Colliding truths

At the same time...

"She can't do that again," Abby said as she angrily paced up and down the quarters.

"But we can't forbid her to walk around," Marcus reminded her firmly, not wanting her to revert to the uncompromising and irrational Abby of earlier days. The Ark days and the time after their landing in particular.

 "I know it's hard for you. I know you love her more than anything. But..." He paused and let out a desperate sigh, knowing that it was almost impossible to argue with her whenever Clarke came up as the topic of discussion. Just like in the days of the ark, when Abby circumvented every rule and order just to ensure Clarke's well-being. As much as her motherly love reminded him of his own mother, Vera, he knew that she should leave Clarke's further treatment in the hands of Jackson, who would be able to make more rational and less overreacting decisions in her case. But he knew that Abby was far from accepting that, and that she would keep her visits to Clarke as purely personal and not as her primary doctor. After all, she needed help herself, but she wasn't ready to accept that either. 

No, if she really believed that she could keep Clarke in a cage like an animal, she was dead wrong in his eyes. And she should know better, "Madi... Don't you think she's taking her condition seriously?" 

He paused again, this time looking pleadingly over at Bellamy, Echo and Octavia, who had listened in silence to the heated discussion between them over the past few minutes. Octavia, who had been leaning against the wall while Bellamy and Echo took the opportunity to sit in the chair across the room, looked at him with a grim expression as she crossed her arms.

Her eyes narrowed even more as their gazes met for a brief moment and an electric pulse raced through her body. She clenched an angry fist and drew in a deep breath. Her brother was sitting right next to her and now she had to prevent another thoughtless outburst at all costs. Fortunately, Clarke and Bellamy were more important to her at the moment, so she hesitantly lowered her gaze and decided to leave the conversation to the others for now.

"Yeah..." Bellamy suddenly agreed, "He's right. I think Madi doesn't want her to take any risks either. And neither do we... She can be as protective as Clarke is with her. Maybe even more, now that she's the Commander, and after everything that's happened".

"Are you serious?" Abby asked him as she stopped pacing the room and took a few energetic but certainly threatening steps towards him, "That's why they both showed up on the bridge. Even though I told them not to... Especially with a potentially killer around. What if... I should have known better... Both of them... Madi obeys Clarke, not the other way around..."

"She was so angry when she heard that Clarke had been shot. She screamed that every prisoner should die…" A silent Octavia intervened with a chilling voice, "I even saw some of them flinching. If Indra hadn't kept them in line, there would have been a massacre. Many of them were about to do it. Me too. It was Indra who stopped them from following her order..." Octavia revealed, much to her own surprise. "You were there, Bell. Tell them the truth…" 

"Yeah, that's right..." He confessed, looking at her before lowering his head. If the others had carried out their orders, that guilt would have fallen on his shoulders as well. Especially his. Much more than Madi's or anyone else's. No, Madi would have been a victim as well.

"You almost let her commit mass murder?" Abby roared at him.

"And what would you have done, Abby?" Kane Kane asked her angrily. She immediately looked at him with a mixture of surprise and indignation, but this time she couldn't respond because he hadn't finished talking to her.

"You broke every rule on the ark to ensure that Clarke was safe. If Jaha or I had floated her... Don't tell me you wouldn't have sought revenge or had us float you immediately, if not with her," he stopped and took her arms gently. "Abby…" 

"Shut up, Marcus" Abby barked at him and shifted her attention back to Bellamy. And suddenly it felt like someone had flipped a switch inside her head. 

"Now I understand why she was angry with you..." She realized as she continued to look at him with the coldest look, "You gave Madi the flame even though Clarke didn't want you to..."

"I had no choice..." He tried to defend himself against her accusing words, each one growing louder.

"No choice...?" Abby sniffed amusedly, "Oh, you had a choice."

"No, I couldn't give it to Clarke because..."

"Because you care about her..." She interrupted him again, "And that's why you did it anyway?" 

"Would you have let her die? Your own daughter..." Bellamy asked her outraged, but was cut off when Octavia let out an angry scream, "AAAHHHH!!!".

