Womanhood 101:Go lingerie shopping I

"Poor Grey, the universe is really taking it out on you," Blue said, standing beside me like I was some pitiful creature. Her hand gently patted my head.

"Is this what it feels like to be vulnerable and helpless?" I muttered, glancing up at the nurse still standing there with the syringe in her hand, patiently waiting for me to man up—or, well, woman up.

Blue nodded solemnly, her expression almost too sympathetic. My mind spun back to a memory—someone had said those exact words to me before, yelled them, even. But who? And when? The thought scratched at the back of my mind like an itch I couldn't reach.

"You see, Grey," Blue started, taking on this calm, teacher-like tone, like I was in some bizarre class on How to Be a Woman 101, "women process emotions differently than men. We get emotional more easily, go through physical pain every month—" she paused for dramatic effect, "and honestly, our bodies can betray us. We're fragile."

I blinked at her. What was she even talking about? This was not what I signed up for. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my body had changed, and now I was getting a lecture on monthly pain and emotional fragility? What in the world had my life become?

"I mean," Blue continued, oblivious to my internal meltdown, "I can't exactly relate to what you're going through, Grey—from your OCD to this...unbelievable gender switch—but you've got to stay calm. We'll figure it out. But first—" she motioned toward the nurse, who was still grinning way too much for my liking, "you have to take the shot."

I looked the nurse square in the eyes. Why was she smiling like that? What, did she enjoy jabbing people with horse-sized syringes? Was this her thing? A hobby, perhaps? I scoffed, but inside, I was panicking. I could feel sweat beading on my forehead.

"The shot's not as bad as it looks," Blue said encouragingly.

Not as bad as it looks? Was she looking at the same giant needle I was? Because it looked pretty bad to me. Like, shouldn't this be illegal? bad. But what was my alternative? Not take it and... what? Stay stuck in this weird in-between state of panic and confusion forever?

"Okay," I said, my voice shaky. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to run for the hills. But no, here I was, about to get stabbed with a syringe by Nurse Grin-a-lot. Slowly, I walked over to the bed and sat down, trying to psych myself up.

The nurse stepped forward, all smiles, grabbing my arm like she was preparing to inject some kind of super serum into me. My eyes were glued to the syringe as it inched closer, and then—BAM. I let out a scream that could've shattered glass.

"AAAAAH!" I jumped up off the bed, flailing around like I was being attacked by bees.

Blue was doubled over with laughter, wiping tears from her eyes. "Grey! Come on, it's not that bad!"

"Not that bad?!" I gasped, my heart racing. "That thing's the size of a small sword!"

The nurse gave me a look, her smile faltering just a bit. "Ma'am, if you could just stay still, I'll be done in a second."

"Ma'am? Oh no, no, no." I shook my head, pacing the room. "No one warned me about this part of gender-swapping. I didn't sign up for giant needles!"

Blue wiped her eyes, still giggling. "Just let her do it, Grey. You're making this way more dramatic than it needs to be."

Dramatic? Me? I wanted to argue, but the nurse had already cornered me, her eyes pleading for mercy. Before I knew it, the needle was in, and—okay, fine—it wasn't that bad.

"There, all done!" the nurse chirped, like she hadn't just traumatized me for life.

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled, rubbing my arm. "I lived to tell the tale."

Blue smirked, shaking her head. "Now that you've survived, let's go. You've got a few more... challenges ahead."

"What do you mean?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. I didn't like the sound of that.

"We need to go shopping," Blue said, flashing a grin. "You know, the essentials."

"Essentials?" I asked, still rubbing my arm where that syringe had just been stabbed into me. My poor arm was still throbbing.

"Yeah, bras, tampons, pads—you know, stuff you'll need now that you're a woman." She said it so casually, like this was a completely normal conversation for us to be having.

I froze, my brain refusing to process what she just said. "Wait... what?"

Bras? Tampons? Pads? I blinked at her, wide-eyed. This was the part no one prepares you for in any ridiculous, last-minute gender switch scenario. There was no guidebook for this!

A little while later, we were standing in the middle of the most uncomfortable section of a department store—the lingerie aisle. I looked up at the store sign, reading it aloud in disbelief, "Velvet Temptations."The words might as well have been written in flashing neon lights.

I couldn't believe my life had come to this. "Okay, let's just get this over with," I muttered, pulling my hoodie up a little higher over my head, trying my best to avoid eye contact with every single person in the store. I felt like I was being watched by everyone. Was this a dream? Please, let this be a dream.

Blue, on the other hand, seemed completely unfazed. "Wait a minute.I invited someone over. She'll be here in a second."

I spun around to face her, my eyes widening in horror. "You invited someone?! What, is this some kind of event now? You're turning this into a group activity?!"

Blue just smiled, her shoulders bouncing up and down in amusement. "Well,I figured,since you'll be stuck in this body for a while, so you might as well embrace it. And what better way than with some help?"

I gestured wildly to myself. "Help? This? What part of this," I said, waving my hands up and down my new, unfamiliar body,"screams I need help?"

Blue's grin widened. "It's fun being a lady, Grey! Shopping, makeup, cute clothes, heels.That was why I invited someone who knows her stuff. She can make this whole thing way easier for you."

I sighed. "Fineee,who is this mysterious person?"

Just as I was about to finish my sentence, I saw her. No joke—I'm pretty sure I saw an angel walk in. She was the most beautiful, graceful woman I'd ever laid eyes on. Her hair was long, curly, and full, like some shampoo commercial come to life. Her skin glowed, literally glowed, and she moved with this effortless elegance. My heart started racing as I watched her walk toward us, my jaw hanging open like a complete idiot.

"Omg, omg," I muttered under my breath, trying to keep my cool, but failing miserably.

Blue's face lit up when she saw her. "Hi, Athena!" she said, waving enthusiastically.

I snapped out of my trance, eyes widening even more. 

Athena stood in front of us, a small, polite wave and a soft smile on her lips. "Hi," she greeted us in the sweetest, softest voice I'd ever heard.

Blue looked between us, oblivious to my internal crisis. "Lisa, meet Athena."

I could barely speak. I was still trying to figure out how to act like a normal human being in front of her. What do you say to an actual goddess? "H-hi," I stammered, completely failing at being cool.

Athena flashed a sweet smile, tilting her head slightly. "So, you're the one who needs a little help with, um…" She gestured toward the lingerie store in front of us.

I nodded, trying to mask my nervousness with excitement. "Yeah, that's me," I said.

"Yay, let's go shopping!" Athena cheered,taking the lead as we walked into the store.

As the door chimed with our entrance, Blue leaned in and whispered, "I told you it'd be fun." She smirked and held the door open for me.

"Yes," I whispered to myself. 

Maybe—just maybe—I might actually enjoy life as a woman, or at least survive it. Even if it meant awkward shopping trips with angels named Athena.