11. Chapter 11

When Carina’s eyes opened next, her head was pounding and her throat felt like she had swallowed acid. She groaned, bringing her hand up to where the pain was the worst.

“Hey,” she heard a voice said, turning her head toward the sound, seeing Teddy sitting by her bedside, mask on her face, “Don’t touch your head. You have about twenty stitches because when you passed out, you hit your head.”

“I don’t feel good,” Carina said, going to rub her eyes only to have a piece of plastic get in her way on her left hand, realizing she had an IV attached there.

“I’m sure you don’t,” Teddy said, nodding, “Your blood sugar was very low and all your electrolytes were off. We’ve got you on a drip so you should be feeling better soon. You haven’t been eating or drinking, have you?”

It was more a statement than a question, but Carina nodded still.

“Do I have a concussion?” she asked, feeling the headache.

“That’s what I’m here to check,” Amelia said, walking in, face also covered in a mask, “You couldn’t go a few hours without me, huh?”

“Sorry for making you come back,” Carina mumbled as Amelia walked over to her.

“It’s ok, Carina,” Amelia said, sitting down on the edge of Carina’s cot, “I know you are having a hard time right now, but Carina, you have to eat and drink and sleep and take care of your needs.”

“Lo so,” Carina said as Amelia started assessing her.

“Alright, so no concussion,” Amelia said, “You also had a CT while you were out and it came back clear so I’m not worried.”

“Where’s Maya?” Carina said, panicking as she looked for her wife and noticed for the first time that she was in her own room, “I need to be with her.”

“You can’t,” Teddy said, stopping her friend as she tried to get up, “Carina, calm down.”

However, the Italian was past the point of being reasoned with as a panic attack started as she tried to fight Teddy’s grasp. Amelia also grabbed her, the two surgeons just keeping her in bed until Carina stopped fighting, collapsing back into her pillows as she sobbed.

“Carina,” Amelia said, wrapping her in a hug which the OB fought for a second before just allowing herself to be held, “Shhhh. You are ok.”

“Maya,” Carina sobbed out, still not sure why she wasn’t with her wife.

“Maya is ok too,” Teddy said gently, sitting on the other side of the bed, “She is just upstairs in the ICU. You are on the regular floor.”

“I want to be with her,” Carina said, breathing rate increasing again.

“I know,” Amelia said, “But you have a fever Carina. You can’t be up there with her right now because if you are sick and you give it to her, it could be disastrous for her.”

“I have a fever?” Carina asked through her tears.

“Yeah,” Teddy nodded, “It was close to 104 when you passed out. We got it down, but it’s still close to 103. Are you feeling sick at all?”

“I don’t know,” Carina said, “I just feel…like…bad. My throat hurts.”

“Ok,” Teddy said, “Well, your white blood cell count is elevated so there is probably some kind of infection going on. If your throat hurts, I’m guessing it’s probably strep, but we need to get a swab. We have you on broad spectrum antibiotics right now, but you know the rules. You can’t be in the ICU until you have been fever free for 24 hours without meds.”

“No,” Carina said, tears welling up in her eyes, “No, I need to be there for Maya. What if something happens? What if she goes into cardiac arrest or if her infection spreads or…”

“Carina, hey, look at me,” Amelia said, putting a hand on Carina’s face, the Italian immediately pulling away so Amelia brought up both hands to her friend’s face, “Carina, we are going to figure out a way to let you see her. We can get some tablets and let you facetime with her, but you have to let us treat you and you have to take care of yourself. Let’s start with getting a throat culture and then we will get you some targeted antibiotics if it’s positive.”

“I want to see Maya,” Carina said, rubbing her eyes.

“I will go get the throat culture and Teddy can go work on getting the tablets set up,” Amelia said, glancing at the cardio surgeon for confirmation.

“Yeah,” Teddy nodded, “I’ll go get something set up so you can see her, but you have to promise me you will stay in this bed.”

Carina nodded, leaning back into her pillows as her friends left. Carina realized she was now wearing a hospital gown that was itchy and uncomfortable on her skin that was now both uncomfortable from all the phycological trauma as well as the fever. She wanted Maya’s sweatshirt back. Her blanket was also nowhere to be seen, making her feel more anxious, tears running down her cheeks as she struggled to calm down.

