selfish....me

I have been having so much fun from past two weeks, obviously it's because of Bren. every evening he always waiting for me Like a puppy who's waiting for his owner, we literally hanging out everyday. Jyo keep asking me what's between you guys like that but I don't even know it. All I said was 'It's complicated' and smile.

Oh! right, so far we only hold our hands once or twice that's it, I have to mention it . we didn't confess our feelings yet but I can just tell the way he looks at me, it's kind of tempting though. he always gives butterflies to me I can't help but like that feeling.

But the sad thing was today may be my last day here, It's a big day for me. our project finalized and we have a flight at tomorrow night. before I go I really want to see his art, it's also tomorrow so before I go I want to go to his exhibition and congrats him.

We finally submitted our project successfully " finally, yeah! we did it daisy" jyo say.

"yes, we did it thank you so much everyone for making my dream real" I say getting emotional over it.

Then I saw Bren standing there and holding flowers they are 'daisies' , he came to my office. I'm already overwhelmed at that moment and ran to him "I did it, finally it's over" I say hugging him and looking at his marble eye's.

He patted my head " I know you can do it, you did well" he say tucking my hair back to my ear and touching my face looking with so much affection and smiling "Daisies for Daisy" he say tapping the flowers to my cheeks with his dimple's smile. I smiled with my whole face holding him like that.

"Look at them, look at them" jyo say. I realized I was hugging him I felt shy and draw myself back. he pulled me back and putting his hands around my shoulders " can I take your friend out" he asked jyo. I closed my face with an embracement.

"you can, we don't need her. she's all yours now" she said handing my purse to me. that's even more embarrassing.

We went out, he took me to the place where he exhibit his work. everything was set ready the empty walls shouting out for his paintings.

"It's so beautiful, I can't wait to see you're art here" I say looking around the every corner of that room.

"Me too, I can't wait to show it to you" he say "so we only have today" he said.

sadly that's true "yeah, we are going tomorrow night. but don't worry I will sure come to your exhibition before I go. I can't miss the art that made by those talented hands" I said teasingly but he didn't respond. "did you order the flowers for tomorrow?" I tried to change the mood asking him.

"can't we stop making reasons, I want to stop looking for reasons to meet you" he said looking striate into my eyes and it's felt like he was directly staring at my soul. he just confessed his feelings for me. I felt happy and strange at the same time some part of me doesn't want to say anything to him.

"can we go out and eat you see I'm really hungry" I said avoiding his feelings, no it doesn't even count as avoiding I'm completely running away from it.

He just nodded and we walked out. I really felt bad he must be got hurt I don't want to ruin today and his mood, he has a big day coming on his way tomorrow.

He took me to his restaurant, when we are few feet away from the restaurant and it suddenly started raining. I don't know what's gotten into me I felt very nervous with a mixed of emotions and suddenly my legs gave up. "are you ok?" Bren asked while holding me . "yeah...yeah" I stuttered saying it.

He quickly opened the door and helped me to sat on chair. he kneeled and looked at me with a really worried face I can see it clearly but I can't say anything to him I'm literally shivering looks like the amount of time's I locked my self in whenever it's rain suddenly hitting me hard. he patted my hands "It's ok, you will be ok, it's fine...it's fine" he keep saying them while embracing me in his arms but they are not helping rather those words are reminded me of the days when I said them to 'Rain'. It's getting even worse that he keep reminding me of him.

"it's because of 'rain'" I say.

" are you scared of rain" he say showing outside.

"No, it's because of 'Rain' the boy I loved" I said and cried . I actually admitted it. I never once admitted the fact that I liked someone for the first time I said it out . I can clearly see the impact rain has on me.

He hugged me again, this time tightly "why can't you just think about me?, if the thought of him makes you this sad and cause you this much pain why don't you just look at me?, why can't it be me 'Bren' ?" he asked me.

Every single thing he said felt like stabbing me so hard into my heart, that's what I thought too " I thought I was over him and I can start new but how I can I get over with something that didn't even start" I said crying .

He just kept hugging me more and more tightly like I will run away the moment he looses his hands. I know I'm being so hard on him by behaving like this, he was ready to take care of me and accept me the way I'm I can just tell it but that was not right thing to do. I just can't keep take advantage of him.

I pushed him. I pushed him so hard to make my self free "I can't Bren...I just can't" I started crying again.

"You said , I resembles him a lot right. I'm ok even if you think of me like that, I'm ok if you think me as him...so can't you just...be with me" he asked me.

Those words he said hit me hard, so hard that made me think what I'm actually doing like I was doing it already. all I'm doing ,all the things I'm doing so far with Bren was actually what I wanted to do with 'Rain'. Honestly I never even stopped thinking about him, when I first saw Bren's grandparents I thought rain should have been like this if he has a happy family. when I saw Bren talking with others and handling his situations so maturely I thought Rain should have been like that if he has grown up in a good environment. when Bren talked about his dream all I thought was did Rain have anything like he wanted to do, everything every little things that I'm seeing in Bren was actually reminding me of Rain.

"I think I'm already doing that" I said to Bren by wiping my tears I say "I think what I did and what I'm doing was just replacing you with him"

"I said I'm ok with it" he said. " I'm not Ok with it 'Bren', you're not a thing to replace it. you don't deserve it Bren....you don't deserve to be treated like this" I cried holding my head with my both hands "I want to stop this 'Bren' " I say.

He held my both hands " Daisy, look the pain you're talking is about him and I won't make you feel the same way" he said.

"I know you won't Bren and I know you're not him too but 'Bren' I'm ok to be with someone totally a stranger than to be with you. when I'm with you all I think was him and the pain he leave behind" I say.

He released my hands after what I said and didn't respond. I stood up "please don't ruin you're exhibition tomorrow. if anything bad happen I don't think I will ever forgive myself" I say walking out. I know I'm being selfish here but what should I do I would just be a pathetic jerk that running away from him rather than a shameful person thinking about someone being with him.

I went to my room and cried my eyes out but all I think was I did good....I did good. It was all good for both of us....