"And what about Madi? Have you ever thought about Madi for just one second? That it could affect her life as well as Clarke's," Abby countered his objection and pushed him further, completely ignoring Octavia's brief outburst. Then she did something he was almost used to and smacked him on the ear. It seemed well deserved, so he accepted his fate defenselessly. 

"No..." Bellamy defended himself in a low voice as the pain reached its peak, burning across his entire left cheek from ear to mouth, "Our people would not have accepted Clarke as their leader. She tried it already. You know that-"

"That was my fault," Echo interjected, but it was simply overheard.

"You don't understand. Madi was an outsider. A natural nightblood by birth. And an unknown-"

"That's bullshit Bellamy" Octavia interjected as well from behind him, "I know many didn't like my decisions, but they would..."

"If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be in this situation," Kane reminded her sharply. The images of himself in the battle pit and Octavia looking down on him from her throne flashed through his eyes. The pain, almost like a deep and poisonous stab, returned to him in an instant.

"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!!!" Octavia screamed at him, "YOU FLOATED OUR MOTHER...!!! And now YOU dare to judge me for being the Commander. For saving you all... I did it so that we could live. Our people. All of us, actually. You and Jaha didn't hesitate to gas your own people and carry them outside, cowardly, while they slept. To save your own ass. You don't deserve to be on her list..." Then she stopped as her eyes flashed for a brief second and a small victorious smile flickered across her face, "Did you ever tell Clarke that you actually used her list?"

"Don't you dare," Abby warned her, and it definitely sounded like a sincere threat.

"Enough, Octavia," Bellamy repeated Abby's warning.

"Yeah, because it's easy to always believe you're right, Bell. Because you've never done anything wrong. Tying up Atom because he tried to flirt with me... Siding with Pike so he could put a bullet in Lincoln's fucking brain... I won the conclave. I fought for us... I tried my best to lead our people. But I lost my way because you failed me when I needed you and Clarke the most. Because you put Raven above me."

"I've also suffered...more than you can imagine..." He reminded her. But he really couldn't say any more, because hearing the unfiltered truth from her mouth, as a result of their now heated and more and more escalating discussion, felt like a stab to his heart. It even made the still flickering pain on his cheek actually disappear. And his sister wasn't finished with him yet.

"I feel that we both have a different understanding of suffering. You blame yourself for mother's death. Because you took me to that fucking ball, when in reality it was me. My whole existence. It would have been easier for you if I had been shot by one of those criminals, wouldn't it?"

"No, Octavia. It's not like that"

"That's enough! All of you!" Echo yelled at them, angry because she couldn't stand this argument for another second, "You called us here to talk about Clarke... We're supposed to stick together. Madi expects us to work together. And she deserves that we can handle our problems like adults, without fighting each other".

"You're right" Kane agreed with her.

"Sorry," Bellamy apologized as he looked at his sister, who was shaking with anger.

"You're not going to tell Clarke about the list..." Abby warned Octavia after a moment of silence.

"That's right. Because you will," Octavia challenged her, taking a few steps toward her, "or I will as soon as we land in the valley."

"If you think you're doing Clarke a favor by telling her this, you're wrong. It's not the way to win her back," Echo tried to remind her.

"You can come with me and we can both make sure for Abby that Clarke and Madi are okay."

"I'll go with you," Bellamy insisted immediately.

"Me too," Abby joined him at the same time.

"But she's probably asleep," Kane threw in, getting two twisted eyes from her, "I bet she's not, and I bet she's walking around somewhere.

"Then let's find her"

"No!" Echo denied both.

"Excuse me?" Abby asked incredulously.

"Octavia and I are looking for Clarke. There are more things to do than watch over her prisoner…"

"You should catch Diyoza. Together with Kane. Or gather ideas on your own. Do something useful. Remember: We still have to work out a strategy on how best to settle down in the valley. Because if we go down there as an unruly bunch, Raven will personally rip your head off, and I won't have seen a thing."

"Yeah, you're right," he relented, while Abby just stood there, staring at her angrily.

