Keep the baby

Chapter 8

The warm sunlight streamed through the window as I sat on the couch, my friends Natalie and Laila flanking me on either side. They had been trying their very best to console me since last night, their voices filled with empathy and concern. But I couldn't shake off the anger that simmered within me as I kept thinking about Alexander's words, the anger I felt was threatening to consume every other emotion.

"He doesn't deserve you, Emma," Natalie said, her voice tinged with frustration. "I can't believe he suggested that."

Laila nodded in agreement, her eyes filled with determination. "You're strong, Emma. You don't need someone like him in your life. We're here for you, no matter what."

The conversation had taken a surprising turn earlier. Natalie and Laila had started discussing baby names, and it had escalated into a lighthearted argument over who would be the godmother and who would be the aunt. It was a stark contrast to the heaviness that had blanketed the room just moments before.

"I think I should be the godmother," Natalie declared, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "I'll be the cool godmother who spoils the baby rotten!"

Laila rolled her eyes, playfully nudging her shoulder. "As if! I'm the responsible one here. I'll be the godmother, and you can be the fun aunt who takes the baby to theme parks."

Laughing through my tears, I realized how lucky I was to have them by my side. They were my rock, my support system when everything else seemed to crumble.

Just as we settled into a comfortable silence after having our breakfast, my phone buzzed on the coffee table, shattering the tranquility that had begun to settle. I snatched it up, scanning the screen to find a text from Alexander. My heart skipped a beat, but the anger within me surged to the surface.

"Meet me, Emma. We need to talk," the message read. "You choose the time and place. I want to discuss the pregnancy. I won't push you to do anything you don't want to."

I felt a rush of conflicting emotions. Part of me craved closure, the chance to clarify his intentions and understand his perspective. But the anger, the raw hurt that coursed through my veins, made it impossible for me to consider meeting him. Not now, not when he had suggested the one thing that struck at the core of my being.

In a fit of frustration, I switched off my phone and tossed it onto the couch, away from my sight. I didn't want to confront him, not yet. The wound was too fresh, the pain too intense. How could he suggest something so callous a minute after hearing about my pregnancy?

Natalie and Laila exchanged concerned glances, their unspoken support palpable. They knew the turmoil that raged within me, the internal struggle to make sense of it all. They didn't press me, understanding that I needed time to process my emotions.

"Emma, you don't have to face this alone," Natalie said softly, her voice filled with compassion. "We'll be here for you, no matter what you decide." I couldn't count the amount of times they had both said that line since last night but I did understand their motives behind it.

"Take your time, Emma. We'll support whatever choice you make."

"I just need some time alone to think guys" I whispered, my voice filled with a mix of determination and vulnerability. Natalie and Laila exchanged understanding glances, their unwavering support evident in their eyes. They gently led me to my room, their subtle gestures offering comfort in the midst of my swirling emotions.

As I entered the familiar sanctuary of my room, I closed the door behind me, finally succumbing to the exhaustion that had settled within my bones. Sliding down to the floor, I let my body rest lazily against the cool surface, seeking solace in the solitude.

Thoughts tumbled in my mind, each one vying for attention, demanding to be heard. I weighed the advantages and disadvantages, grappling with the magnitude of the decision before me. The prospect of bringing a child into the world filled me with both excitement and trepidation. Alexander was right in a way but the way he suggested it was wrong too.

On one hand, I contemplated the joys of motherhood, the unconditional love that would envelop me and the profound bond that would be forged. Images of tiny fingers and toothless smiles danced before my eyes, filling my heart with warmth. The thought of nurturing a life, of watching a little being grow and flourish, was undeniably enticing. And the little being being mine.

But then, the disadvantages loomed, casting a shadow of doubt over my wavering resolve. I had just begun to taste success in my career as an artist. Though recognition had not yet come knocking on my door, I was making strides, especially since I started working for Alexander's company. Was I ready to give up my aspirations and dreams for the sake of motherhood?

The financial aspect weighed heavily on my mind as well. Raising a child required resources, both tangible and intangible. Could I provide for a child in the way they deserved? Would I be able to offer a stable and secure environment? The uncertainty gnawed at my conscience, clouding my vision of the future.

The thought of the impending delivery sent shivers down my spine. The pain, the fear, the unknown—it all seemed overwhelming. How would my body change? Would I be able to bounce back, physically and emotionally, after the birth? The magnitude of the transformation left me in awe and fear.

in the heights of my thoughts, I realized that this decision would be a really hard one. There were no easy answers, no clear-cut path to follow.

As I lay there, absorbing the silence that enveloped me, I knew that the answer would reveal itself in due time. I needed to listen to my heart, to trust my instincts, and find the courage to make a choice that aligned with my values and aspirations.

As I lay on the floor, in the middle of my thoughts, my mind wandered back to my own tumultuous past. I had been born into a world of abandonment, left behind by a mother who couldn't bear the weight of my existence. The memories, though painful, held an undeniable truth that resonated within me.

My mom had abandoned me at the hospital and i was taken in my social services and raised in an orphanage. Once I turned 20, I decided to dig deeper into my past, I had unearthed a painful revelation. My mother had once contemplated aborting me, but my father had intervened, pleading for my life to be spared.