"Amane, I've got someplace to go today, so is it all right if
we head home separately?" Mahiru asked. It was early July,
and they'd just been about to leave school together, as
always.
It was an unexpected request coming from Mahiru, who
always wanted to walk home with Amane, and he caught
himself staring at her without meaning to.
As a rule, Amane accompanied her whenever she had to
make a side trip, so the fact that she was gently stopping him
from doing so meant it was probably something she didn't
want him to know about.
But he could tell from Mahiru's expression that it wasn't
anything she felt particularly guilty over, so he wasn't
worried about it.
The sun set later in the summer, so it should be fine as
long as her errand didn't take a long time. Though if he was
to state his true feelings, he would have liked to go home
together.
"Mm, got it. I'll see you later, then."
He knew that either way he was going to have plenty of
time to spend with her at home, so he respected Mahiru's
wishes.
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She looked relieved by his answer but then opened her
eyes a little bit wider, as if she had suddenly realized
something, and gave him a look like she was raising her
guard just a little.
"…Don't walk home with any other girls, okay?"
"Do you think I would do that?"
"You wouldn't, but there's a possibility that you'll be
asked, you see. That's… Well, I'm not saying they can't, but I
don't like it. Other girls have been talking to you lately,
and…"
It was a miracle Amane didn't react out loud.
…Don't tell me…she's jealous?
It should have been obvious from the way he acted toward
Mahiru that Amane hadn't been asked by other girls, but
apparently, Mahiru had started worrying about it.
Actually, the only girls who had spoken to him had done
so to show their support for his relationship and wish him
good luck, so there was no need for concern.
Even though he still felt slightly uncomfortable, Mahiru
was looking up at him with an imploring, anxious
expression. He wanted to stroke her hair because of how
cute she was, but there were eyes all around them, so he
restrained himself.
He had messed up once before and everyone had huddled
around to see Mahiru's smiling face, so naturally he wasn't
about to repeat that mistake.
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"It's all right. I only have eyes for you, and I haven't told
anyone I'll walk home with them. Unless you count being
dragged around by Chitose."
"…That's good to hear."
If it was Chitose, it seemed like it would be okay. But to
begin with, she had Itsuki, so she was definitely not
interested in Amane. And he had also never looked at
Chitose that way, so Mahiru probably felt at ease.
Mahiru relaxed her shoulders, seemingly relieved by
Amane's words, and this time, she gazed up at him with a
hint of embarrassment.
"Also, um, just because I don't want there to be any
chance of a misunderstanding, I'll tell you where we're
going."
"You don't need to keep it a secret?"
"N-no."
He got the sense that she was fairly hesitant to say it, but
he waited patiently for her to continue.
"W-well…we're…going shopping."
"Gotcha. That doesn't really seem like anything to be
embarrassed about."
"I'm going with Chitose…u-um—to buy a swimsuit, so—"
"…A swimsuit?"
Sure enough, it was July, and they were being sold in all
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the stores now.
In the shopping mall that they frequently visited, a special
shop had opened just for selling swimsuits, and Amane had
fresh memories of girls from their class talking about going
to buy some.
But he had never thought Mahiru would.
After all, Mahiru couldn't swim.
That was what she'd said, and she had even chosen a
school where swimming wasn't a compulsory subject, so it
had to be true.
But Mahiru wanted a bathing suit.
"…Weren't we going to go to the pool together…?" she
whispered as she drew her body near shyly.
In response to her words, Amane stiffened, then he
covered his face with his hand.
…I wish you wouldn't make that kind of face when you
say it…
Sure enough, the other students in the classroom were
looking their way.
From looks of confusion to tepid smiles, a variety of
expressions were directed at them, and Amane felt unsettled
by a mixture of discomfort and embarrassment. Even under
normal circumstances, he had trouble keeping it together
when he saw Mahiru looking bashful, and in this
atmosphere, with people watching, he could hardly stand
being there.
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"…I see. Um… Enjoy your shopping."
"Th-thanks… What kind should I get?"
"Nothing too suggestive," he answered immediately.
Anything that fit Mahiru's style, even a swimsuit, was sure
to be suitable, but Amane would have preferred that it didn't
expose any more than necessary.
After all, it had only been several weeks since they had
started dating, and for the most part, he hadn't seen much of
her bare skin.
At school, she buttoned her shirts all the way up and
always wore tights. She dressed so modestly that he
sometimes worried she might overheat.
At home, she never wore clothes that exposed her chest,
and she wore a lot of long skirts. Whenever she wore shorts,
she also had on tights underneath.
In other words, Amane had never seen much of Mahiru's
body. He'd never even had the chance to.
Under those circumstances, if she chose a sexy swimsuit,
Amane would probably wind up curled into a ball on the
floor for a while.
Mahiru's eyes went wide, and she blinked in surprise at
Amane's definitive answer, then she snorted quietly.
