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Anger, rage, frustration, anxiety, worry. A thousand words could be used to describe what I was going through but none could pinpoint how I was really feeling. I was angry at the situation I have been placed in. A lot of "what if's" went running through my mind, the only thing it did was heightened my unsettling emotions and I hated it. At that moment all I wanted was to sleep and never wake up, it upset me the more that I couldn't get what I desperately needed.

I hate this family. I hate this doctor. I hate my parents. I hate the fact that I am here. I hate that no one ever listens to me. I hate that I have to go to therapy.

Why do they think I need therapy again? Yes, it's because the stupid doctor believes that I have a psychological problem. I mean I know I have one but the singular fact that he proposed the theory of solving it through therapy, made my skin crawl. And my problems are a result of my mother. How is it possible that someone you love and care for so much would care so little about you?

This problem was not my fault and this was not the best way to solve it. The best way to solve it was for me to die so that I wouldn't have to worry about all this drama. A small part of me told me that my problems began when I started learning how to talk.

I have always been a loner. I didn't have lots of friends in school and it was partly my fault. I sucked at maintaining relationships. It was a thing of joy to my teachers whenever I was found talking to someone else. It surprised me when Bonnie and I were still friends after so many years. I had a feeling that it was meant to be. It wasn't all smooth. Just like sisters fight, we had our own set of disagreements from time to time. Still, we always came back together after we must have sorted out our issues. Thinking about her now, I felt a sting in my heart. It proved to me just how much I miss her. But now, I am stuck in this world with no one that I trust and no one that I can talk to. Maybe I do need therapy. Admitting that to myself made me more angry.

Out of frustration, I took a flower vase that was sitting on the bedside table and threw it to the wall. I stood there and watched as the pieces that were once held together to create a beautiful vase came shattering to the ground. It reminded me of how my life was shattered when my mom killed me.

Someone must have heard the crackling sound the vase made when it had contact with my wall because Amanda came running upstairs with my mother hot on her heels. They barged into my door and mom got into a fighting stance and shouted. "Whoever you are, just know that I have pepper spray and I'm not afraid to use it."

When she had finished surveying the room and she found out that there was nobody there, she turned to me and asked "Becky, what happened?"

I could tell from the smirk on Amanda's face that she took so much pleasure in answering for me. "If you ask me, I'll say she took the flower vase my mom gave her for her 10th birthday and threw it to the wall. Out of frustration, of course." She turned to me, smirked and nodded her head as she moved to the edge of my bed to sit. I could bet on my mother's necklace that she was anticipating the show that was about to occur.

With a smug look on my face, I told her "Well she wasn't asking you, now was she?"

Mom looked at both of us and it was clear that she wasn't happy. "Okay even when I didn't ask her, she did say something. I mean her words do have some atom of truth in them, or does it not?" Mom turned to me and I could see her holding on to a thin thread wishing that my response would be "no". I looked away from her pitiful stare, I didn't have it in me to look at her as I broke her heart.

"What does it matter? And why are you up here? Where is dad? Or can't he defend me because he is a stay-at-home dad and he is too chicken to fight a guy to protect his daughter or is it because he just doesn't care about me enough?" No one said anything for a few minutes. Becky's mother just stood there staring at me. Her lovely fair face was slowly turning red. I sensed that I struck a nerve when I said that because finally she dropped her pepper spray and marched up to me.

She pointed a finger at me and finally spoke with anger. "You listen here young lady, what you went through was horrific and draining. Yes, I know that. We all know that but it does not in any way give you the right to talk about my husband in such a demeaning way. If you ever open your mouth to utter such rubbish as you just did, I will close it up for you before you can even get the words out. Do you understand me!?"

I have never seen that side of her before, so I just kept quiet and nodded my head. She turned and walked away. Before closing the door, she turned and said "dinner will be ready by 7. Amanda, feel free to join us if you want to."

"Thanks, Mrs J." Amanda was able to get those words out before mom could close the door. She later turned to me and said with her usual excited voice "Jesus Christ girlfriend, were you desperately trying to rile up your mother? Why would you say something like that?"

Puzzled because I thought mom was happy all the time, I asked Amanda. "Has she ever been like that before?"