"She's my daughter," Abby said, gritting her teeth.

Without paying any more attention to her, she turned to Octavia, "Let's go."

"Yes, why not. Anything is better than being here".

"Wait," Bellamy's voice from behind them.

"Can I trust you both, to not kill each other?"

"I guess you will have to find out later," Octavia said as she left the quarters and Echo rushed after her.

As she left the quarters, Echo began to wonder if she had made the right call. Though it was certainly better than watching the situation spiral out of control, she was now on her way to Clarke with one of her worst enemies. A suboptimal situation. At best.

Leaving the tense atmosphere of the room felt undeniably relieving. But knowing that she had just traded one powder keg for another made her quickly and deeply question her decision. Spending the next time with a blushing Octavia wasn't very high on her list, but she couldn't care less now that she had refocused on the larger goal: Laying the groundwork for everyone's survival. Knowing that she had dealt with Octavia before not only boosted her confidence in handling the situation, but she was more than willing to do it again if Octavia dared to challenge her again.

Fortunately, however, Octavia had decided to remain silent, concentrating instead on keeping the walk with Echo as short as possible, as she steadily quickened her pace, almost as if she wanted to shake Echo, who was following her closely, off her feet. This chase continued until Octavia suddenly stopped, forcing Echo to run almost backwards to avoid colliding with her.

"Why?" Octavia asked as she slowly turned around to make direct eye contact with her for the first time.

"What?" asked Echo, really not knowing what Octavia was referring to.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you join me against Bellamy?" Octavia overcame her resentment as her curiosity finally won out, "You could've let me drown there."

"Because Bellamy was wrong in there..." Echo replied curtly.

"You have to be more precise" She took a swing, "Do you mean when he left me alone in the bunker, despite he promised to be at my side or-"

"Yes... no... I mean to give Madi the flame," Echo almost stumbled over her own words. "Not that I want you to ever be in charge again, but... I realized something," she added quickly.

"Her eyes... There was something in Madi's eyes. When we visited Clarke earlier, she got mad at Bellamy when he tried to convince her not to kill McCreary. And I saw something in her eyes..."

"Diyoza told me about what she did on the bridge after she ran away from us..." Octavia mumbled before realizing that this was probably not something Clarke would have taught her, "You mean something's weird?"

"I don't know. But I think it's a possibility," Echo nodded. 

"Oh yeah, she can be angry," Octavia relived the moment when Madi broke her nose with a powerful and well-placed punch. 

"And that's why I'm worried," Echo said quietly, "What if Clarke was right and the ritual wasn't done properly? Did Gaia actually know all the steps for the ascension ceremony? Madi wasn't trained in everything she needed to know... Like the other novices..."

"You mean the novices your people killed?"

"That was Ontari," Echo said tense, "and if you want an apology for my past: Forget it. I know I did wrong. But that person is dead. The old Echo died... This isn't even..." She stopped before she started to pour her dark past into Octavia's ears, "Okay, I could tell you a secret. But only if I know I can trust you. Something that not even Bellamy knows."

"Now you have my attention," Octavia said with raised eyebrows.

"Fine. But first we have to find Clarke and Madi," Echo agreed to her own shady deal.

"And what do we do about Madi?", Octavia asked her when they started moving.

"For now: Nothing. But I hope to find a moment to talk to Clarke about her. That's where you come in. I need you to keep Madi occupied..."

"That's not a problem at all..." Octavia said confidently.

"Actually, I needed this…" She added after a short pause.

"What?"

"Telling Bell, how I felt. I'm sick of feeling sorry. To feel sad, to think about the last six years..." 

"Then don't" Echo encouraged her, "We have a lot of work to do. And we need your help. This is not the time to open old wounds... or peel back old scars". She held out her hand, "Let's bury our past and move on. I promise I'll never betray you again. I promise to protect you with my life as I would Bellamy".

"Same," Octavia agreed after a few seconds of hesitation, reaching for her hand as well, "We don't have to seal it with blood, do we?"

"No, I trust you" Echo said with a firm face.

"Same"