Ch. (1,1): Trajectory for Escapism

"I'm not criticizing your drawing skills, I only critiqued the entire composition. I'm not saying they're not good enough. I just think it needs more depth." Rainier Seo followed me to the cafeteria explaining his criteria for judging my drawings.

My dumbness was enough to take these people's short-lived attention. But since I was walking with my polar opposite, the top 1 student, everyone's attention was on us. We must have looked like a walking visual aid about antonyms.

"More depth? How deep do you want me to draw? Should I draw it like your serial killer doodles of me who looked like someone who likes digging deep pits where I could bury the corpses of my victims?"

"It wasn't a serial killer. I swear I tried to draw better than normal."

"If that was your 'better', then I'm scared of what you can do at your 'best'! For someone who couldn't draw, you're quite proficient in finding fault in all of my drawings!"

"That's quite harsh," I couldn't see his expression when he said that but he quickly recovered. "Anyways, I suggest we change our approach in making this assignment. This is a group project, why don't we do it together instead of doing the tasks separately?" He smiled, slyly using his most favorable asset to make me do whatever he wants.

"Working together? You must be really confident in your drawing skills, Mr. Seo," I sarcastically said after swiping my meal card. he followed me after and sat beside me.

"I might not be an artist, but I've seen a lot of artworks. My perspective is still essential, don't you think?" He gave me a piece of Tonkatsu and winked. I don't necessarily agree with what he said, but working together meant that I'd spend more time with him. So, I had no choice but to agree.

...

After class, I was supposed to go to the cram school, but Rainier Seo told me to wait for him. He seems to be talking with the teacher. And like a lovesick puppy waiting for his master, I obediently waited for him on my desk.

I busied myself by scrolling my phone, but with the quietness in the room, I was easily distracted when I heard someone's footsteps. I raised my eyes and looked thinking it could be Rainier only to meet some disappointment.

Levi entered to pick up his things while holding a painted canvas. He's a big guy, but with all the things he needed to carry, he looked somewhat clumsy as a cartoon character. He snubbed me after our eyes met though. I rolled my eyes and snubbed him as well. He's not the only one born with bad manners. So, I focused my attention on my phone instead.

"I heard that you draw," Levi broke the silence.

"And?" I raised my eyebrow. Bad move for me because my eyes caught a glimpse of the painting he was holding. Judging by the paint stains on his hand, I knew he was the artist who was so hungry for validation and now he was bragging. 'I mean, I get it, you paint well! Now, wash your hand, you unhygienic prick!' I criticized him inside my head.

His pencil case suddenly fell and he had to pick them up again. "I kept thinking about it... have we met before?" He asked.

"It's been a month since I got here. What's wrong with you?"

He glared at me. He's probably exhausted from holding this conversation with me like my teachers in cram school.

"About Rainier..." He changed the topic abruptly. "Don't fall for that bastard."

His sudden warning caught me off guard.

"I'm not saying this because I hate you both. I'm just telling you the wisest thing to do." He then left me alone.

then it dawned on me... Levi knew I'm gay.

...

I was absent-minded and mindlessly followed Rainier Seo after school. We walked a lot. We passed by a group of protesters in front of a company building, passed through the clutch of a cult preacher, and saw an internet vlogger film himself for his social experiment. That should have been enough for us to think of something we can write and draw about.

'Ah!'

I flinched when I felt something cold gently stabbed my cheeks. Rainier then opened the ice popsicle and split it in half, then gave me the smaller one because he didn't break them equally.

"What were you thinking? You look like you're in another world." He commented as he bit off the chunk of the ice pop that was supposed to be mine.

"How I wished to be in another world."

"Huh?"

"Hmm-mmm... Nothing," I lied and ate the cold sweet block of ice... I was thinking about how to make Levi shut up about my sexuality and what that psycho meant when he said I shouldn't fall for Rainier even though I have already fallen from the first time I saw his face.