“Alright,” Amelia said, walking back into the room, “I’ve got the…hey, what’s going on?”

Carina just cried, feeling insanely overwhelmed.

“Ok,” Amelia said, going over to Carina, “It’s going to be ok.”

She reached out to touch Carina’s shoulder only to have the Italian flinch and pull away. Amelia sighed, struggling to know how to help her friend. They just sat there for a few minutes until Carina managed to calm down a little bit.

“Let me get this culture taken really quick,” Amelia said, wanting to get Carina on the right meds so she could get her back to her wife’s side as fast as possible, “And then, we are going to find some way to help you feel a little better.”

Carina opened her mouth, Amelia swabbing her red, obviously infected throat.

“Let me go get this taken care of,” Amelia said, popping it into the tube, “Is there anything I can get you?”

“Where is the sweatshirt I was wearing?” Carina asked, managing to pull herself out of her head, “And my blanket?”

“I sent them home with Link to be washed because they were both sweaty,” Amelia said, realizing that might not have been a great idea as she watched the look on Carina’s face, “I am so sorry. I can get you another sweatshirt from your things and I can get you more blankets if you’re cold.”

“Can I have one of Maya’s station sweatshirts?” Carina asked, knowing those were nowhere near as comfortable as the worn academy sweatshirt she had been wearing, but they would work until Link brought back the other one.

Not having her blanket was not something she was thrilled about, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

Just then, Teddy came back in.

“Alright,” Teddy said, “So we have everything all set up so I am going to call and then you can keep an eye on Maya while you lay here.”

“How is she going to answer?” Carina asked, shifting a little.

“Oh, Maggie is sitting with her,” Teddy said, “And then Jo and then Ben and then maybe Andy and then we are going to find someone. She will never be alone.”

“Grazie,” Carina said, tears filling her eyes again.

“I am going to go grab you the clothes you need,” Amelia said as Teddy got the tablet set up.

Carina nodded, her head aching as a chill ran through her tired body.

“Carina, the only way I am going to keep this feed running is if you promise me you will let your body rest,” Teddy said, looking at her friend, “If not, Bailey said I have to turn off the screen and take you home once your levels balance out and not let you back until you are taking better care of yourself.”

Carina sighed, nodding a little, knowing her friend was right.

“Alright,” Teddy said, pressing the call button on the tablet.

“Hello, Maya’s room,” Maggie said, smiling as answered, “Hey Carina.”

“Hello Maggie,” Carina said, too tired to even give a smile, “Thank you for sitting with Maya.”

“Hey, she’s pretty quiet,” Maggie shrugged, “And I have so much to do and here, no one can find me. And Maya is a pretty good patient.”

“How were her latest labs?” Carina asked, yawning a little.

“They were…” Maggie started before getting distracted, “Oh, hey Amelia. What are you doing here?”

“Grabbing Carina some clothes,” Amelia said, walking over to Maggie, “Oh, hey Carina. Long time, no see.”

Carina shook her head a little. “Good, I can make sure I am grabbing the right things,” Amelia said, going over to Carina’s bag, holding up a few of Maya’s station sweatshirts, “Are these good?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “Those will be fine.”

“Alright,” Amelia said, “I’m coming back to you. Maggie, do you need anything?”

“No,” the cardio surgeon said, shaking her head, “I’m good here.”

“Alright,” Amelia said, “See you on the flip side.”

“Maya’s labs?” Carina asked, having not really been able to think about anything but that.

“Right,” Maggie said, nodding as she opened Maya’s chart on her tablet, “So everything is looking better including…wait for it…her kidney numbers have improved.”

“Really?” Carina said, almost having enough strength to muster a smile.

“Yep,” Maggie said, nodding, “Now, they are still bad and she is not coming off dialysis any time soon, but this is the first time there has been any improvement in those numbers since she became septic. Also, her WBC is coming down and so are her inflammatory markers. Overall, she has had a good evening.”

“Evening,” Carina said, confused, “What time is it?”

“It’s almost 9 pm,” Teddy said, “You were out for close to five hours.”

“Oh,” Carina said, rubbing her eyes.

