Remorse

CH1.(E)

2082, Nevada USA.

What did it truly mean to be human?

Was it the anatomy, the social standing one accumulated? Or was it a deeper more ethereal meaning, related to the humanity that we sought to find in every human 'soul'?

For Lucas, no matter what it was. He was missing it.

*

A wheelchair squeaked as it rhythmically rocked back and forth, as the owner, Lucas, absently stared at the ceiling. Blue eyes shone through black hair that just reached his cheeks. His sharp features masked his emotionless face.

His legs, devoid of muscle, occupied the leg rests as his arms pushed and then pulled on the wheels.

Constant thoughts provoked his mind, his memories always returned to that day.

--FLASHBACK

The warm golden sun loomed overhead as a family enjoyed the fleeting rays of sunlight below. The parents and a small girl laughed on the back deck while two boys competed in a game of mini golf below.

"That's my win!" Nate said as he sunk the golf ball into the hole.

Nate quickly changed the scoreboard, '11,0'

Each loss was like a stab in Lucas's heart, he felt like he could never win.

From grades to combat-performance tests at pre-military school, Nate was perfect. He would always get picked for the 'most likely to succeed' or 'top performer' in class and it was degrading.

He constantly felt like he would be lesser when standing next to his brother. Being identical twins, it was impossible not to compare.

It always gave him an itching feeling of wanting to belong. The countless attention grabs he tried at school were evidence of this.

Constant belittlement from his parents and teachers alike left Lucas in a pit of loneliness. Lucas understood why everyone was nicer to his brother and not him. Lucas knew that in this world prosperity was given to those who were strong.

"Let's stop… I don't want to play anymore" Lucas raised his high-pitched voice to Nate. He felt utterly defeated, he wanted to give up or lash out, but Lucas knew it would all be in vain.

Nate looked up at him with disdain,

He had constantly thought about life as the only eldest brother, eventually deciding not to act on it to keep his parents happy.

Unbeknownst to him, his parents had already thought of such a situation and only decided against it because of how well the two seemingly interacted.

"Tsk," what Nate did do was click his tongue in disappointment.

Lucas was fuming as he stared Nate directly in the eyes as if begging him to attack first. The subtle demining gesture was nearly the last straw for him.

"I've built my entire life around my image. Do you really think that I'd toss it all away to swing at you?" Nate whispered at Lucas.

Lucas would have been able to manage all these years if his brother was oblivious to Lucas's situation. But he wasn't, he knew what Lucas was going through and actively promoted it.

Nate knew he always looked better when comparing himself to something lesser.

It was a stalemate neither one wanted to throw the first fist. Lucas closed his eyes to compose himself as he turned around to go inside.

"That's what I thought leech" Although it was barely audible, not even loud enough for his parents to hear, it reached Lucas's ears.

It was like something in him snapped as Nate's words sent him over the edge, Lucas's eyes glazed over as his vision turned blurry.

The amount of rage he was feeling was highly abnormal, even for him.

Not even realizing how he did it or what even occurred Lucas was already in front of Nate, his leg sweeping through the air.

Lucas didn't even see his leg follow through,

Instantaneously, it was over, Lucas felt a warm sensation on his legs as he looked at his brother sprawled out on the grass.

Viscous red liquid flooded from where Nate's legs once were, his entire lower half just gone, plastered all over the fence to Lucas's side.

Dumbfounded, Lucas stood there as his brother writhed in pain, frantically screaming into the air as blood quickly blanketed the grass.

"How?" Nate's final breath was spent asking the universe what he had done to deserve the fate he had been given.

Lucas stared at the ground, the green grass below him rapidly turned red as streams began to form.

A shrill scream pierced Lucas's ear.

Their mother rushed to Nate's side from the porch. Desperately trying to fix her child, both parents had always played favorites and the look in his mother's eyes made it more apparent than ever.

As she stared at Lucas, seething in hatred.

"Leave! To us, the only boy that ever held this face was Noah, if I ever see you again- so help me God." Her usual calm voice was replaced by a deep guttural tone.

