Chapter 14: Confidence I

  He couldn't believe what had just happened, how did he break the cycle? Why could he fight back this time? What did his big sister do? Why did he not recognize his mother? Why was she wearing her exosuit? What was she trying to do? Why did he…

  Suppressing his thoughts, trying to forget the taste of vomit in his mouth, Slava unlocked the door to his dorm. Barely did he get the chance to enter that he saw a red glow out of the corner of his eye. Instinctively, he turned around, sparks of white light forming around his eyes. Facing the massive glowing red fist coming towards him, he shifted his body, grabbing it, he used the momentum to swing the massive frame of whoever it belonged to onto the ground.

  "Hahaha! I knew it, you're one of us! You've awakened!" said Kolya, a massive grin on his face. Slava stared into his friend's eyes, whose grin soon turned to shock as he witnessed his friend's tears slowly dripping onto his cheek. "Jesus, man what's wrong with you? I didn't shock you that much did I?" Facing his friend's incredulous expression, Slava sat down.

  "Guess I'm overwhelmed… huh?" he said gazing out the window, smirking, he wiped a tear from his cheek. Sitting up, Kolya moved to lean on the wall next to him.

  "Wanna talk about it?" he murmured under his breath.

  "I almost killed my mother." Following his words, they fell into silence. The moon was enchanting. The stars illuminating the city made it look mystical.

  "So… I'm guessing that wasn't a joke. I don't know what to say," said Kolya after a while. When he saw his friend's troubled expression, Slava couldn't help opening his mouth.

  "You know the nightmares I keep having? How I told you I could only remember my sister dying because of me? That was a lie, there's more to it and lately, it's become clearer and clearer." He couldn't keep it in. For some reason, as he started speaking, he felt his chest getting lighter. Sighing, he continued.

  "Every dream revolves around the same event. The destruction of New Petrograd, the death of my parents, the death… of my sister." He took a deep breath. "Every night I see the lifeless corpse of my mother. I see my barely 18-year-old sister change into a godlike being just to save me. I wanted to ask her so many questions. I wanted to know how she did all those things, how she fought and won against one of the Pillars of the Union, how she changed so much in one night and why she left me… Alone." The Union had multiple Pillars. It was a nation based on strength and power. It was ruled by a mysterious ruler called. The "Shén", the God. It was said that all who developed powers received them from him. The strongest of them were called the "Bàn Shén", Demigods. They were the Pillars, each governing a part of the nation through their power. They both knew that, but for Slava it was… He felt powerless. Even with fighting in the simulations, he could barely keep up with their weakened versions.

  "Having these nightmares over and over, made me think of ways of answering all these questions. I used to be driven by revenge. I used to wholly focus on my training. I wanted to train and go back to the Union to fight against them, but then I joined the military. I met you and you taught me other things. I began to realize that no matter how I trained, no matter how I fought, my sister would never come back and I would never be able to get my revenge. I would most likely die for nothing." This reality had hit him harder than anything else. He could never hold a candle to any of the tainted. With a suit, it was possible, but Slava was aiming for the Pillars and that required at least a Gamma suit. When he was in the military, he could only use the Alpha suits and sometimes the Beta ones when he was lucky. He had never even seen a Gamma suit, not to mention using one.

  "In my confusion, in my lack of purpose, I slowly started studying all kinds of subjects. When you told me you wanted to leave to go into research, it finally hit me that I too needed to do the same. I realized that the only way to get all my questions answered, the only way to get rid of those nightmares was to go back and save her." Time travel was his only option. No matter how absurd it sounded, Slava was determined to find a way. Everyone knew it was impossible, all the theories that even considered it as a possibility would break down before they could reach application, but he didn't care. People used to say teleportation was impossible and they had Beacons now.

  "I needed to go back. To find a way. So, I started studying physics here. My progress was astronomical, I buried myself in my research, continuing my training out of habit and being forced to go outside from time to time by you. Which led me to meet Sasha." He chuckled. These two probably kept him from going completely insane and he was grateful for that. Sure, they were the most flawed individuals he'd ever met. Kolya was overly obsessed with his own body, he would often spread himself too thin to help others. He was obsessed with his ideals of righteousness and good. Sasha, well, she was Sasha. She would pester him incessantly, she was sadistic and self-centered in a different way from Kolya. But, these things were why he appreciated them so much. He believed everyone to be twisted and full of flaws. Some were just better at hiding them than others. Knowing how twisted his friends were, gave him a sense of comfort he couldn't get from anyone else.

