The True Summit

Eeyolian POV

Noe and I sat for a while, talking about this and that. We didn't talk about our concerns, our feelings, or about the past two years.

Yes, I know I said I would fix what was broken between us, but I want to hear first what he has to say.

Other things can wait.

Noe looked at me with a calm expression and said,.

"There's something I want to talk to you about."

'it's time'. I couldn't help but feel a little nervous, but all I said was,

"anything."

He seemed to sense the tension in my voice and said reassuringly.

"Nothing to worry about, nothing important, just I'm curious about something..."

He added with a little hesitation.

"Well, about you..."

About me, I wanted to think that there was nothing for him to be curious about, especially about me, that he knew everything about me, but that's not the truth. There's a lot about me that he or anyone else doesn't know. I knew this day would come, but am I ready to talk about it? with him.

Contrary to my previous thoughts and my optimistic thoughts, I don't think I'm ready.

But the questions I expected didn't come; his question was actually simple, but the answer he wanted to get was complex.

"What do you want to become in the future?"

Is this his question? What do I want to be in the future? I wanted to give him a quick answer, but nothing came out of my mouth. I did not know what I wanted to be in the future; no, I did not even think about it.

Well, I don't have big ambitions. I want to be happy. live with the people I love and be happy together.But I was embarrassed to say it. If I said I wanted to be happy, well, that's a little silly.

In the end, I said.

"I don't know; I never thought about it before."

I was embarrassed by my answer; I couldn't look him in the eye, but at least I didn't lie.

But instead of making fun of me, he began to reassure me.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about. What I meant was, whatever your goal is, it doesn't necessarily have to be something tangible."

I raised my head, and he was looking at me with a tender and warm look.

That's what he meant. If that's the case, I don't have to hide it.It's not like it's a bad thing.

"Well, I want to be happy, with the people I love, I want to be able to protect them so we can live happily."

It's a whole different thing to think about it and say it out loud, I said in an embarrassed voice.

He smiled slightly and said in a calm voice, as if he expected my answer.

"So the goal is happiness—to be happy."

If you sum it up like this, I can't help but agree.

"yes."

I just said that. I didn't know where this conversation was going, but I was keen to get to the bottom of it; at least that's better than I expected.

"Have you ever achieved goals that you thought would make you happy?"

I was ready to answer, but he continued saying.

"I had, and when I reached them, I found myself back at square one."

I did not know how to answer his question. Yes, I have experienced this before. I sought strength because I believed that it would give me what I needed to protect myself and not depend on others.Especially after all the risks I took and the experiences I went through.

And after, I gained strength.I soon discovered that the strength I had gained was not enough and I needed more strength, even though I knew that before. But just the idea of gaining any amount of strength was like a solution to all my problems, and each time I returned to feeling helpless and anxious.

So far, the power I have doesn't make me feel happy. It just makes me feel hopeless and afraid of the future. Will having more power make me happy? I already knew the answer for a while now.

The answer is yes, but I'll want more sooner or later; rather, I want it now.

I thought about with sadness filling my heart. I even forgot to answer his question, but he seemed to read my expression and said with pity.

"Is running after a new goal is the right choice when returning to square one?"

Another question; I didn't know how to answer it, but he also said something I didn't understand for the second time now, so I had to ask.

"What do you mean by square one?"

He answered as if this was the most obvious thing.

"Clearly, square one is the goals that we thought would make us happy but didn't or only did for a short period of time."

He's right, that's obvious, but I didn't want to accept it; all I can do is answer his first question.

"I think running after a new goal is the right choice."

I knew what he was going to say, but I had to say something. I did not want him to say it, and I did not want to hear it, but my silent plea did not reach his ears; he just continued saying.

"What if this goal took you back to square one? Would you search for a new goal every time?"

Without waiting for my answer, Noe answered his own question.

"The peaks that we think that if we reach their summits, we will be happy; we find that they are only one of many endless steps, and their summits are only the base for another peak."

This wasn't a question, so I didn't say anything. This wasn't also what I expected from the beginning. I really thought this conversation would change something, but I doubt it now. I just hope it doesn't make things worse.

This time, Noe asks me a direct question.

"Will we just stay like this, running after this and that? Will a day come when we will rest and be 100% happy?"

I didn't know how to answer that either. This conversation went beyond what I had in my head. It was more like he was asking and answering his own questions. It made me feel ashamed.

"I don't know."

There was nothing I could say other than this.I didn't really know.

In what seemed like an act of comfort, Noe added:

"I don't know either."

I wanted not to believe him, but Noe is not a lying person, so why would he bring up a topic that he did not know the end of? There was a purpose to all of this, as if he wanted to show me something.

"Happiness may not have to be the goal, as I cannot want to achieve it and achieve something at the same time.Maybe all this is not about pursuing happiness, but about the happiness of following something..."

As soon as he said this, it was as if a new path had opened. I wanted to ask a question to confirm my thoughts, but he continued without regard for what was on my mind.

"What I mean is that dreams must be big and far in order for us to always stay on the path..."

He took a deep breath. I knew he had reached the end of his topic, but he added realistically and humbly,

"I could be wrong."

I didn't fully understand yet, so I asked.

"Do you mean that if I want to achieve a big dream, I just have to go for it? I just have to be sure that this is what I want and that it will not take me back to square one."

He looked at me, smiling, and nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah, that's part of it."

I didn't stop here; I had to make sure.

"If this is a dream I can achieve, like today, I just have to be sure that's what I want, as long as it keeps me happy along the way."

He nodded sadly again.

"Well, if so, that makes you lucky."

I was too shocked to make any expressions. This changes everything. I could not describe the feelings that wanted to explode and leave my body, but all I felt was coldness, but not in a bad way. My feelings were in a state of astonishment to make any reaction, so what's left is coldness.

I was right to follow my intuition; this conversation changed a lot.

But there is still something that needs to be answered.

"Why are you saying this to me?"

I said that in a cold voice without realizing it.

His expression became strange for a split second, but he hid it.

He took a sigh and said.

"I just don't want you to feel pressured. You should do what makes you happy. Don't sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of others."

That was obvious in the first part anyway, but what does he mean by sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of others?

I wanted to get to the bottom of it, so I asked.

"What do you mean by sacrificing my happiness?"

He looked at me with that look that I couldn't explain.

and he said in a calm voice.

Don't feel pressured because of your situation; you should do what makes you happy, not my family nor me."

So that's what it's about; he knows too; he's not blind after all.

but that was a long time ago now.

All this long conversation to say this.

I wanted to laugh.