“I have clothes,” Amelia said, walking in, “Also, test results. Carina Deluca, you officially have strep throat.”

“Yay,” Carina said, shivering as she took a sweatshirt from Amelia.

“Hey, that’s good through,” Teddy said, “Because 24 hours on meds and you should be feeling way better. Also, Maya is on an antibiotic that is treating her sepsis that will also treat strep is you shared your germs.”

“So, I can go back to her room?” Carina asked hopefully.

“No,” Amelia said, shaking her head, “You cannot go to the ICU with a fever. Come on Carina, you know that.”

“Si,” Carina said sadly, “Lo so. I just…I need to be there with her.”

“I know,” Amelia said, “And you will, but you have to take care of you first.”

Carina nodded, wiping at her tears, “Can we turn off the lights?” “

Of course,” Teddy nodded, “Let me just go grab your meds and do you want something to drink or eat or anything?”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head as she pulled up the scratched hospital blankets, hating how they felt on her painful skin.

Teddy slipped out as Amelia sat down on the edge of Carina’s bed.

“We are doing everything we can to get you back to her side,” the neurosurgeon said, “But Carina, you passed out because of dehydration and poor nutrition. And yes, you are also sick and the fever probably didn’t help anything, but you have to take better care of yourself. Maya is going to be so pissed at all of us if she wakes up and you are in this condition so please, for our sake and yours, let’s spare everyone the rath of firefighter barbie and make sure you are taken care of.”

“I’m sorry,” Carina said, tears filling her eyes, knowing her friend was right, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Amelia said, instantly feeling bad because she didn’t want to make her friend cry.

She really just wanted to try to remind her that she needed to be taken care of too and that none of them could take care of the Italian if she didn’t let them. Carina cried, Teddy walking in and giving Amelia a look. The neurosurgeon just shook her head as Teddy got the meds and fresh fluids hooked up to Carina’s IV. Carina cried for a pretty long time before her tears turned to sniffles and then stopped as her breathing evened out.

“She’s asleep,” Amelia said, getting up, “God, I feel so bad for her.”

“I gave her a sleep aid in her IV with the antibiotics and some fever reducer,” Teddy asked as the two of them moved over to chairs, “What happened?”

“I just asked her to take care of herself for all our sakes,” Amelia sighed, “So Maya won’t freak out when she wakes up.”

“I think we just need to make a schedule to make sure she is eating and drinking,” Teddy said, “And maybe call psych. I know Carina has seen someone on and off for years so maybe we can get that person to come talk to her, just to check in and make sure she is ok and maybe help her with the PTSD that she is so clearly struggling with.”

“That’s a good idea,” Amelia nodded, “Maybe she could come down here tomorrow or even do a video call or something. I am at a loss right now.”

“Same,” Teddy nodded, looking over at Carina who shifted a little before settling into her pillows, “And I have had a major PTSD episode in the very recent past.”

“Hey, guys,” the heard Maggie’s voice from the tablet, “I am going to mute things on this end while Carina is asleep. Do you think you could do the same thing on your end?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry Pierce,” Teddy said, getting up, “Good luck with your research tonight.”

“Thanks,” Maggie said, “And I agree with you two about calling Carina’s therapist. Maya is going to need a lot of support, and while I know we all will give her all the help we can, I think we all know she is going to want Carina to be the one helping her the most and that Carina is going to want to help her, and both of them are going to be miserable if Carina is passing out and getting sick.”

“I’ll email her therapist tonight,” Amelia assured her sister, knowing she was right, “Goodnight Maggie.”

“Goodnight guys,” Maggie said, muting the tablet as Teddy did the same on their end.

Amelia grabbed her phone, shooting an email to the woman she knew Carina saw for counseling when she was dealing with the repercussions of her father coming along with her brother’s mental health and then his death. However, in the past six months, life had gotten busy, and Carina had been doing very well with handling her mental health so she was now maybe seeing her therapist once a month. Amelia knew this was something that her friend was going to need help with.

“Why don’t you go home for the night?” Teddy said, looking at Amelia, “You spent last night with them, and I’m sure Scout is missing you.”

“Yeah, probably,” Amelia sighed, looking at their sick friend, “God, I wish she didn’t have to go through all of this.”