"That's a very Amane answer."
"I would die. So pick one that's not too flashy."
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"Heh-heh, what to do…?"
"Mahiru—"
"I'll consult with Chitose about what will make you
happy."
Mahiru still looked a little shy, and Amane pressed his lips
together tightly.
I'd better send Chitose a message telling her not to
recommend anything weird.
It was a matter of life or death. He had to stop her, to save
himself.
Amane made up his mind to send a message to Chitose,
who was currently not in the classroom, and poked Mahiru
in the cheek. She looked like she was thinking of something
mischievous.
At the end of the day, Mahiru refused to tell him what
kind of swimsuit she had purchased. She dodged the
question with an impish answer, saying "You can look
forward to when I put it on."
He had gone ahead and warned Chitose, but it was
doubtful whether she had listened. If anything, from the way
she had gleefully told Mahiru that she thought her choice
would make him happy, he was sure she had recommended
something that showed a lot of skin.
"I'm begging you, not something too flashy," Amane's
grumbling echoed in the otherwise empty bathroom.
He had gotten into the bathtub to wash his sweat off,
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leaving the post-meal cleanup to Mahiru after she
volunteered to do it, but he couldn't help worrying about the
swimsuit.
Amane was a high school boy, so of course he had
fantasized about what kind of swimsuit his girlfriend might
wear.
Something that generously exposed her slender body
would certainly be attractive. Mahiru had always had a curvy
figure, so if she wore a bikini or something, he was certain
he wouldn't be able to gaze directly at her.
His heart was pounding just imagining it, and his body
was burning up. Part of that was because he was soaking in
the tub, but he was hot for another reason, too.
…I'm sure anything would look good on her, but I would
have a hard time looking at her or even standing next to
her.
Amane thought he had a right to see—and a right to stand
by her side. But next to her, he would be practically invisible.
He glanced quickly down at his own body, but it was still a
far cry from perfect. He had never had much meat on his
bones to begin with, so he was already starting to see the
bumps of his abdominal muscles, but he had yet to reach his
ideal body type. Most people would have considered him
kind of scrawny.
No matter how he thought about it, he didn't feel like a
particularly strong or stylish kind of guy.
He wished his physique was a little more solidly built, but
he had always assumed that since both of his parents were
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slim, his body type was probably hereditary, so there was
nothing he could do. To make up for it, he was tall, so he felt
very grateful to his parents for that at least.
"…I should consult with Kadowaki and increase my
strength training a little more."
He had already established a good foundation, and
recently, he'd been lifting even heavier weights. If he worked
a little harder, while being sure not to overdo it, then he'd
definitely be able to improve his physique before debuting
his bathing suit body.
He was determined to stand by Mahiru's side, so he
couldn't slack off and would need to try even harder so he
could have confidence in himself.
Amane sighed softly and dipped his face halfway into the
bathwater.
He had worked himself up imagining Mahiru in her
swimsuit and himself next to her. Now he was too hot.
Normally, when he soaked in the bathtub, he would be in
there for about ten minutes, so his anguish was obvious
when it took him over half an hour before he got out.
Since he had spent more than three times the usual
amount in the bath, it was about ten thirty. He confirmed
the time by checking the waterproof clock that he kept in the
bathroom. Mahiru typically went back to her own apartment
at ten o'clock, so she should have already left.
With that presumption, Amane wiped away the water
dripping off his body and immediately got dressed. He was
very warm from having soaked for too long, so he decided to
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let the air conditioner cool him off and didn't put on a shirt.
Wearing only a pair of sweatpants, with a towel over his
head, Amane imagined his parents scolding him for looking
so sloppy as he left the bathroom and returned to the living
room.
Wondering if there were any good shows on television,
Amane walked in with his eyes on the screen. But as soon as
he got there, he saw a familiar curtain of flaxen hair hanging
down the back of the sofa.
She hasn't gone home yet?
Normally Mahiru wouldn't have been there, but oddly
enough, she had stayed.
She was looking down a little bit, moving her arm while
staring at something in her hands. She was probably tending
to some schoolwork that she would usually have done at
home. Amane approached her with interest, marveling that
she was, as ever, the hard worker.
"It's unusual for you to be here so late."
Mahiru must have been concentrating, because when
Amane spoke to her as he picked up the remote control from
the coffee table and changed the channel, she finally noticed
his presence, lifted her face, and froze.
"Yes, uh, ah…"
"What is it?"
"Uh, why—why aren't you wearing anything on top…?"
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It was how he typically looked after getting out of the bath
during the summer, so nothing seemed particularly off to
Amane, but Mahiru was clearly flustered and covered her
face with her hands.
He could see her skin flushed red in between her fingers.
"What do you mean, why? I'm hot."
"P-please don't come out like that while I'm here."
