The Feeling of regret

Regret and guilt are the worst feelings you could ever feel. They are the feelings that could haunt you for the rest of your life.

The most hurtful feeling that wrecked my already broken heart was when the Paramedics confirmed their death. The words alone were enough to slice my heart to shreds. Their bodies were put on a stretcher and conveyed to the ambulance to be sent to the mortuary. Watching them get carried just sent my mind back to some of my encounters with them.

My parents were not financially stable. However, they tried their best to provide my needs. Let's just say that I never appreciated that. My thirst for the expensive shoes, bags, clothes, food and I could go on concealed all their efforts in my eyes. Once I asked my parents to buy me the latest Nike shoes. Upon showing them the price, my mum almost choked on her own saliva. The price is equivalent to my dad's salary for three months. They tried to explain to me that times were really difficult but I didn't understand that. I snuck out that evening to find some ways in which I could get the money to buy the shoes. I run into this girl called Angela.  I explained everything to her. 'I know a way in which you can get money to get anything you want in just a matter of weeks', she said examining every inch of me. I felt a slight shiver go down my spine. I could already tell that what I was going to get myself into problems but I still followed. She escorted me to a club packed with people mostly men who are soaked in alcohol. There were men who looked old enough to be my grandfathers. There were also young men who didn't seem to have any aim in life other than getting soaked and sleeping with as many women as they can. The place was blasted with loud music and women twerking on men, others were making out. The place reeked of alcohol and burning cigarettes. I couldn't believe that all the training my parents have given me got me here. They were religious people and have trained me in the best possible way but here I was about to do the worst thing I could possibly do.

'This is Table Seven, the best strip club in Accra'. 'Strip club? I asked to make sure I wasn't hearing wrong. 'Yes, the strippers here make a lot of money, you just have to make the men happy and you could get heavily tipped', she said with a smirk on her face. 'Are you a stripper here? I asked. 'Of course, the women you see exposing their stuff and working on the guys and getting rained on with money are my fellow strippers', she explained. 'So do you have to sleep with the men? I was actually curious about that. 'No, you don't have to but like I said you have to make the men happy and you get heavy tips so if you have to grind your way to get the dough you are free to that is what the VIP lounge is for.' She added. 'Isn't that prostitution? I questioned. 'Not at all, you are just using your body for money and you definitely have the body to make it in the business. So what do you say, woueld you join the gang. You can buy whatever you want. Sometimes a rich idiot may like to be your sugar daddy, I have my own', she said. Just then a man who looked thrice my age walked up to Angela. They started kissing and getting touchy and stuff. My eyes burned in disgust. I can't do this, I said to myself. I run out of the club to get some fresh air. I suffocating in the alcohol and cigarette filled air. As I stood outside watching the cars on the main road go by. I sucked in as much oxygen as I could. My mind was taken to a lot of things I had been punished for. The things my parents had advised me on what and what not to do. This was definitely a don't in their list. Is this what I want to do? Get into the bed of men just for money? Lose myself worth and dignity just for a few thousand cedis. Is this who I want to become?  I decided to go back to the club and tell Angela that I was not interested. 'So what is your decision? She asked. I know she definitely wants me to join but that isn't who I am. I wasn't brought up that way. After informing her about my decision, she definitely wasn't happy and tried to convince me. As intriguing as she made it sound, I still wasn't interested. So I returned home to gaze upon the unexpected.