  "By the way did I ever tell you where these nicknames come from? It's one of the only memories I have of my sister. We would read books together and every time there was a name, she would tell me its nickname and its meaning. In the olden days, when people were close in Russia, they would call each other by those nicknames. Nicolas, Kolya, victory of the people; Alexandra, Sasha, defender of mankind; Vyacheslav, Slava, Glory. Glorious little star she would call me." Nicolas, the victory of the people, would always carry him to his destination no matter what and Alexandra, defender of mankind, would constantly pester him and nudge him, preserving his humanity. Showing him the brighter side of man. Or at least that's how he liked to see it. Smirking, he took a deep breath.

  "Anyways that's beside the point, what I wanted to say is, recently I discovered this power with Sasha's help. Surprisingly, I took it quite well. I guess it's because I was focused on my goal. I just saw it as a tool, nothing more nothing less, but recently, my nightmares have become clearer and last night I actually saw my sister fight. Seeing her and what she could do stunned me, but it also broke something inside me. When I saw her crumbling figure at the end, when the darkness and the voices started taking over, I snapped. This… whatever this was…" he said as white light started to dance around his fingers. A curse or a blessing, he didn't know anymore. Was it really worth it? How much would he have to lose? What would he have to give up? What was the price?

  "It made me break through the cycle. I rushed towards the enemy of my sister, towards my enemy, and pierced my hand through his stomach…" Slava stopped himself, gritting his teeth, he stared at the moon. It was unusually bright tonight. He wondered, what did she see him as when it happened? She looked like she had seen a ghost. Was he really such a monster?

  "It wasn't him… I was in my room, my arm going through a woman's gut. When the exosuit retreated from her face…" his tears began dripping once more. This feeling, he remembered it quite well, this feeling he did everything to forget. Fear, anger, powerlessness.

  "She was my second mother, the one who gave everything to save me. I… I almost killed her. I almost lost someone else." His watery eyes met Kolya's, but he was staring beyond him. He couldn't compose himself. In his head, the image of his sister overlapped with his mother's. As their tattoos flashed, he snapped back to his senses, his head dropping down. He didn't know what to do. He just wanted to forget it now.

  "Jesus, Slava, that's a whole lot of shit. This is not how I expected this night to go," he said bitterly. It sure was, he couldn't lie, letting it all out felt quite good. "This reminds me of what the monks used to tell me. Life is like a race Slava, you're running it like a sprint when it's a marathon. If you want to get to the finish line, you gotta slow down, look around, breathe. So much shit's happened to you in the past few days. I think you need some time to relax. How about I get a hold of Sasha and we go somewhere to chill out? We can talk about it then. Don't forget, you're not alone."

  "Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks," said Slava. His expression was grim, but turning around to face his friend, he bitterly smiled.

  "I always thought those nicknames were just some crazy stuff you came up with. Never would've thought it had meaning." chuckled Kolya. He had never really thought of telling them. It had started as a joke. And it gradually turned into a symbol of their friendship. Maybe it was childish, but they didn't care.

  "By the way, how did you find out?" Slava suddenly interjected. He knew they were acting suspicious, and it wasn't hard to notice that something was wrong, but for Kolya to reveal something so drastic so easily, there had to be something else.

  "Are you kidding me? You guys were acting so weird, it was hard not to notice," he laughed. "Nah, but in all seriousness, close your eyes." It took Slava some time to process what he had just heard.

  "I'm sorry what?" Facing his confused face, Kolya frowned.

  "Are you deaf? I told you to close your eyes." Still confused, Slava complied. He didn't understand what games his friend was playing, but… Not letting him finish his thought, an unpleasant feeling crept down his spine. He couldn't see it, but he could feel it. Something unpleasant was in front of him. Opening his eyes, he was met with the figure of his friend, his muscles bulging, red lightning sparking around him.

  "What was that?" said Slava. When their eyes met, Kolya slightly nodded, the lightning disappearing, his body returning to normal.

  "I intruded onto your domain. When an Awakened exerts his influence next to another, depending on how interlaced their domains are, they will feel each others' intrusion," he said matter-of-factly. Slava blankly stared at him for a good minute.

  "What the fuck are you talking about? What even is a domain?" Slava was still confused. He couldn't focus. Sighing, Kolya gazed at him with pity.

  "Guess you're still shocked, you need some good rest." Saying this, he swiftly pinched the dazed Slava's neck. Surprised, Slava drowsily fell forward.

  "What did you…" Not letting him finish, his eyelids closed. The last thing he felt was Kolya catching him before he could fall.

  "Don't worry, that'll help you take a little nap."