"I mean, I figured you had gone home… It's already ten
thirty."
"I wanted to say goodnight before I left."
So that's why she's still here.
Amane sat down beside Mahiru. As he did, her shoulders
flinched in surprise, which made him laugh.
"…Are you really that embarrassed?"
"Of course I'm embarrassed!"
"But if you bought a swimsuit, you must have been
planning to see me in mine, too, right? But I can't be in the
living room like this?"
"Uh…"
Mahiru had said she was going to buy a bathing suit
because she planned to go swimming with him.
In that case, surely the thought had crossed her mind that
Amane would be in his, too. It was only natural if they were
going together.
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In other words, she must have assumed she would see
him half naked.
Yet she was getting so flustered at the sight of his bare
torso. It made him wonder whether they would actually be
able to go to the pool. If looking at his body shook her up
this much, he wondered how she would react to seeing other
boys in their swimsuits.
It wasn't the first time—she was embarrassed to see his
chest before they were together and seemed opposed to
seeing boys' skin at all. He was unsure whether they would
be able to go to the pool or the ocean.
"…It's nice that you bought a swimsuit, but I think it's
possible that you might not be able to go to the pool."
"Th-that's probably true, but—"
"In that case, how about getting used to it now, ahead of
time?"
At the moment, he was less exposed than he would be in
his swimsuit, so it was a chance for her to grow accustomed
to seeing him like this, but Mahiru shook her head
vigorously.
"I—I can't. I can't look at you as you are now."
"Why not?"
"…B-because you're…like, really sexy."
"Sexy?"
"You just got out of the bath; I really can't."
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Apparently, the reason why she hadn't made eye contact
with him since he entered the room wasn't just because she
could see his skin. Despite what she'd said, Amane didn't
believe he was particularly attractive, but it was obvious that
Mahiru thought differently.
Amane did think that Mahiru was even more alluring
when she'd just gotten out of the bath, and he figured that
anyone probably found the person they liked even more
appealing in such a state.
As the one who was usually getting flustered by Mahiru,
seeing her react to him like that made Amane feel kind of
good, in a sadistic sort of way, but he knew that if he teased
her too much, Mahiru would probably get upset.
"If you hate it that much, I'll go put on clothes, okay?"
"I—I don't hate it or anything, but…w-wait a second, I'll
do my best."
"No, if it's really an issue, I'll get dressed."
"I-if I don't get used to it, I'll be in more trouble! Since I'm
going with you to the p-p-pool."
Mahiru spoke very bravely and glanced over at him, her
face red and her gaze wandering unsteadily over to other
spots around the room. Amane watched her struggle without
rushing her.
He couldn't exactly complain, since if he were in Mahiru's
position, he would definitely be letting his eyes wander,
probably even more than she was. It likely wouldn't just be
his gaze, either—his whole body would probably try to make
a run for it.
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"…I know you've been putting in a lot of work, Amane,
and as someone who's been rooting for you, I'm happy to see
that you're getting results."
"Mm-hmm."
"B-but…u-um…recently you look too good; I can't take it.
Ever since you found your confidence, you're too goodlooking, and it's not fair!"
"Not fair…?"
"I'm the one whose heart is pounding all the time!"
"…I can't just let that one go."
Amane knew that Mahiru's heart beat fast for him, but
she couldn't possibly think that his heart wasn't pounding,
too. Just like her, his heart was thumping harder than usual.
On top of that, Amane was sitting by Mahiru's side
burdened with other troubles that she probably didn't have.
From his perspective, she was the one who wasn't playing
fair.
He decided to make her realize a little bit of what he was
feeling, so he extended a hand out toward Mahiru's back and
pulled her dainty body toward him.
She must have been unprepared because she wasn't
looking at him, and she easily fell into Amane's arms, her
cheek coming to rest against his bare chest.
Her small frame was trembling noticeably.
"Aaamane—"
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"…You can yell at me for sexual harassment, or you can
run away if you like, but I want you to understand just a
little of what I'm feeling."
Embracing a girl while half naked was something that
Amane would normally never do. He hadn't intentionally
undressed in front of Mahiru after all, but in the moment,
there was no helping it.
"My heart is beating out of my chest… As a guy, I've got a
lot more to worry about in this kind of situation."
Of course, Amane was the reason why they were in this
situation, so he wasn't trying to put any of the blame on
Mahiru. But being alone together with his girlfriend at night,
he felt like he couldn't settle down no matter what. It was
absurd to think that Mahiru was the only one whose heart
was pounding.
In his arms, Mahiru had her cheek against Amane's chest
and seemed to be listening to his heartbeat, blinking
repeatedly in surprise with a bright-red face.
He seemed to have gotten his point across, so he took his
hands off of Mahiru, but she kept leaning against him and
didn't try to move.
"…I'm sorry; that was rude."