"That doesn't look like nothing... When I'm bothered with many things, I tend to smoke," He began to tell me something about himself as he sat down beside me. The convenience store has a lot of benches and chairs, yet he's still sticking himself to me. I thought I caught a brain freeze with the ice popsicle, but my mind stopped thinking of random things as my senses were more focused on what was happening at the moment.

"Some kids I know are also really into computer gaming. Come to think of it, didn't you skip class to play in net cafes just recently?"

I thought he'd be flirting, but he seems more interested in making me embarrassed.

"So what?" I cracked the popsicle like candy.

"Why did you do that?" He pried.

I have never been asked why I did that. My parents had their questions, but knowing what we went through this year... they just assumed it was because I was rebelling. They probably think I hate them, which is true to some extent. Although that too was true, it's not as simple as a spoiled child's tantrum.

"Nothing... It's just more fun than going to a strict prep school."

"So you were running away."

I dropped my popsicle stick. "Where's this conversation going? You're my groupmate, not a therapist."

He suddenly hooked his arm over my shoulder. Now, he's making me want to run away. "I play games too when I don't feel like going to school. What do you play... Single-player games like Plants Vs Zombie?"

'Pfft!*' He was unpredictable. I thought we were having a heart-to-heart talk but as soon as I was expecting something serious to come out of his mouth, he suddenly turns the conversation into something silly.

"You should laugh more, a smile looks better on you."

Levi Kim warned me not to fall for Rainier Seo. However, I just found myself falling six feet deeper. I just ate something cold but my face felt hot. My stomach felt so tingly, and I can't help but smile since he told me it suits me better.

"When you went to that club, was it also to run away?" The arm on my shoulder then felt heavy. "I work in a cafe next to it. You didn't seem the type to hang out in that kind of place, yet you happened to be there."

I roughly shook his arm on me and stood up to put some distance over us. "Why did you take me here? Aren't we supposed to do our assignment? As far as I know, we're searching for a social issue, not MY personal problems. Can we just work on it?"

"Escapism. I think I can write an essay about that." He looked more relaxed and began explaining. "When we were walking earlier, there are people patiently protesting to address the unjust layoffs. Then, there are those who blindly trust their fate in cults... And then there was you."

"What me? What did I do?"

"You always look like you want to run away."

I sighed. "As I have said, we're supposed to make an essay, not a dramatic novel!!!"

"There are studies about escapism. It's a real issue!"

"Then you write about it... I'll draw it once you're done."

At that time, I guess he was right. I really wanted to run away. So I walked out. Even my parents did not get the idea to get me a therapist, yet he's acting like one. It's nice that he's asking things about me, but how could I bare myself open? If I were to describe myself, I'm just like your typical onion. Peel me off and it's the same layer of rotten onion... I don't want him to see me like that.

I walked as much as I could until I found myself in front of the crosswalk. I looked around and I realized I was unfamiliar with my surroundings. I don't know where I was.

In my despair, a hand reached out and pulled my collar in the back... Rainier Seo ran after me. It would have been heart fluttering if he did not pull me like that.

"What?" I hopefully asked.

He was panting, sweat drops dripping on his hair. "Why do you walk so fast?" When he calmed down in a few seconds, he then handed me my bag. "And why is your bag so heavy? Do you carry all your books every time you go to school?"

I looked at his backpack, it seems big enough compared to mine. "Do you not?"

"I only brought extra clothes and my uniform for my part-time job," He was even about to show me what was inside his bag if I didn't gesture to stop.

"Your part-time job... was it the cafe you mentioned?"

"Hmm." He nodded, "But I work there during the weekend, I work somewhere else on weekdays." He looked at the time on his watch and sighed. "I'm running late for my work. Bye-bye!" He waved his hand and smiled at me as if we didn't fight earlier.

He left swiftly.

The traffic light turned red, and the go signal for pedestrians lit up. People hurried to pass by and I know that I, too, needs to move forward. Rainier Seo talked with all certainty that I was running away as if it was a bad thing. But what else can I do?