting to gauge a reaction from my tired sack of a body, it was a pitfall trying to wake up on the right side of the bed. So, you can imagine that when my little sister busted through the door screaming about how 'Mom made pancakes', that I wasn't all too thrilled. Nor was I when she jumped on top of me and grabbed me by my shoulders.

"Wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake u-"

"FINE! I'm getting up, I'm getting up… How the hell did you even get in my room?"I exclaimed, huffing to myself as I dragged myself out of bed reluctantly.

"A magician never reveals her secrets!"She did a quick once over. "I'd advise you to brush through your hair first though, maybe change into clothes that you haven't worn for more than five days in a row. Ya look like a homeless person. Although, you always look-" Before she finished her sentence a pillow was thrusted towards her face, she quickly dodged and bolted before it landed, sadly.

"Make like a magician and disappear!" I shouted and then mumbled under my breath "Kill me…" I attempted to rub the sleep out of my eyes unsuccessfully.

As I walked towards my closet I noticed my reflection in the body mirror attached to my wall. I walked towards it, tugging at my hair and pushing at the skin of my arms. I sigh,

"Why are you like this?"

Instead of changing I just threw a hoodie over my t-shirt, grabbed my empty Jansport bag and left the room. Regretting it the moment I walked out the door into the kitchen.

"Morning Ana, how did you sleep?"She asked with a look of pseudo pity plastered on her face, her brow furrowed. I'm sick of these mornings.

"Same as every other time you've asked me. I'm fine, Mom" I grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured a shot of espresso from the machine, walking to the fridge to grab the creamer and some ice.

"I'm sorry but, Dr.Highman says that I should check in daily to see if your new medication is working in case we need to up the dose."

"I'm okay mom, don't worry. If something was really wrong I would tell you, promise."

I know It won't change anything in the future, but I can only hope that she'll just allow me to have a little more space.

"I know honey, I'll back off.. I just don't want this to get any worse. If it does we may have to turn to anxiety medication, and who knows what that'll tell colleges about who you are-" I was fuming. Utterly fuming, but I couldn't blame my Mom. That's just the way she is. So focused on the future that she doesn't see what's happening in the present. College? Really? I can't function now, let alone in higher education. So I grab her by the shoulders and attempt to shake it from her system.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I've got to go to school now, diplomas don't come easy these days. Love you" I grab my coffee, pouring it into my thermos and grabbing my bag to leave. As I slam the door shut I pretend not to hear a faint,

"God help us."

*****

The bell rings, signalling it's lunchtime. I grab my bag and make my way out of the classroom only to be stopped by a hand on the back of my forearm. Without looking to see who it is I speak in scorn to them.

"Whoever you are, I'd advise you to take your hands off of me before I pull out each and every one of your fingernails and make them into a pretty necklace." My spite must've caused them to recoil because within seconds the hand was gone.

"M-my apologies Anabelle, but you dropped this." The stuttery voice came as a shock to the senses. Their voice was so kind but yet a little deep. I was intrigued to say the least. I turned towards the mystery boy.

"How do you know my name?"I looked down to see my notes in his hand. "I meant to leave those there but thanks I guess." As I retrieved the tattered loose-leaf papers, our hands brushed together, causing an unwarranted shiver to run down my spine.

"The teacher called you up to the front of the class using your name. S-sorry, do you go by something else?"He questioned, and I could swear he was almost blushing. What kind of guy acts like this when approaching a girl?

"Ana's fine, not like you'll use it much anyways."I was about to leave with my notes once again when I felt that same hand on my arm, keeping me from walking away.

"Why not?"He tilted his head in curiosity.

"It's not like we've talked before, we're not friends or anything. Things'll just go back to the way they were."He still wouldn't lose his grip.

"But what if they didn't?"The look in his eyes surprised me. He didn't seem all that scared anymore, more like interested in some way. Like I was a subject he wanted to learn more about. Suddenly I was the nervous one.

"W-what is that supposed to mean?" What was this guy thinking?

"It means… I wanna be your friend." He seemed honest in his words but I couldn't help but doubt his cause.