“Yeah,” Teddy nodded, “Me too.”

“Alright,” Amelia said, getting up, “I will be back tomorrow with her blanket and sweatshirt. Text me if anything happens with either of them tonight.”

“Will do,” Teddy nodded, “I am probably going to try to sleep. This chair is oddly comfortable, and I gave her something heavy that will keep her out for at least six hours.”

“Well, I will see you tomorrow,” Amelia said, “Like I said, text me if anything happens. And I’ll text you if I hear back from her therapist. Hopefully she can help her get into a little bit better of a headspace because she cannot keep going like this. Next time, it could be way worse than strep.”

“I know,” Teddy nodded, “We are all going to have to be on her a lot harder about eating and sleeping if she can’t do it alone.”

“Yeah,” Amelia nodded, yawning a little, “Well, I’m out. See you in the morning hopefully.”

“Can you turn off the lights on your way out?” Teddy asked, reclining the chair.

Amelia nodded, snapping off the lights as she left.

Luckily, the night went pretty well. Teddy woke up when a nurse came in around 3 am, giving Carina more fluids and drawing labs as well as giving her more of a sedative to help her sleep.

“How is she doing?” Teddy asked the nurse as she stretched a little.

“Her temperature is coming down,” the nurse said, nodding, “Hopefully, these labs will be better. Oh, and I am supposed to tell you that Captain Bishop’s temperature is down to almost normal and her latest kidney labs are showing improvement too.”

“Good,” Teddy said, letting out a sigh of relief, “Good. I will tell Carina in the morning when she wakes up.”

“Is there anything else you need Dr. Altman?” the nurse asked.

“No,” Teddy said, shaking her head as she got comfortable in the chair again, “No. Thank you.”

Teddy woke up again when she heard quiet crying, her mom ears having been trained to hear any tiny cry even in her sleep. She looked over at Carina, seeing her friend curled up in bed, body shaking slightly as she cried.

“Oh Carina,” Teddy sighed, walking over to her, gingerly placing a hand on her friend’s back, pulling it back as Carina flinched at the contact.

Teddy just sat there, hoping her presence could somehow make her friend feel better. Eventually, Carina stopped sobbing, still not moving.

“Carina, is there anything I can do?” Teddy asked, desperate to help her friend.

The Italian just shrugged, not really moving. Just then, Teddy’s phone dinged, signaling a message from Amelia.

“Carina,” Teddy said, “Amelia is going to be here in about an hour with food and your clothes. Also, she emailed your therapist last night, and she said she could squeeze you in for a virtual appointment at noon. Would you be up for that?”

“No lo so,” Carina mumbled, “But I need it. Thank you.”

“Of course, Carina,” Teddy said, going back over to the bed, “Carina, we want to help you as much as we can.”

“I know,” Carina sighed, eyes immediately drifting to the screen where Maya was, “Thank you. I am sorry I have been so bad at doing what I am supposed to.”

“You have a lot going on,” Teddy said, shrugging, “And it is ok. But this needs to be as bad as it gets, ok? Because having to catch you as you passed out and were bleeding all over was enough for me.”

Carina nodded, rubbing her eyes.

“Do you want to talk about what happened when you woke up?” Teddy asked gently, not wanting to pry, but also knowing Carina was very good at keeping things in that she probably should not.

“I had a nightmare that Maya died while I was away from her,” Carina sighed, “And then I woke up and didn’t see her and I don’t know. I just freaked out.”

“Sorry,” Teddy said, careful not to touch her friend, “Do you want some good news?”

“Si,” Carina nodded.

“Maya’s kidney is improving,” Teddy smiled, “I just pulled up her latest labs, and it looks like the draw from this morning was even better than the middle of the night. She still has a long way to go, but the improvement is very promising.”

Carina’s eyes welled up with tears as she smiled, looking at the screen where her wife was laying.

“I haven’t talked to Jo yet this morning, but I am thinking they are going to be talking about weaning sedation soon,” Teddy said.

“I need to be there when she wakes up,” Carina said adamantly.

“Well, you have to be on your antibiotics at least 24 hours before we will even consider it,” Teddy said, shaking her head, “You cannot be spreading strep around this hospital.”

