Chapter 4

When I arose after sunrise, I was surprised and jolted by the mournful speaking of a verse from the people of the church, done nearby, not so far from the wooded area where my house lay. It stood as a connection for the working poor and the rich, but never have I stepped into a church ever since I moved out of mama and papa's house, and it never affected me until now coincidentally. It called to me with a duty to take a hold of my mind and let me listen

"The growing horror

Lays heavy on your brow.

Repent young sinner

For thou know not what

Thou get entangled with."

It repeated in my head with a loud echo, pulling and assuring me of a choice that I will be making that will have an adverse effect on me. The way of nature is not a secret to me despite my staggering disbelief, but on to worlds beyond I must still go.

I swept through my closet that made me the least noticeable in a crowd so that if townspeople or saw me and wanted to speak, they would merely think that I was among the background of the crowd and did not think to speak to me. I would be invisible on a level that I never truly hoped of accomplishing in this lifetime, yet it was sorely needed to not distract me from the task at hand. I made myself throw a black veil on my thoughts, hoping it was dark enough to hide the doubt.

I found a long white dress, a bonnet, and a ribbon to put on my bangs hanging down over my eyes. Outside, the smell of rain dew on the grass was wafting through my slightly open windows and near my nose. Just to be safe, I grabbed a dull baby blue umbrella I had been given when I was high school age and a read coat that very simply had buttons and was red. Down the stairs, I feel my baby doll shoes stomp down on the wood beneath the carpet and I am filled with the trepidation and fatigue of the journey ahead yet holding myself with the confidence and stubbornness needed for the situation. I feel confused.

When I stepped outside the door, the reading dies down. It's a gray and dreary day once I reach outside. The silence is eerie and perplexing. Fear then had entered my heart. It seemed as if even the winds wanted this journey to stop. But on I walk. And I walked with the last of my strength and some of the money that was to last until next week. It wasn't much, but I wouldn't be needing it soon anymore. The book would be found, I am sure of that.

I stop at the end of the road and focus my eyes to find a carriage coming. They focus with conviction, thinking that it would make the task go a little faster than walking, but one way or another, even if I got there on foot and they had little grotesque sores on them and blood spilled, it would be pure joy and satisfaction for me.

"If you don't remember anything else from this, know this, the supernatural are not to be played with." Miles voiced echoed and bounced around in my head as a black shape leaped across my vision from the other side. A carriage! A gasp made it through my chest as I went to flag down the carriage. The horse hooves came down upon the ground like a slowed-down train. But even in the cold frigid day, I began to sway, writhing in an unusual manner and sweating uncomfortably.

"Your friend is right you know. Don't play with things you don't understand." The voice, unknown, yet tender pushed into my mind and whispered.

I did not stop to listen and did not care to. I shook the thoughts away and tried removing the blurry filter on my sight. But as I shook and swayed, I never realized I made my way to Springsteen college campus and was now located in front of the doors without a ghost of anyone here. Finding my key for faculty and teachers, I walk towards the beautiful and esteemed white doors, letting myself through.

The halls, as was expected, were dark. My heels tapped soundly against the silver-gray marble floor. I could see the many busts of the school sitting around, though not fully seeable in the dark room. Perhaps had I taken notice when I was walking around the school, I could have noted the beautiful features of the face and the armless bodies.

I snap out of my reverie when I notice that there are footsteps at the top of the stairwell coming toward me. I silently walk into the darkness, away from the windows, as there seemed to be a little more light shining through than from when I got here. Urging myself to stand still in the shadows, I see the boyish face of a good-natured janitor named Stewart. He has his lamp with him and he's singing a tune of high spirits. I hold my breath still, looking to see where he will be going, and looked until he disappeared, heading a trail of darkness. But it seemed even with his presence gone, another seemed to linger. Disease entered my heart.

I tiptoed up the stairs, gathering my courage, and if anything should pop up, the skill of speed.