"And why would you want that? You don't know me. For all you know, I could be a terrible person. Why risk being friends with a lone-wolf?"I needed to know this guy's motive.

"I happen to think wolves are the most beautifully misunderstood of creatures. Why wouldn't I want to befriend something so wonderful?" He held a teasing tone in his voice. Wasn't he stuttering like a mad-man just a minute ago??

"You might regret it,"I warned.

"And it might be the best thing that has ever happened to me." He retorted.

"Why take the risk?"

"Why not?" We just looked into each other's searching eyes until we were interrupted by the voice of none other than Mr.Teach himself.

"Get a room or go to the cafeteria, either way I want you out of my classroom. Teachers need lunch too."We snapped out of our trance-like state, looking towards the teacher unmoving. His eyes flitted wide between the two of us before reinstating.

"Go, leave, skidaddle, adios, salut, need I say more??" We immediately made our way outside of the room, bumping into each other in the doorway awkwardly before dispersing into our separate locations. While walking to the library I noticed a sticky note on my papers that I hadn't noticed before. Was that...his number?! What, was he trying to flirt with me or something?! I can't believe this. I mean really, for once I couldn't have an actual friend. Whatever, who needs him? Subconsciously I stuff the pink sticky-note into my bag, all thoughts of the mystery boy being shoved into the back of my mind before speeding to the library for lunch with the book-keeper Mrs.Highman-flower(Mrs.Flow for short)

****

Walking home was always the best part of the day. The sun would shine high in the sky in the midst of clouds of fluff. It always sempt as if the day couldn't get more beautiful than at it's apex of the midday bustle. Where the cars were speeding away and people were always in a hurry. I could always just take my time. Fall in love with my surroundings. The way the birds sing and the flowers bloom. Utterly enraptured by the beauty of the world around me. That is, until I go home. All the sudden colors don't seem as vibrant. And I can't feel the warm rays of sun against my skin. And everything is just… grey. I attempted to beeline straight to my room, but it was futile.

"Hey honey, how was school?"She asked, looking hopeful. I turned around out of my mid-dash stance.

"What is it?"I questioned, brow raised.

"W-what do you mea-"I interrupted her.

"Everytime you ask that, you always have news. Dr.Highman this time? Or a call from the school about attendance? How about my therapist quit? Did my new prescription come in? Am I missing anything?"I knew I was being harsh but she needed to know. I am a person. I have dreams and ambitions, they just don't involve where I am now. Or some stupid ivy league school. She stayed silent.

"School was fine. I'm not hungry so don't make me a plate." I walked to my room without turning back.

Falling onto my bed shouldn't have been as relieving as it was but I didn't have room to care. Laying there, alone, lost, and confused. I hadn't a clue of what to do. So I did what I thought I should. I reached into the middle pocket of my backpack and pulled out the wrinkled sticky note from earlier that day. The chicken-scratch of numbers taunted me with its deep red ink. I shouldn't, It's not something I'd normally do. But since when was I normal? With a deep sigh of foreshadowed regret, I pull my phone from my back pocket, making a new contact. I didn't even know the guy's name. I type in a simple message before my finger decides to just hover over the send button. Am I really going to do this? The text is delivered before I can offer another thought.

Me:

Hey

delivered

I tossed my phone onto the bed before grunting and pulling myself to my desk, opening my laptop as I plopped myself in the chair. The screen lit up and welcomed me to the login page. I quickly enter my password before going to turn on some music. Searching through some of my old playlists I find the golden record of compilations of music. A mixtape I intended to turn into an actual physical copy for a friend of mine, I hit play and click off, going to my google docs. An empty page staring back at me. How was I supposed to find inspiration from something such as this? Although there is a sort of beauty that comes from a blank canvas. An endless field of possibilities and ideas, begging to be filled with something breath-taking. Sadly, I was lost on this perspective in the midst of my utter frustration. I am fortunately dragged away from the dreaded computer at the sound of my phone chiming. I couldn't have been more thankful until I saw who messaged me.