"Your nothing but a failed experiment" She added as if it was an afterthought,

"What?" Lucas muttered.

Nate was fated to die long before his mother's arms wrapped around him, the last warmth he received coming from his own bodily fluids.

Lucas still stood frozen and hadn't moved an inch from his original position. Hoping that this was all a nightmare fabricated by a child trying to remind himself that somewhere in him he loved his brother.

It wasn't, the strange feeling of dread and remorse washed over him in waves, overwhelming his conscious, as tears streamed down his face.

Lucas's legs gave out, his subconscious had already given him punishment for his actions. His mind purged all functions related to his legs; his mentally induced disability cursed him to never truly heal.

Ever since that day he swore to never let his emotions take hold of him again.

--END FLASHBACK

The memory played on repeat in his dreams, a sick reminder of his actions. It had taken three and a half years to even stand, walking wasn't something he had the capacity for.

After nearly four years of neglect, his legs had started to become atrophied.

As he grew up, he got to know the inside of a toilet bowl very well, as the kids his age felt like he needed a refresher at least once a week.

His classmates at pre-military school never tried to understand him or sympathize with his circumstances. All they were aware of was that his brother was once better than him, and that made him inferior.

After the incident, his mother and father took the only acknowledged child of the family, Lucas's ten-year-old sister, and fled hours after.

This left Lucas to the mercy of the government who had him live on campus until he turned sixteen. Since the world was at war every sixteen-year-old would be required to attend one of the eight military academies.

The government knew he was gifted, but they did not know the extent of his powers. Due to this fact he was let off being charged with murder and instead forced to join the military.

Tasked with the promise to defend his country for the rest of his life after he graduated from the academy, just like every other kid his age. Although now that he thought about it, not many were meant to fight until they die.

Lucas checked the clock,

He sighed as he reached over to his desk and slid on his urban camo uniform. Struggling to pull up his pants.

"Every god damn time," He spoke to himself reveling in his own self-pity.

"It's like they are biased against disabled people," he said chuckling to himself. After spending years at the academy attitude surrounding himself changed in the hopes of improving his mental condition.

Well, as instructed by the on-base shrink, but nobody needed to know that.

He wheeled over to the door preparing himself for the day, looking at the calendar with a large x mark on today's date. The words "Final Day!" were spelled out above.

Lucas shut the door behind him as he began to wheel his way down the hall. He heard the auto-locking door engage behind him as he left.

"I need to get into base one, my dad said it's only for the best of the best, " said a short kid with brown hair.

"The numbers have no real meaning numbnuts. If they did then each student would already more or less know where they would be sent based on grades…. but…" said the kid's friend, the argument between the two quickly becoming heated.

They were close enough to Lucas and taking up so much of the hall that he had to slow down behind them.

Luckily he managed to pass the kids who were quickly getting physical for no logical reason.

'Thank god today's the last day, I don't know what I would do if I had to stick around with these kinds of kids any longer' Lucas thought as he left the dormitory through the front doors and wheeled down to the main building.

He was a little nervous about today, the authorities at his school clearly stated that if he didn't make it into one of the eight academies then it would be prison life for him.

Lucas knew that they wouldn't select a wheelchair-ridden kid into a military academy.

So, he would stand for the selection ceremony. Although, because of his mysterious past, he was somewhat of a special case in some eyes.

Overall, Lucas had successfully improved his mobility enough to stay under the military's fully disabled radar.

Lucas remembered what he teacher said the previous day,

"Tomorrow each student will be getting their ability scores to determine where they will end up via AHG testing." The teacher was entirely average, and Lucas was sure he would forget him soon enough.

From a young age, kids are taught about Ability Harnessing Genes and how they determined a person's ability aptitude and overall strength.

Lucas was one of a kind when it came to superpowers, and not in a good way. He had only ever used them once and the result was a dead brother.

He had no idea how to control it and just treated himself as ability-less.

As his arms pumped the wheels Lucas was strangely optimistic, maybe those meetings with Mrs. Finkler were paying off.