More and More

'When do we reach a point where we tell ourselves, "This is enough"? Humans are driven by a constant desire for more – more success, more possessions, more time. The concept of 'enough' seems almost meaningless, a fleeting thought in the relentless pursuit of something greater. And even as we grapple with this emptiness, we find ourselves yearning for eternity, as if infinite time could fill the hunger and void in our restless minds.

Yet, there's a deeper risk in this unending quest for more: the erosion of our own identity. When we shape ourselves to fit shifting expectations or allow our innermost values to be manipulated, we lose the core of who we are. Without a stable sense of identity, we become like aimless wanderers, unsure of our place in the world, carried by the whims of others. This loss of self is a tragic consequence of never finding contentment or purpose. We might seek meaning and immortality, but without a firm grip on our identity, we're left adrift in a sea of uncertainty, unable to anchor ourselves to anything lasting or true.

I think I'm in that sea, swimming like a total idiot. When I was locked away by my tribe, I always feared losing myself – my… my dreams. The thought of becoming someone else – someone I didn't recognize – was and still is terrifying.'

"What are you thinking?" Lilith asked, noticing the distant look in Soul's eyes. "You seem to be lost in thought."

"Hmm," he replied, "how did you cure my sister?"

"I heard she isn't really your sister, Soul," Lilith remarked, raising an eyebrow. Her tone was probing but not accusatory.

"Does it matter?"

"You're right. It doesn't."

They were in Soul's dorm room, which, for an Academy this large, was surprisingly cramped. The space could barely accommodate four people from wall to wall, making it feel even more claustrophobic with just a few belongings scattered about. A single bed sat against one wall, with a small, cracked window above it, etched with writings like 'Nilson was here!' and other random scribbles. The room's lone desk was cluttered with textbooks, half-finished assignments, -probably belonged to 'Nilson'- and a small lamp that flickered randomly, casting dim, sporadic light that left the corners of the room in darkness

Lilith glanced over the cluttered desk, idly rifling through the stack of assignments. Soul could tell she was bored; her sighs were frequent, and the way she flipped through the papers was more out of restlessness than actual interest. Stuck in this cramped dorm room with him, she seemed to be looking for anything to distract her from the monotony. The faint tapping of her fingernails on the table's edge was a clear indication that she wished she could be anywhere else.

"Are you going to answer me, Demon Queen?"

"It's a long story, I'll explain it tomorrow. Now, tell me, have you made any progress about our little plan of killing the false gods?"

"Yes. There'll be something called 'Family Match' in two days. The Champion of Sirenar will be there. I'll – kill him…"

Lilith raised an eyebrow, her surprise evident. "Okay… I don't know what that match is about, but sure, that's good." She watched him sit on the edge of the bed with a calmness that made her uncomfortable. "You're just so… nonchalant about it. We're talking about killing the gods here."

"Trust me, Lilith. I'm scared shitless. But I have no other options but to help you." He said with a boring voice.

"So, this is your 'scared shitless' face, huh. Wow."

"Are you going to stay the night?" He changed the subject. "This room is way too small for both of us."

"Why, bored of me already?"

"No."

"You had zero emotion behind that 'No'. But I somehow felt like that was a big ol' lie, you asshole."

"I think a Queen like yourself shouldn't be staying with a man that –"

She grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to the corridor, tossing a pillow at him before slamming the door shut.

He stood there, holding the pillow, staring at the closed door in confusion.

'Wait… what did I do wrong?'

"I might as well just take a stroll."

With a pillow in his hand, he sat on the bench outside the boys' dormitory, where he had resurrected Lilith, the Demon Queen. The night was cool, and the campus grounds were quiet, save for the occasional rustle of leaves or distant sound of students talking as they walked past. He stretched out on the bench, staring down at the ground, his usual dull expression obscured by shadows.

The dim glow from the nearby street lamps cast a soft light over the scene, illuminating the surroundings just enough for him to make out the shapes of trees and distant buildings. He felt the familiar sense of isolation, but it was nothing new; he'd been alone before, and a bench with a pillow wasn't the worst place to spend the night.

Hyun-Ki, carrying a cup of hot tomato soup, passed by the bench without noticing Soul. After a few steps, he stopped, looked back, and saw him sitting there, pillow in hand, under the dim light of the street lamps.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Hyun-Ki asked, eyebrows lifting in surprise. It wasn't common to see someone sitting outside the boys' dormitory at this hour, especially with a pillow.

Soul kept his gaze down, his foot tracing idle patterns in the dirt. His expression remained blank. "Just needed some air." he replied.

Hyun-Ki glanced around, noticing the pillow. "With a pillow? Seems more like you're camping out here."

Soul nodded, not looking up. "Not camping. Door was locked."

"Welp, I won't pry too much into your life and ask why or who locked you out…" He held out the soup he's holding. "Want some soup?"

"No."

"You sure? I just made it." Hyun-Ki nudged the cup toward Soul.

"Where are you taking soup at this hour?" Soul asked.

"To Lore. I heard she was sick – her house is nearby," Hyun-Ki replied, holding the cup out. He hesitated before adding, "you know, just trying to be helpful."

"She isn't staying at the girls' dormitory?"

