Don't See The Tears Running Down My Eyes Because I'm Afraid

(Milk & Honey/Alt Version - Billie Marten)

The tears of the injured bluebird will drown you the moment you see them, because the punishment for injuring a bird has always been severe in heaven. Did you think you could injure a little bird and move on? You're wrong.

*

"Why doesn't it work?" He turned to the others and waited for an answer. Pars frowned as Cassian rolled his eyes and sweared. "Dickhead! Could it be because you shouted her?"

When he turned to me and raised his eyebrows, I pushed him nervously. "No! Not because you shouted!"

"Why then?" I was so startled and my body was trembling.

"It hurts." Pars looked at my lips for a moment, then stood back and turned his eyes to Cassian.

"Cassian, treat her. Hustle your butt, we've already lost enough time." Cassian was already kneeling on the ground by the time Pars started walking to the entrance of the tunnel without even looking at me for the last time.

He smiled warmly as I stared at his babyish face cowardly. "Look into my eyes, Reverie. Don't worry, I'll never hurt you." I wanted to answer, I wanted this, but this situation that I was in the middle of was sore the words that would come out of my mouth.

Cassian's eyes began to shine when he placed his big, warm hand on my stomach while I looked into his eyes. My eyes widened when I felt the bullet moving through my stomach, then a wall-shaking cry broke out from my throat. I hated physical pain. However, a long time ago, I thought I had gotten rid of all those pains. So I was wrong as always.

I wanted to escape Cassian's hand because of the bullet Cassian pulled from my stomach with the power he had, but I couldn't move my body even a little. All I could do was shout and strain in pain.

When suddenly the pain in my body ceased and my body became heavy, the glint in Cassian's eyes faded and Cassian pulled his warm, bloody hand from my stomach and stood up. He was standing in front of me now, and he held out his bloody hand towards me, smiling.

I looked at my stomach first, the bullet had fallen near me and my bullet wound was closed as if nothing had happened. When my eyes turned to Kit and Leander, I could not see anything in their eyes. They looked like they were used to this situation. Then, when I looked at Cassian's hand, I blinked because I couldn't understand why he was so nice to me despite the others.

Perhaps it was okay to take the hand of the person who helped me and stand up, not hesitating anymore. When I grabbed his hand, which was colored with my blood, he grabbed my hand tightly and pulled me up in a single move. I was feeling light, but on the other hand, the tremor in my heart did not pass.

I tried to breathe while the memories of the past clinging to my leg like an abandoned child caused my face to shake. But that was impossible.

"What happened?" he hesitated.

"Nothing," I said, trying to smile. "Let's go."

"Let's go," he said while examining my face.

Even your heart of stone would cry for me if I were to tell you about my past and my unhealed wounds. I knew this.

When we got out of the tunnel, I saw that Pars was waiting at the entrance, but I didn't care.

It hurts! It burns a lot.

Nobody heard my screams.

No person in Zehera could do this. I knew this. But I was constantly lying to myself and was programmed to believe my lies. The other way around was impossible.

Maybe everything will be better in the morning.

It will not.

The sun will never rise in Zehera and even if the sun rises, nothing will be good. My heart will always be broken. My body will be full of wounds. I will never be able to get better. Because you don't know, it is more difficult to repair a broken heart than to sew up a wound.

Silence has always been my loudest cry. I was always silent. Even if I was crying inside, I did not reflect anything to the outside. I just cried when my stepfamily used me in their fantasies. I hadn't shouted even once. Not once did I speak.

One time, kid. No even once.

I didn't feel anything anymore because over time I learned not to cry. I learned to dream. And worst of all, I learned to deceive myself.

"When will this end?" I was crying.

They both laughed when they put out their cigarettes in my body. "When the sun rises."

The sun is not rised. Instead, my pain was rised, grew, and reproduced. The tortures are not over. The groans did not stop. My childhood was thrown into a garbage dump, trampled, and crushed. I was left naked with the pain that the unborn day had sunk into my heart. And with the desire for freedom arose in my heart, I was orphaned. I was an orphan. I didn't know if I was dead or alive. Because it didn't matter. I hated this city. I hated the dark. I hated living.

As my attempt to get rid of my mind was unsuccessful, I started walking the moment I met my eye with Pars. We were returning to the land where the main headquarters was located.

When we arrived at the building, Pars had disappeared in a contemplative moment. When I wandered the building and got bored, I went out to the garden and continued walking, watching the trees around.

When I saw him sitting on one of the benches ahead, I started watching his face when I went up to him and started to stand by him. He looked angry and was smoking with a frown.

When I looked at his hand in which he was holding the cigarette, I saw the blood-dried wounds settled in his white skin. "What happened to you?" After turning his head and examining my face under his eyelashes, he shrugged and continued smoking his cigarette. When the silence that had spread around us started to bother me, I decided to give up and return to the main headquarters. On the other hand, I was grunting, but I didn't expect to see one of them.

When our paths crossed with Cassian, I hesitated, called out to him, and stopped him. His gray eyes smiled and came to me when he heard me. "Yeah, Reverie?" He was a extremely kind man.

"Thank you," I said, trying to smile sincerely, but I didn't know how natural it was to smile. He smiled and patted my shoulder and continued walking towards the bench where Pars was sitting. When I changed my direction and headed to the house where I stayed with Pars, the outer door opened by itself and I entered in a confused way. The door was shut behind me. There was nothing to do.