Mystery Guy:

Hello

Hyd?

I didn't know what to say. I didn't expect him to respond so fast, or at all. I didn't even know his name! And I still couldn't figure out what drove me to keep his number in the first place. I'm not one to put myself in situations that I don't have control of, so this feeling was very foreign to me. But still, there was something about him that made me want to learn more. Some sort of mysterious detail in his eyes that compelled me to converse. I mostly derived my social interactions from online chat rooms about books or webcomics I had read at the time. I guess ,there was no use in wasting time, might as well wing it.

Me:

I'm fine, I guess

Hbu?

Mystery Guy:

I'm great now that I'm talking to you ;)

What're you doing rn?

Me:

Nothing much...

What is your angle here?

Mystery Guy:

Whatever do you mean Alli?

I'm just being nice.

Me:

Nice? Really? That's the best you got?

What was this dude's goal? Was he just trying to mess with me? Because it wasn't very common that someone decided to talk to me because they wanted to. No matter how hard I wanted him to end up being just a decent guy with innocent motives, I just couldn't allow myself to have high hopes. I tried that route before and It did not end well.

Flashback to 2 years ago

"You know I love you, right?"

"Mhm, and I will always love you."

"So you would do anything for me? Even if you were scared to?"

"Of course. If it's for you it's worth it."

"Good."

3 months later over the phone:

"Hey, where were you at school today? I didn't see you and got worried, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"But are you sick? I could get you some-"

"I said I'm fine! You don't have to keep asking and bothering me all the time! Okay?"

"I-I'm….I'm sorry. I didn't mean to crowd you."

"No, I'm sorry Baby, come over. I didn't mean to sound so mean. I love you."

"I love you too…"

9 months later

"What did you do today?"

"I went to the mall. Did some shopping."

"With who?"

"Jackson, Rose, and some others."

"Jackson was there?"

"Well, yeah b-"

"What did I tell you about hanging out with him?!"

"Babe, he's my frien-"

"If you like him so much, why don't you just date him?"

"Tyler I-"

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted you."

" Please, Baby-"

"Just leave."

"But-"

"GO!"

2 months later

"If you loved me you would do this for me."

"I…..I'm not ready. I'm sorry."

"You said you'd do anything for me."

"And I meant, I just- I'm not comfortable with doing that yet. It's too soon."

"Reallly?? What happened for me to deserve this? Is it my body? Is it someone else? I swear to god Allison, if-

"I- I just can't Tyler, please don't do this-"

"Do what?! Try to express my love for you? I didn't realize that was so wrong!"

"Just GO, Ty! Just leave."

The door slammed shut behind him.

3 weeks later

Me:

It's over Ty.

I can't do this anymore.

Tyler:

Anabelle

What the hell are you talking about

Delivered

Tyler:

Hello?

Me:

I'm sorry

Tyler:

Ana, I loved you

Tyler has been blocked from your contacts

End of flashback

He began to stalk me soon after that. Making new numbers and social media accounts when I would block him just so could message me or see what I was posting. At first it seemed harmless. Just heartbroken behavior from a lost young boy. But then it started getting worse. He began to follow me around in public. I would sometimes see him at the grocery store or at the park and he wouldn't even say anything. As soon as I spotted him he'd just walk away as if nothing happened. As if he wasn't just staring directly at me for who knows how long. It sempt like he would never go away, and that scared me to my core. I just wanted to feel safe again. It came as no surprise when I found out that I had developed an anxiety disorder. The feeling of always being watched drove me up the wall and I began to have chronic panic attacks. Which then lead to depression. Which is how I ended up at Dr.Highman's office, different prescriptions being scribbled down in hopes of some magical cure. Like some pill would erase all of the memories and fear. Dr.Highman is married to that of Mrs.Flow. A sweet woman that works the front desk in the study building/library at my high school. I often spend my lunches there, rambling on about stories I've read recently or discussing ones we've already read. Mrs.Flow is quite the personality, especially compared to her husband. Constantly dressing in colorful cardigans and flower dresses that reached just below her knees. Her feet were always adorned with some sort of heeled sandal. You could hear the clicking from all the way down the hall and know it was her. Or maybe it was just me searching for the sound. Most likely the latter.