Through the corridors and halls, dark, yet familiar, it still eluded me. It was so dark, my shadow could not even be seen, though my hand found a door with a knob and window clear enough to let me see that this was the library. I put my key to the knob, but then stopped, hearing another pair of keys jangling down the halls. My soul left my body almost, even as it noted it was Stewart. Would it be the end of my flickering hope?

"Ms. Stallworth ?!" He squealed out in alarm.

"Oh! Stewart! I was looking for you. I needed a lamp for I'm afraid I left my textbook in the backroom of the library."

"Oh no," replied Stewart with worry. "We can't have you without your textbooks m'dere."

I could see him struggling through his pockets to get his keys even though I had mine. When he did grab them, he practically hopped near the door and opened it quickly. Then holding the door open, he handed over his lamp.

"I'll be here waiting after you're done finding it. Good luck !" He spoke affably. I smiled brightly at him and went on in.

The library is bigger on the inside than how it seems for someone who has never been inside. I have been inside this room many times, and still, find myself overwhelmed with how spacious it is. This is the day my existence in this realm will change and worlds unknown to most will be explored.

Down the paths of many bookshelves, I walk and emerge like how a sun may be uncovered from a dark moon, obscured and shy. Each path I walk, a startled waning of hope seems to deride me and I can feel myself slowing down with fear swooping down towards my heart. I should know my way, but the bookcases seem long with nameless, obscure, and ignored books getting in the way.

1 minute felt like I was walking for 30 minutes and already I was sweating under the occasional realization that maybe this was all for naught. Margery and Miles could see the positivity of this life, this reality, but though I may turn away and turn my attentions to something else, I will always be left with a startling what-if.

Each step where I couldn't find the book on the shelves seemed to knock my heart down by centimeters, eventually adding up. The amount of time it took for me to search for this book, I knew Stewart would be looking for me.

I made my way past the shelves of the books, knowing and bemoaning I couldn't look at them all, towards the backroom storage door, not even looking back when I heard a loud and mournful call of my name. Closing the door made me jump when it hit the frame with a loud BOOM. What made my heart jump, even more, was the vastness of which I never been in. Holding the slowly fading lamp in front of me, I began to walk at a slow pace.

A lump of anxiety rose in my throat when I saw all those shelves, knowing my time was running drastically short, and after this day, I would never have the conviction to find this book ever again. So I searched, despite the numbness in my feet. In the drawers, there was research on mythological creatures and such. Books from the 15th century that told you how to combine herbs to heal open sores, but no Otherworldy Fault.

As I was making my way through the gaining darkness, I tripped against the shelf's edge and fell harshly against another shelf, hitting my head, emitting a sound that could be heard from outside.

"Ms. Stallworth ?!" I heard Stewart squeak and fret. I knew then it was over when I saw him in the doorway reaching to bring me to my feet. I had to gather my balance and my sight, which was highly unfocused and staring.

"Oh! It seems you dropped your textbook." He handed it to me before opening the door and ushering me through. It couldn't be the book I was looking for. I had too few pages. By the time I stepped to the front doors of the school, I accepted with a sob rising in my chest, that the cards I was dealt were taking their effects.

It was nearing evening and it was darkening early when I got home and though I walked, it felt as if I gained the skill of speed and ran to my house, but truly throughout the walk, I was detached from my environment. While opening my door, however, I managed to let go of the book accidentally in a puddle near my door. I was tempted to let it stay, but then I looked. And I saw gold lettering. The Otherworldly Fault.

I gasped loudly, plucking the seemingly dry book back and holding it to my chest, and without caring, if other people heard it, yelled "Eureka" toward the sky. Yet, there was a trembling in my heart, asking me questions I did not wish to seek out. I buried them in my heart and the hope within.

Inside my house, I went. I boiled water for a bath and rested my sore feet in the hot water. I finally settled down in bed, thinking of the plans for telling my loved ones I'd be gone, but them never knowing I'd never be returning. I would be phasing out of this life. It felt as if my heart was crushed under a heavyweight. How do you do such a thing? I wept, knowing I'd find out soon enough.