Can you pull the trigger?

I keep getting this recurring nightmare of when I escaped from the orphanage and was attacked by a random drugie and it was so vivid the memory of hum strangling me, his bloodshot eyes, the stench of tobacco in his fingers, the ragged dirty white shirt he wore, never had I been so terrified and I remember taking his own knife and impaling his throat, the blood spewed all over me and the man didn't even seem to feel is, he just kept strangling me until I could feel the strength from his body completely give and his hands started to lose heat, I remember it so vividly the first time I killed a man and it's never the same after that.

As I awoke it's already the middle of the day and I have overslept for over 2 hours, that booze from Lacquer really was strong, I haven't had a hangover like this in a while, well I guess it's the first hangover this body has ever experienced so it's much painful than it really is. I hear knocking on my door and Claudia entered with what seems to be leftovers from breakfast.

"Master Spade I brought you your meal, I had it recooked as you seemed to have slept in"

"I'm still half asleep now if you ask me" I joked.

"Perhaps you'd like some tea? I hear its a good cure for the drunken man's curse"

"Well that's a peculiar way of calling it, but I'll be fine after a good bath"

"Shall I prepare the bathhouse then?"

"Ah no thanks, I'd like a cold shower actually. I'll be going to a nearby waterfalls after this, care to join me?"

"I'd hate to impose"

"Nonsense, I would actually like the company. Bring your swim wear I'll be waiting for you in the stables"

I say as I wolf down the meal. Roasted duck and stale bread as usual. It seems to me salted meat and bread are the only things these old cooks can make, well they also make good soup but I really miss modern food. I could go for some pancakes actually.

As I finish eating I head to the stables to visit my trusty horse Stallion which was as cold as ever but has started to warm up to me with Zyderine's help. I'll admit that she is really showing a different shade to her which I very much like, helping with the new ultimate combination spell of Alfron and Crystal, giving me basic information about the bluemoon festival and even helping me with taming Stallion which only she befriended fascinatingly.

I'm not one to talk to animals but Zyderine told me I have to so as absurd as it is I greeted Stallion.

"Hey old chum"

The horse only neighed and continued eating hay.

"Asshole"

I said and believe me or not but the magic horse actually seemed to understood and shacked his hove almost hitting me.

I gently try to caress Stallion's mane which Zyderine also told me to do and the first time I did I felt like Stallion wanted to kill me in my sleep but now it seems it got used to it.

A while later Claudia came holding a small bag with what I assumed is changing clothes which I forgot, meh it's not like there's a lifeguard in a hidden waterfall. Getting her to mount Stallion was somewhat challenging but Stallion was in a good mood today so it let her get on and compared to the first time, he was surprisingly docile. I guess Zyderine really did tame the untamable, I'm going to need to thank her for all her help later on.

I actually found the hidden waterfalls the second time I rode Stallion and it went out of control even going in between two steep hills but it was a great find that secret paradise of mine. I tend to go there to relax after tiring days, the water was so fresh and there was no sign of any human life nor much wildlife other than a few bugs and birds which made it really relaxing.

When Claudia saw it she was as amazed as I was the first time I went there and immediately jumped in the cool water, wearing a dress mind you, well I suppose Latex hasn't been discovered yet, I leave her alone and from the other side I take off my clothes leaving only my undergarment shorts which was as close to swimming trunks as I can find.

After a bit of swimming and sun bathing we dried ourselves and Claudia revealed that it was actually snacks she brought and not changing clothes.

"Hey Claudia, aren't you going to change clothes?"

"Ah no Master Spade, I don't have anything else to wear"

"Well that's no good you might catch a fever"

"Fiver?"

Wow how can people here live long not even knowing the common flu?

"Alright come with me"

I say as I took her hand and went to the waterfalls.

"Sometimes in waterfalls there are caverns below"

I then pulled her towards the waterfall which surprised her but she still tagged along and saw my little Batcave where I hide some important stuff like my notes and trinkets from the other world I try create.

"Wow Master Spade, is this your secret base?"

"Well I suppose you can say that, hahaha"

I then dig in my makeshift closet and take a towel.

"Here wear this and we'll dry your clothes as we eat"

She was shocked as it made it sound like I was telling her to take off her clothes which I am but for a valid reason, it's not like I was going to peek or am I? Mwehehehe

Well I didn't which was out of character for a shrewd man like me, but this stupid body has it's own built in conscience damn it. Gordy is a goddamn teenage boy let him act like it stupid body, well I guess I am technically 28 and it's as if I am peeping to a highschooler if you think about it, goddamn it I'm thinking about it! Note to self, find out if its pedophilia, dating a teenager despite my body being 19 year old as well.

Half a sandwich later, Claudia came out wearing nothing but a towel which excited little Spade and made our little picnic much more awkward, well for me because Claudia is dense af.

"So back where you're from, people do this too Master Spade?"

"Ah um yeah sure"

Focus Spade! Don't think that your next to a girl that's only wearing a towel, goddamn it I said don't think about it! Think about something else! Grandmas, garbage, dead animals, dead....the man you killed....

"Master Spade is something the matter?"

"Hey Claudia have you ever killed a man before?"

I just blurted that out! Her face darkened and she looked intently to the ground.

"Yes..."

"What happened?"