"Nope. She has an older brother. She's staying with him." Hyun-Ki explained. "I'm friends with her brother. We used to hang out and stuff."

"Hmm."

"Want to tag along? I think she can use another face."

'I didn't help no one today, I gotta remember my promise to Ruby.'

"Yeah. Maybe I can help her."

"Great. Come, let's move."

They began walking toward the Academy's gate. Soul didn't remember where the north exit was located, so he trailed behind Hyun-Ki, keeping a steady pace. As they moved through the dimly lit pathways, Soul's gaze wandered, taking in the shadows and silhouettes of the campus at night. He felt the chill in the air.

'Nostalgic.'

"Hey… you look funny with that pillow, man," Hyun-Ki commented with a smirk.

"I do? I guess I do," Soul replied.

"You can leave it on one of the benches, maybe. You can always pick it up later," Hyun-Ki suggested, gesturing to a nearby bench.

"I'm good. What if it gets stolen?"

"By whom, ants?" Hyun-Ki chuckled, clearly amused by the idea.

Soul didn't answer, his silence saying he was done with the conversation. He just continued following Hyun-Ki, pillow in hand, as they made their way to the gate. The campus was quiet at this hour, with only the distant sound of laughter or the occasional gust of wind rustling the leaves. The pillow seemed oddly out of place, but Soul wasn't about to let it go.

"Was… my sister harsh on Ruby?" Hyun-Ki asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"No. Perhaps a little." Soul responded.

"Sending flowers was her idea, y'know? But she had that Ran pride… she couldn't bring them herself."

"I understand. Tell her I said thanks for the flowers."

"Will do," Hyun-Ki replied, nodding. It seemed like he was relieved to hear that his sister's gesture had been appreciated.

"Soup's getting cold. We should hurry up," Soul said, noting that the steam from Hyun-Ki's cup had thinned considerably. He didn't want to draw this out longer than necessary.

"You're right."

Their steps quickened.

"I've always meant to ask – is your last name Soul, too?" Hyun-Ki inquired, curious about the name's origins. "Like – Soul Soul?"

"I don't have a last name. Just Soul," came the detached reply.

"It's… weird. Why, though? Why just Soul?"

"Is it a bad name?"

"Nah. I think it's cool," Hyun-Ki replied with a shrug, finding the simplicity of it intriguing.

"Hmm…" Soul murmured, giving no further explanation.

It seemed like that was the end of the topic as far as he was concerned. Names and labels never mattered much to him; he had other things to focus on. With that, they continued walking toward the exit, the night air growing cooler as they moved along the campus path.

"What do you make of the Nethrax attack and high elves ambushing the Academy?" Hyun-Ki asked.

"I don't make anything of it."

Hyun-Ki waited for him to say more, but Soul remained silent. It was clear he had no interest in continuing the conversation. The words just didn't come. After a moment of awkward quiet, Hyun-Ki dropped the topic and they continued walking without further discussing the attack.

Hyun-Ki shook his head, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. "You are – so weird. No offense."

"None taken."

"Dude – we have like five minutes. It would be awkward to just walk there without talking. Engage in the conversation."

"Hmm… the weather is nice." Soul replied without enthusiasm.

"It's freezing..." Hyun-Ki gave him a look, his breath visible in the cold air.

"Let's just walk quietly."

"Ugh…"

As they approached, Soul could see that the 'house' had a quaint, boutique charm. The walls were painted a soft cream with bright blue shutters flanking each window. Flower boxes lined the windowsills, overflowing with colorful blooms. A small sign above the entrance read 'Old World Hotel,' with a stylized sun in the background.

The entrance was flanked by two stone columns, and as they walked through the arched doorway, Soul noticed weird carvings in the stonework – depictions of mythical creatures and floral patterns.

"We're here." Hyun-Ki pointed to the four-story building in front of them. "Come on."

"This is – a house?"

"A hotel. Mostly rich women stay here. Come on, let's get inside."

The corridors of the hotel were painted in soft pastel colors, creating a welcoming atmosphere. Each corridor had plush carpeting to dampen the sound of footsteps, and the walls were lined with decorative sconces that cast a warm light.

As Soul walked through the door, he noticed the subtle scent of perfume and cleaning products. The hotel had a calm vibe, but it was clear this was a space where Soul stood out. He wasn't used to this kind of environment.

The guests who passed him in the hallway gave him curious looks, some whispering among themselves or glancing back as they continued on their way.

Soul seemed indifferent to the stares, keeping his focus straight ahead as he followed Hyun-Ki. He wasn't one to engage in small talk, and the whispers and glances didn't seem to bother him. The pillow tucked under his arm only added to his odd appearance, and the guests' looks reflected a mix of curiosity and mild confusion.

"He's unblessed, right?" one student whispered to her friend as they watched Soul walk by.

"No. I think the god who blessed him was a small one. He has the mana of a newborn!" the friend replied with a giggle.

"Poor guy," the first student said with a sympathetic smirk.

"He's in Class D. What a sore sight," another student added, her voice tinged with disdain.

"He has silver hair. Never seen that hair color before. You think he dyed it?"

"I think so. Look at that pillow under his arm. Weirdo!"

'Why are there so many students here…'

"This is the room." Hyun-Ki pointed at the closed door with '302' written on it in bold letters. "Come on."

"Okay."