Carina wanted to argue but knew better.

“Are you ready for some breakfast?” Teddy asked.

“My throat is still really hurting,” Carina said, “And I’m not…”

“Hungry, yeah, that’s not gonna fly,” Teddy said, shaking her head, “I will get you whatever you want either from the cafeteria or anywhere. You have to eat. That is a condition of you getting to go back to Maya.”

“Can I just have some chicken broth?” Carina asked, “Or maybe something cold like a smoothie?”

“I’ll get you some broth from the cafeteria and have Amelia bring smoothies from that place we all love because that sounds good to me too,” Teddy said, “Also, I will grab another bag of fluids for you because I know staying hydrated with strep is a bitch and some more fever reducer to help with the achiness I know you’ve got going on.”

“Grazie,” Carina nodded, leaning back against her pillows as Teddy left.

She looked at the screen of Maya sleeping, wanting to be there to hold her hand. She told herself that she would do whatever it took to stay by her side as long as she needed her to, vowing to eat and sleep and do whatever her friends wanted her to in order to not end up separated from her wife again. T

eddy came back within ten minutes with a cup of broth, Carina taking a few sips.

“Good,” Teddy smiled, nodding at Carina.

The two of them just sat there for a while, no one really talking, Carina mostly just staring at Maya on the screen.

About an hour later, Amelia walked in.

“Hello ladies,” the neurosurgeon said, carrying a try of smoothies, “I come baring gifts. Smoothies for everyone, and a certain sweatshirt and blanket for our poor sick Italian.”

Carina perked up a little as Amelia set the items on the bed, immediately pulling off her sweatshirt and pulling on her favorite one before wrapping her body in the blanket.

“Grazie Amelia,” Carina said, holding tightly to the blanket.

“Of course,” Amelia said, chuckling a little, “Sorry we took them yesterday.”

“No,” Carina said, “They needed to be cleaned. I just…these things…”

“They are comfort items,” Amelia nodded as she handed out smoothies, “And right now, you need whatever you can get to give you some comfort. I should have asked before I took them.”

Carina just shrugged, holding onto the blanket as she took a small sip of her smoothie.

“Alright,” Teddy said, “I am going to head out. Owen works this afternoon, and I am on tiny human duty. I will be back tomorrow unless something happens.”

“Thank you for staying,” Carina said, offering a small wave.

“Alright,” Amelia said, sitting down in the seat previously occupied by Teddy, “So, how are we doing today?”

“Maya’s getting stronger,” Carina said, leaning back into her pillows, eyes never leaving the screen where Maya was, “Her kidney is getting a little better and so is everything else.”

“Good,” Amelia said, having already heard this from Teddy, “And you?”

“My throat still hurts,” Carina sighed, “And my head where I got the stitches and everything else.”

“Sorry,” Amelia frowned, “Teddy said she gave you some more fever reducer about an hour ago. Has it done anything?”

“No lo so,” Carina shrugged, taking another sip of her smoothie which was making her throat feel better, “But everything hurt before I got sick so…”

Amelia nodded, knowing how phycological pain could manifest into physical pain easily.

“Oh, it’s almost time for your therapy session,” Amelia said, “Juliana said she could do a virtual visit because she’s at Seattle Pres today.”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “She splits her time between the two.”

“Well, I will get you set up and then do you want me to stay or go or put in headphones or…?” Amelia asked.

“Could you go?” Carina asked, wanting her privacy with her therapist.

“Of course,” Amelia nodded, pulling out her laptop, getting everything ready for Carina, “You just have to log in to your account and you’re good to go. I will be back in an hour?”

“Grazie Amelia,” Carina said, logging herself in, “For everything.”

“No thanks needed,” Amelia said, shaking her head as she walked out, closing the door behind her.

Carina spent the next hour talking with her therapist and going over a few different exercises to try to help Carina through the really bad panic and PTSD episodes.

She also suggested that Carina come in for a few EMDR sessions once she was feeling better from her strep to try to help her through this. Carina had done some after Andrea had died, and it had done wonders to help her nightmares and flashbacks she struggled with so much after he died. Carina agreed to come once she was physically feeling better.