"It was before I became a slave, or rather the reason I became one. I used to be a lesser noble actually but it was only me and my father and one day my family was invited to a party hosted by a duke, wear your best gown they said, I was so happy that day because I finally got to wear the gown my deceased mother gave me when she was still alive and it was also one of the few days where I saw my father smile again after her death. Everything was great until nighttime came and our family specifically was invited for dinner, the duke seemed to be fond of me which I didn't really notice until later that night when my father was passed out from drunkenness and the duke's family was either already sleeping or on the ballroom dancing. The duke came to me and asked me for a dance, I really enjoyed that night so I thought I'd dance with him as a thankyou but as it went on he started touching me and halfway in the song I couldn't take it much longer and I slapped him, he became mad and pushed me to the table and banged my head to it, I was crying my eyes out as I could feel him pulling his undergarments, I was so terrified but I saw a rod from the furnace I stabbed the duke in the chest I was sure it killed him, I lost consciousness after that and when I awoke, I was a slave and I didn't hear again from my father ever again after that"

That was intense...

"I'm sorry about asking you about it, it shouldn't have been easy to tell. I sure do know how to ruin a picnic don't I"

"Oh don't worry about it, I'm glad I could tell you. It helped me move forward you know, and you saved me after all"

"Do you ever miss your father?"

"Well yes and no, of course I do think about him every now and then but when you become a slave it's like dying, everything from your past life becomes just a memory, you lose your identity completely and being freed is like being reborn but as a different person, I keep seeing things from my memory and I feel as if they aren't even mine, my father feels like a character from a story book I read, my past life feels like a dream I awoke from it's like I'm living inside another person's body"

I understand completely Claudia.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that"

I said as I get near and hug her. Now I know it's wrong to suddenly do that to girls, especially one who told a story like that just a moment before and in my past life I'd know better but this body really does have a mind of its own.

She was visibly surprised but it wasn't long after when she started to hug me back.

"I'll protect you"

This promise, I don't know whether I could truly fulfill but for this moment I am sincere, and caring for her just feels right. This must be the love those fools from my past life often talked about, well you know what? It doesn't feel so bad after all.

We wrapped up our neat little picnic not long after and I felt as if I progressed greatly in my relationship with Claudia. As heartwarming as that was, I still I have to deal with real life problems here and the Coup is slowly creeping up. I tried to stop Lacquer but his resolve is obsolete, I must make sure my allies are the same.

It seemed that Alfron was taking a break after training with Crystal and Zyderine and it won't be long now before I train with Sabre myself but I have to test his will.

"Alfron"

"Oh Spade, you finally show yourself huh"

"You need to say your farewell"

"Spade...don't make this harder than it already is"

"Alfron you need to find your resolve if you really want to save King Rexcarius"

"I will save my father"

"Even if it means to kill the other?"

"There has to be another way" He clenched his fist and looked at the ground trying not to cry.

"There isn't now say goodbye!"

"What kind of soldier am I if I sympathize with my enemy?! "

"You aren't a soldier, your a man who is forced to kill his mentor. If you don't do it now you won't have the resolve to see it through!"

"Why does it have to be me!"

"Because its only you who can do it Alfron, look at me. Without you Rexcarius will die"

"But it's also because of me that Lacquer will..."

"Accept that and move forward Alfron, but for now be with your father one last time"

I said as I went away. This is a hard choice you will have to make and if I could I would guide you all the way, but this is a journey you will have to do on your own, I will be there when it's over but for now mourn for the father that you will kill with your own hands Alfron, this is the moment when you show your true resolve.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was the day that Lacquer leaves and finalizes his plan and if it wasn't for the invitation of his student, he would have been gone already but he still needed to say goodbye once and for all.

"Teacher"

Lacquer felt nostalgic upon hearing that one last time from the student he so dearly loved.

"Alfron"

"I was never good with goodbyes"

"Neither am I"

"I always thought that 'see you later' was the better way but I will never see you again won't I?"

"You won't"

"First I'd....like to say...."

Alfron was at loss for words.

"No let me speak first. Alfron you were never just my student, you were my friend, and my son. You made me remember what it felt like to be a father, to have someone who I want to guide and see progress but now, I won't be there to guide you anymore and you might see me as your enemy but know this boy, I will never stop caring for you and genuinely I wish you the very best future, even when that is a one that I won't be in"

"I...could never despise you, all my life I have only ever admired you. You were the one I wanted to be when I grow up but now I just want time to stop, I just want to have one more day where I can tell you my troubles with my sisters, my relationship with Sarah and I want to keep hearing from you that everything will be alright but after this it never will... How could it when you're no longer there to say it? How could anything ever be fine when the man whom I respect and love the most is also the one I shall kill a week from now?"

"I want you to know that there would nothing else in this world that would make me happier than to be killed by my beloved student. Everything will be alright Alfron, even when I or even Rexcarius is no longer here, Everything will be alright your hear me? And even if it isn't, you shall always be, so be strong and keep moving forward. When the time comes you shall understand why I do what I do and when everything is over I shall be there to tell you 'well done, didn't I say everything will be alright'"

Lacquer embraced his dear student one more time and left. Lacquer found a son when he needed it the most, and Alfron became one when he felt like no one needed him.

The next day, Lacquer was gone and Alfron became for resolute than ever, now he was prepared to pull the trigger.