She had silvery streaks blending out into coppery hair with tight curls always thrown up into a bushy ponytail wrapped with vibrant ties and butterfly clips. Just being around her was a comfort, and not only for me. There were so many other students she was warmingly compassionate with, it was awe striking. I wouldn't be surprised if one of her pep talks ended up saving someone's life if I'm completely honest. It makes you wonder how she got stuck with a man like Dr.Highman. A cold, distant person glued to formalities and apathy. Always dressed to the nines if he had anything to say about it. When at work his office fit was consistently pristine, the same order of colored pens slotted next to each other in his breast pocket. His hair was full white, but his face made a convincing early 40's impression. His smile was eerily clean and without feeling, and his jaw had a certain tick when he was frustrated. I can't tell you how much I wanted to see him in just sweat pants and a t-shirt with bad posture and junk food. Almost all of the things I find joy in he saw as unorthodox and heathenous, when in all reality, he was the weird one. The two of them never had kids, but I never really knew why. Maybe she couldn't, maybe he didn't want them, who knows. But it really is a shame. Mrs.Flow would've made a great mother, lord knows I needed one like her. And in the end, I'm sure she saw all of us as her own.

Now as I sit at my desk, staring at my phone I can't help but to hope. He seemed normal enough, and he was pretty nice. There were just so many unanswered questions, like what the hell is his name?!

Me:

Btw, what's your name?

Or do want me to call you 'weirdo I met in english'

Mystery Guy:

Heh, that has a ring to it.

Though, you can just call me Kai

Kai….. Huh. Fitting I suppose. With his looks I probably would've guessed "Josh" or maybe even "Ryan". But Kai was a nice name. It's silly to say but, everything I learn about this guy has me even more intrigued. From what I remember he didn't look half bad either. Dark brown hair parted in the middle with bangs long enough to hang just below his eye brows. His eyes were a hazelish tone with speckles of green along the outer ring. A truly fascinating color to get lost in, not that I did. And not that he would agree I didn't. He was relatively tall, probably about 6 foot, not that I could really make any realistic estimate seeing as he was wearing boots with a bit of rise in the heel. His color palette when it came to his fashion seemed to be limited to that of neutrals and darks, not that I was complaining. With his pale complexion, black made him look like he was almost glowing. Speaking of glowing, that smile! I swear, it positively spark-. Ahem. Moving on. All in all, he was kinda cute. Enough to catch my eye anyways. Seeing that the person who had grabbed my arm was him I almost dropped onto my knees in a heartbeat. But that probably would not have gone well seeing as he was a stranger and we were still in class, so the best decision was to just play it off. In all seriousness, I had no idea why he was talking to me. Going to such lengths just to talk with me, something felt off. Like he knew something I didn't. But now I knew his name. That was a good start.

Me:

Okay Kai, why did you give me your number?

Kai:

I didn't want to make you feel like I was coming off too strong, so I thought I'd sneak it into your notes so you might feel more comfortable. In control.

And then again, there's also the fact that you intimidate the crap out of me so I was too nervous to be so forward.

Me:

Smooth, I bet you say that to all the girls

Kai:

No girls like you.

Me:

And how would you describe "girls like me"?

Kai:

The kind I would go out of my way just to talk to.

And there he was, tugging at my heartstrings like some sadistic violinist. What was I supposed to say to that? My mind provided no supplemental ideas, so I decided that's where the conversation should probably end.

Me:

Goodnight, Kai

Kai:

Goodnight, Anabelle.

And with that I turned off my laptop, and threw myself onto my bed. Staring up at the ceiling I swallowed myself in thought. I would have to see him the next day, maybe even converse. And that was not something I was used to. Even the thought of talking to him after everything that was said that day made my stomach churn. But this time, it wasn't from anxiety, but almost excitement. I turned off my bedside lamp and curled up under my blankets. Hopefully my sister wouldn't wake me in the morning.