I Will Help You Across The River - Part 2

Li Ji knew that his usual cheerfulness was merely an illusion that disappeared when he was alone. In effect, he was forever clothed with the cloak of suffering.

Kneeling down on the hard floor she held a tight grip on his arm. Kiyomi reacted instinctively by burying his face in the small gap between her neck and her shoulder, on the exposed white stem of the collarbone. And tears flowed increasingly, soon turning into a tangle of long-suppressed ragged cries. She felt his entire body shuddering with intolerable anguish.

At last, the grieved heart worn down, kiyomi leaned purposeless a bit closer upon her. She closed her eyes at the sensation of his glacial forehead touching the bare skin above her dress neckband.

They both remained motionless while the piercing cold light of midnight found the way to touch them by floating between the gauze curtains.

Over the years, the suffering she had witnessed was a frosted dagger slicing her heart into smaller chunks. Li Ji took an oath that even if the seas went dry, the mountains crumbled, and heavens and earth mingled, her loyalty would remain firm.

And she cursed for the tens of thousandth times Empress Yū Miko, Taizong and Emika.

"I am here. There, there..." She whispered, hand stroking his back, as she felt her own irrepressible tears tickling her cheeks. "I have always been here, accompanying you. And I will do so until the end even if we are fated to meet Hades."

Kiyomi's body started to feel heavy in her arms, but she didn't want to part from him. In those moments he had storms inside his heart from the triggers of the past, she knew he relied on her to find his calm core.

Li Ji was in fact the prince's play-friend during the tender years of their childhood, but when his mother had died—she was fourteen to his eleven—she had become his big sister, his shelter, his guardian, his home. And with the passing of the years his emotional dependency on her had increased. And the emotions she brought were so intwined with memories of his mother's love, the memories of those small and short-lived moments of affection that he so yearned for.

Being with Li Ji was reminiscent of his childhood, of being once again the happy little boy settling on his mother's knees. Li Ji always radiated something similar to maternal soothing, giving him reassurance that as long as she was by his side then all would be well. She made him feel that he had been warmed in summer rays regardless the craziness of life's tempest.

The clouds of fragrant smoke rising from the golden censer dish dissipated. The incense had turned into ashes while his tears drenching into the fabric of her garment were gone without a trace. The dim lighting of the lamp made the atmosphere all the more intimate.

Kiyomi was always careful to behave towards her with the utmost propriety, thus, when he felt her hand migrating through his hair and around the back of his neck he suddenly opened his eyes; and moving rather awkwardly to create enough space between them he tried to regain a dignified composure.

She could tell from his body language that there were many thoughts racing through his head, the biggest one being a feeling of self-consciousness.

Li Ji tried to lighten up the mood. "There is a saying: Only in families are we allowed to embarrass one another." But she herself had still not recovered from this intense moment of physical intimacy.

She doubted he ever felt the same way she did when being in her embrace, and she pitied her heart to love him this much—it was a pain that killed soft and slow.

His body had stiffened. "Still, those moments have nonetheless never been less embarrassing for me."

"You misunderstood me," her eyelashes blinked faster than the wings of a butterfly in flight, "I didn't—I didn't mean to say that you are embarrassing yourself…"

She craned her neck forward. "Are you still worried I would think any less of you? Since your childhood you allowed all the pain to torture you. Every time I saw you like this, alone and swallowing the bitterness in your heart, I felt very upset for you. So when you started to show your sadness, pains and worried in front of me, when you no longer kept your feelings to yourself, I felt happiness. I felt happiness because I was able to share your burdens and provide solace. Your Highness, I never thought any less of you."

Kiyomi looked at her strangely.

Had she just caught a glint of confusion across his gaze?

He wondered if he had failed to set boundaries. Over the years, time and time again, had he unwittingly overstepped the bounds of their friendship? 

Wordlessly he took her delicate hand with both hands just as you hold a treasure. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something but he wasn't able to. Eventually, he abruptly got up and made for the door. "You don't need to say anything, just walk with me."

The summer air cooler than expected, they walked on leisurely side by side with the night sky as their blanket, listening to the cheery cicadas singing in the trees near them. She didn't notice though that he measured his steps so that they were walking next to each other in synchrony. He was closer to her and Li Ji felt like grabbing his arm on the pretext to support him, but she remembered that he did not need her to assist him since he had recovered.

He abruptly stopped in front of a magnolia tree, glanced up and pointed at the night. For a few minutes they gazed at the stars beginning to twinkle as the dark clouds moved out. She glanced sideways at the prince, and the sight of him; as he stood there, his feet rooted firmly in the ground, holding his chest and stomach upright and in a stately manner; evoked a sense of strength and of a noble endurance, just as the pine tree, Li Ji thought.

The pine, also known as 'Chief of the Trees', grows in poor, rocky soil with a straight and powerful trunk; it does not wither and stays green even in the worst of winters. The prince had experienced much and kept his noble endurance through the harshest of circumstances. He had a strength overcoming all while not compromising the upright person of virtue he was.

'Indeed,' Li Ji smiled, 'he is indeed the Chief of the Trees.'

Li Ji was only a step apart from him, but it felt like the distance between them was greater than even the entire Stone bridge of Lanke Mountains.*(1)

Within the calmness of the night she only heard a thump-thump sound. Every moment it was beating against her chest she feared that he could hear it thumping wildly.

Kiyomi studied the way her eyelashes thick and dark cast shadows, like threads of silk across her cheeks, and framed those beautiful moon crescent-eyes. The perceptive prince noticed that they seemed paler today, the bright beams of the moonlight accentuating the tiny golden flecks in her irises filled with unperceived melancholy.

Her lips twitched as she noticed him staring. For half a second, they both stood there, staring at each other—her moon crescent-eyes to his long narrow eyes. Something flickered in her gaze and instantly flashed away, buried deep like a secret. Her dark eyelashes fluttered as she lowered her gaze, turning away from him with reddened cheeks.

The moonlight was enough for the prince to have seen Li Ji's awkwardness just when she was trying to recover her usual composure. Emotions could not be easily hidden on her open-book face. In that moment he read clearly a new sentiment possessing her whole being. It was evident in the crease of her lovely brows and in her lips pursing slightly as she regarded him.

What kind of complicated feeling had arose and gone within him? Every muscle in his face became tense, clasping his hands behind his back he straightened himself elegantly and lifted his head up to the sky. "What a fine night. The moon smiling, silver stars shining brightly, cool breeze blowing lightly."

Meanwhile, a dark figure had appeared behind their backs without a sound. A hand had gripped Li Ji's shoulder and a muffled voice followed: "Indeed, a fine night to kill someone."