They also talked about ways to help Carina take better care of herself while Maya was in the hospital, and after some persuasion, Carina finally agreed to eat one meal either in the cafeteria or outside with friends every day which would both help Carina feel more confident that Maya was ok even without her by her side which her therapist hoped would help with Carina’s mental and emotional state as well as make sure Carina was eating and getting a little fresh air, all of which typically helped Carina feel better. Carina promised to do it and to start journaling again.

Carina made an appointment for an EMDR session in five days, hoping that by then, both she and Maya would be doing better.

Once her session was done, Carina leaned back on her pillows, keeping an eye on Maya as she relaxed a little. She was feeling a little bit better after her session, but she was emotionally drained. She was close to asleep when the door opened, Amelia coming back in.

“Hey,” the neurosurgeon said, “Oh, sorry. Were you sleeping?”

“Almost,” Carina said, not really moving.

“I can go so you can sleep,” Amelia said, “Or I can stay if it makes you feel better.”

“Can you stay?” Carina asked quietly.

“Of course,” Amelia nodded, going to sit down, “Do you need anything before you sleep?”

Carina shook her head a little, allowing her eyes to close without the aid of drugs for the first time since Maya went septic. She woke up three hours later, feeling at least a little better.

“Hey sleepyhead,” Amelia said, smiling at her, “How are you feeling?”

“I think a little better,” Carina said, stretching a little, “Still not very well, but some of the body aches are finally starting to go.”

“Well, you have been on meds for like 20 hours at this point,” Amelia said, grabbing a thermometer, “And it seems your fever is also coming down. It’s still almost 101, but you were running almost 103 last night according to Teddy’s notes so you are looking good. How’s the throat?”

“Still hurts,” Carina said, wincing as she swallowed, “How is Maya?”

“I actually just heard from Jo,” Amelia said, handing Carina a cup of hot tea, the OB happily accepting it, “They are going to keep Maya on the vent through the night and then get a CT tomorrow, and if everything is still looking good, they are going to try to wake her up.”

“Can I be there?” Carina asked hopefully.

“Well, technically, you won’t be contagious after 9 pm tonight,” Amelia said, smiling at her friend, “But Bailey said you have to stay here through the night, but in the morning, if the fever is down and you eat breakfast, you can go back to Maya’s room.”

Amelia wished she had a camera to capture the first real smile she had seen out of Carina in almost a week. It was a small smile, and the Italian still looked like hell, but the smile made Amelia so happy.

“But you have to actually sleep tonight and also, eat something for dinner,” Amelia said, “Whatever you want, just say the words and either I can go grab it, or Andy texted and said she was coming for a shift with Maya so she can pick it up.”

“My throat is really hurting,” Carina sighed, “I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to ask Andy to grab you some gelato?” Amelia asked, “At this point, we are just need to get some kind of food in you. We can worry about nutrition later.”

“Gelato sounds good,” Carina said, nodding, “Mango and strawberry.”

“From that place by the station?” Amelia asked, already texting Andy.

Carina nodded, letting her focus turn back to Maya. She could see Maya’s vitals, noting that her blood pressure seemed a lot more normal today.

“How were Maya’s latest labs?” Carina asked, not looking away from the screen.

“They were about the same as earlier,” Amelia said, pulling up Maya’s chart, “Nothing is any better, but also nothing is worse. She made a lot of progress though in the past day.”

“I just wish I were there with her,” Carina sighed.

“You will be,” Amelia reassured her as Carina yawned, “You can sleep if you want to.”

Carina shook her head, pulling her blanket up as she curled into a ball, just letting herself relax.

The rest of the afternoon and evening were quiet, Andy dropping off gelato for Carina which she managed to eat about half of.

“Alright,” Amelia said, coming back into the room after she stepped out to call Link and Scout, “I’ve got more meds and fluids for you and something to help you sleep, and as long as tonight goes well, you can be back with your wife in the morning.”

Carina nodded sleepily, snuggling with her blanket.

“I will be here all night if you need me,” Amelia said, turning off the lights, “Wake me if you need me.”

“Grazie, Amelia,” Carina said, eyes slipping shut, “For everything.”

“Anytime,” Amelia said, settling into the chair, hoping that the following day would be easier for her friend.