"N-not really… U-um…Amane, when you do stuff like
that, it's really…i-it's so manly."
"As opposed to…?"
Amane furrowed his eyebrow as he wondered whether he
had just been insulted, but when he saw the panic in
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Mahiru's eyes and felt her trembling, he loosened up his
expression.
"I-it's not that I didn't think you were a man. It's just,
um…when I'm pressed directly up against you like this…it
really makes me aware of it."
She answered him honestly, even though it seemed like it
was a little bit difficult for her to say. Though hesitant, she
touched Amane's chest with her hand. Slowly, she caressed
him like a fragile object, and at first, Amane felt ticklish until
the embarrassment set in.
"…Amane, you're so slim…"
"Sorry for being skinny. I must seem weak."
"That's not true at all. Just—y-you're more solid than I
thought. You're sturdy; I was surprised…"
With the tip of her finger, she slowly traced over the
center of his torso.
He wasn't really building much muscle, but the results of
his training were apparent, and his midsection had firmed
up somewhat. Mahiru gently traced her finger over his
abdominal muscles like they might break, though they
wouldn't, checking the feel of them.
Even though he was doing this for her, so she could get
used to his bare skin, he was struck with a jumble of extreme
uneasiness, frustration, and shame—and he found himself
struggling desperately to restrain a groan.
"I've…never touched a guy's body before, so this is new to
me—and surprising…"
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"…You're allowed to at any time you like, but if you touch
me too much, you'll have to deal with the consequences."
Mahiru's eyes were perfectly clear as she blinked up at
Amane, though he could see a hint of shyness. Amane's
heart ached with a subtle suspicion that he might be the only
one feeling guilty about this.
However, the way she was stroking his skin, tracing over
it with her finger as if to get the feel of it, was driving him
nuts, so naturally he wanted to stop her. But he didn't want
to make her uncomfortable.
"I'm going to have to touch all the same spots that you
are."
Teasingly, he gently ran his hand across Mahiru's waist,
and she let out a feeble shriek and jumped in surprise.
Mahiru had always been ticklish and would start trembling
at the slightest touch, so he had touched her very lightly, but
she had reacted super sensitively.
He had only brushed his hand against her once and then
stopped, intending to withdraw and apologize immediately if
she seemed upset. But rather than displeasure, Mahiru
lowered her eyes in seeming embarrassment and pressed her
forehead against Amane's chest.
"I—I like it when you touch me, Amane, so go ahead, but…
j-just d-don't tickle me, okay?"
Mahiru looked up at him, still leaning close against him,
seemingly completely unaware of her own weaponized
charm.
Her words, her expression, her gaze, her posture, her
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sweet scent carved away powerfully at Amane's sense of
reason. If he received one more push, the stronghold of his
judgment would simply crumble away.
For the moment, he bit his lip, and the pain barely kept
him in check. Then he peered into Mahiru's eyes. He could
see his own reflection in them, which held no doubt or
suspicion.
"…I can touch you?"
"Wh-why, is there a reason why you shouldn't? I'm sure I
asked you before to please touch me. And I think you have a
right to touch the same parts on me that I did on you. Wwe're a couple, so it's fine, right…?"
"N-no, well, I may just be a bad guy, but I think this
situation we're in is unwise… Do you understand?"
If they took one more step forward, they would never be
able to go back. He asked to be sure, since he had a feeling
Mahiru hadn't yet realized that, and after dramatically
blinking her caramel-colored eyes, Mahiru's face instantly
went up in flames like an on-demand water heater.
After opening and closing her mouth like she was trying to
say something but finding herself unable to string any words
together, Mahiru drew her legs up and hung her head. She
didn't seem like she was going to run away. But she did
appear to be ashamed or embarrassed and was bright red all
the way to her ears that were peeking out from beneath her
hair.
"Uh, ah, um… A-actually, maybe another day would be
better…," Mahiru managed to mutter in a hoarse, trembling
voice.
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Amane looked away from her and nodded. "…That's what
I'd like, too… N-not that you can't touch me, but…it seems
like we're moving really fast, and I'm kind of scared of what
might happen."
Amane was determined to treasure their relationship and
to really value the time and experiences that they built up
together. He didn't think it would be good to skip over so
many steps and give in to their teenage instincts. That kind
of self-control was difficult for a high school boy like Amane,
and he worried that if she let down her guard, he would
likely carry her off to the bedroom. He didn't want to risk
losing Mahiru over something like that and resolved to resist
the temptation.
Mahiru's body coiled up again as she listened to Amane
squeeze out an explanation. She looked over at him, and he
gently stroked her hair, enduring shame that he couldn't
hide.
"I'm begging you… I want to treasure you, so please, let's
take it slow," he mumbled quietly.
"I-I'll keep that in mind…," Mahiru answered bashfully in
a defeated voice.