Amanda shook her head. "First time I'm seeing it. Oh, but she did spank your brother once when he drove your father's car into a wall. And that was the last time I have ever seen her angry. Wow, she must really love her husband to not tolerate any nonsense talk from anybody about the man." She looked at the door and concluded "He is a lucky man, I can tell you that much."

I didn't care about that last part as much as one would expect. What I cared about was who barged dad's car into a wall. "Which brother did that?"

Amanda turned and looked at me in confusion. "I'm sorry what?"

"Which of my brother barged dad's car into a wall?" I repeated myself as I walked towards her.

"Which of your brother do you think did it?" she laughed and jumped on my bed again "definitely not that cute James. Tell me, when last did you guys talk? Did he mention my name? Did he say anything about me?"

I just knew it would be Jeffrey that will do something so stupid and reckless. I made a mental note to myself to look out for that guy. He has trouble written all over him and my dream sure didn't help convince me otherwise. My brain immediately recorded the last statement Amanda made. I slowly turned to her with one motive in mind: to tease her. I smiled at her and she moved away from the bed, I couldn't help myself. I just had to tease her about the fact that she has a crush on James. I didn't care because he wasn't my actual brother.

I held her hand, and pinched her cheeks as I playfully said."So, James huh?" I wink.

"Okay, when did you learn how to wink?"

"I have always been able to wink and don't change the topic."

"No, you have never been able to wink. You have only been closing both of your eyes at the same time. Shit was always fun though."

"Okay well, now I can wink. So can we now drop this topic and talk about this crush you have on my brother?"

"It's not a crush per se, more like an admiration for his wonderful features."

"So in summary, a crush."

"Oh don't be so happy about it. I just admire him and that's all. My real crush is someone a lot more hotter."

I gasped at her and asked out of shock "who is more hotter than James?" She looked at me with a weird face and I realized how what I just said sounded. "Don't even go there."

She raised her hands in a way of surrender and said "as long as you know that there is something called incest."

I rolled my eyes and asked "where are those boys anyway? I haven't seen them since I got back."

"They are probably out working or so."

"They have jobs?" I could not picture Jeffrey working, I always thought he was a deadbeat brother with no source of income apart from stealing from his parents. My mind has registered him as the black sheep of the family.

"Nothing serious, just small jobs for the summer."

Well, you know what they say. Talk about the devil and he will appear. As we were talking, Jeffrey walked in. "Little sister of mine, how are you? I heard you had a mental breakdown and you will now have to go to therapy. How does that feel?"

"God sometimes I just want to kill you." with anger in my voice, I replied while walking towards him. Amanda came from behind and held me back.

"Okay, Becks. Dinner should be ready by now. Let's go down and eat." And we walked away leaving Jeffrey in my room.

"How do I tolerate that bastard?" I asked Amanda.

"Do what I always do. Just ignore him." We were already in the kitchen and the food smelled wonderful. Amanda didn't waste time telling Mom that "Mom wow, the food smells wonderful."

"Well, thank you, Amanda. Help me set the table please."

Amanda and I helped her arrange the plates and napkins and mom went up to call dad and James.

A few minutes later, everything was all set and dad sat at the head table. Mom said a prayer and we all dug it.

We had spaghetti. Mom apologized for not preparing a fancy meal to welcome me back home. According to her, she had a lot to do and she just didn't have that much time left to prepare enough fancy food to go around. She did say that she will make up for it another day.

I told her not to worry because I have never been a foodie and I was already on her bad side. All I wanted desperately was to get out of it. She just smiled at me and went back to eating.

I still haven't been told which school I would be attending and since the summer was almost over, I had to know.

"Dad, you still haven't told me which school I will be going to?"

"That's because you will be attending the same school you were attending before. Lucher Carter."

My fork fell out of my hand "What?"

So, Rebecca Jail lived in the same house as I did and went to the same school I did. The only thing stopping me from not believing that Rebecca Jail is me was the fact that Amanda was my great great grandmother and I didn't see any relationship between her and Rebecca Jail apart from friendship.

But still, Oh my God! It made me wonder why I was chosen to be reborn into the body of a girl that was a lot like me. This world was full of mystery and I was somehow excited about figuring it all out. It was the only good thing about this horrible situation.